After my all my disappointments last week, I was sure that it was finally my time.

“I’m sorry, I think you’re a little too short to play Romeo,” the drama teacher told me. “Maybe try out for a different role.”

“I know. I’ll try out for Juliet! I’m sure I’ll make the perfect female love interest.”

The teacher looked at me strangely. “I was thinking something more… appropriate to your talents. Maybe Verona Citizen #1.” I was crushed, but I tried to remain firm. I could always try again next year!

On the way home, I took a different route than usual, hoping the walk would distract me from my sadness. On a mostly empty side street, I noticed a strange store that I had never seen before! A banner on the front read “The Sorceress’ Costumes and Illusions.” That’s strange. I didn’t remember a store being there before!

I decided to poke my head inside. A woman wearing an elaborate headscarf and jangling bracelets looked up from behind the counter at the sound of the door. “Are you the sorceress? What kind of… illusions do you sell here?”

The woman rolled her eyes. Putting down her smartphone and putting on a pair of thick-framed black glasses, she said “I know, I know, the whole thing is really hokey. There is no ‘sorceress’ obvi, that’s just the banner we got from corporate. I can’t wait until this dumb pop-up closes in November.”

“Well… what about costumes?”

“Sorry, dude, our target demographic is mostly either little kids or adult women who forgot Halloween was coming.”

Halloween!? It was only September. How... strange.

“So… do you think I could buy one of them? Not for me, obviously. For my girlfriend!”

She looked me up and down. “No offense, dude, but I doubt you have a girlfriend, and we really don’t carry your size. Trying looking online, it’s cheaper anyway.”

Disappointed once again, I headed home. I logged onto my computer eager to blast some pixels. While it booted up, I remembered what the strange woman had said.

“Try looking online,” her voice echoed eerily in my head.

Well, might as well try it. I logged onto Nile.com and searched “women’s halloween costumes.” Some of them were pretty sexy. I wouldn’t mind wearing them!

Wait, what am I saying? I’m a heterosexual guy! It’s almost like that woman cast a spell on me.

I tried to order a sexy bee costume, but unfortunately I didn’t have a credit card.

“Hey, mom, can I use your credit card?”

“What for? You’re gonna need to be a little more specific.”

“Uh… never mind.”

I decided to just go back upstairs, do a little homework, and then go to bed.

While asleep, I had a strange dream. In it, the Burger Witch—the mascot of the popular chain Burger Hut—told me that I had been too presumptuous.

“How dare you try to embody my witchy spirit, stealing the job from a girl,” the Witch said. “You don’t understand what us girls have to go through. But soon you will!” She started cackling.

I could feel my body start to change! My waist moved inward, my ribs cracking and tendons popping in a sound like a side of beef going through a mangler. My hair grew longer and I could feel my penis shrinking! Then I woke up. I guess the whole thing was a dream. Thank god. I don’t want to be a girl!

That day at school, my English class debated how differently men and women experienced the world.

“I can prove that women have easier!” I announced loudly. Most of my female classmates glared at me. “I’ll dress up and come to school as a woman for a week.”

“How would that prove anything?” asked Gillian, one of the smart girls in my class. “People know who you are here. Also, I think that would tell you more about how people would treat trans women, which while important wasn’t really the focus of the debate, which I guess means arguably we’re guilty of cisnormativity...”

I stopped listening because I didn’t know what she was talking about. Cis? Trans? I had never heard those terms before. Besides, people were just the gender they were, right? Unless someone came by with a magical spell or fantastical technology something like that wasn’t going to change.

That afternoon, I had an appointment with my new therapist. I didn’t want to get my head shrunk but for some reason Mom insisted.

“How do you see yourself?” she asked. I wasn’t sure what she meant, but decided to just be honest.

“I’m a manly, manly man. Just maximum manliness over here. Wow, it sure would be embarrassing if I was somehow turned into a girl.”

“I see,” the therapist said. “I’m getting the impression that you have an unhealthy relationship with gender. Have you considered being more open about embracing your feminine side?”

Embrace femininity? Yuck! What was I, some kind of sissy?

Just then, I saw a degree on her wall. It said she was trained in… hypnotherapy?! Oh no, what if she was trying to hypnotize me into being a girl?!

“Oh god, please don’t hypnotize me. I don’t want to be a girl!”

My therapist looked confused. “No one said anything about hypnosis or making you be a girl. If you don’t want to be a girl, no one could hypnotize you anyway. I only practice hypnosis with some patients as a therapeutic tool. It’s just giving suggestions, and it only has an effect if the client is open to following them.”

That sounded boring! I was hoping it was hypnosis like in the movies. That would be so much more interesting!

Not much else interesting happened that session. I lay there on the couch as she went on about something called “dysphoria,” whatever that was. I was feeling pretty tired, especially because of that dream last night that disturbed my sleep.

In the elevator to the lobby, I felt my eyes irresistibly closing, as if being pulled shut by a strange force. I awoke to feel my self with a force pulling me upward, as I lay on a flat metal surface staring up at a bright white light. Oh no! Had I been kidnapped by aliens?! Were they going to perform strange experiments on me so that I could grow babies in their human zoo?!

I looked up to see a humanoid figure wearing a blue jumpsuit and carrying a long metal rod. A strangely accented voice said, “Hey, kid, can you get out of the elevator?” I looked up to see a custodian wearing a nametag that read “Zurab.” I quickly pushed to my feet and left as he started to mop the metal floor.

Finally, it was the weekend. I woke up at noon and washed my face. I felt like it looked… thinner, somehow. And my hair was definitely longer! I ran downstairs to tell my mom.

“Of course you lost weight,” she said. “Do you not remember all the diarrhea last week? And hair always grows longer over time. Honestly, I worry about you sometimes, kiddo.”

After eating a bowl of cereal with soy milk—we were out of 2%--I went back up to my room. I didn’t usually drink soy milk, but I’m sure it won’t have any weird kinds of effects! I started playing my favorite game, Legends of Tales: Lands of the Realms I checked, but it looked like John and AJ weren’t online. Oh, right, they were meeting John’s cousin. I guess I would have to raid with some new people!

For some reason, my character was set to be female, even though I didn’t remember doing that. Oh well. I quickly managed to find a healer and an arcanist to form a party. They were both guys!

“Hi guys! I’m a high schooler and I just like to have fun! I like to see what my character looks like with different clothes!” I typed.

“Gay” said the healer.

“Dude don’t even try to catfish me or I’ll PK you” said the arcanist. Wow, these guys were rude! And to think I was hoping they would hit on me.

Suddenly, a window popped up on my computer. It said Legends of Tales was now testing VR, in my city! I was so excited and clicked on the window for more details. Unfortunately, my computer then told me I had a virus and needed to download a special new antivirus program! While that was downloading I went and sat on my bed.

This week hadn’t quite been what I was hoping. Oh well.

I could always wait for next week! Maybe then something interesting would finally happen to me.