CHAPTER 45
Next thing I knew, it was morning, the daylight obvious even through the heavy curtains. Mam tapped on the door of Blake’s bedroom.

“Breakfast in twenty minutes, you two. Dad’s already off to work”

I found myself blushing, even though I had done nothing but sleep. Better get up and face the music. I left him to dress, just a kiss on the cheek so he wouldn’t have my morning breath, but it was a wrench to get out of the bed and his arms.

I could really get used to it.

Downstairs, after beating my hair into submission, Blake only five minutes behind me on the stairs, and Mam had left a pot of tea and some sausage sandwiches.

“I’ll be back after work, love. You two got a plan for the day?”

Blake answered for us, especially after I looked at him and nodded.

“Dunno, really. Sammy, the boss, he just said to take a breather, come back once she’s found her feet again”

“I haven’t lost them, Blake. Still at the end of my legs, isn’t it?”

“Silly woman. Anyway, I had a few ideas. I’ll see what she thinks later. What are you up to this evening? We got a joint in, and I’d be happy to do it. Got a serving wench to do the drudgery…”

I made a feint to slap him, but he had me laughing too hard I couldn’t even pretend to be serious about it.

“We’ll cope, Mam, and doing a proper dinner sounds like a good idea. It’ll save you working tonight, and, well, it’ll be nice to say thank you”

She pulled on a smile with her coat, ready for work.

“No need, love”

I thought back, and gave her my own smile.

“There’s always a need, Mam”

Once she was out of the door, I turned back to my man.

“You up for a little drive this morning, love?”

“Should be. Where to?”

“If you don’t mind, somewhere with old ghosts that need exorcising”

“Ah. Whenever you are ready, then”

He knew what I meant, and after I had finally tamed my hair under the shower, I packed a small rucksack with a flask of tea, my camera and, on impulse, a pair of binoculars belonging to Dad. Jeans and trainers for today.

Blake drove us out along the B4265, past the airport and St Athan, and as we skirted Llantwit Major I started to shake. Not professional, DC Owens, not at all. He noticed, of course, and at Wick he pulled into the car park of the Lamb and Flag.

“Cuppa and a break, love. How are you doing?”

“Seems so much further, Blake. Don’t know if it’s the daylight, or what”

“Well, no hurry, love. Drink your chocolate. And tell me why”

“Pardon?”

“Why hot chocolate?”

“Oh, right. Simple, really. It was with the girls, the ones I’ve been talking to?”

“The ones who aren’t really?”

“Trust me, love, they ARE really, yeah? Anyway, I just thought, well, it was a cold day, and it seemed right, and it still does. Sort of like being at home, being a kid again”

He nodded. “Being safe, you mean?”

“Partly, I suppose, but more… More winding the clock back, going back to before, well, before HIM. Before the place we’re heading for. Can you understand that?”

He nodded. “I can. Shall we get it out of the way, then?”

“Yeah. Come on. We can skim stones on the beach”

I took his hand as he led me to the car, and then we were on the final run-in to that place, looping round through St Bride’s and past the Golden Cups to that car park There were only a few other cars there, two people walking down the ramp to the mass of stones and shingle that edged the sand after the spectacular layer-cake effect of the horizontally-bedded rocks. The tide was partly in, so the sand was just about covered, and as we stepped out of the car I could hear the shush-shush of the waves on the loose stuff. In the distance, the hills of Exmoor stood out, patches of snow bright under a clear blue sky.

I walked him forward to the edge of the car park, where the low wall ran along to the gate at the start of the ramp.

“Here. Here’s where he raped me. Punched me, bent me over the wall. And here. Hit me again, really hard… so here must be where he pissed on me”

It was stupid, I knew, but I couldn’t help looking at the tarmac, trying to find a mark of some kind, maybe a brown speck of my dried blood or the yellow of his urine, but of course there was nothing apart from tyre marks and a few pieces of windblown litter. I stood for a few minutes of silence, putting things, places, in order, and then pulled him into a hug.

“Come on! Stones to skim, boy”

“Going back to childhood again, then? Like the cocoa?”

“Absolutely! Then I want a walk up to the top, through the gardens. I’ve got a flask”

I pulled him through the gate down the ramp to the surf line, and we bounced our stones as best we could, Blake teasing me about how women could never throw, each of us seeming to spend more time looking for the ‘right’ stone for the other, and arguing about who got the most skips, before we left the waves to their rhythm, each one pulling back a little more of Evans from my soul, as we set off up the hill past the other car park and through the walled garden to the shelter across from the little tower. I unpacked the flask as Blake spread a travel rug over our knees and handed me a small packet of biscuits.

“Saw you pack the flask, love, so thought we’d need these”

There were birds about, chaffinches I think, and as we ate I scattered some of the biscuit crumbs for them. Keeping my eyes on them, I tried to clear my thoughts by way of words, and it was easier to do it watching the birds than Blake.

“It was hard, love. So hard, those first few days afterwards. I thought it would get better, back in the real world, but it just got worse. I know Mam and Dad got a lot of shit, their daughter the whore, so on”

“Didn’t people understand what had happened?”

“Nope. Some people’s lives are black and white, no uncertainty anywhere. They see everyone else like that. No prosecution, no rape. That was their opinion, and they felt very free to share it. Nearly broke Dad, in hindsight”

“He came through, though”

“Only just. Without Mam, I don’t know what would have happened. They even moved away for a while, with Dad’s work. Bloody Milton Keynes!”

“Biut you stayed?”

“Sort of. I mean, they rented the old place out for a while and I took digs while I was at Uni, but I think, if it wasn’t for Mam, I’d probably have ended up leaving as well. Dad wanted to sell up, and she put her foot down. ‘We’ll come back one day’, she said, ‘and I don’t want someone else’s memories when we do.’ Strong woman, my Mam”

“How long, love? How long were they away?”

“Six years. Time for me to get college out of the way and get my feet under the canteen table at work”

I turned to look him in the eye.

“Left me very self-reliant, Blake. Got me into all sorts of habits, solitary stuff. I need to break away from that, so, well, thanks for last night”

I shuffled over to him and his cuddle, the tea steaming away as the birds took the last of the crumbs.

Refreshed in so many ways, we walked out of the gardens and over to the cliff-edge viewpoint that looked out over the Ogmore cliffs and the sinuous lines of the rock pavements below them. The wind tore at my hair, and as with the waves, each gust dragged away a little more of that night. We followed the path round past the remnants of the old hotel before finally looking into the visitor centre. The flask was empty.

Blake held it up to one of the staff,

“Anywhere nearby we can get a cuppa? That wind is really raw!”

The mumsy woman in the ‘official’ sweatshirt smiled at him.

“Not a lot of people about today, son. Give me five minutes and I’ll fill your flask. That do?”

I smiled back.

“That would be lovely! You here all the time?”

“Na. Part time, me. Retired years ago, and this place keeps me busy. Been working here off and on, as a volunteer, for about twenty years now, so when I left the school I just did a bit more of this”

Blake was holding one of the leaflets, about fossils.

“You were a teacher?”

She laughed. “Na, dinner lady, me! How I know how to make a decent cuppa. You got milk, sugar?”

“Yes, honey!”

“Cheeky! I’m Mavis. Nice to meet you”

“Blake, and Diane. Same here. It not get a bit quiet here, this time of year?”

She waved us to a little table, pulling a couple of chairs with her.

“Hang on, I’ll just get the tea”

She was back quite quickly, and to my delight she hadn’t just filled the flask but brought out three steaming cups.

“To answer your question, son, yes, it does. Nice to take out time for a chat, days like this. Get’s really boring otherwise. I’ve got one of those electric book things, but it’s nice to sit down with someone real”

I smiled at her openness and easy manner.

“Better than school dinner queues, then?”

“Oh, hell, aye! Some of those kids…”

“Any juicy stories about this place?”

“Aye, indeed! The old hotel, last of a series of places up there. Hill fort out to Witches Point, and Romans were here as well. There was one right villain by Dunraven, though…”

She was a gifted storyteller, and we made the appropriate oohs and aahs as she told stories of men with debts resorting to setting false lights to wreck and rob ships, of famous and not so famous people who had been wounded in the wars and spent their convalescence in the old hotel.

“Then there have been a few nastiers, isn’t it? Cliff’s high enough, and we have had a few people who find things a bit too much. Not nice. Then there was that rape”

Everything clenched, and Mavis obviously noticed. She looked harder at Blake.

“I saw you… You were on the telly when they arrested that pig, what’s his name? Evans?”

Blake’s voice was soft. “Ashley Evans, yes. Not coming here again for a long, long time, is he?”

Her whole face screwed up, the hatred plain.

“Aye, and I’ll push him off the edge myself if he does, the bastard! State of that girl, and the way it left the couple who found her. He needs putting down, that man! I would pull the bloody lever myself if--- Oh. Oh. Then…”

She was staring at me, and her mental arithmetic was clearly accurate as she took my hand.

“Well done, girl, Diane. Well done. I am right, isn’t it? It was you I called the ambulance for?”

I looked at Blake, wondering why she hadn’t been called for the trial, and he shrugged.

“Couldn’t find any records of who was actually on that night. If we had, trust me, Mavis, we’d have had you there. Not pulling a lever, is it, but as good as we could offer you”

She was shaking her head, tears visible.

“You were in such a state, love. What that man did to you… What do you do now, this lad, he’s a copper, I know that?”

Blake took my other hand.

“She works with me, now. Taking a break after the trial”

“You take all you need, girl. Bloody well done, is what I say! Now, got some biscuits out the back”

Once again, ripples. I may have been the victim, but those who suffered were far more numerous.

We took our leave of Mavis, with all the appropriate promises, and Blake was smug in the car home.

“Sense of self-worth coming back big style now, girl?”

I squeezed his thigh as he drove.

“Thank you, love. Really thank you. That was unexpected. Bonus, yeah? But I’m feeling a bit embarrassed. There was us, thinking we were all so shit-hot at this game, and look at what we missed. Next time, be sharper”

“Always the best sort, though, the nice surprises. Bonus is the right word. Now, what about Elaine? You were muttering her name last night”

“Was I? Oh. I think I know why. Barry says there was a woman who pushed the investigation along, that woman off the bridge, yeah? Unusual surname she had, and when Elain was out the other night…”

“You mean when she got pissed?”

“Yes, when she got pissed. She said her sister had met some… had met some people, and one of them was called Steph Woodruff, and I am pretty sure that was the name Barry said for the woman who stirred up the Sussex lot”

“Give her a shout when we’re in?”

“Yeah, but first I want to get into the shops, down by King Square”

“Didn’t you get enough retail therapy yesterday?”

“Post Office, child. Passport form, and a pic if they have a machine”

“Ah!”

So he did, and there was, and we packed everything neatly together till we could get the time to fill in all the necessary bits and find what might be needed. Home, kettle on, and he pushed me into the living room and handed me the phone.

“Do it, then maybe you won’t talk tonight.

Cheeky assumption, but I couldn’t see me sleeping anywhere else but next to him. I took the instruction, and the phone.

“Ta, Adele. Inspector Powell, how can I help you?”

“Lainey!”

“Diane! Thank everything, a voice of bloody sanity at last! I heard about the national funding. How is everybody?”

National funding? What the hell was she on about? I gave her the gossip, permanent unit status, the usual small talk added on, said hello from everybody on the basis that if they had known I was calling her, they’d have done just that, and then I ran out of steam, or of diversions from the real reason for the call.

“Diane, I know that sort of pause. I know you. There’s something else, isn’t there?”

There was indeed, and it was starting to bring the shakes back. Some copper I was turning out to be.

“Aye, Lainey, you do know me, far too well. Yes, and it’s not good. Do you remember a Sergeant Price?”

Absolute silence for about ten seconds, but I could hear the catch in her voice as well as her breathing.

“Di. What’s happened to him?”

“Got the word back from his new nick, innit? Had another really shitty one, and broke down. Gone indoors after gardening leave, yeah?”

“What was it, Diane? An RTA?”

“That’s why I’m calling you, Lainey. Someone you know was involved in it. No, not like that! She organised finding the people to blame, or at least helped a lot. Woman was chased off a motorway bridge, over the rail and under the traffic. Adam was on scene”

Piss off, tears! They ignored my orders, and I could feel, hear my own voice cracking.

“He’s a good man, Lainey. This happened ages ago, and nobody here knew anything. How do we lose a friend like that, lose them so easily? The shit he’s had. Look, you know that Woodruff woman, aye? Could you have words? She lives near his nick. We don’t want to ring up, stir things, aye? Just let him know he’s not forgotten”

And I think she stirred them up, as Barry said, so she might know more.

“I will do what I can, Di. Give my best to everyone, aye? I’ll try and arrange a trip over, have a few beers and a curry, catch up. Do it soon, aye?”

“Yeah. Sorry”

“Never, ever say that for being the person you are, for caring, aye? Soon, girl”

I hung up after she went, disturbed by the speed at which she cut the call, and wondered what else she had seen of Adam. What I had encountered was bad enough, and both my friends in Traffic had held me well back from it.

Ripples, so many of them, breaking over so many people. I stood and walked past the kitchen, up the stairs to Blake’s bedroom, where I moved his things to mine. I had found my breakwater.