Bookstore

At the auditorium, Autumn was holding her keys, and everyone was sitting around and waiting. I came up and said “Hey,” and everyone said “Hey,” and Bree gave me a hug, and I didn’t know why. They were waiting for me.

They were waiting for me.

“Sarah wants to go to Cornerstone,” Autumn told me. “Do you want to come or go home?”

“Oh, I can just take the train home, it’s not a problem.”

“Don’t be such a little bitch, come to the bookstore with us.”

Wow, okay that hurts. Wait, bookstore? “It’s a bookstore?”

“Used books, snacks, new books, snacks. There’s ice cream next door.”

Be cool Ash. “I like ice cream.” And books.

“Great,” and we all headed for the doors. I went for Bruce, and Autumn went for Bruce, and Sarah went for Bruce, and Regular Dave went for Bruce, and then Autumn said, “I have a kitchen sink in the back, I can only take four,” and the others went for Rachel’s car.

No one told me I couldn’t ride in Autumn’s car, because I wasn’t cool enough. No one brushed me off. I was going to a bookstore because I wasn’t a little bitch, and I could do stuff with these people because they wanted me to.

Autumn lit a cigarette on the way out of the parking lot, while I got tired of the competing smells. Then Regular Dave lit a cheroot, and it got worse. Only it got better, because the thing smelt heavenly.

I was sitting in the back with Regular Dave, and watching things go by as Autumn got out onto Hampden, and took us west. This was a part of Denver I’d rarely been in before. Sort of downscale homes mixed with dirty pavements, and high rises.

Bruce’s back had van seats, and yes, there was a kitchen sink behind them. Big and stainless steel, with a faucet attached. Also back there was a kennel cage and a fifty gallon drum, half full of water. As we drove I put my hand down straight between the seats, and accidentally brushed Regular Dave’s knuckles. I felt his hand turn at the contact. The way you turn it when you might take hold of someone’s hand. Before he could reach out, I moved my hand away, and set it in my lap. Don’t jerk away. Don’t hurt his feelings. Why was that important to me?

But something about the brush against his knuckles stayed in my head, all the rest of the ride. Human contact maybe? Maybe I wanted to hold his hand. That was stupid, of course I didn’t. And yet…

At University I put my hand back between the seats. He had his elbow resting on the arm rest then, pointing and saying to Autumn “Pull in here, lets check the gym.”

There was a small park, with a gym in the center, being held by Mystic. There was only a Magicarp on it, down to 150. Everyone in the car pulled out a phone and started attacking. I had my phone in my hand, watching and waiting.

When they’d got the Pokemon down to 20 CP, I made my move.

There was stunned silence in the car and then Sarah said, very quietly, “What. The. Fuck.”

That released a damn of emotion, and Autumn and Regular dave started shoulting. Things like:

“Where the fuck did some Instinct cocksucker get a shiny Snorlax?”

And, “It has a cee-pee of five thousand?”

And, “It was Mystic before, who the hell around here is Instinct?”

And, “They’re right beside us!”

Everyone started craning their necks around to see who had taken the gym for Instinct, while I put my phone away and crossed my arms.

Sarah caught on the fastest, “Aisling, what team are you?”

I smiled at her, raised both fingers, and flipped off everyone in the car.

Regular Dave leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “Well that’s fucked. We invited a little Instinct bitch into our midst, and she has a shiny Snorlax. We’re never taking another gym again.”

Hey. “First off, you invited me here. Second off, if you want to raid with my Snorlax you’ll never denigrate Instinct again.”

There was a long moment in the car. Then Autumn put Bruce into gear and pulled back out onto the street.

Cornerstone Books sat next to an ice cream shop (as promised), in tiny dilapidated little parking lot. Autumn found Bruce a parking space next to Rachel’s car, a red sedan that had seen better days. Some people wanted ice cream first, some people wanted books first. Because we couldn’t bring ice cream into the bookstore, books won.

Cornerstone Books smelled like a bookstore. Not just a bookstore. A used bookstore. Where all the books have fermented to just the right smell and are hoping you’ll open them up and smell the pages and bring your mind back to all the great times you’ve had in used bookstores.

I didn’t notice that I had ditched the others, until I was deep in the back wandering through the sci-fi/fantasy section, and looked to see that no one was around me. They’ll find me if they need anything. I picked up a couple of old Star Wars novels and tried to remember if I had read them. Timothy Zahn just runs together in your head after awhile. There was a big Dragon Lance collection that I skipped right the fuck over.

After awhile I found myself in a cartoon books section, on the bottom of the shelves. I sat down, and started to look for something I hadn’t seen before. I sort of lost time when I felt a hand rubbing my back, just under my neck. I smelled Regular Dave’s cheroot, and leaned way too far into his hand.

Way too far.

“Need some help up?” He asked, looking down at me.

No. “No. I’m fine. I meant to do that.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to knock you over.”

“You didn’t I just…” I just leaned into your hand, and you smell good, and you feel good, and I’m thinking way too hard about this. “I just fell over.” I grabbed my book and hauled myself to my feet.

“What’s this?” He gestured to the book.

“Think Good Thoughts About a Pussy Cat. It’s George Booth. He drew for the New Yorker and Playboy.”

“Is he funny?”

“Yeah!” I leafed through the book until I found ‘Ip Gessa Gul’ and showed it to him.

Regular Dave moved his lips as he read it, and guffawed at points. “This is great. Where did you find him?”

“Down here, that’s the only copy.”

“Can I have it? I want to get this one.”

“Not on your life, I saw it first.”

He gave me a pout, “Please, I’ll ea—nope, gay. Sorry.”

Stupid nipples. Life saving bra. Stupid puberty brain. You don’t want him. “How ‘bout… why don’t you buy it for me.” I put my hands behind my back, and twisted the ball of my foot back and forth. Then I rushed out, “That way… that way, it’ll kind of be… like, ours. And then I can pay you back when I want it.”

Regular Dave gave me an appraising look, and there was something in his eyes that I loved—no hated. Definitely hated. He took a step forward. I didn’t give ground. “I can think of ways for you to pay me back.”

I met his eyes, and tried to still my heart from beating, and tilted my chin up—

—“What did you find back here?” Bree said.

I don’t know if that was a moment, but it’s definitely ruined. Regular Dave took a step back, and still had a Han Solo grin on his face. “Aisling found a book, that she will let me buy for her.”

“Fucking fantastic. Buy me a book too.”

“No.”

“I’ll—”

“You have braces, Bree. Stick my dick in a woodchipper why don’t you.”

She flipped him off, and grabbed my hand, “Come away from this loser, Aisling. You don’t need his gaff.”

She took my hand and I, goddamn me, reached out my hand and almost brushed Regular Daves chest. But Bree was laughing, as she took me behind another book case and whispered, “My braces come off in a week, and he’s the first guy I’m gonna blow.”

I couldn’t help but giggle, really giggle. Then she giggled as I said, “Turn his world upside down.”

“Right?”

God I wish I had a dick. She’s so cute. No, Autumn first. Then Bree. Then Sarah. Then Regular Dave can ea—stop it! I was so confused.

She pulled me out of the book cases toward the counter, where Sarah was buying a paperback novel. I realized what I needed, and asked the second girl at the counter, the one who wasn’t ringing up, “Do you have a copy of The Odyssey? I need really good footnotes.”

She went to her computer, “I recommend Fagles translation, let me see if we have a copy.” Typety typety type, “We have one.” I followed her into the back. “It’s versed, and everyone I’ve talked to who read multiple versions loves it. Is it for a class?”

“Yeah, I read the Barnes and Noble version, but I think it wasn’t the best, and I’m looking for something better than the teacher recommended.”

She handed me the book, “Come back and let me know what you think of it.”

Everyone waited for me, the last one to check out. Minutes later I was ordering chocolate chip cookie dough, and we were laughing, sitting on the cars in the parking lot.

“Why did you get The Odyssey?” Rachel asked me.

“We’re reading it in AP English, I have to get through the first five books by next week.”

“Yech. Why not just watch the movie?”

I looked down at my cone, trying not to brag, “I’ve actually already read it.”

I’d like to say that everyone looked at me in shock, but no one did. Dammit, now they’ll think I’m a loser. Backpedal fast. “When I was eight, I found a copy of Greek Myths for Children on my father’s bookcase. I must have read the thing millions of times.”

Autumn said, “That’s pretty hardcore. The Greeks were into some fucked up shit.”

I hit the first part of the cone, and got icecream on my nose, “The book tried to tone it down. Like the bit with Persiphae and the creatian bull? It said she got a wooden bull to ‘see it up close.’”

“Is that the one where—?”

“She gets in the wooden bull, covered in cow piss, so that the Cretian bull will fuck her, and knock her up with the minotaur? Yes, it’s that one.”

Everyone looked at Big Davey, and nudged him, and laughed about it, and I laughed with them.

“I gotta get back to my car,” Sarah said.

“I have to go too. Aisling, finish up. You can’t eat the ice cream cone in Bruce.”

“Yeah, Bruce that has footmarks on the ceiling?” Wee David said, “You can’t—eat—in there.”

Autumn threw her napkin at him, got down from the hood and got in her SUV. I picked up her napkin and followed her.

Bruce pulled up outside my house, where my mother was outside on the porch, reading. Aumtumn seemed like she was about to say something, as I grabbed my backpack. I didn’t know what it was, but from the expression on her face I wasn’t sure I wanted her to say it.

“Why don’t you come meet my mom,” I held her off.

“Sure.”

We climbed the steps to the porch, “Mom, this is Autumn, she’s my friend on the tech crew.”

Mom looked over the rims of her glasses, appraised her for a second longer than Autumn was comfortable with, then said, “Pleased to meet you Autumn. Would you like to come in for some hot chocolate?”

Autumn hesitated and looked at me. I gave a shrug, “I mean… if you don’t have to get home and whatever.”

“Sure,” she said.

Mom got up, and I opened the door for Autumn. She stepped inside and I said, “Sorry about the mess,” reflexively more than anything. There wasn’t much of a mess, per se. There were just piles of books that my mom and I left everywhere, a very sofisticated computer my mother had built, a netbook, a laptop, and two tablets, strewn over a couch and two chairs.

“It’s nice,” she looked around, and I pointed to a chair.

Instead of sitting she followed me to the kitchen while I played host and found cups and filled the water heater. “Why don’t you just use the microwave?”

“For what?”

“Hot water.”

“Disgusting.” The machine started hissing. I had 48 seconds to get the chocolate ready, and got powdered chocolate with marshmellows into three mugs just in time to pour. While I worked I explained why the microwave made inferior hot water, and Autumn listened, skeptical. “Look, just trust me,” I finished.

“Sure, luv.”

I handed her the mug, and one to the mother who had come into the kitchen to watch us. Then we shuffled into the living room and sat. Mom asked Autumn about her name, and then her hair, and her eyeshadow. Autumn told her all about it, and then asked where she’d found the sweater she was wearing. Mom told her she knit it, and Autumn crocheted, and they talked about that.

I kind of let it wash over me, and at the same time I felt jealous. Here they were talking like… well like girls talked. Somehow I wanted in on this, and I didn’t know how to start or what to say.

Then my mom put me on the spot, alway ready to embarrass her son—daughter, “Aisling you should try makeup like her.”

“Mom.”

“What?”

I’m… to young? No, that’s loser Aisling talking. “You never wear any makeup.”

“Sure I do. I just don’t wear it around the house.”

Oh.

“I can teach you,” Autumn looked to me, and I bit my lip.

Rule no.2 was wavering, looking at Autumn and how striking her purple eyeshadow looked. I knew what my new face was like, when I remembered I wasn’t a boy. Maybe it was a little plain. Maybe makeup would make Regular Dave, or Wee David, or Big Davey, look at me differently.

Maybe it was another reason to spend time with Autumn. I really liked her. She was comfortable, and welcoming. And more than a little hot.

“What should I wear?”

“We can see what looks good on you. I don’t want to cover up your cute little freckles.”

My freckles aren’t cute, because I’m not cute. Wait, she thinks I’m cute? I blushed at the thought, and no one called attention to it. “Maybe,” was all I could say.

Then mom asked me about my design class, and I had something to contribute. When I talked about getting a new tablet, Autumn asked to see my work.

“Go show her,” mom said.

I hesitated at the top of the stairs, Autumn in tow behind me. There’s about to be a girl in my room. My room where I fantasized that a girl would kneel in front of me as I sat on my bed. Where she would take my dick in her mouth, and suck on me until she swallowed my cum. My room where I had masturbated as a boy and as a girl, watching blowjob videos. My room where a pretty girl was about to come in and be alone with me. My room where I didn’t have a dick to suck anymore.

And I gave up, and opened the door.

Autumn looked over my shoulder as I stood there, and then gave me a little nudge, and moved around me when I turned. She went to my bed, and lounged, in the Kitty Galore pose. I realized that her tank top was pulled down, and I could see the top of her boobs, and felt my nipples harden for the hundredth time that day. Stay in the moment, Ash. Focus on what is.

Then Autumn locked her eyes on mine, and ran her hands through her hair, lifting it up and spreading it in a wave, “Shame your mom is home.”

My breathing was heavy, and I could feel that my eyes had dilated watching her there. I gave a swallow, and tried to remember what I was doing. She rolled over onto her chest and kicked her legs in the air, while she stared at me from under her lashes, “You know, you’re cute when you’re horny.” I kept trying to breathe. My nipples were so hard they hurt. She laughed then, “Show me your artwork.”

I couldn’t speak, I just went to my desk and opened my laptop, trying to keep my hands from shaking. I worked to open up my Artstation account, with it’s paltry 15 followers. Laptop in hand, I swiveled in my chair to see her sitting up on my bed. Hands at her sides, arms squeezing her boobs up and out. Still at a loss for words, I handed her the computer and she started looking through the images.

“These are really good, what website is this?”

“Art Station,” I finally found my voice, “I gave up on Deviant Art awhile back. It’s great if you want anime or My Little Pony, but this site has better standards. In that there are any.”

She spent some time leafing through, and saying, “I really like this one,” and “You did her expression really well,” and then she got a text. “It’s my mom, wondering where I am.”

“Do ya gotta go?”

She put the laptop back down on my bed, “Yeah, shame. I wanted to see more of your stuff, luv.” She hopped off the bed, and adjusted her tits. I glanced away, because it seemed private, and because I couldn’t get any hotter right then. “I’m done, you can look now,” she ran her finger along my cheek, until I turned. “Really cute. Show me out.”

We went down the stairs, my mom had retired to bed, but the living room light was on. At the doorway she turned, and glanced doown, “I really had a nice time with you tonight.”

Oh my god, is she… is she getting shy? And before she could turn away, I darted forward, and kissed her on the lips. It was just a little peck, but it was enough to light fireworks in my brain.

Then I fled inside before she could say anything.