Almost A Girl Chapter 4

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“Mom, I want you to meet Barbara. You remember, she’s the girl Buddy invited to the prom.” I was watching Elliot’s lips move, his voice sounded like thunder as my world crashed in on me.

It was sheer horror as I waited for my mother to start laughing at Buddy wearing a dress and makeup. I could not bring myself to look at her.

“Such a beautiful young lady. Barbara, I have heard so little about you. Elliot said Buddy invited you to the prom. I don’t remember Ethan mentioning a cousin by the name of Loyd, but then Peck is a common name. Ethan isn’t the best at keeping up family acquaintances.” Came from my mother with a soft admiring tone.

Slowly I turned to face my worst nightmare and imminent and ultimate disgrace, knowing mom would be shocked out of her ever loving mind when she got a good look at her youngest son, dressed as a girl no less.

I was looking straight into my mother’s eyes. What I was looking at wasn’t what I had expected. She wasn’t shocked. She didn’t even show any sign of recognition.

Sitting to my immediate left she reached out with her right hand and touched my left earring. “Those earrings are so pretty. I must have the name of the place where you found them. Are those other earrings a ruby and a sapphire? Oh they are, aren’t they? Please, may I see the other ones?”

She had her hand under my chin gently urging me to turn my head so she could see my right ear. “Those are so adorable. I love those earrings. That’s a diamond isn’t it? Those are so precious. I love them. The diamond lace is so attractive and certainly draws attention.”

She turned her head to look back over at my dad, Ethan, “I want a pair like those Barbara is wearing for my next birthday.”

My eyeballs snapped over to look at my father sitting to the left of my mother. I was positive he would know, even if mom was acting like she didn’t have the faintest clue.

He took a cursory look and nodded before turning his attention back to Elliot. “I’ll have to see if you’ve been good enough to deserve a pair like that. They look expensive. Elliot, have you heard the Coach say whether he was using you or Tug as quarterback next season?”

“I don’t think you have to worry about how good a girl I’ve been as I wouldn’t have the nerve to put four holes in my ears like Barbara has. Maybe the dangle earrings like she is wearing?” Mom was examining my ears again.

“Got the word last week dad. Coach said he was going to alternate between Tank and me. I’d be the starter most of the season with Tank taking over when we need a trick play or I need a rest.” Elliot wiped his mouth with his napkin.

“Men! I don’t mind talking sports but you could at least say hi to Barbara.” Mom focused in on my dad like a hawk watching a chicken.

My dad turned his attention toward me. “I’m sorry Barbara. I didn’t mean to slight you. I was interested in what the coach had to say about Elliot’s chances as quarterback next season. My wife is right. You are a very beautiful young lady. I’ve been trying to remember if we are kin to Loyd Peck? I honestly have no idea. Probably somewhere back down the family tree they are in there. I hear you are staying with Judy and her parents this week. You must come over to the house while you’re visiting. Buddy is away at summer camp. It doesn’t matter. My wife and I would love to have you drop in and visit.”

Dad looked back at Elliot. “You make sure you bring her by when you and Judy are out running around.”

I looked at Elliot hoping against hope he would crush that idea before it gained traction. Elliot’s eyes were dancing with mischief. I knew before he opened his mouth what he was going to say.

“Sure dad. No problem.” Elliot’s mouth twitched as he kept a smile in check.

The maitre d’ was back with Miriam and Bill in tow. They found their seats in short order. The maitre d’ was holding a chair for Miriam.

“Bill, Miriam” Mom acknowledged as they settled down.

Greetings were given all the way around again. Bill, dad, and Elliot started talking football for next season and rehashing last season.

Miriam looked across the table at me and then at my mother. “Isn’t Barbara a pretty young lady? I was asking her to give Judy some fashion tips.”

Mom reached out and touched my dress. “I just love her dress. I think it’s a Dion. Is that right Barbara?”

“Oh, uh, uh…,” Was the only thing that escaped.

“I thought so. Ferdmans of Dallas carries that name. Did you buy it at Ferdmans or someplace else?” Mom was waiting for an answer from me.

“Cough, cough” I was dying a slow excruciating death of embarrassment.

“I noticed Barbara had a persistent cough last night before the prom. Barbara, you aren’t coming down with something are you dear? I hope you didn’t pick up something on that flight down here.” Miriam was looking concerned.

“I’m fine.” I managed to work out past the lump in my throat.

The waiter showed up and everyone ordered. I followed Judy’s order and asked for the same. It didn’t make any difference as I wasn’t going to be able to choke down anything anyway. The acid in my stomach had hit hyper drive. I was dying a slow death every time mom or Miriam turned their attention toward me. They asked me questions about my parents, my life, where I went to school, or ten thousand other questions I couldn’t answer. My only saving grace was that Judy or Elliot would either answer those personal questions for me. Or they would immediately ask a question changing the subject away from my life history.

Our group had finished dining, I ate absolutely nothing, Miriam and now mom were worried I was coming down with something. I couldn’t tell them it was a bad case of butterflies mixed in with a generous proportion of stomach acid and nerves that killed any appetite. I noticed Elliot and Judy weren’t having any problem with their meals. I was going to kill both of them if I lived through this dinner. It was the thought of revenge and murder that kept me from dying myself.

Bill handed the waiter a credit card the last trip to our table. I was thinking I had made it home free by that time. It would be a cold day in Hell before I visited mom and dad as Barbara.

Miriam turned to my mom before anyone had a chance to get up from the table. “Did you and Ethan decide whether you and the kids could make that trip to Dallas with Bill and me next week? I do so wish to meet Barbara’s parents.”

Oh death, oh blessed death, wherefore art thou? I was once again praying for that bolt of Lightning from the heavens.

“We would love to. After talking to you on the phone this morning Ethan and I arranged for tickets on the twenty first on Southwest. Elliot is flying up with us. I wish Buddy could meet Barbara and her parents. I’m afraid Buddy won’t be coming. He is at summer camp for another week. Maybe next visit Buddy will be there.” My mom was handing Miriam a Southwestern flight schedule out of her purse.

Miriam took it and opened it up. “Oh isn’t that nice? Bill and I will be flying up on the same plane as you and Ethan. Judy is coming along on this trip. We will have to work in an evening with Barbara’s parents after the trade show. It will be all of us together. There is a theater with a comedy team and I hear they are very good. I’ll see about getting all of us some tickets if that’s okay with you and Ethan.”

I gave some very serious thought at that moment about taking a knife and stabbing myself in the heart about then. I think I would have too, if there had been anything sharp on the table. But alas, there wasn’t and I didn’t think a butter knife would do the trick.

Miriam looked over at me. “You think that would be okay with your parents Barbara? Do they enjoy comedy clubs?”

“Why don’t I call them and see if they can be free for that evening.” Judy piped in before I had a chance to choke again.

“That would be great hon. The adults rose up from the table and started to leave. Miriam turned her attention toward Judy. “Take a few lessons from Barbara, dear. A little fashion wouldn’t hurt you none.”

“Yes momma. I hear you.” Judy responded in the same condescending tone every frustrated teen uses for their parents.

Elliot and Judy were looking so pleased with themselves I gave some serious thought about jumping across the table and killing both of them right then and there. Judy reached out her hand as she stood up. “Come on Barbara let’s make the girls room before we get back in the car.”

“Girls room???” I couldn’t believe she was suggesting what I thought she was suggesting.

“Don’t tell me you aren’t in dire need. Come on girl.” Judy was waiting beside my chair.

I didn’t think I could walk into the men’s room after what Judy had done to me. I just didn’t think about walking into the women’s bathroom either. I had no idea where I would find a restroom. I rose out of my seat, picked up my purse, and followed her to the ladies room. There were several women in there. A couple of them looked my way which scared me. Judy was holding tightly onto my hand to keep me from fleeing in panic. She pointed toward one of the stalls. “Take your time sis.”

She looked at one of the women who had been staring. “My sister hogged the bathroom this morning and I didn’t have time to get dressed too.”

The woman nodded in agreement as she patted her hair in place and brought up her lipstick. “I know the feeling. I grew up with four sisters. It was murder trying to get any bathroom time.”

The idea I was going to drop my panties and pantyhose, hike my skirt, and take care of business with women on the other side of that partition didn’t do a whole lot for the kidneys. They refused to co-operate for the longest time even though they were about to burst at the seams. Finally there was no holding back and I completed my first and hopefully last trip to the women’s bathroom.

Judy was waiting by the vanity brushing her hair when I opened the door to the stall.

“Touch up your lipstick sis.” She motioned me over.

I walked over and placed the purse up on the counter beside Judy. She looked through it and came up with a tube of vivid liquid red lipstick. She pulled off the top, rolled the lipstick out, and handed it to me before she pulled out a tube from her own purse. She leaned up toward the mirror and put the lipstick to her lips as her eyes focused in on me.

I followed suit as I leaned up toward the mirror.

Judy worked the lipstick back and forth across her lips several times following the curve of her sweetheart shaped lips.

Following her example I did the same only my lips weren’t heart shaped like hers were. I had just plain ol lips and I was jealous. “You have the prettiest mouth.”

“I think your sister does too. Not that you don’t have a beautiful smile like your sister.” The woman beside Judy commented.

“Thank you.” Judy smiled at the woman, turned her head and gave me a wink. “Come on sis, we don’t want to keep Elliot waiting too long.”

“Your brother?” The woman was watching as Judy and I put up our lipstick, picked up our purses, and turned to go.

“Boyfriend.” Judy answered as she held the door open for me.

“Lucky boy.” The answer followed us out of the ladies room.

Elliot was waiting for us in the foyer by the front door. “Problems?”

“No, smooth as silk.” Judy walked out the door ahead of him as he pushed open the door for us.

We were back in Elliot’s Mustang headed up for the freeway. I figured this day was over as far as Barbara was concerned. Tonight I would either talk Elliot into taking me home or I would call a taxi. That was when my mind finally got hold of what the conversation meant back there in the restaurant when mom was talking to Miriam. Surely Elliot and Judy didn’t expect me to be Barbara the rest of the week so I could fly home to Dallas with mom and dad and Judy’s parents to meet my imaginary parents? Surely not!

“Elliot.”

“Barbara.” He volleyed the same as if he was talking to Buddy.

“You don’t expect me to be Barbara the rest of the week do you? Haven’t you and Judy had your fun by now?”

“Oh, I’m sorry cousin. I thought you knew when you flew down you were going to spend the whole week with Judy before flying back home. That was the arrangement we discussed a couple weeks back when we talked about you flying down for the prom.” Elliot looked up in the mirror at me.

“I’m going to get so even you will regret the day you and Judy did this.” I laid my hands down in my lap and contemplated a week as Barbara. I can do this. I can do this.

“Just how is Buddy supposed to get home from summer camp?” I was hoping for any kind of chink in their plans. Find out how Buddy comes home and then do it earlier than they planned.

“He comes back on the church bus after camp is over. Why?” Elliot took a sideways glance in Judy’s direction, trying to figure out what I was up too.

“Nothing.” That certainly wasn’t any help. Kind of impossible to come back on a church bus when I didn’t know when it was coming back. Yet…, maybe I came back early because I had a…., serious cough? Yes, I had a plan for Buddy’s return. I was finally home free…, Not! Buddy wasn’t coming home in a skirt and heels from church camp. Don’t forget the earrings. Oh how could I forget the earrings? The earrings it takes a special tool to remove. 'Hi mom, dad, church camp was a blast. You wouldn’t believe what they teach at those camps. Like my dress and earrings? Hello operator, nine one one please. My parents just passed out. And operator would you please alert the church camp. My parents are on their way to bomb the place after they are re-situated?'

Elliot dropped down off the freeway headed toward Cutter’s road.

“Where we going?” I figured we would go home. The direction Elliot was headed wasn’t toward home. And what did I know about home? I mean, Buddy’s home most certainly was no longer my home. Judy’s home was where I was visiting for…, obviously longer than I intended. I had no intentions of making Dallas my home with an imaginary mother and father.

Elliot kept going until he came upon Trotter’s Park. It was a combination theme park, city park where a lot of the kids and grownups came for a few hours or more of picnicking or ridding the old imitation steam engine around the borders of the park. All the rides were slow and yes, cheap. The roller coaster was the wildest ride and it was tame. I heard it was built back in the fifties, but I wasn’t sure. It cost ten cents for a ten minute ride or a person could pay twenty dollars for a season pass for all the rides. Most everyone bought a season pass and seldom used them. I mean, it was generic stuff for the babies and old folks, for goodness sake. Grandparents brought their grandchildren out to Trotter’s Park. The occasional dweeb brought his date, which usually meant he was never going to get another date with the girl.

Elliot pulled in and found an empty parking space, which wasn’t hard. There were a lot of empty parking spaces. He slid out and walked around the car to open Judy’s door before helping me up out of the rear.

Standing beside the car looking at the old people and kiddies coming and going through the gate, I couldn’t believe Elliot was dweeb enough to bring Judy to this place. “You gotta be kidding. You really don’t like Judy that much?”

“Cork it cousin. You haven’t been until you been on the rides in Trotter’s Park.” Elliot put his hand around Judy and his other hand in the small of my back to steer us toward the entrance.

“I’ve heard of places like this. Isn’t this the retirement village amusement center? I think I see a wheelchair patient getting on the Ferris Wheel now.” I was positive this wasn’t the place for soon to be high school sophomores like Judy and me.

“That’s what I like best about you Barbara. Always willing to try out something new before you start running it down. You give the benefit of the doubt before you start complaining.” Elliot pulled three season passes out of his shirt pocket as we walked up to the entrance.

“Trust me Elliot, the reputation of this place precedes us. I don’t think my opinion one way or another is going to make any difference.” I could only figure that Elliot and Judy had this planned out before yesterday, when they changed me into cousin Barbara. As much as I was going to regret having to kill both of them, I had to admire their devious minds and the way they had so much planned before they blackmailed me.

The man in the booth took Elliot’s passes and punched them before handing them back. Elliot steered us toward the riverboats. At the ticket booth the man looked at the tickets and waved us on.

Actually the riverboats were plastic tubs, approximately six feet long by three feet wide. The river they floated in was only a few inches wider than the boats. I stepped in the front and held my skirt as I found my seat. Elliot and Judy rocked the boat, but not much, when they stepped in and sat down in back. The boat couldn’t turn over if all of us stood up on one side. The water was only a few inches deep. The man pushed a lever and the boat was moved out into the river which wasn’t a river, but a ditch actually. We would float lazily along with the current under an arched bridge past a fake zoo with wood cutout animals in fake cages. Then we would drift into a fake mountain, past a fake prairie with plyboard buffalo and deer. The end would be floating out into a fake ocean which was a sea of blue colored plyboard laid out on the ground and finally the boat would be caught at its berth where we had to disembark after our transcontinental adventure in a riverboat. I was bored out of my ever loving skull as we drifted lazily along.

I started looking up at the clouds in the sky out of sheer boredom. At least they gave me a change of scenery as they drifted past in ever changing form.

“Mind if I join you?”

My mind snapped back to the now and present as I recognized the voice and the boat rocked. Tank had stepped into the front of the boat as it passed the zoo theme scene. “What?”

“Hi Barbara. I was hoping I’d get to see you again before you went home. I certainly didn’t think you would come down where I was working.” Tank was beaming all over as he stared at me.

“Uh, uh, uh…,”

“That’s okay, Tank. Don’t say hi to Judy or me.” Elliot was pushing on Tank’s shoulder.

Tank looked over his shoulder. “I was trying my best to ignore you Elliot, but since you seem determined to get a greeting out of me. Hi Judy. Why don’t you ditch Elliot and it will be just you girls and me.”

Judy giggled. “I guess we better hang onto him Tank. He has the wheels.”

“Oh, no problem fair maiden. I have wheels and it would be my honor to provide same for you and Miss Peck.” Tank looked at me and winked his left eye.

“You work here?” I couldn’t believe Tank would work in a place like this.

“Maintenance. I work on their equipment when it gets to acting up. It’s a lot of fun to keep these rides going for people to enjoy. You should see the smiles on those kids faces when they get on that roller coaster. That’s the bonus payment.”

Shaking my head I smiled at the thought of Tank working on the rides for the kids.

“That’s exactly what I mean. You have such a beautiful smile Barbara.”

I blushed from my head to my feet as I looked down at the water in front of us. “Thank you.”

Tank smiled as he studied me. “You sure look nice and you smell nice too.”

I blushed even more if possible. “It’s Judy’s fault.”

“Well, let’s thank Judy and thank your mother too. I’m betting she is a real pretty woman too.”

“She is…,” I was thinking of my mom and even though she was my mom I thought she was a very pretty woman. Sometimes I even wished to be as pretty as her.

“You going to be here awhile or did you drop in for a few rides?”

“We only stopped in for a couple rides until the theater opens. There is a good action film at the Westland Theater this afternoon.” Elliot offered from behind us.

“I read about that one. It’s the new James Bond movie isn’t it?” Tank turned and looked over his shoulder at Elliot.

“No it’s the new Baker Spy Thriller movie. You working all afternoon?” Elliot was making small talk.

“No, I finished up and was headed back to the car when I saw you and the girls getting on the boat. Figured I could catch up at the zoo.”

“You want to come with us to the flick?” Elliot gave an invite.

'No, no, no, no, no, no, no,' I was saying in my mind as soon as Elliot passed out the invitation.

“Sure, if no one minds.” Tank looked over at me and smiled.

I tried to smile back. I bet it looked forced.

“Then it’s settled.” Elliot offered to his friend.

“I have your purse in my car. This will give me a chance to give it back.” Tank was looking as happy as if he had good sense.

Oh joy, oh foolish joy. I was thinking as I gave a weak smile. I wonder if a couple inches of water is deep enough to drown myself?

“We have time for a couple more rides before the movie unless everyone wants to go to the mall for a few minutes.” Drifted up from Elliot.

More rides! How could I be so lucky! God must hate me.

Tank was looking in my direction. “The Roller Coaster and then the Ferris Wheel if it’s okay with everyone else.”

I was praying Elliot would say no, let’s go to the car.

“Sounds like a plan. That okay with you Judy?” Was the voice of my Benedict Arnold brother.

“I’d love to.” Was the answer from my brother’s co-conspirator.

No court in the world would convict me if I killed both of them now. I could plead they drove me to mental insanity.

The water ride lasted forever and ever and…, Tank put his arm around my shoulder as he pointed out across the theme park and explained the hidden controls, and safeties for all the various rides keeping them safe for the kids and adults alike. He explained the hours and hours the volunteers put in every day to keep the park running and keep it affordable for the kids and adults.

He pointed toward a young woman who had knelt down to talk to some of the kids who had been pushing some of the other kids out of the way. “That’s Laura. She is a policewoman. One of the best this city has ever had. She can be as cold as ice to anyone who challenges her authority. Shot a guy trying to steal a car out of a parking lot a few weeks back. She volunteers a lot of her time to come down here and keep the riff raff from taking over. A couple months back she arrested a kid trying to sell crack to the other kids.”

The woman Tank was talking about reached out and pulled the kid in for a hug and then gave the second kid a hug. I had a hard time not thinking of her as those kids mom the way she treated them. “She gave those bullies a hug.”

Tank nodded. “Laura said a lot of those kids only need a little loving. Something a lot of kids don’t ever get at home. Oh, the ones who come down here are usually the ones who get love at home. I guess the parents who come here are the ones who want to treat their own kids with attention.”

I had a new respect for Tank other than he was my brother’s teammate. “You work here all the time?”

“No, I work for Tchrad.” He pointed off toward the ticket man watching the electric cars. “That’s…,

“What do you do at Tchrad?” I interrupted Tank. I hadn’t ever heard of a company named Tchrad. I was curious as to what Tank did there.

“I make things.” That’s Howard. He…”

“What kind of things.” I didn’t care about Howard. I wanted to know what Tank did besides work at this theme park.

“Uh…, Barbara, I’m not allowed to say.” Tank turned his attention back in my direction.

“Why aren’t you allowed to say what you make?” Now my curiosity had really been pricked.

“Because I can’t. Tchrad does research.” His eyes were begging me to drop the subject.

I had no intentions of dropping the subject. “What kind of research?”

“I can’t say. Barbara, this conversation is going to go nowhere because it can’t. I can’t tell you what I do because I signed a contract saying I wouldn’t speak to anyone outside the company about what they do or what I do for them. The only thing I can say without violating that contract is I work for a company called Tchrad. That’s it. This is the end of the discussion about what I do for them.” He waited to see if he had ruined any budding relationship.

As bad as I wanted to use this moment to make Tank think he had ruined any hope of being my friend I couldn’t. Tank had treated me nice in every way. I knew Tank was one of the nicest kids in or out of school. His interest in the theme park and the people who worked here and the kids who visited here had proved that beyond a doubt.

The chill between us was so palatable it could be felt. “Do you know all the employees who work here?” I gave Tug an icebreaker if he wanted to take it.

“Most all of them. Ewell works the front gate most of the time. He used to work for American Airlines as a freight expediter.” Tank smiled.

In all the years Tug and Elliot had been running around together I never paid any attention to Tug’s smile. He had a very nice sincere smile. “Would it be breaking your contract if you explained to me what a freight expediter is?”

Tank laughed as he shook his head no. “That I am allowed to talk about.” And he did, along with a lot of the other tiny little things all the other volunteers in the theme park did so they could donate their time to keep it running for the kiddies and the older generation.

When we left the river ride I was a lot more appreciative of the theme park. I was no longer thinking it was for kiddies and the generic generation. I was wrong to think it was a park for dweebs. Like everyone else of my generation, I had labeled the park as a dweeb park for dummies, without trying it out and enjoying the rides, the people, and the social atmosphere it offered. Tank put his arm around my waist after we stepped off the river ride and led me over to the Ferris Wheel.

The lady watching the gate never asked for a pass or anything as she opened the gate to let us on. “Who’s your friend Tug?”

“Betty, this is Barbara Peck. She’s from Dallas and is visiting Elliot and Buddy for a week. Barbara, this is Betty Nickson, she works at the hospital for a paying job.”

I nodded in agreement. “Nice to meet you Betty.”

“Love your earrings Barbara. Hope you are enjoying your visit to our city.” Betty looked past us at the next couple.

I turned expecting it to be Elliot and Judy. They had chosen to ride the electric cars which was funny in itself. Both of them had to double up to get their legs inside those cars which were for kids not teenagers.

Tank led me over to the seat on the Ferris Wheel. He sat down and pulled the locking bar down after I had climbed up into the seat.

Betty checked that the bar was in place and locked before she moved the Ferris Wheel up one place so the next two could get on. There were four more pairs of kids who got on before the wheel started moving constantly.

We went up to the top and started down. It was funny because I found I had butterflies looking down at the ground coming up at us. I didn’t think this ride could do that to me. I mean it only went up about a hundred feet or so. It was a kiddie ride for goodness sake. I grabbed my tummy.

Tank smiled from ear to ear. “Gets most everyone like that the first few times.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I was determined to not let him know a kiddie ride had stirred up the butterflies in my stomach.

Tank was laughing as he looked at me. “Sure you don’t. People don’t realize it’s the forward and downward motion of a Ferris Wheel that gets them. They can stand going up and down and they can stand going forward and back, but combine the two, and it spells hello every time.”

The butterflies had left by the time we got down to the bottom of the circle. I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t going to admit a simple little ride could get me. And then we reached the top and started forward and down again and those stupid butterflies returned and I grabbed my tummy. Okay, I admit it the ride was getting to me. “Hello.”

Tank leaned back and positively howled with laughter.

It was funny to me too. I caught Tanks laughter as I laughed with him.

The ride finally stopped and Tank led me over to the roller coaster. I enjoyed that one too, as Tank threw his arms up to prove he was fearless. I had to laugh at him as he could have fallen out and it couldn’t have hurt. His fearless gesture wasn’t very macho but it was the thought and it was funny.

Elliot and Judy met us at the gate after that ride. Judy was smiling as she winked at me. “Looks like you’re having fun.”

I started to deny it, but I really was having fun. Certainly not what I expected when Elliot pulled into the park. “Yes I am.”

“We will meet you and Barbara at the Westland in about fifteen minutes. That okay with you?” Elliot was waiting on an answer from Tank.

“If Barbara doesn’t mind riding with me.” Tank turned his attention in my direction.

“O…, okay” I wasn’t sure I liked the way this was headed. I was positive Tank wouldn’t do anything wrong, but I felt a whole lot more comfortable with Elliot and Judy.

“Don’t forget your purse.” Judy was trying to remind me as Elliot ushered her across the parking lot toward his Mustang.

Tank put his left hand in the small of my back to steer me toward his Firebird. He opened the passenger door for me and waited as I settled in and straightened my skirt. My black clutch was in between the seats. I would leave it until after the movie. I was positive I didn’t need two purses.

Tank slid under the steering wheel and slowly and carefully pulled out of the parking lot. I noticed the night before that Tank might have a muscle car, but he drove it very carefully. No revving the engine, squealing the tires, or racing down the street. I liked the way he drove. It came to me! My brother drove the same way in his Mustang. I was beginning to realize how mature my bother had always been even when we were in grade school. Elliot not only acted mature, his friends acted mature.

We made the theater behind Judy and Elliot. Tank offered to buy me popcorn and a coke before the show. I declined. I didn’t think it was quite right for Tank to think he had a date. I was positive I knew I wasn’t a date. During the show Tank reached over and took my hand. I really wanted for him to not do that. I didn’t know how to tell him I wasn’t interested.

All of us were walking out of the movie and there was a group of guys making derogatory remarks at the girls as they walked out. The boys were extra ugly and tried to get in the girls faces if they were with other girls.

“Hey bitch! Yes you in the red dress. Hey bitch, I’m talking to you!” My heart was in my throat as I turned to look.

Tank took a quick glance. “Ignore them. They only get worse when they have your attention.”

I looked for Judy and Elliot. They were still lost in the crowd behind us.

“Hey bitch in the red dress, how about giving me some.” Came from the same group of boys.

Tank had his hand in the small of my back and I felt him hesitate. I took his arm. “You said ignore them. Words of the mentally retarded aren’t worth responding to.”

He nodded, “I did, didn’t I?”

One of the idiots stepped out in front of me and put his left hand on my right breast. At first it shocked me and then it frightened me, wondering if he would know I wasn’t a real girl?

I didn’t have time to think about it before Tank’s arm slipped from around my waist and came up and forward. Everything happened in less than a second. The guy grabbed me... Tank hit him. He went flying backwards into his buddies who were standing behind him. They all went down to the sidewalk. Tank’s arm was back around my waist. He never broke stride, nor did he let me, as we walked on past the pile of bodies as if we had just seen them fall over backwards.

“Tug…?”

“Keep walking Barbara as if nothing happened.” He never slowed down as he walked out to his car and opened the door.

I slid in. Tank walked around to the other side, started the car, and slowly, oh so slowly, pulled out of the parking lot as if he was curious as to what happened to the boys who had fell down on the sidewalk.

He was headed down Sumpter and up on the freeway in less than three minutes.

I started shaking and couldn’t stop. If they had found out, if Tug had found out I was a lie, I was positive he would have left me to the boys. And then the tears started. I hated this. I hated it, I hated it, I hated it. I didn’t want to be Barbara any more. I wanted to be Buddy, in my bed, with the covers pulled up over me.

Tank pulled over to the side of the freeway and stopped. He reached across with his right hand and wiped the tears off m left cheek. “It’s alright Barbara. I wasn’t going to let them hurt you.”

“I…, Tug, I’m sorry, oh god am I sorry, I don’t want to hurt you either. Please take me home.” I sniffed as I cried.

“Hurt me? You could never hurt me Barbara. You’re one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen. I don’t believe you could hurt a fly.” He was wiping tears off my cheek.

“Tug, please. You’re too nice. I have hurt you and you don’t even know it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please take me home. Please?” I turned away from him and cried as I looked out the window.

The car started moving. It seemed like forever and ever before Tug pulled up in Judy’s driveway.

Tug started to get out. I already had my door open. I was crying my heart out as I bailed out of the car. “Please go and forget you ever saw me. I’m so sorry Tug.” I slammed his door as I ran for the house.

The door wasn’t locked. I was inside running for Judy’s bedroom.

“Barbara…, Barbara dear, what’s wrong? Are you all right?” Miriam called as I ran past her to the bedroom.

I slammed Judy’s door, flung myself down on the bed and cried. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Gently a hand was brushing my hair away from my face. “Barbara, what is it dear?”

Rolling over I was looking up at Miriam. I wrapped my arms around her neck as she leaned down to hold me. I cried my heart out with my head laying against her breasts. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m sorry.”

She held me until I had cried down and it turned to more sniffles than tears. “Sounds like boy trouble to me Barbara.”

“Oh Mrs Mecham, I didn’t do it on purpose. I couldn’t hurt him. He’s too nice. I tried to not let him get close to me.” Wiping tears I was trying to explain it wasn’t my fault as I lay back on the bed.

“It’s Miriam hon. Sounds to me like a young woman ran straight from young adolescence into the feelings of a young woman. Listen Barbara this is the talk your mother should be giving you as her daughter. Your mom isn’t here at the moment, so I’ll try to explain it to you. At a certain time in a young girl’s life she will find she suddenly becomes interested in boys…,”

“But…,” I wanted to tell her I wasn’t interested in boys. Or girls either, for that matter.

“Don’t interrupt dear. It’s not nice and you are a very nice lady. Let’s see, where was I? Oh yes, girls become interested in boys. Sometimes it is boys in the plural sense and she likes lots of boys. Sometimes it’s boy in the singular sense and she like one boy.” Miriam wiped the last of the tears off my cheeks.

“It’s always easier when the girl likes lots of boys. You see, she can’t say she has really been hurt if one boy doesn’t respond in similar fashion when she has lots of boys at the same time. But woe to the young girl who suddenly finds herself liking one boy when she realizes there is a difference between girls and boys. You see, she only has one boy she likes. If he is a good boy, then she will find she has gone into rough seas as she struggles to balance her hormones with her latest interest. If it is a bad boy, she will find she has gone into shark infested waters as she tries to figure out the emotions as she changes from a young girl to a young woman.” Miriam sat up on the edge of the bed as I turned her loose.

“Sounds to me like a young woman has found one boy. Am I right?” She was looking at me waiting for an answer.

“No…, I mean, it’s not like that. I mean…,”

“Is he nice?” Miriam smiled.

“Yes, he’s awfully nice.” How do I go about explaining this?

“And did he drive you home this evening?”

“Yes.”

“Is he one of Elliot’s friends?”

“Yes.”

“Judy said you danced most of the night with Tug Bagget at the dance. Am I getting warm?”

I blushed as I nodded yes.

“I’ve met young Mr. Bagget. I know his parents. Ellen and Ripley are some of the nicest people you will ever met. Did our young gentleman want more from you than just a kiss this evening?” Miriam was trying to figure out where the evening had gone wrong.

“No…, it wasn’t that. We went to the movies…, Elliot, Judy, and me, and Tug. When the movie was over Tug was walking me out of the theater and there were these kids who started…, They were more than rude and one of them grabbed me and…”

“One of them grabbed you? And you were with Tug? I don’t have to imagine what happened next. How bad did he hurt the kid?” Her smile had disappeared.

“I don’t know. It was all over so quickly. Tug kept on walking like nothing happened.” I was trying to explain without telling everything and why it frightened me so.

“So Tug defended your honor. Do you like him, Barbara?”

I looked down at my feet, I looked across the room, I looked everywhere, hoping she would let that question go unanswered. “Yes.”

Miriam looked at her watch. “Sometimes life gets so complicated doesn’t it. We plan so carefully and think we have all the problems taken care of before we ever start the game. Then we are handed a double dose of gotcha. We find ourselves deep in our own stew, wondering what went wrong.”

I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Okay young lady, it is too late to be going out again. I'll tell you what. You take a bath, slip into a nightgown, and come into the den to watch a movie with Bill and me.” She stood up and motioned for me to get up off the bed.

Slowly I rose up off the bed. There was no way on God’s little green earth I was going to undress with Judy’s mom in the room.

She motioned for me to turn around. I did. She unhooked my dress and unzipped the zipper.

I was ready to panic when I heard the door close to the bedroom. I found a robe and a nightgown before I slipped off the dress and hung it up. The slip was next and I was back in the robe a second after I was out of the slip, in case Miriam walked back into the room. I lost the heels and the panties and pantyhose next. I put them away so Miriam wouldn’t see them and wonder why a young girl needed padded panties. I headed for the bathroom down the hall for that much needed bath.

Miriam walked back down to the den and picked up the phone. Bill looked up as she was dialing. “What are you doing?”

“Crisis management. Hello, Judy, Barbara came in a few minutes ago. She was crying her heart out.”

Miriam shook her head. “No, she is fine now. She is going to watch a movie with your dad and me here at home. I wanted you and Elliot to know where she was and she is okay.”

“She’s fine for now.” Miriam hung up the phone and then made a second phone call.

“Sherry, this is Miriam. I had a very upset young girl crying her heart out in my bedroom a few minutes ago. It seems she has found a boyfriend.” Miriam listened for a few seconds. “No, not in that respect. They aren’t intimate. It’s Tug Bagget, one of Elliot’s football teammates.”

She listened for a few minutes. “No I don’t think it would be wise to call it off now. Elliot and Judy are right. Barbara is a young lady trying to figure out life from the female side of life. She happened to run straight into the boy girl relationship a whole lot sooner than anyone planned.”

“I called to let you know how the day went. We need to get together with Judy and Elliot to see how to proceed with Mr. Bagget. Barbara was crying because she didn’t want to hurt him. Sherry, your daughter has found love for the first time in her life.”

Miriam listened for a few minutes. “Okay, I know you would like to be there for her but this isn’t a normal situation. I’ll make sure she stays safe. I’m positive Judy and Elliot wouldn’t let her do anything foolish. I know Tug, he comes from a good home. I don’t know how he would react to knowing who Barbara is but I know he wouldn’t hurt her. Okay Sherry. I’ll stay in touch.”

Bill looked up at his wife. “Movie? Honey, I need to finish up these invoices and we have to plan on what we want to look for at that trade show in a couple days, and…”

Miriam shook her head. “It will wait. You and I are going to watch a movie with a very confused young lady who suddenly found out boys are boys and girls are girls and they aren’t the same thing.”

Bill sighed as he closed down his laptop before putting papers back into his briefcase. “I learned a long time ago to not argue with you when you have your mind set on something. I hope it’s a good action film.”

Miriam walked over to a closet beside the entertainment center. “No, it is going to be a real romance movie. Let’s see…, Charade with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn will be a good choice.”

Bill shook his head. “I don’t mind his acting but I never did understand why any guy would name himself Carrie.”

“Sssssssush, make sure you give Barbara the support she needs to handle the emotional flood she is feeling. She needs someone who cares about her without the boy girl mix stirring her emotions.” Miriam slipped a disk into the player.

“Come here and snuggle. I need some emotional support.” Bill patted the couch seat beside him.

Miriam walked back over with a remote in her hand, dropped onto the couch beside her husband, kicked off her shoes, leaned over in his arms, and pulled her legs upon the couch.

Bill put his arm around his wife and pulled her into his side as he leaned over to smell her hair. “I forget every now and then how beautiful you are. I think the reason God made girls is to remind us guys there are other things besides working. Thanks for reminding me. I love you.”

Miriam looked up at her husband as she reached up and put her right hand around the back of his head. “I love you.” She gently pulled his head down and kissed him.

FROM THE EDITOR: Please remember to comment and kudo the author. Remember, it's the only pay the writers get for putting their stories here for free, for you to read. Thank you.

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Comments

liking a boy

not an easy thing for someone like Barbra. Not easy for someone like me either, which is why I am avoiding any situations that might result in a guy asking me out ...

DogSig.png

Not a problem

Pamreed's picture

See because I am a lesbian!!

I TRIED to be a lesbian

turns out, I'm bisexual, which I was NOT expecting ...

DogSig.png

I knew

Pamreed's picture

Barbara is so lucky to have so many people care so much about her!!
Reality peeking through "Sometimes I even wished to be as pretty as her."
This is an interesting slant on an intervention. Forcing Barbara to face
who she really is! I just hope Tug is not too upset when he learns the
truth. But then maybe he is in on it!! Interesting!! More more!!!

Hugs,
Pamela

I agree

They will all be lucky if the poor kid ever trusts anyone ever again.

----------
Jenna

Thinly veiled guilt abatement

It is why some guys write Forced Fem. If they are forced, then they can not possibly be responsible.

Four of my early stories are a form of Forced Fem, the difference being was that after I was outed, and I went ahead it felt as if I had actually been kidnapped for a number of reasons. I suppose that the feeling of being kidnapped could have been a form of Guilt abatement also.

G

I did not know I was Trans

I did not know from about age 6 until about age 35 because, in spite of the fact that Mother had raised me as a girl until 4 years old, he was so brutal that he traumatized me so much that I forgot. I began to remember when I was in a group for survivors of abuse.

G

Very Attracted To Men

Oh, I get so well how she could become twitterpated by a guy even if she has the wrong running gear. I just don't know where the author is going with this because I live as a woman and know full well that sometimes things go OK and others not so much.

It is not every man, but once in a while you run into one that stuns your brain. Your editor can tell you about one incident, and there have been a couple others. Fortunately, nothing intimate has happened though I wish it would.

Thank you.

Gwen

Charming and delightful.

So we now know for sure this is a wider plot. But not necessarily who is in on it.

Barbara seems to be relaxing into being the person she really is, and the journey is a delight to follow. II still think there is a touch of sadism on the part of the protagonists though.

I appreciate the effort the author has put into this story, which I personally think in my amateur opinion, has been well written. I am hooked on this story and I hope it doesnt end too soon.

keeping him/her safe

I have a feeling that they are going to be faced with suicidal thoughts before they finally tell the truth and then trust will be nonexistent. By the time everything is done with a few people are possibly going to see that not talking to Buddy first is going to cause problems in the future.
Very good story waiting to see if I I am right on the outcome of everything that is happening.

Randi

New Clues

OK, so now we've seen that Buddy's mother and Judy's mother are in on the conspiracy -- or even in charge of it, since they talk about calling it off. Buddy's father is in on it too, judging from his behavior at lunch. And if Tank is aware of what's going on, Miriam doesn't know that. (I'm betting that he does know, and that his top-secret research group is or will be expediting this somehow.)

Not only that, but unless this whole thing is an exercise in seeing how much Buddy/Barbara can take before breaking character (on the theory that she must be enthusiastically embracing all this if she doesn't), Mom spending lunchtime asking Barbara questions that Buddy can't answer seems pretty sadistic.

Eric

(Thanks, Catherine, for the heading revision, and for letting us know there are ten parts.)

I hadn't even thought about Tank's job

Quite unusual for a teenager not out of high school to be working on some secret project--other than their own make-believe ones! But it would fit and be awefullllllly convenient. Hmmmm...

SuZie

nameconfusion

Hej Barbie Lee,

I like the story very much.

Its interesting and gets my attention in away, that I can't get away from ist before I read it to the end in one turn.

I think you edited this one time and chaged the name of Barbaras new boyfreind from "Tug" to "Tank". But first there is a litte part where you switch between tose two names before you stay at "Tug".

I thing Tank is good :)

I'm looking forward to the next part!

sobinich


Given name, nick name

BarbieLee's picture

Growing up several of the kids in school had "nick names". Sometimes these names follow them through life but not always. A boy named "Floyd" was accidentally called "Flower" by one of his friends in HS. Kids being kids, the name kinda stuck for the remaining year he was in school. First because it was annoying and second because it was kinda cute.

Tug is the given name of young Mr. Bagget. Because of his build and size his team mates in sports started calling him Tank. Adults usually use kids given names when addressing them where as kids lean toward using nicknames for the most part.

Thanks for the review
Barb

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

So much left to the imagination.

Jill Johnson's picture

If this is the end we'll just have to have to use our imagination to fill in the blanks of Barbara's history and her future. I hope you keep going Honey. There's room for some romance in Barbara's future. She needs a nice long hug right about now.
Jill

Did you miss the "Chapter 4 of 10 tag"?

6 chapters left to go.

Cathy

As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script. Y_0.jpg

Okay, the penny just dropped ...

... and I think I have it figured out. Doesn't mean I think the approach they're using is a good one, but at least I've got a why to attach to it. Not that the light bulb over my head is going to do Buddy any good.

I await further developments.

Randalynn

I'm semi clueless on this....

much like our hero/heroine I feel like I'm being run over with a truck.

But is it a good truck or a bad truck?

-- snicker --

Assuming the woman Miriam phoned really was Barbara's mom and not some friend of the older brother and his gal then the parents are in on this too.

But why?

I think we were given clue way back in part one. I quote...

>>
By the time I was in the sixth grade I wasn’t doing too bad myself for a tall skinny kid. For some reason I wasn’t bulking up in muscle mass like most boys, but I had a height advantage over most of my teammates so I was the quarterback. I could stand up and toss an overhand spiral to most of my receivers and the opposing teams just weren’t tall enough to bat it down. My passes weren’t exactly pretty, but they usually went where receivers and ball met down field, most of the time.
>>

Why is he not going thru a typical male puberty?

Being taller than most of the kids in sixth grade could mean he is really or mostly female biologically as they get their growth spurts before most boys. Though that could be a red herring as there is a wide spectrum of how and when males mature.

So we have hints, though they may be red herrings, that the child was born with some sort of intersex condition. Possibly even had parts of both sexes reproductive systems and there was no way to choose wisely at the time. So they chose to wait and watch.

Don't think it is an androgen insensitivity, though don't such males often become taller than average women and their chromosomal maleness is not found until they are "late" for having their first menses? But Barbara believes she is a male so he must have a penis or what he thinks is a penis.

Also the brother hinted at some incident when "Barbara" was much younger. HUM?

Whatever the reason, we as the readers still have an incomplete picture as does Barbara. I suspect this whole "Barbara-izaton" was set up to se where his/her true feelings led.

Seems a bit cruel, all the lies and manipulations but then we are missing pieces of the puzzle.

The older brother was so protective in the past so why would he participate in some potentially dangerous prank, IE passing him off publically as a teen woman.

Something strange is going on "behind the scene" here.

Despite the mom's assuring each other on the phone that Barbara is safe the incident at the theater could have turned out badly, VERY badly.

I can understand why they haven't told the child the truth. As they want him or her to chose without bias. But in the meantime he or she is alternately terrified and angry yet is so stunned/shocked he or she can't find the means to shout out STOP!

Hope the child gets some answers soon.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

I've commented on this story three times ...

... and I haven't attacked the genre or the author. I've said pretty much what you said, and reiterated my belief that there's no justifiable reason to do this to the Buddy we've seen, combined with the knowledge that it will not end well unless there's some kind of magical revelation in Buddy's mind ... and if that happens, there's no real reason for that, at least as far as we've been told.

I think I've figured out the why behind this, but it's still a major betrayal by everyone Buddy trusts, and I don't believe it will end well.

However, my first two comments are gone now, and the third one remains because i did my best to remain as passive as I could in expressing my opinion. Still, I wonder exactly how did I cross a line in the first two comments?

Randalynn

A work of fiction with an interesting and unique approach

A work of fiction with an interesting and unique approach. Although the handling of this aspect of this young man's life is different and not by the book, whatever that is. it is very entertaining. Remembering that this is a a fictional story developed by the author based on her idea of how this story should develop, it has managed to catch a lot of interest, and entice people to eagerly await the next chapter. An excellent story, well written. Awaiting the next chapters.

Heather Marie

Here Is Something That I Find Hard To Believe...

jengrl's picture

When Barbara encounters her parents in the restaurant, I wonder why she doesn't ask herself why her parents are acting like Buddy actually has a cousin Barbara from Dallas? They should both know very well that he doesn't, but they are playing right along. I guess Barbara was so worried about maintaining the facade that she hasn't had the time to think about things. That may be why Eliot and Judy keep throwing so many new things at her to keep her off balance and keep her from thinking too much. I still think that it is pretty cruel to string someone along especially when she is constantly terrified of being exposed.

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

Ya know

Valcyte's picture

There is as much entertainment in the commentary as in the original story. I offer a few thoughts and observations. In no particular order.

1. It's a free world and in our society we have decided to allow just about anyone to say anything about anyone.

2. In order to maintain the peace we have certain norms of behavior that alert us to who is well behaved and who is acting, well, ill behaved, (I had to avoid indulging in negative characterizations there).

3. On a site like Fictionmania and many of the others there is only the opportunity to post and not the opportunity for the robust feedback and discussion we are seeing above this post. It strikes me though that many of those posting are using it as their personal forum instead of what I think it was designed for and that is, kudos, constructive feedback on the craft of writing, and interaction between the author and her or his fans. I guess the downside of this site is that it trusts the reviewers to behave in a civil fashion. I find it curious that many who indicate that they are offended, outraged and dare I say it disgusted, seem to be following the story in order to sling a little more mud. The term for that is heckling. The appropriate place for this is your own blog or your own forum where you can chat with each other about your own philosophies of what constitutes acceptable behavior in topical fictional writing and which topics are verboten in TG literature. Odd on a site designed for an oppressed minority struggling with acceptance and in my mind a refuge from those who hate who we are and what we stand for, (granted this is something that we need to settle individually as It represents the sum total of our own unique existence). Sorry, are ya bored yet? Read on.

4. As I said in one of my earlier posts, this is a work of fiction. To boot it is one written, I presume, by a new writer just getting her feet wet and you all are acting as if her characters are real. I get that this offends you and that you equate it to glamorizing the pedophilia of Roman Catholic priests, (not that they have a monopoly or anything). C'mon guys. Barbara and her friends are nothing but a literary creation of the author's imagination. Barbie Lee deserves credit for the effort she has made to enlarge the library of TG Fiction without the criticism from the self anointed guardians of what is acceptable. Next thing you'll be targeting is one of the sponsors of our site for her outrageous TG FICTION and demanding that we support only GOOD TG FICTION. Again, where is the sense of community? Or perhaps this is only a site for real pre peri and post op transsexuals who will submit to a code of ethical transsexual behavior.

5. I note that many but not all of the negative reviews come from what appears to be non writers or at least non contributors. There is a word that describes that but I am trying, really I am, to be nice, so I will avoid temptation to use a word with negative connotations. All of us are readers and writing and especially fiction exercises our imagination. Guilty as charged. I like to read. When I get bored or offended I stop supporting the author.. Not by criticism and verbal abuse. I just stop buying. Works for me.

6. Whew,. Tirades are thirsty work. Time for a alcoholic beverage of my own choosing. I think I'll download a nice Harlequin romance and read it sans commentary. Hopefully those characters will be better behaved. But then they have editors who remove all of the unsanitary bits. BORING.

Val

P.S. I like the story. Or was that not clear?

Well...

Athena N's picture

I haven’t been commenting on this beyond a brief note on the first chapter, but for what it’s worth:

1) I started reading this story because it was tagged as a very different one than it actually turned out to be. This can be seen as a good thing, too, as it contributes to widening my horizons just a tiny bit.

2) I’ve continued reading this because it is, in certain senses, a well-written story. Also, I really want to know how it ends – like everyone else, I’ve got some guesses, but obviously they are just guesses.

3) From my point of view, the story is still mistagged: to me it is not at all a romantic comedy. Instead, it is a horror story with a very strong central theme of the poor boy being betrayed by pretty much everyone he’s ever loved or trusted. And while I mostly prefer romantic comedies (of these two genres), I do read the occasional horror story. :)

4) While I sort of like the story, I’d like to suggest that this is not a harmless comedy. Rather, presenting it as one does just a tiny bit to strengthen the cultural stereotype that a proper woman (especially a trans one) should be meek and mild and leave the hard decisions that concern her life to people who are more well equipped to make those decisions. Having had some experience as a child with repressed gender issues I must say I wouldn’t have wanted to be brought up like this; and having had some experience as the parent of someone in this age bracket, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to bring them up like this, whatever their issues. I truly cannot see a long-term happy ending for either Buddy or Barbara.

All that said, I’m still very much reading this. Please continue!

Revenge fantasy?

Rhona McCloud's picture

Well written language but the only way I can make sense of the plot is if it is a revenge dream of the bully Gus who was left unconscious, holding his testicles, in Chapter 1. Presumably in Chapter 10 Gus will awaken to find himself "Almost a Girl"

Rhona McCloud

Why the so-called negative forced femme comments

Jezzi Stewart's picture

I think these comments come about because, except for two comments about crossdressing in the far past the author has given us and the story characters little reason to believe that Buddy is transgendered. (I don't consider keeping a neat room or being considerate of the feelings of another to be exclusively feminine, and his puberty could just be late)

For what is being done to him to be seen as a loving intervention, we the readers need to believe that Buddy is transgendered and we don't have any serious foreshadowing from the author that this is the case. What we DO have is Buddy's consistent and on-going thoughts of hating what is being done to him and wanting revenge against those that are doing it to him, or of harming himself. (What if there HAD been a sharp knife on the table?) It's also been made clear that his lack of resistance comes from his overwhelming fear of being outed, not because he's coming to like being a girl. IS Buddy acting more and more feminine? I think so, but why? Is his inner femininity coming out, or is the ever tightening conspiracy net forcing him in that direction? Given the lack of TG foreshadowing, I think the evidence sides with the latter.

Why a conspiracy? We have more and more people who are in the know being brought into the story. To me, from what the author has actually written, it seems logical to see this as a conspiracy to feminize him against his will. It seems logical to wonder, as Buddy does, why his heretofore loving brother is doing this to him. Sadistic? What do Elliot and judy do every time Buddy complains or resists? They laugh at him. Isn't the definition of a sadist one who gets pleasure from the pain of another? Giving the author the benefit of the doubt, the conspirators could be just misguided, but if they take Buddy's lack of resistance and growing femininity as proof they are right, that there is an inner girl, the evidence suggests they will be wrong.

One reason why comments like mine may seem like rants is, I think, because I'm frustrated; I don't think the forced femme conspiracy of sadists is what the author intends, but she has really not given us very much evidence to refute it..

BE a lady!

Barbie Lee great story I am

Barbie Lee great story I am enjoying it and can't wait for the next part. Now I am going to through my two cents in. I think what is causing these comments is the fact that Buddy/Barbara is not a reliable narrator in that I feel he/she is holding a lot of information from us. First off, he could have let us know what is in the photos that he fears coming out. I think he is in very strong denial and that there must be something really terrible that is holding from us. So to go by what Buddy reveals to us can be misleading, maybe even a red herring. I think I am going to wait to the end of the story to see what happens before I judge everyone involved because I feel that there is a lot of information that we do not know as yet.

He Did Tell Us...

…and they're so innocuous, on the surface at least, that it suggested that there was more to this than met the eye.

There was a picture of him as a naked baby (and other unspecified baby pictures) and two of him crossdressing as a princess at sanctioned events, so to speak: one at Halloween and one (apparently engineered by his mother) at a school play, both during the same year some years ago.

Eric

The Graciousness Abides

I really like the way this is developing. I had an idea that every one might know but I had to wait to be sure. What a loving thing for family and friends to do. I also suspect that the dynamics with young Master Tug will develop in a kind and loving way.

This story is wonderful. You have me totally caught up in caring for these people. Talent shows, Dear, talent shows.

Joani

I don't really see this as forced fem...

I admit I haven't read all the comments in detail, but I got the impression that some see the story as forced fem. I disagree.

What I see is an author who is very capable of managing the POV of the characters. I haven't kept close track up until the last section of this part, but in this part, the shift from first person to the third person was - in my opinion - so smoothly done that I didn't even notice at first.

With that much control of the narrative view I have no doubt that Barbie is fully able to present us with the surface thoughts of Buddy/Barbara only. His subconscious thoughts are revealed when he doesn't make the phone call to his parents.

I can only say: 'well done'

now i know

Buddy's parents are in on this, WOW, can't wait to see the next chapter which I will be reading in just a few seconds, this is such great work, please know I love your work, this is truly exciting stuff

Called it

I was right her parents are in on it, I so wish this had happened to me.

hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna