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The Hatbox
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Comments
The Vindictive...
... Witch! I think that Kevin was far too weak with her earlier, from the start. How he could leave his siblings in her care is beyond my knowing. Blackmail is a crime, and Kevin should seriously attempt to fight it.
Come to think of it, if he is planning to join the police force, he needs the strength of character to actually fight crime. Not to cave in. But then his coerced transitioning probably means the knell to his hopes at the police academy.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
How can he have fought her
I was hoping that the reasoning was believable
A Lawyer
Consulting a lawyer would be the best option, I think. Someone who knows the law, and who can look at things from an outsider's perspective. He might think of plenty of things that we can't think of. He might be able to void the documents signing the company over to the stepmother, for example.
But I depressingly agree, the reasoning is all too believable, and the villains often win out.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
Agreement Voided
Their agreement was she gets the fortunes and all it entail, looks after their subs and leaves him alone is what i got from the start of the story. By contacting him and making this request, she runs the risk of voiding the agreement just to be vindictive... Many lawyers would love a case like his. And I hope he knows that!
Exactly Right
That sounds exactly right. Unfortunately, he probably doesn't know this. And Samantha probably is relying on his ignorance.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
I need to rethink this
I had what I thought was a good plot to write an interesting story around. That this young man trying to make his own life but his step mother holds all of the cards. She has his young siblings so she does this to him. I thought it would all work
I guess it really doesn't work as well as I thought. It doesn't make sense and I was well into writing the second chapter
I dont know what to do now
Step back
Step back, take a breath. You may have just become too involved in the process of the story. Look at it critically: Ask yourself as a reader what taking place. Then ask yourself 'what worked' 'what didn't' 'why' and 'why not'. Relook at your characters. Many times a cause and effect situation will not fit into the characters mold without reason.
If other characters are involved relook at their roles. How is he interacting with them.
If this is your first attempt at doing such a foray then relook at how its all fitting together. For some it may take a day or several to let their own personal feelings stop interfering with their fantasy inhibiting their work when they relook over the story. Many will say 'Hey! that's not how its supposed to happen' and so forth.
Don't fret, read the feed back, pull out the good advice if there and then relook at the story as we have a tendency to see our story in a different light after we put it out.
Rethink? or Restructure?
If you are going off of the comments in your "Rethink," you have a nice plot started, but many times an adventure goes off the rails. Your plot works, and we are seeing only Kevin's point of view. He already knows how his step-mom is, maybe he's set up a contingency plan that you could write in. If he's sharp enough to make it on his own, forgoing his father's fortune, he probably knows he needs to record every word his stepmother has to say, and I'm sure an Android or iPhone would be useful... many ways you can make this work out for Kevin and still run the plot you had set up.
Map out where you are going with the story, if you have a conclusion start there. Then move backwards in time, putting in your plot points, to where you left off here. From there you can fix it so Kevin gets his win, and his stepmother gets her just rewards.
Let me tell you a secret
Despite all the comments on here, tons of the stories on this site (Yes even the published successful ones) break the rules a bit. So what if it's not entirely possible what's happening to him in the current world. This is YOUR world, and in YOUR world it IS possible. For all we know in your world the aunt has access to an undderground group that does this kind of thing whether the subject is willing or not. Though let me tell you I've called up some places about GRS, and one haphazardly mentioned as long as the subject is willing it's about 28000 dollars, but mentioned alternative services would cost much much more. AKA maybe places DO exist on the underground. So maybe your aunt story isn't as unlikely as you think.
I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D
weak character and faulty reasoning
What a strange unbelieveable story. Although, If I suspend belief then perhaps then maube theres a little plausability. Consider the following, He walks away from a fortune leaving his siblings in her care when he doesnt even trust her? He does that without any contract or written evidence. He manages to deck the body guard in a few simple moves but then he's wrapped around her little finger with a barely plausible blackmail plot? Clealry he's either a simpleton or a patsy. This story doesnt live in my world
I know it had problems
I wrongly assumed that protecting his younger brother and sister would be enough explanation why he so easily submitted and agreed with her plan. But it brings the question that if he distrusted her that much why did he not fight for them in the first place.
So its stupid. I have a few ideas on how to fix it
Blackmail and cohersion
With Kevin's dad married to Samantha, upon the dad's death, as step mother, she has legal custody of those children under legal age. So legally, she could put the kids in foster care. Morally it'd be appalling, but she isn't a moral person to begin with.
Kevin is out on his own, presumably holding down a job. But his main concern is for his siblings, siblings he may not be at a point to care for, or awarded guardianship should he go to court. A judge would compare what Samantha can offer, irregardless her desire to put them in foster care, and what Kevin can offer. Samantha would be awarded guardianship.
In Kevin's mind, he only has on choice to keep his siblings out of foster care. Go along with Samantha's demands.
However, Kevin has complied with the bitch, he's on hormones, he's out shopping and as fate has it, one of the girls who helped him years ago with his project, recognizes her in a store shopping for women's clothing. She only recognizes her because she looks just like she did during the project.
Kevin, or whatever female name he chose, remembers her and as usual, old friends go to coffee. One topic leads to another and the friend asks why Kevin is presenting as a woman. The truth comes out, the usual we'll keep in touch, and they go their separate ways.
Unknown to Kevin, the friend has been keeping an eye on Kevin and Samantha, Samantha especially because of her past dealings which have come to the notice of the US Attorney General's office. Dealings which are involved with major drug providers.
Imaginations are a wonderful area of the mind. They can come up with the most marvelous ideas which can develop into many things which help or cause harm. It can also take an idea and put it into words which bring joy to others when read. Just as it can put many off when read.
This chapter has the potential to be a very nice story, if the next chapter were to have someone other than Kevin want Samantha behind bars or another wants her dead. Samantha has done too many wrong and the Piper wants payment.
Others have feelings too.