The Bard and I A novel by Bronwen Welsh Copyright 2008 An orphan boy is rescued from poverty by England's greatest playwright and discovers the joy of playing women's parts on stage and off

Part 1

Prologue

Recently I had the good fortune to visit some distant relatives, Lord and Lady M at their sixteenth century country house where they had discovered an interesting document while clearing out their attic. Knowing of my professional interest in antiquities, they invited me to examine the papers. They were fragile and the ink was badly faded but what I read was so interesting that I prevailed upon them to allow me to publish the text. This they agreed on the condition that I not identify them nor the place of discovery. The reason for this may become obvious to you as you read the text. I have slightly modernized the language for present day readers but otherwise the text is exactly as written. Unfortunately I have been unable to discover anything more about the writer Julian Moss, except that he was an actor in the 16th to 17th century. Here then is his memoir.

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My name is Julian Moss and in my time I have been recognized as a not indifferent actor. Now in the autumn of my life I have decided to set down a memoir of how I came to this profession, in the hope that whoever may read this will find it of interest. I commence with the day my life changed for ever.

The grey light of dawn filtered through the small dirty windows high in the wall of the long dormitory. The tortured breathing of the boy in the next cot to mine had finally stopped and he was now quiet, but I still lay awake, my mind musing for the hundredth time of how I came to be in this awful place. Less than a year previously, I had been living with my parents above my father's shop in Silk Lane, London Town, where he sold all manner of colorful silks, satins and brocades to the wealthier citizens of London. It was the Year of Grace 1599 and I was sixteen years of age.

We were not rich but we lived comfortably enough. My father paid for my schooling, where I learned English, Philosophy, Mathematics and a little Latin, for he said that knowledge is a pearl beyond price. The kindly schoolmaster told me I had an artist's memory for recall for things I had seen and read. I took part in some short plays and poetry readings we presented and enjoyed that very much. Although an only child I had many friends of my own age and I was happy. But happiness can be ephemeral as I was to discover, and it can be snatched away in an instant.

One day my father told me that he and my mother would journey to Oxford where his brother dwelt, for there had been bad feeling between them and he wished them to reconcile. I did not like my uncle, indeed I felt afraid of him, but hoped for my father's sake he would be successful in his endeavours. My parents set out the next morning in a small chaise drawn by a single horse, promising to return in two days. I was in the care of Sarah the cook and Ann the maid, and went to school as usual.

Two days later I was translating Latin poetry when I was called out of class to see the headmaster. He sat me down with a grave face and told me my parents had had an accident.

"Are they injured, sir?" I gasped.

"Alas no," he replied. "I am sorry to tell you they are dead. Their horse was startled by a hound, and they were killed when their chaise overturned."

I broke down and wept bitterly for I loved them dearly and my world was shattered. I remember little of the following days. My uncle came from Oxford to take charge and he seemed kindly enough and I thought I had misjudged him. One evening he brought another man to the shop and gave me some wine to drink as he explained that I must sign some papers to secure my inheritance. Naíve and unsuspecting I signed as he directed, and the stranger witnessed my signature. Then the wine made me feel very strange and the room spun around.

I awoke in the same cot I now occupied, with a strange man's face looking down at me. He looked hard and cruel and I was afraid. When I asked where I was he told me it was a house for the poor. I asked for my uncle and was told it was he who had brought me here as being penniless and he could not support me. Gradually it dawned upon me that, by signing the papers I had permitted him to steal my inheritance. What could I do, a youth with no other family and no friends? I was doomed to a life of grinding poverty and hard work with no hope of escape.

The crash of the heavy door to the dormitory opening cut my wretched thoughts as the Master, for such we had to call him, entered the room, his heavy boots pounding upon the bare boards. We all scrambled from our cots and stood shivering in the cold dawn air, all save the boy in the next cot who had not stirred. Seeing this the Master strode up and hit the body with his cane, but there was no movement. He pulled back the blanket and snorted with disgust. Tears silently coursed down my cheeks but I dared not make a sound.

"Breakfast," he growled, "Last one down gets nothing." There was wild scramble for the door.

After our meagre breakfast of gruel and stale bread, washed down with water, we all set to work for another twelve hours of toil. This workhouse was currently devoted to oakum picking, teasing out the fibres of old hemp ropes to be sold back to ship builders. Today however was to be different, more so than I could ever imagine. We had been trained to work without pause even if someone entered the workhouse, but today the Master's voice cut in.

"Stop work! Look up."

We did so and stared in amazement. With the Master were two men dressed in the finest linen and silk stockings, each bearing a sword, gentlemen without a doubt. They walked slowly down the lines of workers and I heard one say to the other.

"There is no point in this Will; we will not find him here."

The gentleman called Will spoke out loudly.

"Is there anyone here who can read?"

I amazed even myself by rising to my feet. If I had paused for a moment the thought of the Master's anger would have frozen me to the spot.

"I can, sir," I piped up in my clear treble voice.

Will came over and looked searchingly at me. Then he produced a scrap of paper from his pocket and said "Read this." I looked at it, seeing at once it was a sonnet for such I had read at school and home where my parents were fond of poetry. I started to read.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May."

"Good," Will interrupted. "And what of thy memory, boy?"

"My schoolmaster said it was tolerably good sir," I replied.

"Then read the rest quietly to thyself and memorize."

I did as he asked and handed the paper back.

"Now recite," he commanded and I started to recite the words written on the paper. In truth it was not hard for they were words of such beauty and meaning, who could read them and forget?

".....As long as men can breathe or eyes can see

So long lives this, and this give life to thee," I concluded.

Will smiled at his companion as if to say 'I told you so.'

"What is your name boy?" he demanded.

"Julian Moss,sir" I replied.

"Well Julian, how would you like to become apprenticed as a player in the Lord Chamberlain's Men?"

"I would like that very well, sir" I replied hastily as I heard the Master cough. Will turned to him, his eyebrow raised.

"No doubt you require recompense for Master Moss's board? Would two half crowns suffice?"

The Master's eye glittered as he greedily took the coins, bowing obsequiously. .

"Get your belongings Julian and follow me."

"I have none but these clothes, sir," I replied.

"Good, then we are not delayed," he said and they strode from the workroom, with me in hasty pursuit. Outside was a carriage and we climbed in, myself scarcely believing that I had escaped the house of paupers. As the carriage started the man called Will said

"I have not introduced myself, Master William Shakespeare, playwright and actor, and this is my good friend Richard Burbage.

"I have heard tell of you sir. My father said you came to his shop to buy costume materials."

"Moss! Why Daniel Moss of Silk Lane!" exclaimed Will "I wondered where I knew that name. I do not understand why you are in a pauper’s house. How fares Master Moss?"

Then of course I must needs explain how I had come to this sad state and Will frowned mightily when he heard of my uncle's deception.

“That was ill done," he said. "But you have a rare talent and will make your fortune again, I do not doubt it."

We arrived at a house in Shoreditch where I was ushered inside and introduced to Mary, a stout jolly woman who tusked at the sight of me and promised Will she would feed me, bathe me and wash my clothes. That night I rested in a comfortable cot with a full stomach and slept the whole night long, waking refreshed in the morning.

Soon after breakfast Will arrived and announced we were off the theatre where the plays were presented, many of which he had written.

"And I have a particular part for you in mind," he said mysteriously.

The theatre had been built by Dick Burbage's father. It was a circular building with a stage at one side, with a space before it for those groundlings who paid a penny, and three levels of galleries where the rich folk could sit to watch the performance. A number of men and youths were there and I was introduced all round before Will leaped on the stage and called for silence.

"I have a new work which we will start to rehearse today. It is a tragedy of two young lovers, set in Verona and is called 'Romeo and Juliet'. As you know, young Master Fox has a fever, so our new player Master Julian Moss will try the part of Juliet."

I stood stunned. "But that is a woman's part" I gasped and everyone laughed.

"But of course!" cried Will. "Have you never seen a play before? Women do not act on stage, it is unseemly. All the female roles are played by boys. Have you an objection?"

Just the thought of returning to the workhouse made me hurriedly cry out

"Not at all sir. I will gladly do it."

Will decided that he would start with the scene in the Capulet's house where Romeo first sees Juliet. The players' parts were distributed and we started to work through our parts. Romeo was to be played by a youth taller and older than I whose voice had broken. He was called Dirk and was quite handsome. We rehearsed for a while but I found it hard to play a girl, dressed as I was in male clothes. Finally Will called out for us to stop.

"This will not serve. I think that Juliet would be more comfortable if she was dressed for the part." he said, and took me around the back of the stage to where a jolly woman called Maria was busy at work, surrounded by costumes of many colours and sizes.

"Here is Master Julian," said Will. "Give me back Miss Juliet, and please do not tarry." And with that, he went back to rehearse another scene.

Maria sized me up with a practiced eye.

"Take off your clothes young man and we will see what we can do."

I stripped down to my breeches and stood there.

"Tut tut young master, breeches too," she scolded, "You cannot play a young woman and still feel a man underneath."

Reluctantly I did as she commanded and stood naked and blushing, awaiting her instructions. She ignored my nakedness as if she had seen many naked before and I'm sure she had. She produced first a long white shift of a silky material and ordering me to raise my arms, lowered over my head. I felt it flow around my body and Maria suppressed a smile at the look on my face.

"What about breeches?" I asked and Maria gasped in mock disapproval.

"Have you never seen a lady dress?" I shook my head being an only child. It appeared that for a woman to wear breeches would be unseemly too.

Then she produced some silk stockings which I had to draw on carefully, and they were held in place by garters tied just below my knees. Next she fitted a corset around my upper body. This was rather tight-fitting and I had to adapt my breathing. A small amount of material was inserted to give me a woman's form, but not too much as fashion currently dictated that breasts should not be too prominent. The next item was called a Spanish farthingale, a hooped skirt which reached nearly to the ground and was tied to my corset. She also added a bumroll, a padded crescent around my hips which apparently women wore too, and that gave my body silhouette a more female look.

By now I was quite amazed at the number of items which a lady of noble class had to wear. Next came a kirtle skirt, a type of embroidered petticoat, russet-coloured and very pretty as it would be partly visible, and a type of embroidered white shirt called a partlet, with a high neck, again embroidered and looking very fine. Finally a gown of rich brightly-coloured brocade in shades of deep red which was laced tightly around my upper body but was parted at the front so that my embroidered kirtle was visible. I gasped as I looked down at myself. It felt so strange and yet rather wonderful. I was given some slippers to wear and then she led me to a stool and set to work with powder and paint upon my face, with some pink on my cheeks and my lips painted a bright red. Finally loosening my long fair hair she brushed it and gave me a mirror to see the effect. I stared at the pretty girl who looked back at me and Maria chuckled in satisfaction.

"Let's see what Master Will thinks," she said and led me out onto the stage. Will turned as I appeared and I saw a strange look on his face. I wondered, was this how a man looks at a woman? Then he recovered himself and laughed.

"Mistress Maria, you never fail me," he said.

We started the scene again and this time it felt quite different. I could believe that I was Juliet, a young girl as smitten with love as the young man who appears uninvited at her parents' ball. When the time came for us to share a kiss, I could scarcely contain my feelings. The kiss seemed to last a long time and Dirk's tongue forced itself between my lips. I wondered if this was usual in play acting. He held me tightly and I could feel he was aroused and pressing against my thighs. When we finally broke apart, I felt my cheeks reddening and wondered if the paint concealed it? Will laughed out loud.

"Well done! That is as different as the sun from the moon," he cried.

When we finished rehearsing for the day, I was about to change back into my boy's garb but Will stopped me.

"I think it best you keep wearing your women's clothes to get used to them," he said. I confess I was nothing loathe to do so, so I walked back to my lodgings accompanied by two other players. Will was right, it took some practice to get used to walking in a gown, lifting it over puddles in the roadway or when climbing stairs, feeling it sway as I walked. Mary made no comment when I arrived back dressed as a girl, and that night she helped me undress and I slept in my shift.

The next morning I had to be up early to go through the whole process of dressing again with Mary assisting. As a boy I had wondered why my mother always seemed to take an age to get ready for special occasions but now I knew why. I was of course dressing as a daughter of nobility for the play. Most women like my mother would wear just a shift, petticoats and a gown which they could easily manage themselves.

So began a series of days of busy rehearsals. A rumour circulated that Queen Bess might attend the first performance and that made us work even harder, for royal approval would guarantee full houses for the season. I was happy again and even the pain of losing my parents began to ease. I found memorizing my words easy enough and the company of players very pleasant. There was only one incident that caused me concern. One day while rehearsing, it started to rain very hard and we were forced to suspend our work for the stage was awash. If it had been a performance we would of course have continued, but there was no sense in risking a chill at rehearsal. While waiting for the rain to stop, Dirk came up to me and told me he wished to show me something. Unsuspecting I let him take my hand and lead me to a closet away from the other players, Once inside he closed the door and I asked what he wished to show me. Instead of answering he pulled me to him and started to kiss me passionately. I had found him quite attractive, especially as I was so used to playing the woman now, but now he was pulling me hard against him and I felt afraid. Next, he turned me about and I felt his hands pulling up my gown and petticoats and soon they were grasping my naked buttocks, pulling me against his tumescence.

"This is what I want to show you," he gasped, rubbing himself against me. I tried to pull away but he was too strong for me. I struggled in vain but at that moment I heard Richard calling loudly

"The rain has stopped. We rehearse again. Romeo and Juliet on stage please." Dirk muttered an oath but released me.

"Not a word of this to anyone," he growled. I said nothing but adjusted my gown and tried to smooth my hair. I left the closet quickly before he could say anything more. We carried on working but I found it hard to play the lover with a man who had ill used me. I could see that Will was looking concerned at the change in my demeanour, but I dared not tell him what had happened for fear he would think I had provoked Dirk’s actions.

That night I lay awake for a long time, wondering what I should do. The first performance was but three days away, certainly too late to replace Dirk as Will might if he knew how I had been mistreated. Maybe he would say I was naïve and foolish and the fault was all mine? I tossed and turned all night long. The next morning I awoke from fitful sleep, dressed and broke my fast. Arriving at the theatre as usual, I immediately sensed that the atmosphere was strange. People were huddled together talking and when they saw me one came up and said "It's Dirk."

My heart leaped. Was our meeting in the closet now common knowledge? Was he dismissed and I accused? I felt the blood drain from my face.

"The foolish boy is dead. It seems he was surprised in the arms of a married lady by her husband. There was a fight and he was stabbed through the heart."

The ground beneath me started to shift and he caught me before I fell. I was seated on a stool drinking a cup of water when Will approached me, his face ashen.

"This is a bad business. I had concerns about Dirk and I suspected there was something amiss between you and he?"

"It was nothing, a misunderstanding," I said but I could tell he did not believe me.

"There is no time for another player to learn the part. Richard has suggested that I play Romeo since I am the only other person who knows the lines. I know I am too old for it, but what say you?"

I could scarce believe it. The greatest playwright in all England, for thus the other players assured me he was, and he was asking my opinion, nay perhaps even my permission to play opposite me? I rose to my feet and curtseyed deeply to him.

"It would be an honour and a joy to play Juliet to your Romeo," I declared. Will's face broke out into a huge smile.

The last few days of rehearsal were wonderful. Will's acting was a delight. When he kissed me so tenderly in that first scene, I felt like a girl in love, trembling with the emotion of it. Was I playing at being in love or was I in fact in love with him? I could not be sure.

The day of the first performance arrived. Suddenly the theatre which had been so empty for rehearsals was buzzing with humanity, the atmosphere electric. I and the others peeped through a curtain at the rear of the stage seeing the galleries fill. The groundlings were pressed together tightly and a few nobles sat on the edge of the stage itself. Then suddenly there was a blast of trumpets and an excited buzz 'The Queen, the Queen!" Through the curtain I could see a small figure in the second level of the gallery wearing a gown of deep blue, with a white face beneath impossibly red hair, taking her seat. Surrounding her were courtiers, clad in the richest silks and brocades and everywhere the glint of gold.

Suddenly the audience was hushed as Chorus strode onto the stage, doffing his hat in a deep bow before the Queen and in a high clear voice began to speak.

"Two households, both alike in dignity
In fair Verona where we lay our scene
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny...."

I did not enter until the third scene, so had to wait, my heart beating fast as I heard the play start to unfold. Then I was on the stage with two of the older players who played my mother and nurse as they discussed my marriage, and suddenly, my nerves subsided and I started to enjoy the play. I forgot about the audience even though they were close by, and lived my part.

My scenes with Will, first at the ball and later when I stood on the balcony and he below, exchanging those sweet expressions of young love so overpowering in its intensity, were wonderful to play. We were totally immersed in our roles and I'm sure our sincerity showed through for the audience cheered loudly as each scene ended.

All too soon we reached the climax of the tragedy where Romeo thinking Juliet dead, drinks poison in her tomb. Then enters the friar as Juliet awakens and attempts to lead her from the tomb but she resists and unable to live without Romeo snatches his dagger and kills herself. There was a gasp from the audience and even some sobs as I thrust the trick dagger hard against my breast and sank to the ground. I lay there beside Will, breathing as shallowly as I could to make no movement as the final scene played out, the Prince remonstrating with the Montagues and Capulets at the tragedy their animosity had caused.

"For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

There was a silence of about ten heartbeats, broken only by the sound of a woman quietly weeping. Then the theatre erupted into wild cheering and applause. Will rose to his feet and helped me to mine and we bowed and withdrew while the other players took their bows.

Finally we appeared once more and walked to the front of the stage where Will bowed low and I made a deep curtsey, all to thunderous applause. What a feeling it is to hear such acknowledgement! More intoxicating than wine I vow. I have never forgotten it.

We left the stage and there were mutual congratulations as the company thronged around. Will kissed my cheek, declaring himself a genius for picking me to play the part. Just then a herald arrived panting to inform us that Her Majesty the Queen commanded the presence of Master Will and also Juliet. I started to shake in fright but Will assured me that only good could come of this, and taking my hand he led me up the stairs to the upper gallery. I lifted my gown to avoid tripping as we quickly climbed the stairs and then walked passed some guards. Suddenly we were in the presence of the Queen. She sat in an ornate chair and was smaller than I imagined. She was dressed in a rich blue gown with a high collar framing her deathly white painted face and bright red hair. Will bowed low and I, not knowing if I should bow or curtsey managed a clumsy mixture of both. Then Will knelt and kissed her hand as I did in my turn. Her hand, covered in rings with huge rubies was very soft. Then we rose and stood before her.

"Well done Master Will, you have surpassed yourself. My ladies all fell a-sobbing at your piteous death." It was clear that she was not amongst those who gave way to emotion! The she turned her gaze on me, and Will hastened to introduce me.

"Master Julian Moss Your Grace, his first acting role."

It was then I became aware of her eyes, a piercing green which seemed to bore through me to the depths of my soul.

"Very prettily done Master Moss. I had thought I saw a woman upon the stage."

"Thank you Your Grace," I managed to get out, this time curtseying very deeply at which she barked a short laugh.

"Now Master Will, you must sup with me this evening and we will discuss your play the while."

It appeared that the audience was at an end and that I was not invited to accompany Will, so again bowing low we backed out of the royal presence.

As we descended the stairs I confessed to Will that I had never been more frightened in my entire life.

"Nonsense," said Will, "she liked you and that was high praise indeed. I will make sure that all get to hear of it."

Will was right about the effect of royal approval. We played to packed houses for the rest of the season and when it finally ended I was sad indeed to give up my excuse to wear woman's garb daily and longed to hear what other parts I would play. I had grown to love the way men looked at me and even desired me though they knew in their heart that I was not a woman. Indeed I learned that certain of the boy players were taken for carriage rides by members of the nobility after the plays and what transpired was related to me in graphic detail. Though I had invitations too, I gracefully declined for there was only one person I would have wished to be with and I knew it could never be. To my surprise I was rewarded with two gold sovereigns as my part of the profits, an absolute fortune. Happy indeed is he who is paid for work that he loves!

End of Part 1