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Being anonymous..
I think a lot of my life I have felt no one noticed me unless it was in a negative way. I have always tended to obesity. But have always had strong body(wide shoulders*etc. yada, yada and a bit on the short side. Because I was fat I tended to attract the attention of bullies. However being strong and willing to fight meant it was never a major problem. Now I find myself invisible again. I am a longtime user on BCTS who is feeling very insecure and doesn't feel like any one knows me here whenever I write to a new author I feel obliged to mention my stroke and me being bed bound and paralyzed. I am not a shy person. I used to be painfully shy,something I outgrew it seems.
I am feeling pretty lonely nowadays.It is a week shy since my stroke a year ago, I think I will recover someday but I have had to accept it may be several more years. I can not get into a wheel chair without major assistance from a strong person. So I will likely use this blog as a way to introduce myself to people whom I'm not sure know who I am. I don't know how well I am known on this site. For example how many folks know I have published several stories at BC? I am a post op woman whose surgeon butchered my SRS, I am a frigging Barbie doll-smooth underneath.
If you are in the DFW area please PM me in case you use the same surgeon.
Right now I need people to know I exist.
More about me...
Back in Jun1999,My brother committed suicide. Iwas in denial about being transgendered. I finished raising his kids.A true gift from tragedy. Raising kids is something denied many of us. Then in2012 I finally came out to myself. Which is to say I could no longer pretend and I could not change this core piece of myself, I was living as someone whom I wasn't This is the most dangerous time for people like us. I would have killed myself except there were my kids .I couldn't do that to them again.So I transitioned as fast as I could. I figured they could learn to live with a live Aunt Wendy better than a dead Uncle Bill.Made paying jobs hard to find and keep. Till Then I made good money being a high level tech in the electronic industry. Ask me about Dallas Maker space some time.I am still an avid electronics hobbist. I am in quite a lot of pain from side effects from the stroke Lately I have been wishing I won't wake up. I am firmly against suicide knowing first hand how it hurts the people we love so I am in no danger there.
Like I said, I am a writer here, this is one of my better short stories...
https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/35114/i-will-always-b...
Comments
Not in the DFW Metroplex my self.
I live northwest oh Houston, I can not wait for them to build that bullet train from oHuston to Dallas.I have back problems my self that started because of a car wreck. They have gotten worse. the only constant I have my self is pain every day now, and like you I have not done suicide to end the pain because of how it would effect my friends and family.
I am a tall guy with a shoulder with of probably 27', and I am 6'3" on good days. Also I am autistic ,and would be an odd duck in either gender.
I have a hard time with long distance travel, a lot of more pain mainly. I hope things get better for you.
"Cortana is watching you!"
I can relate
I know what it's like to wish you wouldn't wake up, but not want to commit suicide. It took me a while to differentiate. I have a rare connective tissue disorder that causes my joints to dislocate, my heart to be weak, my stomach to stop working, and is the cause of my spinal cord injury. My doctors think I will never transition because of it. They aren't sure how Testosterone will affect my body.
Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat. I love new friends.
you are often in my thoughts
hugs.