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To everyone who have offered their condolences and support over the last day.
A whole day, I'm sure it will get better but not quickly.
Mum was heading towards 80 in October, she has had health issues for 20 years however this was totally unexpected. A heart attack due to clots on her lungs - they fought for 4 hours but in the end there was nothing more to do.
She died without ever regaining consciousness @ 1.30 after a final heart failure.
We, that is my brother, daughter and myself are total messes, but my father , he's 86, really has taken it hard, they've been married almost 60 years through thick and thin. He's putting on a brave face but he really is heartbroken.
Mum was always there for us and anyone else, through sickness, break ups, good times and bad. She really doted on my daughter, she supported my mad schemes and held things together when my father was seriously ill some years ago.
She was a scout leader, a guide leader, she had a bash at cycle racing, she enjoyed travelling, camping and was a dedicated supporter of children's charities. In fact she only finally retired from working this last year but right up to Wednesday she was knitting for some charity or other.
She really does leave a huge hole, one that can never be filled.
Sorry to have gone on a long one here, I needed to get it out.
There are more difficult times ahead, we don't have a big family, what we have are spread about somewhat but the funeral will likely be well attended. That will be a bad day, we can't really move on until after that.
I'll try to do Gaby chapters as usual but as for any new writing, well we'll have to see.
Thanks for bearing with me
Mads
Comments
I am very sorry for your loss......
Saying that I know how you feel would be a lie, as no one can truly appreciate the loss that another suffers. I can tell you that I have known death, perhaps more than my fair share - some relatives, some friends and colleagues (many closer than family), and some strangers.
There are no good deaths. Only good rememberances. As long as you honor your love and feelings for her, as long as you keep your memories of her alive, she will never truly be gone. It is important to keep that in mind, and it is important to share your memories with others she loved and cared for. Speak not of how she died, but rather of how she lived. For all we can do in the end is hope that we have made a difference in someone's life, and that after we are gone those who we loved will remember us well.
They say that time heals all things. That has not been my experience - but sharing with others helps. That much I can tell you. Find a nice bottle of wine, sit with a few friends or family, and share your memories of the good times you shared with her. And give a toast to your mother for all that she did for you throughout her life.
Keep her always in your heart, and in your thoughts, and she will never truly die.
D
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Condolences
Sorry to hear your mum died.
We all know that life is terminal. We accept that intellectually. The reality is different.
Our love remains, even though the person to whom it was directed is gone. We all have great difficulties trying to resolve our loss.
We never do. There is always that hole, which can never be completely filled or forgotten.
After a while, it does mutate, becoming bitter-sweet. We remember the good times and a melancholy smile will flit across our faces. A pang of remembrance passes quickly, leaving a warmth that lasts as long as our memories last.
And, that's the only good part. We remember. And, as long as we do, our love can never die.
We're all sending good thoughts to you and your dad.
Red MacDonald
Sad good by
Ican fill for you'r dad I know how the loss of a spouce . I lost mine almost three mounts ago. not as long as you'r perents I had been maried too my wife almost 30 years.
Family first
The worst time in my life was when my mother died. I was so numb that it took 5 days before I seriously started crying. It's gotten easier over the years but the memory still hurts. My best wishes to you and your family that you manage to pull through this together, remember and share the good times together and eventually move on with your lives.
My deepest condolences Maddy.
My deepest condolences Maddy. Our thoughts and prayers are with her, you, and all of your family.
Stacy
Take your time
I know how you feel. I was the total care giver for my mother, she was in and out of the ICU for 9 months. I was able to have her home for a last Christmas. She passed on January 9. It took me a month to get back close to normal.
Big Hug,
Karen
mum
Was in ICU for less than an hour before passing, she never regained consciousness from the first.
Just trying to stop dad blaming himself
Madeline Anafrid Bell
We're all here for you.
No need to apologize for going on long. It's your mother we're talking about. She's been the latch pin of your life, the main stay for decades. So don't expect to get through this quickly. Any time you need to vent your grief, you're welcome to the space and we'll all listen and offer our shoulders to cry on and support you in any way we can.
A death in the family is a major event of the saddest kind. Sorry you've lost your mother. Take all the time you need to come to grips with it. We'll be praying for you and your family.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
No need to apologies
No need to apologies for going on as its is best to let
the emotions out rather than keep them locked in.
Bereavement and how the loss effects us all in different ways some appear to take the loss and appear to move on quickly others can take years for acceptance of the passing.
One thing is certain we do not get used to the passing and grieve we just adjust somewhat different.
For some reason I felt a difference from the passing of Mum and the passing of Dad.
Sending love and support to you and yours
SamanthaAnn
So Sorry!
I lost my mother about three years ago and, like you, it was pretty sudden. A year before, I'd lost a sister and two years after, another sister all very suddenly. I wish I could offer you a magic formula to make it all better, but I can't. There will always be a hole and every once in a while I still find myself thinking, "Oh, I've got to tell Mom this!...Oh!"
That said, time does make it better. The hurt kind of dissolves into memories--some bad, but a lot good. And I remember the good times more and more, and am grateful for them. It's part of life, so be grateful for the times you had. The best thing about my losses is that it has reminded me to appreciate every minute I'm alive and really appreciate the loved ones around me who are still here.
Take a break and just be in your life. Much as I've enjoyed Gaby over the years, she'll wait. And probably be better for the wait.
Love and Hugs.
Suzij
Condolences
I can only add my condolences to those expresse by others before me.
Take time to go through the process of grief. Use this forum to express each stage of the grieving process and share it with others. Many of us have gone through a similar loss of a parent, child, spouse, grandparent or other close friend or relative. In my personal experience, the funeral (ritual) is a very important part of the grieving process and helps to bring closure to an important stage in life.
Jessica
Not in a day
More like years to get over it. I lost my mother when she was 59. All I can do is tell you to remember the times you had her, and not that you have lost her.
Dawn
Condolences
I join with all to offer my condolences to you and your family. You have many friends scattered just about everywhere, and also here in The Big Closet. Grieve and cry as often as you need - it is good therapy. And of course, take your time, post here as you feel up to it, and don't overly concern yourself with keeping your story postings current. We all know that keeping them current here for us will happen at the proper time, and not one second sooner.
Here is a huge supply of huggles and warm fuzzies to help.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
sorry
sorry for your loss. just keep her in your heart, because she will always be there. hugs across the big blue sea.
robert
Thinking of you
My thoughts are with you and your family Maddy