Once upon a time, an Egyptian soldier robbed a Pharaoh's tomb to help feed his large family. A search party was quickly formed, and the best general in the army was sent to apprehend the thief. Knowing this, the soldier decided he would be safe in a nearby ziggurat -- a holy temple. Unfortunately, the ziggurat was quite cold, so the soldier decided to build a small fire to warm himself. Alas, there was no where for the smoke to go, and the soldier ran out of the ziggurat choking and sputtering -- right into the hands of the waiting general. He was quickly brought to justice and sentenced to death.

Moral: (You're REALLY going to GROAN at this one, folks!!)

Warning! The searching general has determined that ziggurat smoking can be hazardous to your stealth!

OK, when (or rather IF) you recover from that one, then here's the next (perhaps even worse!!!) one:

One day, a rabbi was visiting his local parishioners (called TRIDS) at the local synagogue. Unfortunately, they all seemed bothered by an evil golem who lived under the bridge leading out of town. Whenever a Trid would try to cross the bridge, the golem would spring forth from his hiding place and kick the Trid in the raging river, almost surely causing the Trid to drown.

"I'll not stand for this!" the rabbi roared. I'll talk with that evil golem myself."

So the next morning, the rabbi packed up his belongings and headed towards the bridge. He gingerly put one foot on it, and -- NOTHING! He continued on a little ways, and still no sign of the golem. Finally, he had made it completely across the bridge, completely safe. The poor rabbi was completely bewildered.

"Mr. Golem!" he shouted. "Please come out and tell me why you let me pass unharmed, yet you always cause my flock to drown..."

The rabbi heard a deep rumbling under the bridge as the golem bellowed forth,

(OK, people, here it comes. You've been warned!!!0

"Silly Rabbi. Kicks are for Trids!!!"

* OK, you can stop throwing the rotten tomatoes any time now...*

- Haylee V