Synopsis: Fourteen-year-old Eric’s best friend Hazel convinces him to dress up/cosplay as a female anime character with her so they can enter a costume competition. Eric is already struggling with feelings of wanting to be a girl and this makes things a thousand times worse, and puts him on a path that could potentially tear his family apart.
Making things worse is his new friend Jennifer, who isn't all that she first appears, and has plans for Eric that he might not like.
 
Comments and feedback are very much welcome!

Note: The anime God Monster Kata is made up for the purposes of this story. I’ve tried to keep this light on references to real anime series so as not to confuse readers who don’t watch it, so don't feel like that's a barrier.

Note 2: I'm very sick! So unfortunately I won't be able to update A World Without Me until the end of the week, or Monday. And I've been slow with messages and comments too >.< I'm sorry. I've tried writing but everything comes out mechanical and empty, and I can't focus for long so I keep reading and re-reading my notes and getting nowhere.
This is a story I've had for a while that I was waiting on uploading until the first block of World without me was done, but I feel like I need to post something now otherwise it'll be like I disappeared into a hole and got eaten by a snake or something. I live in Australia so that's actually a very scary possibility...

I’d never ventured into the cooking section of the public library before so today was a first. I usually hung around the comic and graphic novel sections, occasionally wandering over to the Young Adult area if I was in the mood, but never to the non-fiction section. It was a massive part of the library, probably as large as my school’s entire library just by itself, and I found it very confusing to navigate. The large brown bookcases were twice my height and set up in a strange oval formation that was intimidating just to look at. It didn’t help that the majority of other people here were older students or adults, making me feel like I was in a place I shouldn’t be. I’d only just started year nine and was definitely not the kind of student who spent a lot of their time studying.

I was determined not to get deterred though. I’d gotten the idea last night to make mum something special after she’d come home from work exhausted and complained about not having enough time to make us a proper meal anymore. She’d been working so hard ever since dad had passed away and I wanted to show how much I appreciated her, and what better way to do so than making her a delicious meal? I was sure that coming home to a warm, yummy meal would put a smile on her face and make her feel better. It’d make me feel better!

‘So, you want to find a chicken cookbook?’ my best friend Hazel asked, frowning at the thick rows of books in front of us. She was head and shoulders taller than me and had a strong, well-muscled body with a bold, handsome face. Her face was slightly masculine with thin lips and small cheekbones, but her thick shoulder-length black hair and soft eyes gave her a feminine beauty that overshadowed her more boyish features.

‘Yep! I’m pretty sure that’s mum’s favourite food, and even if it’s not everyone loves chicken!’ I beamed and pulled out a book at random. It was called “One hundred sensual-based carrot recipes!” and had a picture of a rather aroused-looking woman on the front. I blinked and carefully put the book back onto the shelf, not quite sure that was what I was looking for.

‘You could just buy a roast chicken or something from the supermarket.’ Hazel said as she ran a fingers across the backs of some books.

‘No. I want to make mum something really special, not get her something she could get herself.’ I said and pushed my hands through my blonde hair. It came to just past my ears and wasn’t as long as I’d have liked, but it didn’t look too bad. I’d carefully cut the front into a messy fringe so that I looked like I had a slight bob hairstyle. It was definitely a girls cut and I got teased a lot at school because of it but…I don’t know. I’d always loved long hair and fringes, even though I was a boy. I was lucky enough to have a heart-shaped, feminine face with large blue eyes, plump lips and a delicate nose. Puberty had yet to ravage my body and make me look like the other boys in my class, and I honestly hoped it never did.

I liked looking like a girl. I…wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to be one or not, and I was scared about exploring that too deeply. My dad had been a very masculine man who would always tell me how proud he was that I was his son, and he’d wanted nothing more than for me to follow in his footsteps and become a professional footballer. His parents were the same, telling me that I had to be strong now that dad was gone and be the man of the house, looking after mum and making dad’s memory proud. Even mum echoed what they said sometimes, saying that she wanted me to grow up into a man dad would be proud of. She called me her little man and would always tell me how she was looking forward to my future, when I followed in dad’s footsteps and became a pro footballer just like him.

I never ever wanted to disappoint mum, nor my grandparents to a lesser extent. I didn’t think they’d accept me as a girl, and if they did they’d still be disappointed in me. They wanted me to be a man, not a woman. Dad’s son, his heir, someone who’d make him proud. I’d kill all of their dreams if told them the truth. And mum…she always said she saw dad inside of me, that I was the only thing left of him that she truly had left. I…I couldn’t take that away from her. I wasn’t that selfish.

But I didn’t care about football! I wasn’t even fit enough to get onto the school’s team! When I’d asked the captain about joining he’d been really nice but said that he couldn’t let me join because he was worried I’d get seriously injured. I hadn’t told mum and my grandparents that though, just lied to them and said that the team was full and I’d have to join next semester. I don’t know what lie I was going to tell them when that came up…

So, for the moment I was content with wearing boy’s clothes and looking like a flat-chested girl. I was curious about exploring my feelings more, maybe dressing up in girls clothes or wearing make-up, but I couldn’t. I was sure it’d just make me feel worse and push me to do things that mum would hate, and I couldn’t let myself do that to her. I had to be strong, just like she was. Maybe when I left home after school I could explore my desires…

I sighed and looked around the higher bookshelves, where the most popular books were displayed. There were quite a few and my eyes lit up when I saw one that looked perfect. It was called “50 simple everyday meals for the whole family” and had a picture of a roast chicken on the front.

‘Ooh!’ I tugged on Hazel’s school blazer and pointed up at it. ‘Can you get that down for me?’

‘You know, I’m not sure this is such a good idea.’ she said as she handed the book down to me, her lips twitching with a smile. ‘The only time I’ve ever seen you cook is when we tried to make cheese scones at my place and accidentally set yourself on fire taking the tray out of the oven.’

I froze in the act of opening the book and frowned at her. ‘That only happened because you told me to use my shirt to take the scones out of the oven!’

‘Yeah. You idiot.’ she grinned and I gaped at her.

‘Wh-me, an idiot? You’re the one who told me to do it!’

‘I didn’t think you’d actually do it! It’s really your fault for listening to me, you know.’ She said and then started laughing uproariously. ‘Oh my god! Your favourite shirt got ruined because of that, didn’t it? That stupid one with the cat on it! I remember the cats face got all melted off and y-’

‘It’s not funny! I loved that shirt!’ I snapped, my cheeks reddening as she laughed even harder. My favourite shirt back then had been a long-sleeved black one with a definitely not-stupid cartoon grey cartoon cat on it that was smiling and saying, “I’m purrfectly fine just the meow I am”. It was the best shirt I’d ever owned and it took me weeks to get over its loss!

‘You should be thanking me. That shirt was a crime against humanity and I’m glad it’s dead.’ Hazel grinned and I gasped in horror.

‘Wha-shut up!’ I smacked her in the stomach with the book as hard as I could, but it just made her laugh even harder. ‘God! You’re such a jerk sometimes!’

‘No I’m not. I’m purrfectly fine just the meow I am.’

‘Ah! You don’t get to say that you murderer!’ I cried and smacked her with the book again.

‘Hee.’ She giggled and playfully mussed up my hair. ‘Anyway, we need to go and meet Jennifer soon so hurry up and find a recipe.’

I frowned at her but relented, lowering the book just as I was about to hit her with it again. Hazel was just messing around, and considering that she’d been the one to actually save me from getting badly burnt that day I couldn’t stay mad. I could stay annoyed though…stupid jerk…

Jennifer was an older friend of Hazels from another school, and she had the costumes that we were going to wear to one of the annual anime convention that was happening this Sunday, Neko Shoujo Exhibition. Or just Nyaacon for short, because everyone loves cats.

Hazel and I were both huge anime fans, and had become friends in grade four when she’d seen me reading a Dragon Ball Z manga and asked to borrow it. I’d eagerly lent it to her, wanting someone else to talk to about the series, and we quickly became friends after that. We both had a wide variety of tastes that overlapped and we loved sharing them with each other. Her favourite genres were fighting and sports whereas I was more a fan of science fiction and magical girls.

We both had the same favourite anime though. An anime so amazing, so awesome, so perfect that it’d become the most-watched anime after only one episode! God Break Kata! The greatest science fiction, romance and horror anime that’d ever been created! It follow the story of a young man called Kata who wakes up on an alien planet with no memory of how he got there, and has to find the missing organs of an organic spaceship in order to get off the planet before it explodes. He’s helped by a young demon-girl called Yuri and together they leave the planet and try and find earth, if it still exists anymore.

Kata, the main character, is my hero. He’s like me, a boy who looks like a girl, but far more beautiful than I’ll ever be. He’s tall, elegant and stunning, with shoulder-length blackish-pink hair that flows around his slight shoulders and a face so perfectly feminine that every girl he comes across is immediately jealous of him. He wears a fitted red tank-top with long black gloves, baggy black pants and an oversized black unbuttoned shirt. His design is simple but effective, especially in relation to Yuri’s more elaborate and overly-sexual design. He was the straight man to her insanity.

And I was going to cosplay as him for the convention! Augh! It was like a dream come true! I was going to look like the most amazing man ever animated, and it was going to be fantastic. Probably the best day of my life! We were going to enter a group costume competition, with Hazel as Yuri, and if we won we’d get a $500 gift card to spend on any booth at the convention. I already had my eye on a set of ten-inch Kata and Yuri figurines that I was going to buy if we won, and Hazel was going to get a bunch of limited edition DVD’s from some of her favourite anime.

Ohh…and even if we didn’t win, just being able to dress up as Kata would be enough to make it the best day of my life. I couldn’t wait to hold his sword, the Heart Vein. It was so beautiful…

My eyes glazed over and the pages of the cookbook blurred. I shook myself and forced myself to focus on the pages, getting annoyed at myself for being distracted. Right now finding a good recipe to help mum was important, not Kata!

‘Okay!’ I said after a few minutes of flipping through the book until I found something I liked. ‘Do you think I could make this? Butter chicken?’

‘Honestly, I don’t think you’re going to be able to make anything more complicated than a bowl of cereal.’ Hazel smirked but took the book off me to look at the recipe. ‘But…I think you might be able to make this. You can buy the sauce pre-made and I think you should be able to get pre-cut chicken breast too. Then all you have to do is cook them together and add rice, I think.’

I nodded eagerly. ‘Do you think mum’ll like it?’

‘I have never met anyone in my entire life who doesn’t like butter chicken.’ Hazel said solemnly. ‘Now come on, borrow that book and let’s get out of here. I don’t want to make Jennifer wait.’

I nodded and we walked to the counter as Hazel explained to me where to buy the ingredients I’d need, and by the time we headed to the exit I was brimming with confidence. I smiled as I imagined mum coming home, exhausted and miserable from working all day, and then finding a steaming plate of fresh butter chicken on the dining room table along with a glass of her favourite red wine. She’d be so happy!

‘Right. Onto Hansi’s!’ Hazel said as we left the library. It was situated across from a large park full of joyfully screeching children climbing around a large wooden castle, and I smiled as I saw them. I remembered a time not too long ago when Hazel and I were one of those kids, playing hide and seek in the castle and pretending to be various anime characters.

Around the corner was the main street, and it was full of people this early in the afternoon. It was a Thursday and school had ended just under an hour ago, so the street was packed with parents and their children, going in and out of the various supermarkets, doctors and restaurants. I recognized quite a few of them by sight and even exchanged smiles with a tall boy from our class, Lee, although we didn’t talk.

Our destination was a café nestled between a bakery and a woman’s clothing store, and it was a very popular spot for students. Hansi’s was what we called it, but it was actually called Below the Sun. Hansi was the incredibly friendly man who worked there and we’d gotten used to calling the place by his name, as he was what stuck out the most. A muscular German man in his late thirties with a messily unshaven face and long black hair, he looked like he’d just got done singing at a rock concert. His eyes were dark and intense, but were more likely to be crinkled with a smile than darkened by a frown.

We entered the store and were greeted by the enticing scent of baked goods and fresh coffee, although the latter didn’t interest me. Hazel liked coffee but I found it bitter and gross, like licking a spongy rock. Yuck! There were a few other students in here as well, sitting in the large dining area to the side. Some of them were from our school, wearing the black and gold uniform, but the others were wearing either the blue and purple uniform of the private school and the dark brown of the public highschool. Hazel looked at them curiously as we entered, seeing Jennifer was there, but she apparently wasn’t as she shook her head and continued on to the counter, where Hansi was busy organising a row of cinnamon buns in a display shelf.

‘Ah! Hazel and Eric!’ he beamed when he looked up to see us coming over. ‘What can I get you two today?’

‘A vanilla milkshake!’ I said immediately, grabbing the edge of the bench and grinning up at him.

‘Of course.’ he nodded and looked at Hazel. ‘And you would like a cappuccino?’

‘Yep!’

‘So mature.’ Hansi said morosely. ‘You should be following your friend here’s example and having a milkshake, not a coffee. You’re far too young to be in the vile clutches of caffeine yet.’

‘I’m fifteen.’ Hazel said proudly. ‘I’m old enough to be able to make bad decisions for myself now.’

‘Hmm. Fair enough.’ Hansi looked down at me and smiled. ‘Did you want a chocolate muffin to go with your milkshake, Eric?’

I gasped. I loved muffins! And chocolate! ‘Yes please!’

‘Okay! And you?’ he asked, looking at Hazel.

‘Umm…’ she looked around at the assorted pastries and her eyes doubled in size when she saw what she wanted. ‘Oh! That doughnut shaped like a stegosaurus! I need it!’

‘Ah! Fantastic choice! My sister made those last night, you know.’ Hansi said with a touch of pride. ‘She saw their design in a book she was reading and just had to make them, and she stayed up all night doing so.’ He looked sadly down at the bench and shifted around a jar full of cookies. ‘It’s a shame she’s not here to see them being sold.’

Hazel gasped. ‘Oh no! Is she dead?’

‘What! No!’ Hansi cried as Hazel burst out laughing. ‘It’s her son’s birthday so she’s spending the day with him. Not dead! Bloody hell girl, you have a dark mind.’

‘No I don’t! You just looked so sad that she wasn’t here that I thought it was obvious that she was dead.’ Hazel said and Hansi narrowed his eyes at her.

‘I didn’t think she was dead.’ I chimed in and Hansi beamed down at me.

‘I know. You’re a smart girl.’ Hansi said and I beamed back at him, a surge of joy filling my chest. He always mistook me for a girl even though I was in the boy’s uniform, and I never corrected him. I loved being mistaken for a girl. It didn’t happen often but when it did it made so happy...

‘Go take your seats and I’ll have your orders ready in ten minutes.’ Hansi said and Hazel nodded, then led me to a four-seated white table a decent distance away from the other students in the café.

‘He still thinks that you’re a girl.’ Hazel teased as she sat down, and I turned bright red.

‘I know.’ I said quickly, dropping onto my chair more awkwardly than normal.

‘Why don’t you ever correct him?’

‘I…’ Hazel looked at me intensely and I looked down at my lap. ‘I don’t know.’

There was an uncomfortably long silence before Hazel spoke again. ‘I think that you’d look really good as a girl.’

‘I already do look like a girl.’

‘No, I mean like, if you dressed as one. Wore make-up and hand longer hair, stuff like that.’

I winced and fought off a painful feeling in my stomach. ‘I don’t want to do that. Why are you even asking?’

‘I’m just curious.’ She said casually. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to dress as a girl?’

I frowned and looked up at her. ‘Yeah. I am.’

‘Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate then.’ She said and smiled sheepishly, making me start to panic. Nothing good ever happened when she smiled like that.

‘What do you mean? Why’s it unfortunate?’

‘Okay, so I need to tell you something but you have to promise not to get mad, okay?’ she said and held up her hands.

I immediately got mad. ‘Hazel! What have you done?’

‘I can’t tell you until you promise me you won’t get mad!’

‘I can’t promise that! What did yo-’

‘Whew! Sorry I’m late.’ A girl’s voice interrupted me and Hazel and I both jumped as a heavy brown schoolbag was dumped onto our table, and a few seconds later a girl slipped into the chair in front of it. She had blonde hair pulled back into a loose pony-tail with two thick strands falling down on either side of her face, framing it beautifully. Her complexion was milky with pink spots on her cheeks, and her blue eyes were dark and smoky. She was obviously wearing make-up but it was so well-done that it looked natural on her, despite nobody ever naturally looking like that. Her complexion was smooth and shiny, her lips pink and lush and her eyebrows thin and perfect. Her nose was pierced with a silver stud, and two gold hoop earrings hung from her ears. She was wearing the uniform of the private school, a dark blue fitted shirt with a purple pattered skirt over black stockings, and she had a light blue jumper wrapped around her waist.

‘Jennifer! Jesus!’ Hazel cried and put a hand to her chest. ‘You almost gave me a heart attack!’

‘Hah. Sorry.’ Jennifer smirked and then turned to look at me. Her eyes lit up and a delighted smile broke over her face like the sun coming up over the horizon. ‘So, is this him? Eric?’

‘Yes! That’s him!’

‘That’s me!’ I said quickly, realising that I’d been staring blankly at Jennifer for a while now. She was stupidly attractive and I wondered why her school let her wear piercings and make-up. Our school stamped down on that for both the boys and the girls. I guess private schools had different rules. Wow…

‘Hi Eric! I’m Jennifer.’ Jennifer said and offered me her hand, which I stared at for a moment realising that I was supposed to shake it. Her hand was bigger than mine but much softer, and so warm! ‘Nice to meet you.’

‘I’m Eric!’ I said and she nodded.

‘Yeah, I know.’ She grinned and let go of my hand, then slowly looked me over. ‘Oh wow. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you ever since Hazel told me about you and I’m not disappointed.’

I blinked. ‘What?’

‘You. Are. Perfect!’ she said excitedly and grabbed my shoulders, then ran her hands down then and grabbed my waist. ‘You’re so small and slim, but not bony or anything! Your body’s just like a girls! You’re fat in all the right places, except for your chest but that’s easily fixed! This is so rare!’

‘What is?’ I asked uncomfortably. I didn’t like that she was being so forward with my body but I wasn’t quite sure what was going on so I didn’t want to stop her just yet.

‘I mean, it’s not that rare that you look like a girl, but that you’re actually willing to dress up like one is!’ Jennifer continued. ‘All the other boys like you that I’ve asked in the past are disgusted by the idea, and the ones who aren’t won’t ever look good as a girl! I’m so happy to have found you! You’re going to be sexiest Yuri ever! Ah! I can’t wait to see how the uniform looks on you tomorrow!’

‘Hold on a minute.’ I said slowly, pulling her hands off of me and starting at Hazel, who had a stupid grin on her face. My stomach jolted with a sharp anger. ‘Haze, what the-’

‘Ah! So, Eric, I kind of forgot to tell you but…’ she said anxiously, her eyes darting all over the place. ‘B-but you’re going to be dressing as Yuri! Okay? Yay! Yay?’

I stared at her in silence for a very long time, anger slowly building up inside of me until I couldn’t contain it any more.

‘Hazel! What the hell!’