There are an awful lot of decisions to make when you're an incoming president.

Author's Note: This is a light-hearted work of fiction and bears no relation to what really goes on in the White House – I think!
Copyright© Lin Dale 2017

"OK, just before I close down your entire fucking department, explain why I've been informed I should talk to you first."

"Yes, Mr President. Unbeknown to the previous president, we have been doing biological weapons research on live human subjects. Criminals, homosexuals, transsexuals, immigrants. People like that."

"Holy shit! That is fucking incredible. What have you discovered?"

"Firstly, we have isolated the combination of genes which identifies Arabs."

"A-rabs? That's another name for fucking Muslims, isn't it?"

"Arab Muslims are the largest…"

"OK, don't bore me with fucking details. What else?"

"We have developed a highly contagious carrier virus which can be directed to attack certain combinations of genes, whilst protecting others, which means we can target specific races. By putting spray dispensers on every American plane, we could quickly spread it throughout the world."

"So we could kill every fucking A-rab in the world without risking Americans?"

"I wouldn't advise that, Mr President. The world would be waist deep in dead Arabs. There'd be vermin and disease; it would take years to clean it up."

"What could we do?"

"We have also developed a virus which will attack testosterone in the body and turbo-boost oestrogen. Within a week, males will lose all heterosexual interest, they'll start to develop breasts and their genitals will reduce in size. Within a year, they will be fully-developed infertile females – incidentally, with massive breasts. Males and females alike will lose all signs of aggression and antagonism; they will only want to please men and bear children, which even the genetic females will be unable to do in their own country as there will be no fertile males left."

"Big breasted females, you say? And you could target this at a specific genetic group, such as A-rabs?"

"Yes, indeed, Mr President. The laboratory can target any genetic group."

"I could pass a law which said that – hang on, let me think… Yes we could pass a law which said that in order to identify people who'd had the disease, they would have to wear distinguishing garments, such as translucent harem pants and veils."

"Excellent suggestion, Mr President. Er, do we have your permission to proceed?"

"Go ahead."

"Yes, Mr President."

***

"Well, Ahmad. Did he buy it? Why are you pulling such a strange face?"

"He certainly did, Abdul. But I'm trying to imagine the President in translucent harem pants. It's a most disturbing thought."