I woke the next morning to bright sunshine filling my room. Someone forgot to tell Mother Nature about the thunderstorm that was hovering a few inches above my head.

I lay in bed for a few minutes, remembering how I stupidly messed up my talk with Mary Beth. I started crying again, as if my bed wasn't wet enough.

'I guess I should have made one last trip to the bathroom last night, I suppose it would have been this morning. I wish that my stupid bladder would grow a little faster. I remember that Dr. Swenson said that my bladder would catch up with the rest of me, someday. The question is, when will the rest of me going to catch up with everyone else? Maybe I should talk with Dr. Harris about all of this. Maybe he knows something my old doctor didn't. Right now I’ve got two bigger problems, getting Nellie clean and dry, and how do I fix my blunder with Mary Beth?'

I don't know how long I cried before I reluctantly got up and sloshed my way to the bathroom, carrying Nellie with me. After dumping my clothes down the laundry chute, which left me shivering, I undressed Nellie. I took her clothes into the shower with me and washed them after I finished my shower. A nice hot shower is such a great way to start your day; at least it would have been if I weren't so miserable. After I was dressed I hung Nellie's clothes on one of the empty hangers. The bed was next; I stripped off the sheets, stuffing everything down the laundry chute. Nellie was pretty much dry by then; so I used a damp washcloth with a little of the strawberry shampoo to try and make her smell fresh and clean.

It was almost eleven o'clock by the time I was finished. I was surprised that I hadn't heard a sound from the other side of the door. I retrieved my PDA from its charger, and accessed the locator system. I keyed in Mary Beth's ID code and made a small discovery.

'That explains why her room is so quiet; she's in Ellen's office. At least she doesn't know I had a problem this morning ... Oh wait, no secrets. I guess that means I'll have to tell her how upset I was, that I cried most of the night, and was so exhausted from crying that I didn't wake up and I ... right now I don't know if she'd even care. Shoot, she probably doesn't even want to see me. She's probably demanding that Ellen get her a new study partner. After all, they'll never let her go home now, not with what I told her last night. I sure know how to make a mess of things, don't I? Right now I’m almost certain she won't want to see me or listen to anything I say. It wouldn’t surprise me if she refuses to be in the same room with me. I guess there's only one thing left for me to do ... I just don't know how I can do it ... There's always so many people around ... almost no privacy ... Anything I plan will be difficult ... How can I get Mary Beth alone ... How I can apologize if she won't even see me?'

Thinking that the only way to get Mary Beth to listen to me was to enlist the assistance of someone that she’d have to listen to; I sent Ellen a note:

Ellen,

If Mary Beth isn't too upset with me,
I'd like to come over and apologize.
Thanks
Matilda

I'm not too good at waiting patiently; fortunately I didn't have to wait too long for a reply.

Matilda,
Give us a little more time.
Stop by the cafeteria and get
something to eat.
I'll see you in forty-five minutes.
NOT any sooner.
Ellen

So I had almost an hour to kill. Being that my PDA was in my hand I started looking for the US Marshal's office, that is, an access point into their computer network. Failing in my first two attempts, I gave up for the moment. I left my room and absentmindedly started walking.

Discovering I was near the cafeteria, I went in. The cafeteria was deserted, being the time was somewhere between breakfast and lunch. I was more depressed than hungry, but I nibbled my way through a banana anyway, then headed for Ellen’s office. Somewhere around the appointed time I knocked on her door. A few moments later it opened.

"Oh, it's you," Mary Beth said, as she opened the door. Her tone was somewhere between surprise and disgust. "Well, don't just stand there, come in."

"Are you sure you want to see me?" I asked timidly, my eyes spontaneously started filling with tears.

"Not really, but I'm not going to kill you, if that's what you’re asking," she replied softly.

"Come in Matilda," Ellen beckoned.

I slowly walked past Mary Beth, keeping an eye on her. 'This is ridiculous; I shouldn't have to watch out for what Mary Beth might do. She has always been the one protecting me. I guess this time my self-preservation instinct is wrong.’ I paused for a moment just a few feet inside the door. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and shook my head, to help me settle down.

I heard the door behind me close. I shook for a moment before I opened my eyes and continued. I was only a few steps ahead of Mary Beth. Wondering what she’d do, I sat on the couch on Ellen's right; Mary Beth sat on the couch across from me.

‘I guess that’s no surprise.’

"That's a bit odd," Ellen stated. "I've never seen you two this far apart, at least not when you've been in the same room."

"I'm pretty sure it's my fault," I admitted, as my tear ducts opened up again.

"Why would you say that?" Ellen asked.

For the first time since arriving I looked up at Ellen. I was surprised by her question. I knew that she and Mary Beth have been together for at least an hour, probably longer. I answered her question with one of my own, "If you two haven't been talking about what I told Mary Beth last night, what have you been talking about?” I paused, pulling some tissues from the box on the table and wiped my eyes. “Actually, I guess it was early this morning that I told her that I loved her." I found the carpet in Ellen's office strangely attractive, the pattern seemed to change as my tears continued to flow.

"Yes," Ellen replied, "we have been talking for a while, but I’m wondering, how did you know she was here?"

"She used the locator system," Mary Beth volunteered, almost bitterly.

"That system is supposed to be off limits to the students." Ellen sounded surprised.

I didn't say anything, I didn't have to, Mary Beth freely admitted my guilt. "Well, you know the Munchkin; she gets into a lot of things that are supposed to be off limits.” She paused a moment, when she continued the tone of her voice was softer. “Actually ... it's one of the things I like about her." That caught my attention, snapping my head up to look into Mary Beth's eyes. She almost smiled, "Life is never dull with the little Munchkin around."

'LITTLE! Gee thanks, a compliment and an insult in the same sentence. Thanks a lot.'

"I'll agree with that," Ellen added. "Not to mention, she has the cutest little frown, don't you think?"

"Yeah ... I guess she does have a cute frown,” Mary Beth conceded. Her tone was softer, not so bitter. After a moment’s pause she added, “It’s not as cute as the dimples in her cheeks when she's smiling."

"So! You do have feelings for Matilda, you do care about her, and you've paid enough attention to notice the little things that most people wouldn't," Ellen jumped at the opportunity to validate her positive comment.

"I never said I don't care about her, or that I don't like her. I just don't want to ... well ... you know." It was Mary Beth's turn to blush.

"You mean, you don't want to have a sexual relationship with Matilda?" Ellen asked bluntly.

“Ewwww” we chorused. That one took us both by surprise. One, that Ellen would talk about such things so openly with us; second, that she was asking us if we wanted that kind of relationship. Mary Beth and I were both blushing and sputtering nonsense as we momentarily stared at each other, before we both turned and look at her.

"Who said anything about ... about sex?" I finally managed to ask meekly, almost whispering. My tears had momentarily stopped, but were on the verge of freely running down my cheeks.

Ellen calmly looked from me to Mary Beth, who eventually answered my question. Her 'I'm mad at you' voice was back. "You did, last night."

Shaking my head, I again turned to face Ellen, "Didn't I say this was my fault? Stupidly, I blurted out 'I love you' without any explanation." That was all it took, one statement brought back the horrible memory of the night before, along with bringing out more tears.

"See! She said it again."

"Mary Beth … I - I said that I L - Love you … I - I didn't say anything about s - sex."

"Right, you said you love me. Then I said that I love you too, best friends love and help each other. Then you said that I was wrong and that you loved me like in a husband and wife."

"N - No. Hus - husband and wife w - were your words, n - not mine."

"You didn't disagree or try to say anything different."

"Y - You didn't give me a chance. You j - jumped off the b - bed and ran out of the room slam - slamming the door. I - I sat up for hours wa - waiting for you to come b - back, so I could explain."

"Explain! Explain what?"

It took me a few moments to reply to her question. Being forced to think, logically, did wonders for stopping the continuous flow of tears. "Mary Beth, there are lots of ways to say I Love You. Protecting someone from a bully is one way of saying it."

"So now you're telling me that this is my fault? You thought, that because I helped you, that I loved you?"

I was stumbling a bit, searching for the right words. When Ellen came to my rescue, "I think what she’s trying to say is that helping someone in a crises is one way of expressing love.”

“Yeah, that’s what I mean,” I agreed. “There are lots of ways to show someone that they love them, most of them have nothing to do with, with ... sex." I'd heard the word several times, but it still felt really strange saying it.

We looked at each other for the longest time before Mary Beth asked, "So you weren't trying to-"

"No Mary Beth,” I interrupted, “I wasn't."

"I thought that you thought -"

"Oh, Mary Beth, of course not! First of all, and please don't think I’m just being a little kid, but I don't want to …" I shuttered thinking about it, "well, you know. Second, it's against school rules. Third, we're too young to even think about that. And fourth, I remember what Elder Johnson said two weeks ago about doing … you know, before marriage."

"But you are a little kid Matilda, and so am I,” she giggled. “I'm sorry I acted the way I did. It's just that ... well, I'd heard some of the girls at Whittier talking about how some of them had, you know, and I thought you were -"

"Oh, I’m sorry I made you think that,” I interrupted. “I was just being honest with you; which is another way of expressing love. Actually, if you want to know the truth, and to be completely honest, I've known that I loved you since that fateful day in Liberty Park."

"Day in Liberty Park? What day? We were there almost every day.” She paused and thought for a moment. “Wait a sec, are you talking about the day that my friend Matt and his sister Rachael told me some crazy, ridiculous, half baked, hard to believe story about a silly mixed up kid Rachael called … Matilda?" Mary Beth giggled. I timidly nodded. "I haven't thought about that in ages. Let me think a minute ... you were wearing, umm ... you were wearing a purple vest and panty set under your clothes,” she said with a big smile. With some giggles she added, “You showed me the vest."

Shyly I nodded. "I remember how you hugged me. You said that you always knew there was something special about me."

"But that didn't mean I was in love with you."

"I know. I wasn't trying to say that you were. I’m only saying that that is when I realized I loved you, more than just as a friend."

"But I don't feel that way about you."

"I know that, too," I replied sadly, trying hard not to start crying again. "I'm just being honest with you; you know ... no secrets."

"Gee whiz, I feel like such a dork."

"Nonsense! You just didn't understand. I would have explained everything last night, or rather this morning; if I'd had the chance."

"You could've come into my room."

"No, that wouldn't have been right. The way you ran out told me you needed your space and time to think. For me to have gone into your room would have been ... an invasion of privacy. Besides, I don’t think you were in a listening mood.”

Mary Beth giggled a little, “You're right about that, I wasn’t in a listening mood last night. You could have come in this morning.”

“No, I, umm ... I had something else to take care of this morning," I replied softly. "So, when did you fall asleep?"

"About three, I think. You?"

"I don't know. I think the clock said four-thirty when I finally lay down. I didn't look after that."

About this time I realized how two-sided this conversation has been. I looked at Ellen, thinking. It took me a couple of seconds to remember the line. "You are an excellent tactician, captain."

Ellen raised both eyebrows at that. It took her several more seconds to place the reference. Eventually she came back with what I thought was a very appropriate response. "Careful Matilda, you wouldn't want anyone referring to you as 'Khan'."

"Who is Khan?" Mary Beth asked.

"Mary Beth, you're quoting Star Trek. That's incredible," I teased.

"I'm not quoting Star Trek. I just asked a simple question," she replied.

"But you are. That was -"

"Matilda, let's not go into that now," Ellen interrupted, before I could get started. "As for not getting involved in your discussion, it was going in what I considered to be the right direction. I'd have interceded if I felt it was necessary. You two just needed to sit down and talk things out."

"We've probably still got some talking to do," Mary Beth agreed.

"Without a doubt, my dear. Something I’d like to point out, in your favor; most study partners take months, a few have taken years, to get to the level of trust and understanding that you two share. You still have some growing to do, but I think the time you'll spend with us should be rewarding ... for both of you," Ellen praised.

As we were leaving I asked, "MayBee, where's your wheelchair?"

"Umm ... it's in my room," she sheepishly replied.

"I see. May I ask, who did you have put on your elastic bandages this morning?"

"Well ... I ..." she timidly started.

"You're not wearing your bandages," I answered my own question. To which she timidly nodded, looking very much like a small child who had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "What am I going to do with you?” I knew that was rhetorical question, but I had to ask anyway. “Well, I don't suppose Dr. Harris will be too upset, as long as you take it easy. Looking at the time, what do you say about indulging in a late lunch?"

"Sounds good to me, but no hugging, no holding hands, and NO kissing; after all, we're just friends."

"Just friends," I repeated, a little sadly.

During our exchange I was pretty sure I heard Ellen laughing to herself, as if she knew something we didn’t.

The rest of the day was uneventful. There was one thing that surprised me, but I guess it really shouldn't have. After we'd finished our nightly routine, and I was climbing into bed, I noticed Mary Beth was just sitting on the couch.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Matilda, I ... umm ... If you don't mind, I mean if it won't upset you too much ..."

'I know what you're trying to say my dear friend. The question I must ask myself is, how should I respond?'

I waited for her to continue.

"Matilda ... I'm ... I'm going to sleep in my room from now on."

I thought about what she'd said for a few moments before I responded, "Mary Beth, do you hate me?"

"Noooo. Course I don't hate you. It's just that-"

I interrupted her, before she had to try to justify her actions, "As long as I know you don't hate me, considering everything that I've done to us in the last few weeks, where you sleep is up to you. After all, this is a free country," I giggled. "If you feel like you need a hug, someone to talk to, or whatever, you know where to find me and remember, you're always welcome."

"I just don't want you to have any extra problems because I'm not here, like this morning."

"Oh ... You know about that? Listen, I was going to tell you about it, it just never seemed like the right time."

"Yes I know. The laundry called Ellen's office a little before you got there. I'm sorry. It was my fault, wasn't it?"

"No.” I paused a moment and took a deep breath, “And no secrets either. I was still upset this morning, but what happened wasn't your fault. I’m a big gir … well, I guess maybe I'm not such a big girl, but big enough to take a little responsibility for myself. Goodnight, MayBee," I smiled, reassuring her that everything would be all right.

"Goodnight, Munchkin," she replied with her own smile.

Nothing more was said. She got up and went through the door, into her room, closing it as she went. I was reaching for the switch on the reading light above my bed when I heard the interconnecting door open. Naturally my heart jumped at the thought of Mary Beth returning. I heard nothing more, saw nothing except ... Mary Beth left the door part way open.

With a smile, I turned off my light plunging the room into darkness, save for the crack of light sneaking around the partially opened bathroom door.

For the second time in almost five weeks, I was alone in my bed. It was a little lonely with only Nellie for company, at least this time I wasn't crying like a little girl. But I was.