I have sometimes found myself wondering if vampires have problems with the hems of their cloaks fraying, as they glide along with the fancy, satin, floor-length item trailing behind. It seems to me that some type of ball-bearing system, offering both weight, to assist in the dramatic drape of the cloak, and protection, from the ground upon which they are dragged, may be a good idea (ignoring the noise that would make the whole appearing from nowhere more difficult). So it was not surprising that last night this thought crystallized into a Far Side like vision of some salesmen, knocking on the door of a vampire’s castle, with the caption, ‘Rex Simpson, door-to-door salesman of the Heminator-5000.’ And though this story has nothing to do with that vision, it did lead my mind to wander in this direction, rather than letting me go to sleep.

Mirror Mirror
by Arcie Emm

Trudging alongside the wagon, he had been hired to guard, Manny kin Nichino thought of the last words his father said, before he ventured out to fulfill this newest contract. “Careful lad, the Land Beyond can be an unkind place for those of us who are mundane. Always keep one eye open.”

Not that Old Manny had tried to stop his son from crossing the river into the mist on the other side, to apply for the well paying position that had appeared on the posting board, at the midpoint of the Bridge of Happening, overnight. His father recognized that his boy was now a man grown, a veteran trail guard, with numerous contracts already under his belt. Still he liked to pass on what little knowledge he may own about wherever Young Manny may find himself. Advice the son listened to, no matter how obvious, knowing that in sprung from the hope that Manny would make it home safely to gorge, once more, upon his mother`s grunchberry pie. A goal he wholeheartedly supported.

However, neither one of them would have suspected that his most immediate danger involved having his ear talked off, by the witch who hired him and sat on the wagon beside which he walked. In fact, the only time she had been silent was when she appeared before he, Knuckles kin Wildo, and Sare kil Negrano, studied them each intently and gestured for Manny to follow her. Seeing it as a coup, being chosen over the two others, each more famed than he, he had happily followed.

In her wake, he had once more passed through the mist, in the opposite direction from which he had entered, to find himself in a rather idyllic yard, surrounding the prototypical witch`s cottage. There she had spoken for the first time.

“You are a big one aren’t you, what’s your name?”

He could not deny that fact, he had his size from his father, the village blacksmith. Nor could he complain, it served him in his own job, just as well as it did his father. “Ma'am, my name is Manfred kin Nichino, though I prefer to go by Manny.”

“Manny kin Nichino? My what a fortuitous name. Myself, I be Old Maude, though Maude is also acceptable. I am a seamstrist.”

“A seamstress?”

“No, no, I have no skill with needle and thread, would likely end up with my fingers sewn together if I tried. No, a seamstrist fashions her garments via magic. And not to sound immodest, but I am the best seamstrist in the Land Beyond.”

“Pardon me Ma'am, but why does a seamstrist need a trail guard?”

“Maude, Manny, just Maude. Well as my fame has grown, so too has the prominence of my clientele. And as I am sure that you are aware, the famous are often busy, after all it isn’t easy being a tyrant, head of a vampire clan, or any such thing. Therefore, Old Maude goes to them. And after slaving away over cauldron and loom these last months, preparing my inventory, it is once more time to head out onto the road.”

“Will there be many with us?”

“Just you and I. Seamstrists have no need to maintain a large staff.”

Suddenly he gained additional understanding about his hire, his size had caused it to happen in the past. He may have kicked up a fuss, if not for the 25 silver to be paid daily and if he knew how to get home, instead he asked, “Would you like me to begin loading your wagon?”

Following her gesture, he saw a huge, covered wagon, to which a massive auroch, and he heard her say, “It’s already loaded. There is only one more thing to do before we get on the road. We must deal with your garb.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“Nothing at all, they seem like perfectly sensible things to wear, nice and clean. But you are now in the employ of the premier seamstrist in the Land Beyond, you need something better. Let’s pop into the house at fix that right up.”

So Manny found himself, dressed in what he considered to be the outfit of a dandy, striding along, listening to Maude talk about whatever popped into her mind. It proved a bewildering array of topics, ranging from stories about the happening in the life’s of her friends, none of whom he knew, to a fascinating dissertation on how best to deal with a pack of goblins. Currently she was back talking about somebody, though seeing as how that person was their first client, living in the foreboding castle they approached, he found himself paying greater attention.

“Living as close together as we do, The Grandwitch Grunhilda has long been one of my clients. And yes, if you were wondering, it is the same Grunhilda who was behind the vanishing of the Plains of Delshire, after its Lord spurned her advances.”

He had not been wondering, being unfamiliar with the either the place or its vanishing, yet nodded his head none-the-less.

Taking this as agreement to continue, Maude said, “Though the fellow must have been demented, Grunhilda is rather lovely. She has the palest skin, almost like a vampire, but she is so much more alive, her fiery temper matching her red tresses. I doubt not that the gorgeous, hunter green, velvet, which I spelled up, will look fabulous on her. Maybe a gown with long draping sleeves, cut close to show of her figure...”

As Maude went on to describe her sartorial vision, Manny turned his attention to watching for an ambush, as the trail narrowed, trees closing in on either side, leading up to the bridge across the moat, around the castle. Nor did the guards, silent figure in suits of plate metal, maybe in fact nothing more than the suits, who gestured them through the castle gates, ease his nerves. Inside it appeared almost normal, until he noticed that the groom, who approached, seemed to have skin of bark. Anxious, he looked to his employer and saw that she was completely obvious to the strangeness around them.

In fact she had a broad smile on her face as she hopped from her seat and moved to the back of her wagon, reaching up to unlatch the tailgate, and looking inside. Suddenly he saw here begin pointing, inside the wagon, and saying, “You, you, you, yes of course you, and maybe you. Okay you too. All of you hop out

Wondering who she was talking too, after telling him they traveled along, he soon saw how she was able to load and unload her wagon. As she stepped back, he saw a number of chests, on well muscled legs hopping out from the wagon, followed at the end by a tall mirror, similar to the one in her cottage. Lining up, like good little soldiers, Maude looked once more into the rear of the wagon, her lips pursed, before shaking her head and closing the gate

Walking towards the entrance of the castle, she turned back and ordered, “Come along all. You too Manny, can’t have you wandering about, I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble, particularly with Grunhilda, at least so early in our friendship.”

Trailing behind the mirror, he found himself moving in lockstep with it and the chests. After numerous attempts to set his own pace, he gave in, becoming part of the troupe, as they followed a human-appearing maid. Unsure if he was disappointed that nothing more seemed out of the ordinary, they arrived in a large sitting room, where Maude arranged her charges, Manny being banished to sit in a corner, on a rather comfortable chair. So comfortable he found himself dozing off, as Maude, checking the contents of each chest, went temporarily silent.

Next he knew, he was jerked awake, as a lusciously, vibrant voice purred, “And Maude, who is this fine specimenቔ

Eyes bulging, Manny jumped to his feet, offering a soldier’s bow, as he saw that they had been joined by a statuesque red-head, fetchingly attired in a silk robe, which did little to hide what it covered. Guessing her to be Grunhilda, and forgetting that she was the vanisher of the Plains of Delshire and the mistress of this strange castle, he drank in the sight of her. Fortunately Maude’s voice broke the spell, before he did or said something he would regret.

“He is Manny, my guardsman.”

“Guardsman, since when did you need a guardsman to go anywhere you wished?”

“I’m getting up in age.”

“Nonsense, I bet you hired him so you had someone to listen to you talk.”

“Hmmph, my auroch does a very fine job of that, if that was all I wanted. But enough chit chat, let’s get down to business, I need to make it to Willow Rill by nightfall.”

“Yes, let us.” Grunhilda agreed, before staring saucily at Manny and with a flick of her wrist, untied the belt of her robe, letting it drop from her shoulders, to pool at her feet, proving that all was at it had been hinted at.

The unveiling physically impacted him, like a punch in the stomach, causing to fall back into his chair, breath growing short. Amused that she had obtained the reaction she wanted, Grunhilda turned back to Maude, while Manny tried to distract himself with memories of cleaning out the corral behind his father’s smithy. It proved enough, allowing him to regain his faculties, although when he looked up to see her draped in green velvet, he immediately looked down, thinking thoughts of skinning a skunk.

In his own little world of denial, he did not hear the discussion between the two witches, as they discussed potential modifications to the dress. So far away was he, that it took at least three tries before he looked towards Maude, who was calling his name. Blushing, he bounced to his feet, asking, “Ma'am?”

“Yes Manny, thank you for joining us. Would you do me a favour and come stand before the mirror?”

Trying to make up for his gaff, he unhesitatingly fulfilled the request. Arriving before the mirror, he started in confusion, for instead of seeing himself, there stood Grunhilda, in the green gown. Desperately he patted himself down, feeling the vest of his new outfit and his belt, holding short sword. Appeased, he looked once more at the mirror, still surprised to see the witch, but now curious. He stared it, becoming hypnotized by it, as it seemed to pulse, almost like a beating heart. Then the image began to fade, growing fainter, until it disappeared completely from the mirror. But only for a moment, then it returned, seemingly more realistic than before.

Finally his gaze was pulled away from the mirror by the sound of Grunhilda clapping, as she said, “Brilliant Maude, absolutely brilliant. Turn around for me Manny, I want to see how it moves.”

Still dazed by the affects of the mirror, he asked, “How what moves?”

“Why, your gown?”

“What!”

“You and others were always saying that you wished you never thought a mirror did a good enough job, showing how you look in a particular outfit, so I came up with a solution.” Maude interjected, just before Manny crumpled to the ground. “Oh my, but I did not plan for that.”

Opening his eyes, Manny saw the two witches looking down at him with concern in their eyes and Maude asking for both of them, “Manny are you alright?”

“Alright? Why am I on the floor? What happened? I remember a mirror and then a dress and what! What did you do to me?”

“Now calm down Manny.”

“Calm down, how can I calm down? You turned me into Grunhilda!”

That worthy calmly stated, “I don’t really like me with a baritone, don’t include that in my dress Maude.”

“No I did not turn you into Grunhilda, I just had you take on her image so she could see how she looks in that dress. Just a bit of simple magic, easily reversible when its done.”

“You can turn me back into me?”

“Of course.”

“Then do it.”

“Now, now, Manny, no need to be hasty. I am sure that Grunhilda would appreciate if you tarried in this form a little longer, just until she has finished making her choice.”

“Oh yes, please Manny. I would be ever so grateful.” Grunhilda asked with smouldering look, which served to drown much of the maniacal gibbering in his mind beneath a wave of lust.

“Ummmmm”

“Please. Pretty please?”

“Just for a short time?”

“It will go so fast, you will hardly notice.”

“And then you will turn me back?”

Maude said, “If you wish.”

“I will definitely wish.” He said, panic once more trying to establish its right of place.

“Calm, calm, you can be assured I will change you back.”

“Okay, I guess I will do it. But I won’t like it.”

Grunhilda agreed, “Oh of course not, I know that this is not the way a big manly man like you would like to get inside of me.”

“Exactly. Hey, what?”

Smiling, she just leaned over and, with Maude’s assistance, helped him to his feet. Then taking seats, she gestured once more for him to turn around, which he did with a grimace.

“How does it feel?”

“It’s heavy.”

“Velvet is like that. Actually I was wondering if it feel like it fits properly? Does it feel tight anywhere?”

“It feels tight everywhere.” Manny grumbled.

“Its supposed to be tight, but is it overly tight anywhere.”

“Well I wouldn’t want to get in a fight, but I guess its manageable.”

Maude, who had been ignoring the questions and answers, frowned in his direction and said, “It’s missing something.”

“Do you really think so Maude, I like it.”

“Well that is the main thing Grunhilda, but I think it could be better. Do you mind if I try something?”

“Go right ahead.”

Gesturing to one of the chests, Manny watched its lid pop open and a length of black leather, laces hanging from one end, float out and drift towards him. Before he figured out what it was, the corset whipped about his waist, magically fastening itself in place and causing him to sputter, “Too tight.”

“I’m not sure Maude.”

“Hmm, one more thing.”

From another chest came lengths of golden ribbon and thread, which flew at Manny like so many arrows, forcing him to prove that the dress was not too tight as he danced to the side. But unrelenting, his attackers circled and beelined back at him, specifically the corset. The assault that followed had him squirming and learning that the Grandwitch Grunhilda was amazingly ticklish. However, she was also pleased with the embroidering and decoration, which ended up decorating the previously plain corset.

“Oh yes, that is much better. I’ll definitely take one of those. What else do you have?”

The following period taught Manny that he defined a short period much differently than did a woman after a new wardrobe. They had him in and out of numerous dresses, all the while ignoring his protests, until he finally quit protesting. It left him drained, as much as if he just been involved in a day long flight from pursuing bandits. Uncaring that he was still wore a gown of red satin, he wearily sat in a chair, as the two witches completed their business dealings.

However, he did perk up when he heard Grunhilda say, “And now let us get rid of my doppelganger, after all I am quite capable of getting into enough trouble all by myself.”

“Yes, yes, let us deal with that now. Manny, will come stand before the mirror once more?”

Feeling a burst of renewed energy, he quickly found himself once more in front of the mirror. There he waited as Maude approached the mirror, though he began to get a sinking feeling as a frown appeared on her face, causing her to murmur, “Oh my.”

“What is it?” He growled.

“We didn’t use this mirror when we outfitted you in your new garb, did we?”

“No, we used the one in your cottage.”

“Oh dear, then it appears that I won’t be able to turn you back into yourself until we get back to the house.”

“What?” He yelled.

“What?” Grunhilda asked, the sinisterness that allowed her to be a grandwitch, creeping into her voice. “Are you telling me that you plan on leaving here with your guardsman disguised as me.”

“Oh no Grunhilda, I would never do that. I actually have some other options available.”

Touching the edge of the mirror, Maude murmured some words and her own image appeared. “Oh no, that would be too confusing. Let’s try again.”

This time the image showed a pretty, blonde teen-ager, dressed in a pink satin. “Ah that’s better, Manny stand in front of the mirror.”

“No way, that’s even worse.”

Maude did not seem speak, but he heard her voice inside his head. “Would you rather be clamped in chains? Or maybe turned into a toad? Because I tell you that those are more likely options than Grunhilda letting you out of her castle, looking as you do.”

Suddenly meek, at that thought, Manny turned to face the mirror. Once more he felt hypnotized by the pulsating mirror, though this time he knew what to expect and when the image disappeared, he check that his sleeve had turned from red to pink, to satisfy himself, though it brought little satisfaction, that the change was complete. However, as a fortunate outcome, the smile had returned to Grunhilda’s face as she looked at him.

“Yes, your darling daughter Lirial. How is she these days, Maude?”

“Somewhat trying, I must admit. Her supposed best friend, stole the young warlock she was interested in. Ever since she has been going through a bit of a wicked phase; not coming home to visit, never writing, terrorizing villages of mundanes, you know, that type of thing.”

“We were all young once.”

“Aye, though I hope she grows out of it quicker than I did.”

Pleasantries and good byes out of the way, the strange procession, minus a hulking man and plus a pretty blonde, marched back to the wagon in the court yard. Soon they were once more on the road, this time with there being room for Manny on the wagon’s seat alongside Maude. Unaware how much his pouting silence suited his new face, he tried to ignore her as she regained her chattery form. Only after they had been on the road for a time, did his interest perk up.

“Hey we’re not going back to your cottage.”

“Of course not, we don’t have time, we need to be at Lady Vlidia’s place in two days. We would never make it in time if we went back to the cottage.”

“But, but, you promised.”

“Worry not child, I’ll see you back to your old self. It’s just that I have appointments with important people, people who do not take kindly to us lesser beings not showing up on time. Better for us to keep on going and not draw down their wrath. Besides or journey will be hardly more than three months.”

“Three months!”

“Exactly, no time at all, when measured against one’s entire life.”

Almost in tears of frustration, he demanded, “Why me? Why, if you knew that you may be changing me into a girl, didn’t you chose Sare?”

“Who?”

“You know, the female guard I was with, when you picked me this morning.”

“Oh her.” Maude answered, disdain in her voice.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Did you see her clothes? Has she ever heard of water and soap? Same with that other fellow. I refuse to deal with anybody who would treat their clothes in such a fashion. While you, even though you may not be the most handsome fellow, at least seem to care enough about your appearance to be clean.”

Realizing he would never have ended up in this pickle if he had not spent the prior week at his parents, which had allowed him to benefit from his mother’s laundry efforts, Manny buried his head in his hands, “How will I manage this.”

Patting him on the thigh, Maude said, “Don’t worry, we will whip you up something better for travel when we stop tonight.”

“But how will I manage? How am I going to act as your guard?”

“Oh, we don’t really need a guard. We’ll be perfectly safe.”

“Then why did you hire me?”

Shrugging, somewhat meekly, Maude said, “Well, it’s just that I get lonely on the road, I wanted someone to talk too.”

The End