By Joannebarbarella

The Remains Of The Day. The Rest of D-Day

First hurdle cleared.

I went into my office breathing a sigh of relief and feeling twenty pounds lighter. Margaret had accepted me without blinking an eye. I called her my receptionist but in truth she was much more than that. She was my gate-keeper and the one with whom I shared “post-mortem” appreciations of new and unknown clients. A second opinion of a client is always very valuable, and she was very perceptive….as indeed she had just shown.

I was about to ask her to come in when she entered by herself with two cups of coffee and pushed one towards me and settled herself into one of the chairs across from my desk.

“I think the reception desk will take care of itself for a few minutes while we have a little chat, don’t you?”

I smiled and nodded as I sipped the drink that she had given me and admired the lipstick stain that I left on the cup. It was a clear sign of my determination to be myself.

“Have you thought how you will handle the rest of the day?” she asked.

“Well, yes, but it all depended on how you would take it. That would determine what came next. If you had recoiled in horror then I would have just turned on my heels and fled.”

“I don’t know how you could have thought that I would do that. You have looked out for all of us girls for years and you were never any kind of macho arsehole. We all regarded you as a kind of mother hen.”

She giggled then.

“And we were right, weren’t we?”

“I suppose you were, although I’m not sure that I like being called a mother hen, but, yes, I have always tried to take care of my girls. You are all my children in a way and I always found that I got the best out of all of you by treating you as human beings, not as second-class citizens or sex objects.”

I sat back for a few seconds and closed my eyes while I thought.

“You don’t find my appearance today as odd or unusual?”

“No. You look like the person that we’ve been working for for years, but without the disguise. I’ve been betting with myself that this day would come and so have most of the others. I don’t think you’ll have any problem with your partners or any of those who have been here for a while. There may be a couple of the younger girls who get a shock but I think they will be able to take it. You look much more comfortable as a woman, and if I may say so, much better. I think you’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.”

I breathed another sigh of relief and looked her in the eyes.

“You have no idea.”

“I think I do. You’ve always been a woman inside, haven’t you?”

I just nodded, not able to speak at that moment for fear of choking up. I did say that she was perceptive.

“Can I ask you something? Will you give me a hug? I think I need one right now.”

We both got up and moved around the desk which separated us and fell into each other’s arms. Our breasts pressed together as we embraced. It made me feel more womanly than I had ever felt before because this was the first time that I had been this close to another woman as a woman.

We parted and both sat again. We simultaneously reached for the box of tissues on the desk and laughed as we carefully dabbed at our eyes. I didn’t want to ruin my make-up and I don’t suppose she did either.

“Perhaps you had better give me a bit of background. I expect I might get asked a few questions.”

“You’re right of course. Well, I suppose I’ve known for ever that I should have been born a girl, but I spent a long time denying it to myself. It was even more difficult to be like me when I was young. I tried to be myself a few times but I was too scared to make a go of it.”

“As you know I got married and we had children. I tried to be a good husband but I don’t think I met her expectations. Still, for her sake and the kids I maintained the façade, started the business and became “a good provider”. They were hostages to fortune and I stayed in line.”

“I don’t have to tell you that we all worked hard and I think I chose our people well. An all-girl office, except you didn’t…weren’t supposed to… know I was a girl. I reckoned that women were better problem resolvers than men…more ready to propose acceptable solutions without resorting to court proceedings…. and by-and-large I was right, so we prospered.

“Now the kids are gone, living their own lives, and the cancers took my wife three years ago. This may sound dreadful, but it was almost a relief when she died. It had been awful watching her waste away to nothing, but then I got this selfish feeling that I was finally free to be myself, so I‘ve been planning for today almost since the funeral. I searched the internet and was happy to find sites frequented by people like me and helpful advice for those who felt that they were actually of the other sex.

“First , I wanted to ensure that I wouldn’t just look like a freak, so I found this lady who runs a salon for women like me and started visiting her about once a fortnight. She taught me how to do my make-up and how to pick suitable clothes. She convinced me that I could look like a reasonably passable woman; she took me shopping and introduced me into social situations so that I could gain confidence. I was pleased to find that mostly I was invisible when I walked down the street and was treated like any other woman by salesgirls or waitresses. She also introduced me to a couple of cafes where they had “girls’ nights” and I could mix with others like me. I did that for about a year until I was completely comfortable as a woman. In fact, I used to charge home on Fridays in order to be myself for the weekend. I felt liberated in my heart but I still wanted more.”

“Naturally, I got sprung a couple of times by the neighbours but they were very understanding. However, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t keep living like that without encountering some hostility along the way and it was better to face it head-on and fulfill my dream and enjoy the rest of my life on my own terms.”

“That’s when I got really serious and decided that for my own happiness and peace of mind I had to be a woman full-time, so I went to doctors and psychiatrists, got the requisite clearances and started taking hormones. I got my male bits snipped at the same time. That was a year ago. Then I took the last month off, had my breasts enlarged a bit more, got the face-lift, had my Adam’s apple removed and for sheer vanity plumped my lips up. So there you are and here I am.”

“As far as I am concerned you made the right decision. You look pretty good to me. I might even get my lips plumped up too. You could pass for fifty now,” she said, smiling.

I blushed. “Thank you. You know, I’ve always been jealous of you . You dress so elegantly and you’re always so composed and cool. I can use you as my fashion template now. You can give me tips any time you like.”

“Okay, but you’re doing well so far. That outfit is just perfect for your debut, plus you really learned your make-up lessons and you haven’t overdone it. I’m not being rude when I say you look like a pleasantly attractive and elegant middle-aged lady.”

“Thank you again. That’s just what I was hoping for and aiming for. I know it’s too late for me to be a beauty queen and I hope I’m not that vain. Well, I suppose we’d better get on with the show. I thought if I survived this far I would call Janet and Kris in and then we’d have the rest of the girls in the conference room at, say, ten thirty. That should allow plenty of time for the rumour mill to work.”

“I’ll get it organized,” she said, rising, and went out to her desk. I admired her smart navy blue skirt-suit as she departed. It was the archetypal office outfit with a white pussy-bow blouse and three-inch heel pumps, very elegant.

I rang my partners Janet and Kris and asked them to come in. They entered together a minute later. They both did a classic double-take and then grinned at each other.

“Told you so,” said Janet to Kris.

“Well, I knew something was up. It was just a matter of time,” she replied, “and there was Margaret grinning like the Cheshire Cat.”

“All right, you two. I’m right here. Sit down.”

They sat as instructed and looked at me expectantly.

“Well?” they said together.

“Well what?”

“What did you want to see us about?”

I stood up and walked around the desk, enjoying the swish of my skirt against my legs.

“This,” I said, indicating myself and doing a slow turn. “This is how I’m going to be coming to work in future, unless you think I no longer have a place here.”

“Don’t be silly, boss,” from Kris.

“Nice outfit. What do we call you from now on?” came from Janet.

“Dianne.”

“OK. Was there anything else? If not, we’ll get back to work and see you at lunchtime. We’ll go out and celebrate. When are you going to tell the others?”

“I’m having a meeting in the conference room at ten thirty.”

They both got up and walked over to where I was standing and hugged me, with an air-kiss to each cheek.

“It’s nice to meet you properly at last, Dianne.”

“I second that, and about time too,” Kris added.

With that, they left, whispering conspiratorially and giggling together, but it didn’t bother me. I knew there was no malicious intent there.

I sat back in my comfortable office chair and relaxed. I had half an hour to think about things before I met with the rest of the staff and I was hoping it would go as well as my first two; so far three out of three. I had time to freshen up. When I set up the office I had installed a private washroom for myself. This was maybe an extravagance at the time but I justified it on the basis that I was the only male so that the girls had their own exclusive retreat to do what women do in their restrooms without having to worry about me. Now it allowed me to repair my make-up and adjust my clothing in private before facing the rest of the music. I wanted to be at my best and, in truth, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Having spruced myself up I went to the conference room five minutes early. Margaret was already there.

“Any problems so far?” I asked.

“Only one. Young Wendy said she couldn’t take it….religious reasons…and she split; said she couldn’t work here anymore. Everyone else seems cool and curious.”

“So basically they know what to expect. Well, it couldn’t stay a secret.”

There were three personal assistants, our accountant and three junior clerical girls and the tea lady. One girl had gone when the news got out, so I had seven to deal with. They came in together and sat around the big table in the conference room. Naturally they all gave me the once-over, as women do. Then they actually applauded. I was stunned. Look, I loved all these girls but I had no idea that they would accept me as a woman. I very nearly teared up there and then but managed to keep my emotions under control.

“Well, you all obviously got the message, and this is how you’re going to see your boss from now on. I gather you don’t have problems with that and, of course, I’m very pleased. If you have any questions now I’ll be happy to answer them, provided they’re not pornographic.”

That got a laugh.

There were a number of questions, mainly along the lines of why it had taken me so long to show my real self. They all said they had known for years. There was a good deal of understanding that my wife’s illness had prevented me from coming out. I hadn’t made a big deal out of it at the time but female empathy had been in force all along without my being really aware of it. Self-absorption isn’t always a good thing. Of course that had only been part of the reason.

The upshot of all this was that I took the whole office to lunch. I certainly felt like celebrating and they all seemed to feel the same way. After a few glasses of wine it was obvious that not much work was going to get done that afternoon so I declared the office shut at around three.
Anyway, I was already thinking about what I would wear the next day….maybe something a little more daring?