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Chapter 11

“Imagine it, Kaylee. We’ll live in a big, beautiful house with a garden in the back and a front porch. During the summer, I’ll sit on the porch swing sipping lemonade, while you play with your dolls. Summer will pass quickly, and soon it’ll be time for school. You’ll be nervous at first, and scared to leave your mommy, but I’ll walk with you. And you’ll be a big, brave girl, won’t you, Kaylee? Can’t you picture it?”

Three days had passed. In that time, it became horrifyingly clear that Ms. Daniels had an unhealthy obsession with me. It started with tousling my hair after the initial transformation, then it was gleefully dressing me after I soiled my clothes while crawling around the air ducts. This was followed by her admission that she intended to adopt me after my memory was wiped, but now, she had taken to tucking me in every night, kissing me on the forehead and singing me a lullaby.

It was obvious too that she was the voice behind Musica. The sing-songy voice she had started using all the time matched the record player.

I shook my head in response to the earlier questions, hoping she would just go away. I pulled my covers over my head, trying desperately to drown her out.

Ms. Daniels asked with a smile that would have made Hermie proud, “What lullaby would you like me to sing tonight, sweetie?”

I felt her hand on my back. She rubbed it gently and spoke in hushed tones, “Shh. Shh. Everything will be just fine, Kaylee. Whenever you’re scared, just picture us together in that big house, safe and warm. Safe and warm.” Despite the soothing nature of her voice, she might as well have been brandishing a chainsaw and screaming in my ear. I would not be lulled to sleep by her.

She continued to rub my back and speak softly, “In a few days you’ll start to feel like the real you. Don’t worry. I know you are confused. You have these memories that aren’t yours. The only thing you need to remember is that you are mommy’s shining star.”

Ironically, while the woman was positioning herself to be my mother, each day that I saw her, she was looking less and less the part. Those luscious and full breasts were still there, but they were smaller, but it was her face that told the full story. The faint lines around her eyes were completely gone now, the bags a distant memory. The double chin she had as a forty-something woman had smoothed, but fat had returned to her cheeks. Her body too had changed, with her hips slimming. She looked like she had just graduated high school.

I wasn’t sure if she realized it, but any neighbourhood we moved into would assume she was a teenage mother.

The young woman easily pulled the covers away from my face and kissed me gently on the forehead. “I love you, Kaylee.”

She lingered for a minute, likely waiting for me to say something in return. With my silence, however, she trudged from the room.

I tossed and turned, my mind grappling with my inability to leave and the horrible fate that awaited me as the daughter of a madwoman. My body and mind exhausted with the struggle finally succumbed to sleep hours later.

***

“Hey, Kaylee. Do you want to build a snowman?”

I awoke with a start, which was unusual for me. The reason, however, was obvious- there was someone lying on my bed. I thought for a moment that Ms. Daniels had returned to help me greet the day, tired of doing so through Musica, but the form was smaller. I felt hands on my covers again as I tried to drift back to sleep, uncertain if I was in actually in a semi dream-like state. My fitful night of sleep had left me feeling drained, and the fact the lights were still off meant I could sleep longer.

“C’mon, Kaylee. Wake up, let’s play!”

I groaned and turned over, but again the covers were pulled from me. My mind slowly reached a state of awareness, but it was jolted to full consciousness when the intruder started jumping on my bed.

“Wake up! Wake up! C’mon, Kaylee. Don’t you wanna build a snowman with me?”

I groaned, but with my mind now fully aware, I realized that I recognized the voice of the intruder. I threw my arms around Ashley, practically hugging the life out of her.

“What’s a matter, Kaylee? Did you have a bad dream?” The little girl hugged me back, but without the same ferocity.

The words spilled out of my mouth, “Ashley! Shit, it’s really good to see you. Things have gotten so much worse here…Ms. Daniels, she’s insane. I mean we knew that before, right? Well she’s bat shit insane. Now she wants to be my mom. And I tried to escape, Dr. Travers was letting me go, but I just couldn’t leave. I-I needed you there. To push me you know? I was so close. I just, well I got really scared. It’s freaking me out because I was acting like…well like a kid who is scared to leave their house. I should have been able to leave.”

The little girl giggled, “That’s funny, Kaylee! You call mommy a weird name. That’s what grown-ups call her! And you aren’t allowed to leave. Mommy says there’s a busy street out there. We could get hurt. When we move to the house it won’t be busy. But you need to hold my hand when we cross, kay?”

I blinked slowly, the horror of the situation slowly dawning on me.

I took the girl by the shoulders, “You have to fight it, Ashley! What they did to you! I need you! I can’t do it by myself. Y-You can’t be like this!” Tears escaped from my eyes.

The girl wasn’t laughing any longer. I could barely see her expression in the darkness, but I could see her shoulders slump. “Why are you being weird, Kaylee? I’m Madison, your big sister. Should I go get mommy? Are you sick?”

I was at least partly relieved that Ashley and I were going through this hell together. It was obvious to me that the treatments that Ms. Daniels received had done something to her mind. Oddly, the younger she got, the more maternal she became. I expected the reverse. I knew that women had biological clocks that pushed them to have children, but what was happening to Ms. Daniels made little sense.

She originally planned to sell us through the adoption agency, but I had heard nothing of that plan for days. While I hated the idea of having my memory wiped and being sold to some rich couple, I was even less enthusiastic at the prospect of being Ms. Daniels’ little girl.

I shook my head, repeatedly, “Uh no. Definitely not. Listen, do you have another voice, like another person inside you? Is her name Ashley?”

Ashley replied uneasily, “N-No, and that’s spooky. You mean like a ghost? Don’t say that, Kaylee. I don’t like it!”

Ashley hopped off my bed and quickly flicked on the lamp on the night table. “Stop being weird, Kaylee.” She asked in a sing-song voice, “So, do you wanna build a snowman?”

I sighed, “What are you talking about? We’re in LA. It never snows here.”

Ashley pulled me out of bed, “C’mon, quit being a weirdo. You know how to play it. We just get these pictures- in our heads. And it’s fun. It’s pretend.”

Not wanting Ms. Daniels to make a reappearance, I decided to play along. I would continue to chip away at the programming Ashley had undergone, hoping to reveal pieces of her old self. For now, it was harmless enough to indulge her.

I said, “OK, how do you play?”

Ashley beamed, “It’s really easy! You’ll be Elsa, and I’ll be Anna. I know it’s kinda weird that way because Elsa’s older. But you were sleeping, so I’m Anna!” I stared at her blankly. She was acting like I knew what she was talking about. “How come you forgot how to play Frozen? It’s the best movie ever. We’ve probably watched it…maybe a million times. What’s with you? Are you sure you don’t want me to get mommy?”

I shook my head and raised my hands, “No, no! I remember. I just like when you explain it.”

Ashley nodded, “OK, well like you SHOULD know, we are princesses. And you’ve got magic that makes snow and ice. All this totally cool stuff. And we play together. It’s so fun!”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Yeah. OK. So what do we do first?”

Ashley, who ignored my grumpiness, said excitedly, “Well you wave your hands. And you make a snowman!” The girl waved her hands and wiggled her fingers.

I followed her lead, waving my hands, imagining that the gesture was creating a typical snowman. I sighed lightly, finding absolutely nothing fun about the game. “I feel stupid doing this.” I longed for a visit to the other bedroom, the one with all the video games.

Ashley frowned, “What’s a matter, Kaylee? You love this game. And you always bug me to be Elsa. So now’s your chance!” The frown quickly disappeared, curving into a bright beaming smile. I had my doubts Ashley would even have to act happy to be on the show. I put on my game face, a big plastic smile, which Ashley now seemed to form naturally. She reminded me a bit of the Joker from Batman, although maybe that was an exaggeration.

Ashley pulled all the pillows off our bed and piled them next to me. “You always love this part. It’s the funnest! You throw the pillows and pretend they are big snow hills. And I’ll jump on them!”

I had to admit that the next part was a lot more fun. I wasn’t picturing it in my head like I’m sure Ashley was, but it was better than playing with dolls or colouring, which is what I worried Ashley would want to do eventually. The game actually had some challenge to it because I had to throw the pillows in a way that enabled Ashley to jump across without touching the floor, and considering I wasn’t very strong or accurate, it took a few tries.

Despite the small failures, and the fact I knew nothing about the characters or the movie they came from, I still had a lot of fun. I was actually shocked how easily I fell into the game and the characters.

Still, I played much like I had as a kid, eventually throwing the pillows too far apart and causing Ashley to ‘fall’ from the previous snow hill. I was kind of a jerk.

Ashley looked at me crossly, “That’s not right. Elsa helps Anna across. She doesn’t want to hurt her. They’re sisters, like us!”

I shrugged, but an idea suddenly popped into my head. “You said I get to be evil though, right? Well I’m gonna make a snow monster to chase you.”

I made the sound of a ferocious beast, or at least as scary a noise possible with my high-pitched voice. It sounded more like the roar of a baby dinosaur. I wiggled my fingers and pointed at Ashley, this time actually pretending a snowman had risen from the snow. The creature had an ice hook for a hand, while the body had icy spikes protruding from it.

I yelled, “Watch out! It’s going to impale you!”

Ashley frowned and crossed her arms underneath her chest, “You aren’t playing right! And I don’t even like that part. It’s scary. I like it when Elsa and Anna are sisters in the castle. And they play together. I’m not gonna play with you if you’re mean.”

I thought about the girl’s words, but instead of using that as an out to stop playing with her, I said, “OK, well then I’m gonna do this.” I walked toward the bathroom, which had a linoleum floor, and waved my hands.

I took one step on the linoleum floor and proceeded to skate across it. Ashley followed suit eagerly, a big smile once again plastered on her face. She shrieked, “This part is the best! I knew you’d do that. You always said it’s your favourite part!”

I had never seen the movie Ashley and I were re-creating in the bedroom. How was it possible that I knew that this Elsa character makes a skating rink? I mean it was logical she would do that, since she can make ice. Rather than ponder the strange coincidence, I once again easily fell into the game. Our socked feet made the perfect skates, with Ashley and I twisting, twirling and sometimes tumbling. It was beyond strange, but the more I thought about the movie, the more familiar it seemed.

There was something so innocent and pure about the moment. It reminded me of being a kid, the same way eating the sugared cereal or drinking Kool-Aid had. It was a simpler time and a happier time. My dad was still alive, and my mom and I still got along. I could almost smell her famous peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I sometimes longed for those days, when summer days were endless, playing thousands of games of tag and hide-and-go-seek. Coming in only when it got dark, and at times, getting special permission to stay out later so we could play guns.

As I played with Madison, all my worries faded away. All that mattered was what we were doing in that instant and how much fun we were having. My spirit was lifted and there was an airy feeling in my chest, as if the simple play was the final piece to the puzzle that had previously kept me from being content. Acting, having my memory wiped, becoming the daughter of a crazy woman, none of it mattered.

Incredibly, we played until lunch. I hadn’t once looked at the clock, and we went from game to game, with me taking on the role of the younger Anna and then switching back to Elsa. By the end of it, I really, really wanted to see the movie.

Ashley said, “I really missed you, Kaylee. I love playing with you. You’re so much fun! I never woulda thought to make a skating rink in the bathroom!”

I said, while wearing a tiny sheepish smile, “Thanks, Maddie. It’s fun playing with you too.” I actually couldn’t wait to play with Ashley again after lunch, and that inkling, that sense of concern over my behaviour had been reduced to a dull buzzing in the back of my head, where formerly it had been the equivalent of a blaring siren with blinding warning lights.

***

“Boys, what have I told you about staying up late playing your games? Do I have to take the controllers away? Those dark circles under your eyes look terrible, and we can’t fix it in post-production.” Despite her apparent age, Ms. Daniels still towered over the boys in her heels.

The boys said in unison, “Sorry, Ms. Daniels.”

Mark said, “We just got caught up in it. It’s a really fun game. We’ll go to bed on time tonight, we promise.”

I stared, mouth agape at Mark’s behaviour. First, I was surprised that every second word wasn’t ‘fuck’, and second, I was shocked that he seemed so submissive. I knew that something had happened in their room. The escape was Mark’s idea after all. I just went along with it. I shouldn’t have been entirely surprised though. Since the escape, the boys were becoming more and more immature, beginning to act in a way that matched their bodies.

Whenever they weren’t filming, they were back in their room- probably playing the game. The only person they listened to was Ms. Daniels. They certainly didn’t listen to Ashley or me, especially when they started a food fight at lunch. Strangely though, they never disappeared, not like Ashley at least. So what was happening to them?

During a scene featuring Ashley, Mark and Devon, I noticed Hermie trying to get my attention. The beast never removed his head or even spoke to us between scenes. It was clear Hermie’s only purpose was to play a role on the show, so the way he was motioning toward one of the side offices was very unusual behaviour. Considering both a mad scientist and a psycho wannabe mom lived in the same complex, I seriously doubted he could be worse than them.

Hermie closed the door behind us and actually removed his, or rather her head. Underneath the guise of Hermie was the young blonde woman who had originally interviewed me for the show. “I’ve turned the camera off in here, and the microphone is off in my head. It’s safe to talk. Listen, Ryan, you have to get out of here. I know you tried once before. I wanted you to just walk out the door so badly. But now that Ashley, or rather Madison, is back you desperately need to leave. Dr. Travers wasn’t kidding when he said that exposure to real children will cause a significant regression in your mind.”

I shook my head, “But Ashley isn’t a real kid. She’s just confused. I’m going to help her. Like she helped me.”

The woman smiled gently, “She’s really had a positive impact on you.” Her face quickly darkened, “But it’s too late for her. For the boys. And within a week or less, it’ll be too late for you. Ryan, you have to understand that Ashley is a real child now. Through and through. With the latest dataset, Dr. Travers found a way to erase her memory. She doesn’t remember Ryan Sullivan, or even who she was.”

I sneered at the woman, “And why should I believe you? How do I know this isn’t just another cruel way to collect more data? Like when they made it seem like I could leave and Dr. Travers was just waiting outside the door? I don’t feel like I can trust anyone. Especially not someone who is on the whole thing like you are. What’s your name?”

She replied calmly, “I’m Tracy. I was a research assistant on the Genome Project, and I’ve worked with Dr. Travers for years. I did question his methods, but I was caught up with what could be the biggest scientific breakthrough of the century. A way to essentially cure all diseases, to make people younger. I was blinded by the thought of a utopia. A new Eden. And you’re right, you don’t have any reason to trust me. You’ve been jerked around here since day one.”

She continued, “But you need to escape so the horrors of this place can be revealed. I know from this point on, they will just erase the memories immediately. You are the last test subject that has any chance of keeping their memory of what happened here intact. People need to know what goes on here.”

I was still unconvinced I could trust Tracy, but she was the sanest person I had met to this point. “And how am I going to escape exactly?”

Tracy smiled and took my hand. The gesture would have been strange when we first met, but now, I felt reassurance, comfort from the touch. “I’m going to call the police. I’ll tell them that I think a studio is breaking the Fair Work/Equal Pay law. Basically, I’ll say there are studio execs making kids work fourteen hours a day. There’s a vent behind the elementary school set that leads right outside. In the ensuing chaos, I’ll open it for you, and you can escape.”

I knew the vent. It was the same one I had failed to open multiple times.

I pulled away from Tracy, “I still think I can help Ashley. I’ll just remind her of who she actually is. She told me a lot of stories about when she was young.” I said firmly, “I have to try.”

The gentle smile didn’t leave Tracy’s face as she spoke, “I know you care about her. But every time you are exposed to her, you risk losing more and more of your adult self. I watched your exchange in there. I know what happens because I’ve seen it before with the convicts.”

My mouth opened slightly, “You had real children interact with criminals? That’s messed up.”

Tracy shook her head, “The destruction of the adult mind works almost like a virus. This was especially true with the convicts due to their poor impulse control. And it happened with Devon and Mark. Despite not being exposed to real children, their minds still changed. Their immaturity doomed them. Once one of them acted up, the others would usually follow suit. And it was a vicious circle from there because their behaviour regressed their minds. They did it to themselves.”

Tracy said, “I know you want to help her, and yes, you probably could work with her for hours to see if you could jog some part of her memory, but that would be deadly for you. Tell me what you want to do with her next time you see her.”

Without thinking I blurted out, “Play Frozen!” My hand flew to my mouth, and my eyes widened to comical proportions. I quickly corrected my statement, “I’m going to work with her, to see if I can bring back her memory.”

Tracy shook her head sadly, “It’s already started. You know you called her Maddie, right?”

I shook my head, put my hands on my hips and bent over slightly, “I did NOT!”

My behaviour caused Tracy’s pretty face to scrunch into an unattractive saddened mask, “You know I’m right. You have to leave here, or they’ll be nothing left of Ryan Sullivan. You’ll be Kaylee fully, in body and mind.”

I said, “And what about Ashley? You can’t let Ms. Daniels take her. What’s with her anyway? She used to be obsessed with shooting the stupid show, but now she’s all kid crazy.”

Tracy said, “Dr. Travers has been steadily increasing her maternal instinct. He wanted to make her more focused on you and Ashley, so he could conduct his experiments before the end of the malleable period. Don’t worry, I’m not going to let Ms. Daniels have Ashley or any of the children.”

I decided to ask the burning question, “Is that period over? A-Am I trapped like this forever?”

Tracy reached out to me again, and I allowed her to grasp my hands, “It is, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying to help reverse the effects of this. I haven’t found an ageing gene, similar to the regenerative gene, but I know it exists. Do you know there are people with lipodystrophy? It’s a pre-mature ageing disease. If I can manage to get a similar grant and someone with that disease, I could use Dr. Travers’ research to develop a cure.”

I replied, “And what’s going to happen to me in the meantime?”

Tracy nodded, “I’ll take you home to live with me. You’ll be safe there from any real children, and I can monitor your condition. From there you can contact your friends and family. I’ll help explain everything that happened to you.”

I looked down at my shoes, my mind starting to wander. I thought about all the fun I had with Ashley that morning. Tracy said, “When you are ready, you just give me the signal. I’ll call the police, and you’ll crawl through the vent. Then, you can hide in my car. I’ll leave the doors unlocked. It’s a red 2008 Ford Focus. Do you want to do this?”

I nodded slowly, “Yes.”

It was a half lie, although better than the massive one I told Tracy when I first met her. I had never worked teaching acting to inner-city kids, and the one role I did have involving a kid was a non-speaking one, and I never spoke to him. The only interaction I had with kids previous to this was at the restaurant, and they weren’t positive. It always annoyed me how messy the kids were, how they sometimes pulled all the napkins out of the dispenser or decided to leave bits of food on the booths. Or how their parents let them order food they obviously wouldn’t like. Plus, it always took twice as long to clean a table when kids sat there.

It was a half lie because I was still having serious second thoughts about leaving Ashley here, despite the danger of losing my adult self, it seemed wrong to abandon her. I saw the parallel between this and the military adage, no man left behind. My father told me a story about a young man in his unit. He had his leg blown off by a landmine. The unit risked their lives for the wounded soldier, eventually retrieving him and saving his life. Ashley was the only one who had cared about me here, the only one that helped me, and while we weren’t in an armed conflict, it was close enough to war that I saw Ashley as a fellow soldier. I wasn’t going to leave her behind.

***

“Uh. Hey, Maddie- are you awake?” I was using Ashley’s new name consciously now.

Ashley replied from the top bunk, “Yeah. Are you scared, Kaylee? Do you wanna snuggle a bit?”

I said, “No, that’s not it. I’m just curious if you remember something really important.”

Ashley sounded intrigued, “Ooh, like a big secret? Did you tell me before I went to camp?”

I raised a brow, “You went to camp? When was that?”

Ashley replied, “It was last week silly! You looked so sad when I left. You’ll get to go when you are eight like me. It was so much fun! It was kind of boring when I first was there. I had a lot of fun later though!”

This matched Tracy’s story about the convicts. I still wasn’t sure I could trust her, but she was the only person, other than Ashley, who seemed to care about me. I assumed she felt guilt as a result of her part in creating the serum, but she was offering me a safe place, away from the children whose presence would destroy my adult self.

Not only that, but she seemed committed to finding a cure. She was a scientist like Dr. Travers, but she had a heart, unlike the cold, cavernous empty chamber within the former’s chest. Travers reminded me of the Terminator movies. If Skynet had really created a race of artificially intelligent robots, I imagined that Dr. Travers would probably lead them. A part of me was insulted by the fact he said we had anything in common. Being an emotionless prick to a bunch of needy and vulnerable women wasn’t the same as stealing someone’s life and turning them into a living science experiment.

I asked, “When did you know you wanted to be on TV? Like how old were you?”

Ashley replied excitedly, “Mommy took me to be in commercials when I was really young. That’s what she said. I’m not sure. I can’t really remember.”

I knew that Ashley Perkins had fallen in love with performing during a dance recital when she was five or six. I figured that Ms. Daniels would try and fill in her memories as much as possible, but she could never do it fully.

I asked, “What was your favourite toy growing up?”

Ashley replied, “You’re a weirdo, Kaylee! What do you mean growing up? We aren’t grown-ups. My most favourite toy in the world is my Elsa figure skating Barbie. You play with your Anna one, but sometimes I share with you.”

Again, the answer didn’t match what I knew, which was the decapitated Zoe glitter fun station. I couldn’t actually remember the name, but I knew what it looked like, and it was nothing from this decade.

I felt a burst of energy and an excitement build within me at the mention of the Frozen characters. Would we play again tomorrow? This time, the warning bells sounded. Like a great cock block in the face of an unattractive girl, my early warning system completely shut down any thought of playing with Madison…Ashley tomorrow.

I didn’t want to ask Ashley the next question, but so far, it seemed like the memory wipe was total. I sighed deeply, “When you were six, did something really bad happen to you? Something you still remember?”

There was a long pause. My heart raced in anticipation, desperately hoping she would remember something of her past. Finally, she responded.

“I got lost. I was so scared. I thought it would be fun to hide on mommy. So I went into a big bunch of clothes all in a circle. Well mommy didn’t come find me. And I waited...and then I felt really scared. So I started looking for her. The store was so big. Bigger than our house! They called my name on a big speaker and told me to go to the toys. I knew where that was. And mommy was waiting there!”

I frowned. Despite her apparent insanity, she had provided Ashley with believable memories. Or was it part of the process? Ms. Daniels had said that I would be a blank canvas, so I assumed she had created the memories in the time spent with Ashley. A kid with no memory would likely be terrified without any parents. Ms. Daniels likely filled that role immediately, spending hours with her, implanting hundreds of memories.

I said anxiously, starting to believe that Ashley remembered nothing of her previous life, “Um. Something worse though. You don’t remember anything about your uncle Robert?”

Again, there was a long pause. Ashley replied with similar hesitation, “I-I’m not sure. I don’t know any Robert…but I-I feel like a hurt in my heart. And kind of an icky feeling in my tummy. Hermie said we should just giggle it out. But I don’t want to. I’m scared, Kaylee. I don’t like this feeling!”

I climbed into the top bunk, and the girl threw her arms around me. She had tears in her eyes, and while I regretted bringing up such a painful memory, it was clear that Dr. Travers’ method wasn’t perfect. I said, “It’s okay, Ashley. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

The girl gently wiped her eyes, “W-Why do you keep calling me that? That’s not my name.”

Before I had a chance to answer, I heard the superstar makeover closet slide open, and then the clicking of high heels, which were immediately muted by the carpet in the bedroom.

“Kaylee! It’s not nice to trick your sister like that.”

I balled my tiny hands into fists and glared at Ms. Daniels, “Seriously? We can’t have one fucking minute of privacy in here? Are you sitting listening to us 24/7 or something?”

Ashley said, sounding exasperated, “That’s a really bad word, Kaylee! You’ll make mommy sad.”

Ms. Daniels, who had flicked the lights on, looked up at us, although she eventually zeroed in on me, “Kaylee, you’ve lost your free play tomorrow morning.”

I surprised myself by sticking out my tongue, “And I should care why exactly? I don’t give a shit about playing with dolls or dressing up.”

Ms. Daniels smiled and quirked a brow, “Really? Even playing Frozen with your big sister? You had so much fun with her today.”

I shook my head repeatedly, trying desperately to remove the memory. A twenty-two year old man should not have enjoyed play acting scenes from a movie aimed at children. Yet, the memory was there, like a fresh wound on my battered masculinity. It’s not like I even acted out any of the male parts or the stupid reindeer, no- Kaylee and Madison played Elsa and Anna interchangeably.

Ashley whined, “C’mon, Kaylee, be a big girl and say you’re sorry to mommy! I wanna play with you tomorrow!”

Ms. Daniels said, “It’s OK, Madison. If Kaylee wants to play with you tomorrow, she’ll apologize for saying such naughty words. Right, Kaylee?”

I said firmly, “I’m not apologizing. I was just playing with her because I was bored.”

Ms. Daniels nodded, “OK, Kaylee. If that’s the choice you want to make. We’ll see if you’ve changed your mind tomorrow. Sleep tight my beautiful girls. I love you.” With that, she kissed us both on the forehead.

Madison lilted, “I love you, Mommy!”

When I was silent, both Ashley and Ms. Daniels turned to look at me expectantly. I climbed down into the bottom bunk and proceeded to shrug my shoulders, “I’m not saying shit. Ms. Daniels, you realize what Dr. Travers is doing to you, right? He’s making you younger on purpose and making you think you care about us. When before, all you cared about was selling us.”

Ashley cried out, “Mommy, is that true? I’m scared. I-I don’t want to leave you. I love you!” I heaved a deep sigh as the little girl started crying again.

Ms. Daniels looked at me sternly and then approached Ashley, “Kaylee is sick. But it’s not in her tummy- it’s in her head. That’s why she is saying all of these things.”

Ashley sounded concerned, “Mommy, I want to help her. How can I make her better?”

Ms. Daniels smiled, but I shuddered as her eyes bore into me. While there was the appearance of sincere love in them, there was also a sense of ownership- I was going to be hers. She replied, “Hug her and love her. But most importantly, play with her! Every chance you get. Then one day soon, she’ll wake up, and she’ll have a big smile on her face. That’s when you know she’s all better. Can you do that for me? Kaylee needs her big sister to be strong while she’s sick.”

I glared at Ms. Daniels, knowing what effect Ashley’s constant companionship would have on me.

Madison bounced up top and said gleefully, “Yes, Mommy! I’ll help Kaylee feel all better. I know she was fibbing about Frozen. She loves it! Maybe tomorrow we’ll do a dress up with the costumes!”

I looked straight at Ms. Daniels and said, “This isn’t over. I’m not going to stop trying to jog her memory. You’ve seen that it isn’t perfect. She’s going to remember, and she’s going to realize that she hates you.”

Immediately, a look of sadness crossed Ms. Daniels’ youthful features, but it didn’t last. She regarded me with deadly seriousness- the sing song voice was replaced with a glacial steel as she leaned in and whispered, “If you hate being Mommy’s little girl so much Kaylee, maybe you need more time to think about your behaviour. A few years even.”

My eyes widened to saucers, and the words froze in my mouth. While Dr. Travers was a cold, calculating scientist with a supreme focus on his work, no matter the consequences, Ms. Daniels was a psychotic, vindictive madwoman. I saw in her eyes the person who was going to kill Ryan Sullivan.

Ms. Daniels whispered, “Think about whether you want to be in diapers for a few years, Kaylee. Then you’ll have plenty of time to learn to love Mommy. Consider that the next time you try and ‘jog’ your sister’s memory. Speaking of which, I’ll make sure you keep yours, just until you start talking.”

The sing song voice returned seconds later, “Good night my sweet girls! I hope you are feeling better tomorrow, Kaylee! Remember what I said, Madison!” Another two quick kisses on the forehead, and she was gone.

***

I awoke with a start for the second morning in a row. Someone was in my bed again, but this time they were spooning with me. I heard a groan from my bed mate, “Ouch…Kaylee you hit me in my tummy.”

I wasn’t surprised to see Ashley next to me. Regretfully, I never had the chance to see Ashley’s body before she was turned into a kid. I pictured her body, the smooth legs, the tapered waist, and the perfect face, boobs and ass. Her long raven hair would drape over her breasts as I took her doggy style. She would complain at first, until the first thrust, then she would moan like a cat in heat. While the imagery should have elicited a physical sexual response, I felt only a tiny tingle in my brain.

I rolled away from Ashley, feeling her arm gently fall off my body. I turned to face her. “Why are you in my bed? Did you have a nightmare about what I told you last night?”

I knew that Ms. Daniels’ threat to reduce me to infancy was real, but I still had to try and recover Ashley’s memories. I owed that much to her.

Madison smiled, “Nope! You had a very bad dream. Mommy came in and rubbed your back. She said I should sleep in your bed in case you had another bad dream.”

I blinked, “Wait…Ms. Daniels was in here? I don’t remember anything.” I faintly recalled a dream where I was in a diaper being spoon fed by mommy…Ms. Daniels.

Ashley smiled, “That’s cause you were sleeping, silly! I’m not tired anymore! You wanna play?”

I firmly shook my head, but Ashley persisted. She put her face in mine, “Hey Elsa, do you wanna build a snowman?”

My whole body started to gently shake. That strange energy that fills rambunctious children had entered my body. I realized that I desperately wanted to answer yes. The memory of our first play session filled my mind like a vicious storm, bending trees and bringing torrential rains and once again battering my adult male self. Like everything else in my life, it would be so easy just to give in, to play with Ashley until all that was left of Ryan Sullivan were faded memories, trapped within a shy yet happy little girl.

I decided, however, to take a stand. Ms. Daniels would not have me, and I would prove that Dr. Travers’ formula was unsuccessful. Not only that, but I would save Ashley.

I said, “No, I don’t want to play with you, Ashley. You need to remember who you are. Ms. Daniels isn’t your mommy. She’s someone who has trapped you here. She’s turned you into a little girl. You are a grown woman. An adult. Your name is Ashley Perkins.”

Ashley grinned, “You’re so silly, Kaylee! I’m your big sister, Madison.” Her face darkened, looking hurt, “How come you don’t wanna play with me?”

I replied, “Because I’m actually a boy named Ryan Sullivan. An adult too. I don’t want to play little girl games with you.”

Ashley shook her head, “I think it’s cause you don’t wanna say sorry. You know, for the bad words you said. Mommy said you can’t play if you don’t say sorry.”

I sighed gently. Jogging Ashley’s memory was going to be challenging, but it would also be dangerous. Not only was there the ever present threat of infancy, but there was a tiny part of me that wanted to do nothing else but play with my big sister, day in day out.

***

Throughout breakfast, Ashley continued to pester me about playing with her. I managed to appease her by telling her I would play later, but I didn’t tell her when later would actually be. I used to tell my annoying younger cousins the same thing. Happy with the result, and seemingly getting her way, Ashley busied herself next to the superstar makeover closet. I could hear her pulling things out of there and laughing, and again, I wanted to join her.

Musica, who was mostly silent these days, said, “Madison, sweetie- please move away from the closet, Mommy’s trying to get in.”

Ashley quickly returned to my side as the superstar makeover closet gently slid open. Ms. Daniels stepped into the room, absolutely beaming, “My beautiful girls! How are you this morning?”

Madison said, “I’m good, Mommy! But Kaylee’s head is still sick. She said weird stuff to me. And she won’t play with me! She said later, but it’s later now and she still won’t play.”

Ms. Daniels smiled at Ashley, “Kaylee knows she’s not allowed to play until she apologizes for saying such naughty words. I know you want to play with her Madison, but she’s not allowed until I hear ‘I’m sorry’.”

Ms. Daniels walked over to me and said firmly, “Are you ready to say you’re sorry for saying those bad words, Kaylee? It’s not right to say words like that when you are upset. It hurts Mommy’s feelings too. You don’t want that, do you?”

I said, “I know what playing with her will do to me. So you’ve given me an easy out. No, I’m not going to say I’m sorry.”

Ms. Daniels pulled a chair from the craft table and set it in the corner of the room. “Then you can stay in this chair until you are ready. You can watch your sister play.”

I crossed my arms underneath my chest and shook my head, refusing to budge. Ashley watched the exchange silently. Ms. Daniels said, “Now, young lady. I won’t ask you again.”

My standoff with Ms. Daniels made little sense. I could sit in the chair and avoid having to play with Madison. I stood defiant, for little or no reason.

Five seconds later, Ms. Daniels grabbed my arm and dragged me easily toward the awaiting chair. Before setting me down, however, she pulled her hand back and firmly swatted my butt. It was more shocking than painful, and I was thankful that the chair wasn’t facing her, because my face was burning with humiliation.

Ms. Daniels said, “I’m sorry to have to do that, Kaylee. But you weren’t listening to Mommy. Now are you going to say sorry?” Again, I shook my head as my shame was quickly replaced with anger. I hadn’t been treated like that since I was a kid, and the only time my mom spanked me, I actually laughed at her. She cried (of course), and I was the clear victor. The rage bubbled inside me, and my biceps which previously jutted from my arm, tensed but formed no discernible bump.

Ms. Daniels replied matter-of-factly, “You’ve made your choice then. You’ll sit there until you say sorry to me while your sister plays.”

Seconds ticked by, but it felt like an interminable wait. I took a few glances behind me to see what Ashley was doing. She was dressed in a blue and white dress or gown. Attached to the sleeves were two thin pieces of material. They were nearly translucent. I don’t know how I knew exactly, but I knew the dress was worn by the Elsa character. I had never even seen a picture of her, but I knew it.

Madison twirled the skirt happily, “Look at me, Mommy! Look! I’m Elsa!”

Ms. Daniels replied happily, “You look so beautiful, Madison! My little princess!”

Ashley beamed from the compliment, and slowly, my rage shifted. I desperately wanted Ms. Daniels to say the same to me. I wanted to spin and dance in front of mommy. I wanted her attention.

I turned away immediately, frantically removing the thoughts from my mind the same way a recently divorced woman might cut her ex-husband out of all their pictures together to remove his memory. I heard rustling behind me, and then Ms. Daniels voice, barely above a whisper, “You want to play with your sister, don’t you?”

She held in front of me a green and black dress. There was a bustier, although maybe it wasn’t called that. The sleeves were puffy and blue. Attached to the skirt was the same nearly translucent material, but there were flower petals on it. I almost reached out to grab the dress, but I kept my hands at my side. Still, the want and need was there.

Ms. Daniels dangled the dress in front of me, “You just have to say you’re sorry, Kaylee. It’s really easy, and then you can play for hours with your sister while Mommy gets her beauty treatments.”

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw, trying to shut out Ms. Daniels and her increasingly attractive offer. I felt the fabric of the dress tickle my nose, then hands running gently through my hair, but I didn’t surrender.

Ms. Daniels said, “Fine. You can stay sitting on this chair until you’re ready to be a big girl and apologize. Madison, sweetheart, please help your sister! She needs her big sister to set a good example.”

Ashley replied, “OK, Mommy! I’ll help her!”

Ms. Daniels said, “Good girl. Mommy will be back from her beauty treatment at lunch time. Goodbye, my beautiful girls!”

With that, Ms. Daniels left, but I was left with the memory that for an instant at least, I had desperately wanted her to watch me twirl in the green dress. I wanted her praise, her affection, and most of all- her approval.

I had to get out of here.

***

“I want Ashley to come too. I know that being near her is dangerous to my adult mind, but I really think I was getting through to her. I talked about some abuse she’d been through, and she actually seemed to remember. I know that I can jog her memory. I just need to do it in a place away from Ms. Daniels.” During filming, I had given Tracy the signal- two firm nods. We met again in the office, and while I agreed with her plan, I wasn’t escaping without Ashley.

Tracy furrowed her brow, “It’s incredibly risky. Any prolonged exposure to her will cause irreversible changes.”

I shrugged my shoulders, “OK, so I think a bit like a kid. It’s not a big deal. Once you turn me back, it’ll all be fixed.”

Tracy shook her head, “You don’t understand, Ryan. It will literally shrink your brain. You’ll not only think like a kid, you will have the same brain capacity as a six year old. Meaning you will lose most of what you learned in school. Certain memories may trigger your previous abilities or knowledge, but it will be rare.”

She added sadly, “If that happens to you, there’s no going back. It’s easy enough to regress a brain. Think of someone who has suffered serious brain damage. They might forget things often or anger easily. They also might lose certain skills. It’s a similar approach. But to age a brain, to give knowledge, a lifetime of experience and muscle memory, it’s impossible.”

I frowned, “Why? Why is this possible, and not that?” I motioned to myself- to my body.

Tracy replied, “Because you would have to be the one who infused those skills, the knowledge and the muscle memory. Not even a parent or a spouse would know you as well as you know yourself. You’d be at best an incomplete human being, a man with a memory but no education or skills. You would have to start over in nearly every aspect of your life. At worst, you’d be severely developmentally delayed.”

I asked, “What does that mean?”

Tracy said softly, “You’d be trapped at a specific developmental stage. You’d be an adult, but you would always have the brain capacity of a six year old. Look, I know that you care about Ashley, but do you really want to risk yourself like that?”

She added, “I’ll make sure that Ashley and the boys are taken to a very reputable orphanage. They’ll become wards of the state of California.”

I banged my fist on the table, “That’s not good enough! Ashley needs help. I can help you jog her memory. Tell you the things she told me. You can keep us in separate rooms, just like Anna and Elsa.” My eyes widened, and Tracy sighed gently.

“For the last few nights, they’ve been playing the Frozen DVD all night long. Despite not seeing it, your brain has created the pictures. The same way it would when you are reading a book.”

I glared at Tracy, “I’m not stupid. I could have figured that one out myself.”

Tracy nodded slowly, “Sorry, Ryan. Your idea might work, but if you start to mentally regress, I’m pulling the plug on this. I need ...”

I narrowed my eyes, “You need what? You need to use me as a science experiment? A way to get grant money?”

Tracy leaned down, lowering herself to eye level with me and said softly, “Nothing like that. You hold the secret to what happened here. They are going to wipe the memories of every last test subject now that they’ve determined how to do it. So if something happens to me, you need to tell the world. Do you understand?”

I seethed, “Look, if this arrangement is going to work, you can’t treat me like a kid. You can’t talk to me like one, or do this patronizing bullshit. If I’m going to live with you, you have to treat me like Ryan. No fucking eight o’clock bed times. No stupid kid rules. Got it? And yeah I understand. I’m not stupid.”

Tracy stood up, “I’m sorry, Ryan. You’re right. I can’t do that. It was a temporary lapse. I’ve just dealt with so many like you that I forget there’s an adult inside that little girl’s body. Usually by this point, there’s been a full regression. You were really lucky to end up with Ashley. Because if you’d been in the boys’ room, well…we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Tracy added, “I’ll find a way to bring Ashley too.”

I felt fear and anxiety creep into my mind. What if I couldn’t push myself to leave, to step over the threshold to freedom? What if failure was imminent? The uncertainty must have been painted on my face because Tracy reached out and put her hand on my slender shoulder, and this time I welcomed the touch.

Tracy said gently, “It’ll be alright, Ryan.”

In that moment, I wanted to be embraced by Tracy, to feel her warmth and the protection she offered. I fought the urge and nodded, saying firmly, “Yeah I know.”

Tracy pulled away, and I felt an instant emptiness and a forceful return to vicious fear. I realized that I wanted her to reach out again, and it wasn’t because of how it would feel to have her firm breasts pressed against my body, or the sweet smell of her perfume- no, in that moment, she represented an emotional safety net.

Again, I pushed away the feelings, the desire to be held, and said, “Alright, let’s do this.”

Tracy nodded and pulled her cell phone out of her purse, “The vent is open. Good luck, Ryan.”

***

My fully charged cell phone provided enough illumination to keep my now very active imagination at bay. A pink and black Hello Kitty backpack carried a few days’ worth of clothing, and a plastic bag with my wallet. Pinned to the glittery blue butterfly t-shirt I wore was my dad’s overseas service badge. I was fully prepared to leave this place, and I just hoped that I could gather the courage this time to actually do the deed.

I knew the consequences for failure- becoming the young daughter of a madwoman.

As I crawled through the duct work, I heard shouting. An access grate gave me a bird’s eye view of the doctor’s laboratory, where Dr. Travers and Ms. Daniels were having an explosive argument. I fiddled with the grate, pushing it open, and once I did, I was shocked by what I saw.

Standing in a pair of ill-fitting heels was a young woman who couldn’t have been older than thirteen or fourteen. Ms. Daniels’ once full breasts had been reduced to budding lumps. From my vantage point, I could see that her bra was hanging uselessly, the cups barely filled. Her blazer hung limply from her shoulders, the formerly form fitting garment looking like her much larger date had offered it to her or perhaps her father at a daddy-daughter dance.

She waved her arms in rage, but the sleeves of her blazer now extended past her hands. “You asshole! I look like I should be babysitting my girls, not acting as their mother! What have you done to me!?” As she stomped toward the doctor, she stepped out of her heels, and threw off her blazer.

The doctor had his back to her, busying himself with a chemistry set. It was actually beyond a chemistry set, but other than calling it a contraption, I had no other description. It was a complicated machine that had different coloured liquid passing through long tubes, ending in a beaker. Despite the anger displayed by his conversation partner, the doctor replied in the same monotone, “Ms. Daniels, you’ve been a useful test subject. Your usefulness, however, has reached its end. It’s time that we ended our partnership.”

Ms. Daniels shrieked, her voice childlike and strained, “What are you talking about?! I was never supposed to be a test subject! What about your grants? With me gone, you’ll lose all of them except for your original fund. And that won’t keep this place running for a day.”

Dr. Travers replied calmly, “You tested the efficacy of the serum as an anti-ageing or age defying tonic. I would say it is a success.”

Ms. Daniels stalked toward the doctor, who still had his back turned to her, “How is this a success? I look like I did in high school! No one will want that.”

Dr. Travers nodded, “Agreed, but the dosage I gave you was too large. I know now what is required to avoid such unfortunate…side effects. Now this distasteful plot you have with regard to the television program and the adoption agency can cease. Remember too, it was you who asked me to give you the serum again.”

Ms. Daniels stomped her bare feet, “Because beyond my girls, it is all I can think about!”

Dr. Travers replied evenly, “Yes, unfortunately your batch was highly addictive. That’s something I will remove from future versions. Again, I have to thank you, Ms. Daniels, you’ve been extremely helpful.”

Ms. Daniels stepped weakly toward the doctor, “But what’s going to happen to me, to my girls?” As she walked toward him, I could see that her hips had narrowed significantly, while her long slender legs had been reduced to sticks. She was basically a bean pole with two lumps attached to her chest.

Dr. Travers replied, “Well I would expect you’ll be attending the seventh grade, by the time the formula is completely finished with you. While Kaylee, Madison and the boys will enjoy a second trip through elementary school. After I finish wiping all your memories that is. I’m certain a loving family will adopt Kaylee and Madison. The boys too. You might spend a few months or even a year in a state-run orphanage. You know that our adoption research indicated that the younger the child the better. Few people want to raise teenagers. But someone will want you. Eventually.”

Ms. Daniels screamed, “You fucking bastard! I never asked for this!”

Dr. Travers shook his head, “But you did. You wanted to be younger, Ms. Daniels. And now you are.”

Dr. Travers slowly filled a syringe from the beaker, but as he was doing so, Ms. Daniels moved in behind him. Just as he finished filling the syringe, Ms. Daniels grabbed the doctor’s arm and forced the needle into his body. I couldn’t see where at first, but a quick turn from the desk revealed a needle stuck fast in the man’s thigh. As he reached down to pull it out, Ms. Daniels jabbed another needle, this one filled with a viscous green fluid, into the man’s neck. He cried out in pain. Beyond the smile he displayed at my failed escape attempt, it was the most emotion I had seen from the man.

Ms. Daniels thrust the plunger down on the needle in Dr. Travers’ neck. I couldn’t see if it had hit a vein or not, but as the doctor struggled to wrench the needle from his neck, Ms. Daniels plunged another into his arm. Again, I saw the liquid leave the syringe. I could see that some leaked out of the various puncture wounds, but the last one barely dribbled.

The doctor seized up, as blood and serum mixed both inside and outside his body. By the time Ms. Daniels had thrust the sixth needle into Dr. Travers, I had closed my eyes. I loved horror movies, especially slasher movies with copious amounts of blood and gore, but the real life scene, the horrific attack, it was too much. I flicked my cell phone on and took off through the vent.

A moment later, I heard a scream, a pained, tortured cry, and then silence.

***

After five minutes of crawling, I started to see daylight. For weeks, I had been bathed in the artificial glow of studio lights, but now, the sun lay before me. Tiny rays of light crept into the shaft as if carefully tracing my path to freedom. I emerged in the parking lot, which was next to the bus stop where I had first met Ashley.

There was a surprising number of cars in the parking lot, especially for a studio that had only a skeleton crew. I heard sirens approaching. The police would likely find Dr. Travers dead, murdered by his own test subject. Ms. Daniels’ would be charged, but she would likely be shipped off to a mental hospital.

After a few minutes of searching, I located the red Ford Focus that was to be my escape vehicle. I was proud that I managed to leave the studio without the same debilitating fear. It may have had something to do with the fact that I wanted to be as far away as possible from the horrifying scene in the laboratory, but I chalked it up to bravery, and a return to my confident self.

I opened the car and slid into the backseat. Not wanting to be seen by the police or anyone else for that matter, I quickly lay down behind the two front seats. Why was I scared of the police? Despite the evidence in the lab, I was terrified that they wouldn’t believe my story. That they would think I was just some poor little girl snatched away from an orphanage and used for cheap acting labour.

Tracy wanted me to tell the world what had happened to me, but I was having serious anxiety about revealing who I actually was. I had my doubts that anyone would believe such a far-fetched explanation. Or worse still, the supposed powers that be, the ones who funded the mad scientist’s experiments would find a way to make me disappear to protect their reputations. I just wanted to stay at Tracy’s until she could find a way to turn me back. As much as I loved the spotlight, I didn’t want to enter it looking like Kaylee.

After a short while, I caught the reflection of spinning blue light, which signaled the arrival of more police. I started to obsessively check my phone, to the point where I was checking the time every three or four minutes. Worry descended on me, my entire body feeling heavy, as if it was bound by massive chains. It pounded in my skull, causing me to adopt a foetal position. I crushed a discarded coffee cup in my hand, pumping it over and over like the stress ball Vince kept in his office.

As each minute ticked by, I grew increasingly anxious. Tracy should have been here by now. A thousand possible outcomes ran through my head. Was she in there explaining to the police what had happened? Would some loose lipped cop spill the story to the media? I imagined microphones pushed into my face and a television cameras capturing my every move. My face would be plastered on newspaper covers, it would be the main story world-wide. A secret to the fountain of youth discovered in of all places- Hollywood, California.

I heard voices, and my nails dug into the coffee cup. Were the police conducting car-by-car searches?

Seconds later, I lifted my head up to see Tracy being slowly led out toward a police cruiser. She was handcuffed. It was at this point that I began having serious breathing problems. My breaths came in staccato gasps. It felt like my chest was in a vice, and the crank was slowly crushing the life from my body. Words escaped from my mouth, cries of “No!” before they were quickly silenced.

If the police found me here, I would probably end up in an orphanage. The little blonde girl with the uncertain, timid demeanor would be readily adopted, and then- school. It was likely that the orphanage itself would destroy my adult self, being surrounded by kids my age, or just kids in general, but school- it would cement my fate as Kaylee.

I told myself over and over that I wouldn’t end up that way, but my brain refused to cooperate. As I watched Tracy being led to the police car, a deep despair passed over me. I felt like a withered party balloon, once so hopeful of freedom, to fly away, to a fate where I was a sagging nearly empty husk. Tracy was my only chance to be myself again. I forgot about the whiteboard images on my phone or the fact that Tracy might be released without charges. No, my mind created a situation where Tracy received the death penalty, and I ended up finger painting and surrounded by kids who turned my brain to first grade mush. I wasn’t college educated or anything, but I knew how to read, and with practice I could write again. I remembered my times tables. Basic things adults did every day and older school-aged children- it would all be gone.

The images exacerbated my anxiety to the point where I was shaking uncontrollably. My thoughts, however, turned to Ashley, and to her previous words of encouragement. I had to pull myself together, and I desperately had to avoid crying loudly. To this point, I had managed to stifle any terrified sobbing with a blanket I found in the back seat, but if it grew in intensity one of the police officers was certain to hear me. Eventually, my breathing slowed, as I used Ashley’s words regarding my past failures or rather my lack of trying as a mantra.

I heard the police cars pull away, the flashing lights quickly disappearing from the reflection in the window.

I peeked out the window and seeing a deserted parking lot, I decided to slowly exit the car. I had some difficulty separating myself from the place that had been my hiding spot, but I gathered my courage and left, slinging my backpack over my shoulder in the process.

Thankfully, the beasts and misshapen humans I had seen during my first escape attempt were gone. It wasn’t surprising because I knew I could never return to the studio, not after the horrific acts I saw there. It was the equivalent of sleeping in a house where a multiple homicide occurred. Plus, the police might return. I had no choice but to leave.

Looking beyond the parking lot and the high fence, I saw an open world.

At this point, however, I wasn’t sure if it was there to embrace me, or to gobble me up whole.