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Dear Mom
By Morpheus
Dear Mom,
Even while I'm sitting here, I don't know what to write. I don't know what to say or how to say it. Everything is so confusing and so much has happened that I don't even have any idea of where to start. Or how to say this. I guess, maybe I should start at the beginning.
I remember my sixteenth birthday two weeks ago. I was really excited and hoped that you'd give me a car like Bobby's mom did when he turned 16. And of course, there was my license. I'd finally have a license and could drive myself. I'd finally be able to ask Julie on a date and not have to worry about being embarrassed by asking for a ride. But as you know, that wasn't what happened. It wasn't a car that you gave me...
You smiled when you came in with a cake and I could tell that something was up. I just thought that it was because you were going to give me cool present though. At first I didn't even notice that there was pink frosting and candles on my cake, and was pretty startled when I did. You just smiled at me and told me to blow out the candles. Now I wish to God that I hadn't.
As soon as I blew out the candles, I remembered the strange pink cloud coming out of them. I remember the sudden tingling in my entire body and the pain as I started to change. I remember how scared and confused I was. But even more, I remembered the look in your eyes. I remember how excited you were... I remember you laughing.
I know that I don't have to tell you that I changed. You were there. You saw it. And though I didn't realize it at first, you caused it. A minute after I'd blown out my candles, my whole body was completely different. It had changed. I had changed. I was...I was a girl. You even laughed when I freaked out and grabbed at myself in confusion. You have no idea what it's like suddenly going from being a normal guy to being a girl. What it's like to suddenly growing a pair of tits. To loosing a cock and getting a... God, I have one and I can't even say it.
You tried calming me down, and once I was a little, you told me that you'd done it. I was shocked and confused. I can remember it clearly. I can remember you calling me Danielle instead of Dan, telling me that you'd always wanted a daughter and were happy that you had one now. I was too shocked to know what to say, so I could only sit there while you told me about that witch you got that spell from. While you told me how happy you were to give me 'the best present ever' for my birthday. About how happy you were that I was no longer a boy. You even said 'boy' like it was a bad word. All I could do was sit there...and feel hurt.
I remember the rest of the day, how you kept calling me Danielle. How you kept insisting that I was the way I always should have been. That I'd get used to it. That I'd love it. That I'd be happy and thank you for changing me. I didn't believe you, but you kept insisting.
When I went to my bedroom, I remember how shocked I was to find it a girls room instead. It had been completely redecorated. You'd already thrown out almost everything that I had. All of my clothes...all of my sports posters...all of my sports equipment...and all of the trophies that I'd worked so hard to earn. Even my lucky baseball that was signed by my favorite player was gone. Gone to the dump you said.
Things didn't get any better for me. You made me wear dresses and skirts, even though I hated them. Even though I felt humiliated having to even look like a girl in the first place. But I didn't have any other kind of clothes. All you'd given me was that kind. Not even a pair of pants.
Then you sent me to that new school, insisting that I'd make friends and be on the cheerleading squad in no time. I didn't want either though. I just wanted my old life...my old friends. The ones I couldn't see anymore. The ones you told I was dead. And when I ran into my best friend Bobby...he just tried to hit on me and ask me for a date. I knew then that even if I could tell him...if I could tell any of them and get them to believe me...it would never be the same. Never.
I'm sorry about all of the smudges on this letter and hope that they don't make it too hard to read. I accidentally got a bunch of tears on it while writing. They come out so much easier now...
I tried to get used to what had happened to me, but I couldn't. So you sent me to see that shrink, the one who was supposed to make me accept it. She tried...and so did I, but it just wasn't working. I know that I smiled and said that I was getting used to it...but I lied.
My friends are gone, all thinking that I'm dead in a car crash because that's what you told them. I've tried making new friends at my school, but I just couldn't. To all of the guys, I'm just a girl to ask out or try to sleep with. And even though you made me look like them, I don't fit in with the girls. I don't feel right with them. I don't belong there.
I really liked...maybe even loved Julie. I'd planned on asking her out...on dating her. I'd even dreamed about asking her to marry me one day. About having a family of my own with her... But this can't happen now.
Next year, I was going to try out for the school football team. I wanted to play so bad that I could almost taste it. I was good and getting better. I'd even dreamed of one day getting a scholarship to college...and maybe even going to the NFL. Now, all of my plans for the future are gone. All of my dreams are gone.
Every time I look into the mirror, I see a stranger staring back. It's not my face and never will be. My whole body feels...wrong, and every movement just rubs that in. It's not my body. Not anymore. I'm a stranger in my own skin. I'm trapped inside this stupid alien body...feeling so alone...so scared.
How could you do this to me? You said that you did it because you loved me, but how can you do something like this to a person you love? To your own son? You betrayed me...you hurt me so badly that I can't even put it into words. Now I know the truth. I know that you never really wanted a son...that you never wanted me. That you never even loved me.
You've taken away everything that I ever had or loved. You stole sports from me... You stole my friends from me. My future...my life. EVERYTHING! You've even stolen me from me. I don't even know who I am anymore...or what I am. Except for confused...lonely...scared...betrayed and angry. All I know for sure now is that I can not live like this anymore.
This letter is the hardest thing I've ever written and I wish that I had the courage to tell you what I feel to your face. And while I write this letter, I'm staring at the gun beside me. The gun that's going to end my suffering, as soon as I finish this last, final goodbye.
No more love or kisses.....Dan
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Comments
Oh My
Gawd! What can anyone say after reading something like this? Having gender problems just plain sucks, but to have it suddenly thrust upon you or maybe I should say TORN from you would be incredibly painful. Some people say things like can't happen but we see parents make selfish choices about their children all the time.
If this was a Julie O story I would be praying for the Magic cops to rush in, but Morpheus, you have no such group in your universe. I fear Dan will pay the ultimate price for his mother's selfishness.
However this is just the note. We're left to our own devices as to what happens next. Forgive me if I prefer to envision a last minute save.
hugs
Grover
Mom
Goodness that one was intense Morpheus! I've thought that a lot of stories that had forced fem/humiliation in them would more than likely end up this way in a real life situation. The majority of people just wouldn't take something like that without having a very very bad reaction to it, either their oppressor, the victim, or both would meet a bad end.!
You made me really feel for
You made me really feel for the poor kid. All that anguish because of a selfish mother.
Have a delightfully devious day,
this one hurt to read
I feel for this poor child. I'm hoping somehow, someway he finds peace.
wow
Being transgendered sucks, but to have it thrust upon you with the lack of preparation and loss of all held dear is much much worse than the many years I've lived knowing somethings wrong. That is why I seldom read forced fem and similar stories, accidental change? change for deeply repressed desires? magic out of control? Ok but reading this what other end would anyone get than what we read here. Maybe kill Mom first! then yourself!
Draflow
Ouch.
What really hit me is that I just re-read Randalynn's Surprise. Seeing this less than three hours later was a bit much.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Dark and really hard hitting but real.
And needed to be heard. I really severely dislike forced fem stories mostly because they glaze over the pain it inflicts and/or the people being changed are wrote so that they just roll over and take it.
Bailey Summers
Same here,
I suspect that would be the consequence for a lot of the stories if they were for real.
Too many stories show this and figuratively shrug their shoulder. Then the character gets the hots for a boy.
Tain't happening.
I feel the same way. That's
I feel the same way. That's the reason I wrote Boys Will Be Boys. Wanted a more realistic outcome (without the shooting himself part). Manifest Justice was more about getting even. ;)
Great story Morpheus!
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Exactly how I felt.
Wow! This is so clear and understandable and there was a time when... And it was such a narrow thing too. Not one person understood what I felt, no NOT ONE. The only thing I'd do different is shoot her first.
Well, it's many years later, and the other day, I finally ran into someone who totally gets it. He's the Bishop of my church and not one single person says a single solitary thing about my past now, and I do not live in fear of it. Life is so busy now days just trying to help out in the community where ever I can; making the time I have left count if it is possible; so thankful for the love and support.
But, you go Dan! Talk to you on the other side, OK. Just a little jealous of your courage.
G
LOOK, no fuckin drama over this, got it!
I've just been writing my story, Wild Magic.
There were some of similarities, in that he didn't want to be changed, and that all of his friends believed he died in a car crash.
The big difference is that my character, Emily, has a lot of support from her family. She's still dealing with the changes, but she knows that her family still loves her, as opposed to this poor guy, who believes his mother never wanted him at all, and feels totally abandoned and betrayed.
I think the fact that he felt that he was never wanted has much more affect. He might have made it through the transition if his mom hadn't laughed, and had done her best to support him. So sad.
Wren
Wasn't your character the
Wasn't your character the nu-girl who had a boyfriend after three chapters? It seems more the brain and body transformation, while this one obviously is just a sex-change, but not a gender change.
For some reason those sex and gender change stories are here quite often. I wonder sometimes why the authors even bother to transform the character at all, when after three or four chapters the previous boy is indistinguishable from a tomboy who decided to become a girly girl and switched schools.
If the family had not been at fault in the situation of the boy/girl in this story and supported the new her, she might have lived with it and survived, but I doubt she would have been very happy. I guess being transgender is horrible enough but becoming transgendered might be even worse.
Morpheus: Well done persiflage on the bad boy to good girl, forced femme and female supremacy stories. As if someone would be totally happy by being forcefully turned into a girl on a whim, being laughed at, officially dead, now transgendered, friendless and without a family that deserves to be called so. This was a very realistic outcome and I thank you for writing it.
Beyogi
I don't know if I agree with you...
I'm not saying you're wrong, but I still think he could have handled it better if Mom hadn't laughed and gloated about his change. She brushed him off, and basically told him he was useless and never really wanted him in the first place. I contend that this rejection alone was enough to put him over the top. If she had toned it down and not gloated, even at least trying to sympathize and act like she was supporting him, he might have been able to overcome the shock of his transformation.
A lot of people have gone through seeriously traumatic events, and they have admitted that having the support of friends and family was the only way they were able to overcome the trauma. People can and have overcome major taumatic events, and they can and do overcome parental betrayal and rejection. Both would be incredibly difficult.
Wren
ahh that damned mirror...
No matter what side of that mirror you stand upon, if what you see is not the YOU that you feel within, it can hurt just as much.
I often find myself with a very heavy hate towards a conservative world that restricts free Thought and Will to be who YOU are and not who someone ELSE wants you to be.
Very well written, as per usual Morpheus. You have in many ways become quite a leader in this genre of writing.
How it should be
Not a fan of forced feminization, of course, it's fantasy but the reality would be a lot harsher. This story is an exception to the norm as such stories where the protagonist normally just goes without a fuss, or just a little, then just does.
Betrayal on his mother's part, especially with a teenager who is just coming into themselves would be devastating.
I think that this would be fairly normal in these types of stories for many of the characters, although wouldn't be too popular. Too much like reality.
++++++++++++
Cartman: A fine day of plundering we had boys. What about yourselves? Here you are lads, plenty of booty to go around. A round of grog for me boys. A round of grog for everyone!
I get it.
Saw your comment today on an old Morpheus story involving forced fem. In a very real sense, I was involuntarily made female. As a child I had felt I was female, but was forced to live as a male, and over the years adapted to it as far as possible, raising a family, and having a successful career.
In the midst of all this, I was diagnosed as GID, and eventually put on very strong psych medications that made me really suggestible. In 2007, I had SRS after living as a woman since 2004. In 2008 I got off all the psych meds, and the reality has slowly crept in that I would not have become a woman, given the choice. I'd simply been a very mild, effeminate non gay male.
The whole transgender thing is pure nonsense, and goofy psychologists destroyed a lot of lives.
Gwen
Thank you
Thank you for this revealing review. You paint a totally different picture to the one found in fics here. I am grateful for the broadening of horizons you gave me.
I personally don't think that
I personally don't think that "the transgender thing" is pure nonsense. I firmly believe that humans are across an enormous spectrum of both sexual identity and gender. The bulk are in the "heterosexual male" and "heterosexual female", but with (for example) 300,000,000 people in the US, even a group of .01 percent is 30,000 people. Add in the fact that it seems that the X and Y chromosomes are extremely easy to distort, and you end up with Kleinfelters' Syndrome and similar problems. Now, there's even a broader concept of chimeras, absorbed twins, and even cellular transfer between mother and child in the womb. It's almost a miracle that we aren't all suffering from random genetic disorders or rejecting our own organs.
I do think you were disserved by your doctors. Psychotropic or psychoreactive drugs should never be given while trying to determine a psychological condition, unless it's a life or death situation.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
wow that kind of mother no one needs
where is his father ?
"Mom" deserves a special spot in Hell.
As does any real world parent who forces their child to live as something they are not.