I pulled her close and kissed the top of her ear, pushing ever-so-slightly through her upswept hair. I leaned back and looked into her eyes, the world outside of those amazing eyes ceased to exist and I knew just how lucky I was. She was the one that Mom had always told me I'd find one day. That I'd know the girl that would be tied to me as surely as the sky is tied to the horizon as soon as I looked her in the eye for real.

A Story With No Title
by Edeyn Hannah Blackeney

I pulled her close and kissed the top of her ear, pushing ever-so-slightly through her upswept hair. I leaned back and looked into her eyes, the world outside of those amazing eyes ceased to exist and I knew just how lucky I was. She was the one that Mom had always told me I'd find one day. That I'd know the girl that would be tied to me as surely as the sky is tied to the horizon as soon as I looked her in the eye for real.

This amazing girl in my arms as we danced around the gymnasium. The streamers, the music, even the guys thinking they were being sneaky about spiking the punch... it all just added to my one perfect moment.

She smiled up at me and moved her hands from my shoulders to the sides of my head as she pulled me to her for a kiss. Y'know... that kiss could have lasted three seconds or three years and I'd never know the difference. I'd probably still be there kissing her today if the Geography teacher hadn't barked a, "break it up, kids!" at us.

* = [ - * - ] = *

Casey's wonderful eyes twinkled as she threw back her head and laughed, hair flying wildly around her head as I spun her around on the hilltop.

"Yes! Scott, YES! Now put me down, before I throw up!"

I set down my new fiancé and fumbled in my jeans pocket for the ring-box and slipped my great-grandmother's ring on her finger.

* = [ - * - ] = *

"My Caity," I whispered to the tiny person with the wrinkled eyes that was grasping my littlest finger. I looked over to Casey, who was obviously exhausted, but smiling. Grinning from ear to ear.

"Scotty," she said with a note of awe in her voice, "Scotty, we have a daughter."

I smiled at my beautiful wife, and gently removed my finger from my daughter's grasp.

"Today... is a big day for this family," I said, trying to sound as though I wasn't bubbling over with unbelieveable amounts of sheer emotive wonderfulness.

"You gets a degree. So, of course, I can't let you outdo me... so I gets a degree. So you go and give birth. Just can't stand to be topped, can you?"

She threw back her head and cackled as the nurse looked at us both like we were nuts.

* = [ - * - ] = *

"No, Scotty. We agreed no more Allison until Caitlin is old enough to talk to about it. I know how much it means to you to be able to be Allison, but we agreed NOT at home until then."

She kissed me, and it was impossible to resent her when she did that.

"Look. I know it's been months, but well... you're overdue for a 'business trip' anyway. Seriously. Go into the city, have some Allison time for a weekend. We'll be fine here. I'll take her shopping for new shoes and some shorts for preschool in a few weeks."

* = [ - * - ] = *

I stood watching my perfect little angel sleeping. She was so amazing.

She opened her eyes and smiled at me.

"I love you, Daddy."

* = [ - * - ] = *

"... and that'th why Nutrithion ith important!" the big grin with the missing two front teeth on her face made 'Grains' even more precious as she recited her lines. The play was over, and we stood up with the rest of the crowd of proud parents and began making our way to the aisle.

"Scott! Casey!"

I looked and smiled at Caity's teacher.

"Evelyn! Wonderful job with the kids. I've never seen a finer First Grade nutrition facts play."

She smiled and shook my hand, then hugged Casey.

"You know you have reason to be the most proud. Your Caitlin was the only one that remembered all of her lines."

I smirked, "Well, she got her looks from her mom, she had to get something from her wastrel of a father."

* = [ - * - ] = *

Another straight 'A' report card. Well, that's a trip to get ice cream, at the very least.

I walked into the kitchen where she was standing on a stool 'helping' her mother with something with lots of flour.

"Aw, there's my flour-girls!" I quipped.

"Daddy!"

I swept my daughter up into my arms and kissed her flour-coated nose.

"How's my fifth grader?"

"Not yet, Daddy, not until next Fall and I start school again."

"Nope. Nuh-uh. It's a law. You're considered a fifth grade girl as soon as you finish your last day of fourth grade."

She threw her head back and laughed in the same way as her mother.

"I love you, Daddy."

* = [ - * - ] = *

I threw my drink in his face, and wished I'd actually had something alcoholic so that it would've burned his eyes.

"I said no, creep!" I hissed.

"You want I should have Ox escort this fella out, Allison?" asked Tanya, the bartender.

I nodded and pressed my lips into a thin line. She motioned toward the door and Ox -- who was surprisingly small given his nickname and profession as bouncer -- waded through the nightclub's patrons.

"Problem, Tanya?"

"Yeah, Ox, this jerk won't take, 'No,' for an answer. See to it he gets the message what that little word means, willya?"

He nodded and I'd swear I saw amusement in his eyes, but as he reached for the guy's arm, the jerk reached out to cop a feel.

A hand slapped his out of the way and then grabbed me by the back of the neck. I found myself suddenly kissing a very familiar mouth.

"She's mine, okay buddy?" said Casey, then she threw her head back and laughed the way I loved so much as Tanya and Ox both dropped their jaws at the revelation that I was lesbian.

* = [ - * - ] = *

"Moooom! Daaaaad! I'm hooooome!"

I shoved the suitcase under the bed and it dropped into the hole, then pulled the carpet over the hole and stood, just as Caity came into the bedroom.

"Dad, where's Mom? I have to talk to both of you about something important."

"She's over at Janeen's place, or actually she's probably on her way home by now. What's up, Caity?"

My daughter grinned at me and answered, "No, Dad, won't work. You have to wait until I can talk to both of you. This is serious."

I reached out and gathered her into a big hug.

"Everything is serious to you. And every other twelve-year old in the world."

"Daaaaad!" she sighed exasperated.

* = [ - * - ] = *

I sat and held my head in my hands.

"It's okay, Scott. Really. It doesn't have to be today. We can tell her after we get back.

"I chickened out, Casey. She's fifteen. She's a smart girl, I could have told her when she was ten and she'd have gotten it. Instead I keep hiding it from her and I'm just so tired of hiding who I am from my daughter."

"Scott. Stop it. Caity loves you. I get jealous of you two sometimes!"

I looked at her.

"I'm serious! If she was any closer to you, they'd have to pick her out of your nose!"

* = [ - * - ] = *

"Oh goodness, Allison, that dress is perfect on you! The corset gives your figure just the right, 'Oomph,' too!"

I grinned at Casey, "You really think so? I mean, when we go to the Convention next month, I want to look perfect. Those catty wenches from the Laser Removal booth are gonna get an eyeful this year!"

"Yes, Ally, I really think so. Tell you what, let me change into something a little more upscale while you grab our purses and we'll go out for dinner."

I kissed her gently, not wanting to make a mess out of either of our lipstick.

I headed into the living room and was reading the Cosmo on the endtable when the front door swung open and Caitlin walked in.

"Oh, hi, Caity, how's my best girl?" I asked and smiled at her.

She wasn't smiling back. In fact she looked downright horrified.

Oh.

Hell.

"Honey, I can explain..." I began.

Her scream brought Casey running from the back room in just her bra and panties.

* = [ - * - ] = *

"So, a year ago your daughter came home a day early from a camping trip and discovered your secret of Allison?"

"Yes, doctor," I answered as I finished explaining the incident that set us on the rocky road we were travelling down at breakneck speed.

Casey gave my hand a squeeze and I chanced a look over at the other couch. Nope. She was still sulking at having to be here.

"Would you say that was an accurate accounting of that day, Caitlin?" she asked my daughter.

"Yeah, they sent me on a lame-o camping trip so they could play their pervert games."

"Caity!"

"What, Mom? You condone his being pervy, that makes you as big a perv. Or are you just a lesbian and like him as a chick?"

* = [ - * - ] = *

Wow. It's so high up here. Well, I guess Forest Fire Watchtowers need to be able to see a lot. Let's see... dressed "appropriately" so that Caity won't be embarrassed further. I failed her. One of the two most important people in my life and I failed her. Well, this'll help. I won't be in the way, and with the papers I sent off to my lawyer... they'll be taken care of and never have to worry about money again. Rope's tied off on the rail and the other end is, um, done. I just have to jump...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Over 50% of Transgendered individuals attempt suicide. Of those that attempt, somewhere between 70% and 80% succeed. These numbers do not, for obvious reasons, include those that remain closeted their entire lives, or those that make a conscious choice not to transition. If I were to guess at the percentages including those groups, I would only think the numbers would climb.