Undercurrents 8

I lay there pondering, mind at Warp 9. He had to know… and I had to bring them together but should I tell him first?

For a few moments I enjoyed a wild fantasy where I took him to her restaurant and the two immediately reunited but then the dream went south as she was only trying to hurt him for leaving her…

I turned away from reverie and began to game the situation using everything I knew about both of them to run series of variations, possible major break points, reactions and counter reactions… That occupied an hour and at the end I was left chasing my tail.

Sleep was out of the question thanks to the drugs so I stiffly levered myself out of bed leaving Theo to his rest. Getting dressed normally was equally out of the question so I managed to get into a comfortable kaftan that fell to my ankles and took the nip out of the air. My distressed bunny slippers stared forward with faces distorted in a comical bunny scream and wrapped fuzzy warmth around my feet.

I usually wear fairly tight clothes so on occasion its nice to have something that doesn’t cling to every curve. No underwear was nice too, even if it did give me that nibbling sense of being wrong as I felt what still dangled from my crotch.

That wasn’t as bad as it usually was for me, it truly was a nibbling rather than being ripped to death by dogs… I wondered briefly if knowing that in 2 months I would be whole was responsible for that easing angst. Whatever the cause I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I’d been meaning to do a few upgrades on my gear and just hadn’t had the time. That would give me something I could actually fix to work on instead of running around in circles. First physical comfort…

A quick moment later I had removed my ocular displays and replaced them with the newest version. They looked like soft contact lenses and they could serve that function but they could also do a great many other things including acting as a HUD. The newer version allowed projection outward as well as inward, allowing me to do all sorts of fun things with my eyes. That should amp up the lightshow Friday…

I let the factory install run before I examined the code and began tweaking it. It looked like there was a lot of capability locked off, fun things like light amplification and magnification. The notes hidden in the code suggested that those capabilities were not yet stable and after some examination I could see why.

They had tried to make it monolithic, all self contained and although in some situations that could be a good thing whoever wrote this was obviously into industrial control systems. I unlocked the magnification segment and tried to run it only to be treated to wild zooms in perspective, in and out. Light amplification gave similar results and the issue became clear to me.

This sort of control system might have worked perfectly well for something that only served as a display but this was too fuzzy, requiring the software to determine the intent of the wearer and respond with set increments. When it was unable to achieve the precision needed it began to heterodyne wildly and caused the drastic seesawing I’d seen.

I got into dissecting the code, removing some of the unneeded bloat, adding a line here or there, a few new subroutines. By the time I had the light amplification stabilized the faint grey of dawn was visible through the skylights.

An attempt to stretch reminded me how bad an idea that was just now and I bit back an unpleasant word or two. I was still feeling the effects of the drugs so the pain was muted and I made my way to the bathroom, stifling a yawn as I sat there.

It had been about 5 hours since Theo dosed me. Maybe I could get some sleep? As I settled into bed Theo mumbled and turned to hold me spooned to him, his warmth against my back and arm draped over my waist soothing me to sleep almost instantly.

I awoke to an empty tent. Theo’s scent clung to the sheets and I inhaled deeply. OK, that hurt… but nothing like it had before. This was still some pretty big pain but I could manage. An experimental stretch yielded much the same result. As I was checking things out my stomach rumbled loudly and I realized I needed the toilet in a rather immediate sense.

Maybe an hour later I emerged, showered and other needs dealt with. Washing my hair hadn’t been the easiest thing in the world and styling it after was even more fun but I managed. Today was definitely a comfort day… vermillion and onyx paisley leggings and royal blue tank top with a zipfront hoodie in the reverse of the print on my leggings. My favorite slouchy boots with a 2” wedge, plain matte black. To finish it off I added the matched earrings, necklace and bracelet of deep blue Lapis Lazuli Theo had given me for our first anniversary.

After distributing my normal gadgets and popping my normal displays back in I felt ready to face the world. OK, maybe for most people that doesn’t sound like a very casual comfy way to go about it but to me it was. I was only wearing 6 weapons and no firearms after all… Okay, 7 if you counted my pocketknife which I didn’t.

Moving around had loosened me up a bit and though the pain was still very much there when I moved it wasn’t so much when I didn’t. The hunger that had made itself known earlier was gnawing now and I really needed to find something to eat.

I could hear the sounds of cooking and the smells drew me into the kitchen. There was a whirlwind of activity, the trips doing various things and Dahl doing her own thing while watching them. She broke off in the middle of giving some tips about knife technique to Carmen and rushed over to me, enveloping me in a painfully tight hug.

“Omigod you’re a hero! Are you hungry? Do you know how long you slept? Do you know who you saved? How do you feel? Does it hurt?”

She suddenly released me from the hug and continued “Oh I’m sure it hurt I’m so sorry are you ok?”

“Erm… Hero? Yes I’m hungry. Maybe 4 or 5 hours? No I have no idea what you’re talking about. I feel ok and yes it hurts and no need to be sorry.”

Dahl had a mind that worked that way, question dump, infodump in return and she was happy. She tended to get a little impatient when others couldn’t keep up with her rapid fire way but she was so bubbly people rarely noticed.

She skipped away while I was talking and was busy assembling a tray. By the time I’ d walked over to the table and sat she was sliding in across from me with a bowl of soup and a mug of coffee for each of us.

A sip of the coffee first… Oh so good… triple sweet, black and double strong. The soup followed, a burst of refreshingly cool flavor.

“I didn’t know Mel taught you how to make her borscht.” I took another spoonful and savored. “This is excellent! Thank you!”

“You slept for 3 whole days” The worry was obvious in her voice. “Rob… Dad…” she grinned “came to check on you and said you were ok, that we should let you sleep. Mom is already home with him and little Angelique is the cutest baby ever! I think I’m really going to love having a baby sister…”

No time like the present.

“Well you’re going to be a long distance big sister for a few years I’m afraid.”

“You’re sending me away?” Suddenly the bubbly demeanor was gone and there was the scared little girl from so long ago.

“No… and yes. You are going to Paris for a few years…” I trailed off and deliberately left the rest for her to figure out. It only took a moment before her face lit up.

“They accepted me!!!!!” she was dancing around now. Suddenly she sobered again. “I can’t ask Dad to pay for that. Shit.”

“Dahl” she turned to look at me, on the edge of tears. “You have a full scholarship, all expenses. Remember a couple of months ago when Mel was away for her doctor’s appointments and tests?”

She nodded.

“The man with the ratty looking goatee and the horrible accent was your entrance exam.”

I could tell even her quick mind wasn’t wrapping around that too well.

“My Chicken Tikka got me in? That can’t be right…”

I had to laugh at her a little. “I wouldn’t say it was horrible but I will admit to a powerful need for water. Michel on the other hand thought it was exceptional after he recovered from the first bite. A part of it was simply that you impressed him. Remember ‘The Hundred Foot Journey’?”

She nodded.

“A single dish, just like the movie. He said your pear tart was the best he’d ever tasted, even asked for the recipe. He looked surprised when I told him you’d freehanded it and had never made so much as a pie crust before.”

Her face lit up as the realization hit her. “Wait, that was Michel deTavel?”

She sat suddenly. “I don’t know anything about Paris. I wouldn’t know a Rue from a roux…”

I had to snerk a bit at that one and her reproachful glare made it even funnier.

“Don’t worry, you will be staying with his granddaughters in the 8th Arrondisement, at the Trocadero. You can see Le Tour Eiffel from your balcony. I am a little jealous…”

“Then come with me.” Suddenly she was all confidence.

“You know I can’t do that. I have duties here. I am irrevocably tied to this place, to its people… I cannot abandon that.” Even as I spoke and felt the truth of my words I felt a yearning… almost a need…

“Will you at least visit?”

“You know I can’t promise that.”

The statement hung in the air between us, tearing me to shreds emotionally. Hot tears began to flood my eyes and run down my face unchecked.

“I will miss you with all of my being. You are the child of my heart forever.” By now we were both weeping and clinging to each other.

“You have a destiny I cannot share. My life, my work… my self… I cannot leave my other children.”

“Yes you could! There are others who need what you can do for them, there. Refugees…”

“My place is here. All of us are refugees. You have a chance to climb above all that, to enter society as a master of your craft. The good you can do dwarfs my pathetic efforts.”

“But…”

“No buts child. You are confronted with your destiny. 2 years ago you ran away from life itself and the medics yanked you back into this world. Since then you have been one of the most inspiring people it has been my privilege to know. I want to see you become all that you can be….”

“Inspiring? I was a street whore and a junkie.”

“Yes, you were those things. Sometimes life sucks. You built a new life for yourself and helped so many to do the same. This is just Karma coming back threefold.”

“Do you really want me to go?” She looked lost.

“Want you to go? Gods no child, I can’t imagine life without you in it…”

She thought about that for a moment, a long pause…

“You will never have life without me in it, as long as I draw breath I will be your daughter… your sister…” She trailed off into silence, a pregnant pause.

“My Friend.” I dropped the words into the silence and let them simmer.

It took her a moment to grasp what I meant.

“Really?”

“Of course. What did you think would happen?”

“I don’t know…” she fell into silence and was obviously struggling.

“I guess I just thought that you would be my mom forever…”

I caught her chin and made her look at me. For a moment we just cried together. I took a deep shuddering breath and braced myself.

“Mel has been your mom for the past 2 years. She took you under her wing the day you came to us and that will never change… in a few days the truth of your lives will be affirmed by the courts. Mel is your mother, I am at best the crazy aunt.”

“Its so much to deal with…”

“Of course it is… did you think your life would be easy?”

“Well no but I didn’t think it would be like this… going to Paris? I don’t even speak French!”

“Vraiment? Que pensez-vous que nous venons de parler?”

“Anglais bien sûr ... Fuck”

“See?”

“I didn’t realize… How did you do that?”

“Je n'ai rien fait. Ceci est tout ce que tu.”

“All me? You can’t say you did nothing, you built all of this!”

It took her a moment get it.

“Jacques?”

“And Phillippe…”

She leveled an accusing finger at me.

“You knew… Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would it have helped?”

She thought for a moment, took a deep breath and let it out in a gusty sigh.

“No…” she said in a small voice.

“It might have gotten in the way…” she turned her to face the tent wall and contemplated the olive drab cloth for a moment.

“How do you know these things?”

“I don’t know anything Dahl… I just do the best I can.”

“You will always be my angel… I am alive because of you. I have this chance because of you.”

“No… you have this chance because of you. I am honored to play a part but you are the one who made the tart.

She snerked at me. “I love you…” Tears were still streaming down her face.

“I love you too Dahl…”

We embraced for a moment and cried on each other.

She broke our hug and held me at arm’s length. “Do you think I should go?”

The part of me that was her friend and sister said no… but I could not be that selfish.

“I think…” I had to take a moment to decide what I thought again. “I think you should go… Michel never takes students and he wants you. Life itself is calling you…”

She gave me a quick hug and plunged back into cooking, leaving me to ponder. Somehow I knew the kids we took in would grow up, grow past our community and I wanted that for them. To face the reality of this, to send my child off to another country, another world in many ways… It was proving to be much more difficult than I had ever conceived.

I watched her buzzing back and forth between stations, keeping several dishes going amongst the Trips preparation. Occasional cries of “Behind you!” and “Hot stuff coming down!” rang through the small space as they danced around each other.

A calloused hand rested on my shoulder for a moment, rasping against the rough silk. I reached up and grasped my father’s hand before he could withdraw it, planting it firmly back on my shoulder and holding it there with my own.

“I saw… heard…” He was trying to reach out in his way and for a moment I resented it.

“I wish I… we… could have had that with you…. And I feel selfish for wanting that.”

I waited while he gathered his thoughts.

“It’s a shame you can’t have kids of your own… You and Theo could be… are, I suppose… the sort of parents we wanted to be.”

“Give it time Dad. The universe is young…” The lightness of my words belied the pain beneath. As nonsensical as it was, I wanted so much to carry a child beneath my heart…

Might as well rip the band aid off.

“You have another daughter, dad… and a wife.”

I really didn’t think it was possible but I literally saw the blood drain from his face.

“Tuyen and Ha.nh Phu’c but she was born Dung Van…”

He sat beside me. “You found them?” His voice was soft, filled with wonder.

“They were there to be found. How could you not tell me… us… that we were named after your first family?”

“How could I tell you? We were supposed to be the perfect family, Me a ministerial servant, working my way to Elder and your mother working her way to Anointed, to fill the gap left by Ruth. Our time was filled with Field Service…” He drew a breath and let it out, a mournful sound.

“You know none of that shit matters, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Dad… I love that you named us for the children you thought lost… I can’t imagine a more fitting tribute. I could curse you for leaving them but I know it wasn’t your fault…”

“Fault? How the fuck do you ever figure out who is at fault in the middle of a war? How the fuck do you know that you are killing the right people…” He was crying, great sobbing gasps fit to burst his chest.

“You don’t dad… you just do the best you can. Back then you were all gung-ho… I tried to be like you…”

“You…” he had caught his breath but he paused and looked into my eyes while he stroked my hair. “You are so much more than the son I thought I wanted… I saw you floating across rooftops and I can’t even imagine the sort of courage that takes…”

“You are everything I ever could have wanted. Your sister is who she should be… a mother, happy with her child.” His hand tightened on my hair and I strained my neck a little, resisting.

His hand relaxed.

“I’m sorry…”

“Never apologize.”

The words hung between us.

“I am who you raised me to be. You raised me to be a servant, to fight for those who had been wronged, to help those no one else would help… I might not share your religion but my ministry is here.”

He took a deep breath and visibly deflated as he released it. “Fuck…”

He sat there for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

“Somehow I thought I was going to come in and rescue you… To be the father I should have been.”

“I don’t need rescuing dad…”

“I know…” He seemed so lost.

“I never treated you as my little girl even though it was so obvious who you were.”

“We do what we do… none of us are perfect.”

“How are you not filled with hate?”

“I was… we both were… we plotted your death for years and I almost did it. We learned to live, and eventually we learned to not hate you. We learned to move on with our lives and try to be the best people we could be. We both serve in our own ways… “

“This…” he gestured to take in our surroundings. “You built this?”

“No.”

“Everyone tells me you did…?”

“Theo built this. This whole community is his baby… I am just the figurehead.”

“Not to these people.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him and he chuckled.

“Do you really not know how your people regard you?”

“My People?”

“The union of Angels”

“Yer outta yer fuckin mind.”

“Seriously… you are like a Madonna to them. When they heard your name they took it as a sign…”

“All I wanted was to help…”

“You have helped. Do you know who you saved the other day?”

“Well obviously not…” I let a little bit of my frustration bleed through into my voice.

“That was the SecNav’s sister.”

“Shit….” I thought furiously for a moment. There was no way our community would be able to survive the sort of attention this would bring.

“Now I have to find another place…”

“And why would you do that?” The voice from behind me was harsh with living.

I craned my head around and nearly fell off my chair when I realized who stood behind me. I tried to stand and wound up falling into an ungainly pile, chair legs tangled with my own.

The laugh that answered my antics was extraordinary… It sounded like he’d gargled razor blades his whole life.

The hand he offered was equally worn, scarred and puckered. I used it to pull myself to my feet, wincing a little as I did.

“Mr Secretary!”

“Ernie.”

“Sir?”

“Well back in the day your dad called me Dempsey Dumpster.”

“Holy Shit…”

I could see it now, replacing the white fuzz clinging to his scalp with fiery red I could recognize the man from the photo, the giant who stood between my father and their other teammate so long ago.

“Well we could debate the holy part but you’re certainly full of shit…” Dad grinned up at the giant.

“Yep, still a dickhead.” The smile that creased his face was a thing to behold.

Dad rose and the two men hugged tightly, long lost brothers.

They broke the hug after a time and separated, both men’s eyes shining with unshed tears.

“I heard about Ladonna…” my father rasped.

“I know, and I know why you couldn’t come.”

“Still…”

“We made our deal with the devil long ago.” Their eyes met and spoke silent volumes.

“And yet here we are.”

“Yeah well, needs must…” His gaze fell upon me again.

“You, young lady, are something extraordinary. Your father is an absolute wizard at hand to hand but you? I’ve never seen anything quite like it.” He waited for me to reply.

“What?” My mind was racing, trying to put all of the pieces together and failing.

“There were 2 cameras in that alley.”

“Oh…”

“I saw it all, saw them attack her, saw that fucker rape her… and then you drop out of the sky like some avenging angel and destroy them… even after you were shot you were a force of nature… Those men never stood a chance.”

If he’d seen all that I couldn’t argue.

“Fuckin A, sir!”

“Jesus wept…”

He turned that gaze on my dad.

“She really is your daughter…”

“I never taught her that!”

“You didn’t have to. As much fun as we had running around the jungle there was only one of us who enjoyed the killing the way you did.”

“I didn’t enjoy it!” the protest fell into deaf ears.

“I didn’t want to enjoy it…” He looked lost. “Fuck…”

“You are… were… Who you are. We would never have survived without your crazy ass. Even when it dropped in the pot that last mission you humped that fuckin airdick all the way to the evac…”

“I’ve still got the card.”

The somber mood fell away as the pale giant reached into his pocket and pulled a card from his wallet. It was a joker but the image was a skeleton flipping the bird. Over and under the image words curved in French, English and Vietnamese… “Greetings from SEALS, Team 8.”

“That was the best stunt ever…”

“Remember that colonel’s face when they found his rear guard ahead of them with his head half off and one of these in his mouth?”

The two men collapsed into back-pounding laughter.

“You and that fuckin garrotte…”

“Better than that goddamned claymore. Glorified machete…”

“I saw you at Manny’s funeral” The levity vanished.

“I know…”

“Fuck… this job really sucks.”

“Why don’t you quit? LaDonna wouldn’t have wanted this for you…”

“I’m not like you. I can’t just abandon my friends and tell the world to fuck off.”

“That isn’t the way it was man… you know that. I had to take the fall, you and Manny got the glory…”

“Never made it hurt any less.”

“I spent 3 fuckin years in the radio shack…”

“And I spent 35 fuckin years in the goddamned mouth of hell!”

“We all have our own hell.”

Both men turned to look at me.

“Dad… Mr secretary…”

“Ernie”

“Whatever. You kinda nailed it.”

“Huh?” incomprehension was clear on his features.

“You said he enjoyed it and he did… that’s what fucked him up so badly.”

“I don’t get it?”

“Of course you don’t, you aren’t the same… you have compassion.”

“I still don’t understand…”

“Of course you don’t. You shouldn’t”

“Do you always talk in circles?”

“I thought I was being fairly straightforward.” I smirked up at him. Theo’s distinctive tread sounded from the entrance to South Low and my sister followed.

Their steps rang across the hollow space. When they approached The Secretary turned and flashed a brilliant smile.

“Holy shit! Sir!”

He stood to attention and saluted. The little squeak from his leg highlighted my laxity when it came to maintenance.

“Achilles compensator hanging? And put your arm down son, you look like some kinda fuckin stickman.”

Theo stood there uncertainly, arm halfway down.

“But you’re SecNav?!”

“Not right now I’m not. What I am right now is a man giving thanks to the woman who saved my sister. Every inch her father’s daughter…”

Theo seemed to understand his tone and relaxed a bit.

“Isn’t she though?” he stood a little straighter.

“Force of nature, your girl. Cop a squat EllTee.”

He sat, leaving space for Theo between us.

“I have the same model… goddamned VA won’t fix the fuckin compensator.” He knocked on his leg, a hollow thunk. “Is your sleeve ok? I never could get one that felt right.”

“Angel rebuilt the compensator like 3 times and it still gums up.” He paused and looked down at his prosthesis.

He heaved a sigh and continued.

“Nothing ever feels right…”