“Well you always wanted one so you don’t exactly get to bitch at a surplus!”

I can see his face begin to cloud over a little and I wonder, not for the first time, what hides beneath that overcast. I suppose there’s no time like the present and anyway it’ll serve as a distraction so I don’t get the third degree just yet.

Theo’s “Debriefings” consist of a comprehensive movement by movement reenactment and critique. Really useful but way more than I want to deal with right now. I don’t think I’m physically up to it anyway… I might not be in pain but I’m getting pretty stiff already.

“What is it?”

Dad looked away for a moment then seemed to brace himself as he turned back and swept Michelle and I into his gaze.

“You have a brother... Well a half-brother. And maybe another sibling… I don’t know. I never saw Tuyen after that mission and I could never find her…”

The overcast is turning into a maelstrom of sadness in his eyes.

“Tuyen?”

He took a deep breath and exhaled noisily, making his moustache flutter.

“My first love… my first wife. Not as far as the navy was concerned but definitely so in the eyes of her family. We had a son and she thought she might have been pregnant the last time I saw her.”

My sister and I exchange a look of bafflement and she took over.

“How did we not know this? Did Mom know?”

“I never told her. She always felt inadequate because she could only have 2 kids so I figured it was better she not know. Besides, I didn’t meet her until almost 20 years later and I had accepted I would never be able to find them. It was another almost 20 years until your sister came along, then you and there just never was a right time to bring it up.” A grimace twisted his features.

“With the way wives and children who got left behind were treated after the war I could tell myself they were probably dead and I wanted so badly to forget everything about those years that I managed to convince myself I had forgotten them too.”

We all sat silently for a moment, digesting the massive implications of his revelation.

“So… looks like it time for me to go diving.”

All but Theo give me a puzzled look and Beau speaks everyone’s thought.

“Diving?”

“Diving into an ocean of information. If they are out there I should be able to find them. I need full names, any other info you remember including family names etc.” Beau gently restrains me as I try to rise.

“First you eat something. You haven’t eaten at all since this morning and you’ve done 2 heavy runs and had a major fight. I know you don’t want to eat right now but that’s the drugs. Your body needs fuel or it’ll start eating itself.”

His touch feels like heaven and I really want to just take some time to luxuriate in that but he’s right. When I go diving I tend to lose track of everything around me, I forget to eat or drink and sometimes I realize I’ve even forgotten to breathe for a while.

“Okay, food it is then. I wonder what the Trips have cooked up.”

“Hobo Jungle Stew?” I can hear the teasing note in dad’s voice.

“Right, say that in front of The Trips and I won’t defend you…”

“The Trips?”

“Carmen, Collette, and Cindy. They took over the kitchen so Dahl could be with her family.”

It feels so odd to say that… even more so than it did for me. Dahl had been thrown in the street by her parents because of her transgendered nature and their irrational hatred. She wound up a heroin addicted underage prostitute. After that horrific scene in the hotel room, she had withdrawn… in more than one sense. She cried for months, literally. Not much later I found her paternal grandparents(The other set had died long before) and they made it clear that as far as they were concerned, they had a grandson.

Rehab wasn’t an option for her… that led directly to the horrors of the FosterCare system. The other option was Juvie and she chose to run from both of those to the street. I can’t blame her for that, I ran away from circumstances less severe than hers. She came to us because she didn’t want to do what she had done before and knew we offered work for the community with dignity. More than that, she knew that she would be respected for herself.

Since then she has been another of the many pillars of our little community. She is a driven young woman who has become one of the finer chefs I’ve ever had the privilege to compliment. Our community is going to miss her sorely when she goes to her fully paid scholarship at Le Cordon Bleu.

I’ve kept it to myself because there just wasn’t a right time to say it… The past week has been so intense…

“Dahl had pork, chicken and mustard green raviolis. She had that planned for a week or more. I don’t know what the rest was but I trust the Trips.” I looked over to my dad, catching his eyes with mine.

“This is so far beyond Hobo Jungle Stew you wouldn’t believe it. We all pool our earnings to support the community and because of that we all eat well. Those with special requirements, be it gluten or lactose intolerance or allergies can always find something delicious to eat. Diabetics and even vegans on a macrobiotic diet can find good food.”

“We aren’t about just surviving, we are about building a community that truly cares for the least of us. We try to take the best of all religions and integrate it with the best of no religion… a place for all who need to be here.”

“I try to live the values you wanted to teach us dad… tried to do something that would make you proud…”

Wow, that conversation took an unpleasant turn rather quickly. I looked down to hide my emotions and found my chin being forced upward by a hand horny with callouses.

“Baby Girl, look at me.” A little flare of irritation at the imperative tone in his voice ran through me as I met his eyes.

“I can’t imagine being more proud of you. Your mother and I always were proud of both our daughters… we just really sucked at showing it.”

He reached out to Michelle and pulled us both into a hug.

“I wish she could have told you herself but it didn’t happen that way… so I have to tell you for her. Meeting you both now, as adults who made your own way in the world… she would have been amazed. You managed to do something we couldn’t and stop the legacy of abuse we wanted so badly not to pass on ourselves.”

“That was our fondest wish for both of you even while we were abusing you so horribly… but you have gone so far beyond anything we ever dared to hope for. Proud doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel and how your mother would have felt.”

“I’m honored to be able to say you two fantastic young women are my daughters.” His voice was gruff with emotion.

“This” he gestured around “I don’t even know how to process this… so much not what I thought I knew about street people, about trannie” He quickly chopped that word off. “Transwomen, sorry…”

He took a moment to gather his thoughts.

“In my mind the only thing I could see was the bad stories, hooking, being abused, maybe beaten to death by an angry john… I couldn’t see how you could survive like you are, even with everything you knew. It never even crossed my mind to hope until I started learning and then I did but I still feared for you…”

“I started to think about you like Tuyen… Someone dear to me completely lost because I wasn’t good enough to save them… And then there you were. Gaudiest Angel I’ve ever seen…. I swear I think I sprained an eyeball!”

He barked out a tight laugh.

“How the hell do you manage to get your hair to do that anyway?”

“Time, patience, lots of product… oh and a few strands of optic fiber with tunable LEDs at one end.”

I clicked my jaw in a specific pattern, causing the lights to come up in an inverted whirlpool pattern, shifting to a seemingly random ripple effect and segueing into a pulse that echoed the rhythm I was tapping out with one toe.

“I’ll have to show you the rest later. You can’t really get the full effect unless its mostly dark.”

His jaw had dropped open and he stared openly at my head while I modulated my rhythm, switching up beats and timing. I was shaking my head just the tiniest bit, enough to make the upstanding tendrils wave slightly in counterpoint.

“That I’ve got to see…”

“We’ve got a gig scheduled for Friday night, you’ll get to see the whole thing. You’ll either like it or have a seizure.”

“She’s not kidding, we have to get everyone in the audience to sign a paper saying they have been notified that the lights may cause seizures. Toffee wouldn’t let us play otherwise. They all get airsick bags too.”

“Toffee?”

“Cool little underground bar/rave that opens in a different place every night. Heath likes to give bands a chance to show their chops. Sounds shady but it isn’t, his dad owns one of the major local commercial real estate firms and he pays sky high licensing fees to whoever needs it.”

“Wait, the bar named Toffee is owned by a guy named Heath?”

“Yeah, his dad’s lawyers thought there was too much risk of legal action if they called it Heath’s Bar…”

Its an old joke for those in the know but to my family it is fresh and a short bark of laughter from dad is answered with a snerk from my sister and an single eyebrow raise from me.

“Fascinating...”

At that point they couldn’t hold it anymore and burst out laughing

“That was so bad we’re gonna have to start calling you T’Pew cause you are seriously stinking the place up!”

“Hey all I did was the Spock thing, Heath’s Bar is real!”

This time it was my sister with the eyebrow thing and a “Most illogical…”

After that round of laughter calmed down I continued.

“You’ll like Heath. He joined the Corps on his eighteenth birthday, against his father’s wishes. Green Beret. Made it through a tour in the sandbox until the very last day when his unit had to call in danger close strikes. Somehow things got mixed up and they dropped on his unit… He was the only survivor and that just barely. Lost both legs below the knee and his right arm just below the elbow, crushed by the building that fell on him.”

“Wow…” from Michelle, silence from Dad.

“Hey where’s Beau?” I looked around.

“Right here” came a rich baritone from behind me, immediately followed by a plate with some kind of grilled sandwich on it.

I took it from him and sat it down in my lap, staring at it with a complete lack of desire.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt less like eating and not been sick.”

“I know, that’s why I had that nice girl… Carmen? Collette? Cindy? There were three of them and I think they were deliberately trying to confuse me…”

“They were” I snerked.

He plowed on. “That’s why I had her - them make you a Patty Melt. Trust me, it’s the only food I actually liked when I was cranked up. Pure Tweaker fuel.”

“It does smell pretty good.” I inhaled the aroma of hot… I’m not sure what but I was beginning to want to find out.

A bite and crunchy toasted bread scraped my gums in just that perfect way that a good grilled cheese sandwich does, followed by a burst of buttery flavor and then an assault on the senses… meat of some kind, and cheese, and onions..

I had to moan just a bit…

“Patty Melt?” I got out through my little foodgasm.

“Yeah like Awful Waffle?”

I shook my head and took another bite. This piece of awesomeness didn’t have anything to do with waffles…

“You mean to tell me you’ve never been to Waffle House?”

A moment to swallow. “Oh that… no, I’ve never been there. Too far out to be worth the trouble of getting there. If this is the kind of food they have I’ve been missing out!”

“You have to try it at the end of a night bar hopping. One of those and a pile of hashbrowns, scattered, smothered, covered and chunked. Purest ambrosia…”

“Hashbrowns what?”

“Scattered, smothered, covered and chunked. Means they scatter em on the grill instead of using a ringmold and they mix em with onions and ham chunks, then cover the whole thing with cheese.”

I’d finished the first half of the patty melt and was sitting there staring at the other half with a complete lack of hunger even though my mind was still yearning for the taste.

“You’ve got to finish the rest, your metabolism is kinda supercharged right now and you don’t exactly have any spare fat to burn. Dip it in the catsup, not too much…”

He was right, that did the trick and I was able to finish the second half eating much more slowly. I was already starting to head into a diving fugue and the conversation went on around me, receding to a murmur in my ears as I planned.

Suddenly a display filled my vision. HUD on, check. Tactile keypads engaged. All systems online, link speed 1.8 gb/sec, 25.9 burst.

The rest is basically impossible to describe except to another diver. Physical sensations recede except for the keypads, thought becomes something different and the universe of the web seems to take on a coherent detail you just can’t quite grasp outside of that state. Time becomes something different, of value only in microsecond slices.

2,952,081,838,931 microseconds later(A little over 8 hours) I pulled out and realized I had to pee, really badly. Trying to move brought a flare of agony over my back and I almost fell on my face from the stiffness in my legs but that need was overwhelming.

I managed to get to the toilets and did the needful but getting off the toilet and getting myself rearranged was an exercise in economical movement and pain management. Someone had put a wrap around my shoulders and I pulled it off to see the damage.

Wow… That looked really nasty… angry bruising reached out around the two wounds for several inches, covering that whole half of my upper back. A moment’s effort made me admit that I wasn’t going to be able to reach around and feel for myself so I managed to shrug back into the wrap and make my way to the kitchen in search of leftovers.

There was as usual a pot of something staying warm in the slow cooker and I sat down with a bowl of vegetarian barley soup that was both simple and complex. The slight hint of lavender in it served to calm my mind a little as I breathed in the aromatic steam and savored a spoonful.

The space is silent except for the faint sounds of sleepers. Tents might provide visual privacy but they aren’t so good for sound. Listening for a moment I can hear a familiar snore faintly buzzing from just inside South Low.

I’m glad Titus came in. Some nights he can’t manage to sleep indoors at all but when he can he sleeps in the nook just inside, his furkid Dolly sprawled on top of him with her head nestled into the crook of his shoulder and snoring in his ear.

I can hear Theo get up and walk in my direction and the sound of that compensator makes me wince. I’ve really got to deal with that thing, it sounds like he’s stepping on a mouse.

“You okay?” he heads straight for the slow cooker, scooping up bowl and spoon on the way.

“I don’t know… I’m still trying to take it all in. I found them.”

“Alive?”

“Mostly…”

“Mostly?” He winces a little as he takes an unwary spoonful of soup.

I examine my bowl carefully, delaying as I try to figure out how to say it. A single pitiless grain of barley returns my hopeful gaze.

“Tuyen and her family made it to the US and she did have another child. ”

“And?” he took my bowl and busied himself refilling it.

“Dad is registered as the father. She died at 3 months old, what they used to call ‘Crib Death’…”

My throat was trying to tighten with emotion.

“How can I be grieving for someone I’ve never known?” choked out as the dam broke and I felt tears run down my face.

Theo didn’t say anything, just took my bowl from nerveless hands and gently held me until I managed to pull myself together. He eased me back onto my camp chair and handed me the bowl.

“Finish your soup. You need to eat before I dose you again.”

He cut off my attempted protest and went over to the cooktop, producing sizzling noises as I played with my spoon and the rapidly cooling bowl, trying to interest myself in another bite.

Strong ebony hands took the bowl from my grasp and pulled me over to the table, sliding a pile of… something… in front of me.

“Wow, this looks like a grilled ham and cheese on French toast with an egg and cheese on top. How many calories are in this thing?”

“About 1500 the way I usually make em but I didn’t take the time to make a béchamel for it so maybe 1300?”

“So you want me to get fat?”

“I love you however thin or fat you are woman, now eat your Croque Madame!”

The monstrosity in front of me bulged with ham slices, melted cheese dripping everywhere but there was an obvious place to start. The egg stared back up at me, perfectly cooked white and liquid yolk demanding the intrusion of a knife.

I cut off a corner making sure to get a good mixture of everything and then used the knife to tease just the slightest hole in the yolk, luscious liquid coating the edge of crust with promise as I pressed my bite gently to it.

Theo had made one for himself too but was watching with interest as I raised the fork to my lips. Silken yolk mixed with slightly sweet toast and sharp cheese while the ham gave it a slightly salty tang and I closed my eyes, savoring each chew.

A drip of golden yellow liquid tried to escape but Theo reached over and scooped it off with a blunt finger, raising it to my lips. I swallowed and then suckled it off his finger, making a little noise as I did.

“Wow…”

“Wow…” Theo echoed, shifting in his chair and trying to be subtle about adjusting himself.

“This is soooo awesome…” I purred.

“God that’s hot” he mumbled at the same time.

“Well let it cool down a bit!”

“I haven’t noticed you cooling down yet!”

My face(And other places) blazed as I realized he hadn’t been talking about the food. That someone feels like that about me has never ceased to amaze me and I haven’t quite learned how to deal with it.

I silently applied myself to my Croque Madame and was a little astonished as I mopped the plate with the last bit of crust, sweeping up the remains of yolk and cheese. Thankfully my soup had vanished into Theo’s bowl and been devoured because there was no way I could manage even a tiny bit more.

He took a moment to wash our dishes, setting them to dry in the rack. I watched the interplay of muscles in his back and that fire from a few moments ago began to glow a little more brightly. Unfortunately it was competing with increasing pain and I couldn’t find a comfortable position as I shifted in my seat.

“Come on, time to dose you again” he said over my shoulder, drying his hands on a dishtowel.

“Beau said 10 hours.”

Theo muttered to himself.

“What?”

“He said 8 to 10 hours and that was conservative. He doesn’t know your burn rate so he was thinking about a typical 140 pound woman’s dosage not realizing you are nowhere near typical. I’m betting it started wearing off a couple hours ago and you ignored it?”

I gave half a shrug in response, the other half didn’t seem worth the effort.

“Dunno, I was diving…”

“Yeah well what you’re doing right now is crashing.”

He swept me up into his arms and gently carried me back to our tent. I was beginning to feel an enormous lethargy overtake me and didn’t resist as he undressed me and lay me face down on the bed. Gentle fingers scrubbed away the plaskin from earlier and made the broken flesh of each wound sting viciously.

That simply capped what was turning into some serious agony from my back but I was finding it a bit difficult to breathe as each lungful caused another stab.

Soothing fingers on my back and the pain began to recede on the surface. Another few moments and the tightness in my chest loosened, the same initial euphoria kicking in and being followed by that awesome rush of high and focus. I heard Theo remove the glove and just felt the light touch of the plaskin spraying over the wounds.

A moment later his bulk settled beside me and strong fingers began to knead the muscles in my lower back, soothing away tension I hadn’t even realized was there and making little frissons of pleasure echo in my nerves.

Oh right, the other effect…

With the pain knocked back(I realized it wasn’t completely gone) I was able to turn upwards to face him and marveled for a second at faint slanting light, the way it fell across the crags of his face, caught on a sharp little edge of scar tissue on his brow and struggled free to fall onto my bare skin with a palpable caress.

“I love you…” rumbled through his chest as he looked into my eyes and lowered his face to kiss me, smothering my reply.

Later I lay beside his deeply breathing bulk with my mind racing again. How would I tell dad about his daughter and the rest… the saga still ongoing?