The Might-Have-Been Girl A novel by Bronwen Welsh Copyright 2015

Chapter 22    My second audition

“Harriet Stow,” said Reggie, and it was the first time I'd heard him sound cross with me, “If you don't go to that audition, you'll be letting down not only Dame Emily and all your family and friends, but more importantly, you'll be letting yourself down. If you don't have self-belief, how will anyone else believe in you? You can and you will go to that audition, alright? Either that or you had better forget about a career as an actress.”

I blushed hotly and felt tears springing to my eyes, I felt ashamed of myself. He was right of course. I couldn't expect roles to fall into my lap the way 'Margaret' in 'Dear Brutus' had. I was going to have to fight for them.

“Reggie,” I said taking a deep breath. “You are absolutely right. I was being a wuss. I will go to the audition. Now I'm going to find out how to get there in time on Sunday.”

“Would you like me to come along as moral support?” asked Reggie.

“Of course I would Reggie. You are my best friend. I'm going to check if there's a train that will get me there in time and I'll call you back if you like.”

It turned out there was a train leaving Marylebone Station at eight-forty which arrived at Stratford-upon-Avon at eleven-fifteen. That would give me plenty of time as the next train arrived at one-fifteen, cutting it a bit fine. I phoned Reggie back and he agreed.

“I'll arrive at Louise's house at seven o'clock and we'll take a taxi to Marylebone Station. How does that sound? Traffic shouldn't be too bad on a Sunday.”

Not for the first time I wondered what I had done to have such a wonderful boyfriend.

I told Martin about my audition in Stratford. I didn't tell him how Tony Robertson seemed a bit reluctant to audition me, so he congratulated me on getting a hearing. I made sure he was aware that if I was successful, it would not affect my ability to perform in 'Brutus' to the end of the season.

After the Saturday matinee and evening performances, I knew that I would need all my energy to get up early on Sunday morning, travel to Stratford and give a good performance at the audition. I wasn't worried about remembering the script, only about performing it as well as I possibly could.

I didn't hang around the theatre at the end of the evening performance, but quickly removed my make-up, changed out of my costume and rushed out to where a taxi was waiting for me to take me to Louise's home where I went straight to bed after setting the alarm.

At six o'clock the next morning, I was up and straight into the shower, dressed and had a light breakfast before Reggie knocked on the door at seven o'clock. He had come from the tube station by taxi and we both got in and headed off to Marylebone station. The trip to Stratford was without incident and we had plenty of time to walk through the town and soak up the atmosphere, plus have a light lunch before going to the Imperial Shakespeare Theatre. I could hardly believe I was in the town called home by the world's most famous playwright, and that I was going to audition for one of his most famous plays. Once we found the theatre complex, Reggie said he would sit by the riverside and wait for me there.

I had never been to Stratford before and its famous theatre complex. The main proscenium arch theatre had an apron extending beyond it and a seating capacity of fourteen hundred people in the stalls, circle, and balcony.

I had given some thought about what to wear to the audition. I didn't want to wear a costume as such, in fact, I wasn't even sure if the production would be in the traditional sixteenth to seventeenth-century costume, or in modern dress. I rather hoped it would be the former. I had noticed a full-length black skirt in a store I passed on my way to the theatre in London, and had teamed it with a black top with an embroidered design. I wore it with low-heeled shoes and black stockings, and hoped it would be suitable as an outfit which could just as easily belong to the sixteenth century as the twenty-first. I combed my hair and let it hang straight, and I only wore usual street make-up which I knew would make my face appear rather pale in stage lighting.

I had been told to enter at the stage door and was directed to the auditorium. The size of the theatre was rather intimidating but I was determined to hold my nerve. A lady with a clipboard approached and asked my name, and then directed me to where four other young women about my age were seated. I recognised two of them from appearances in television series. I sat down beside them and we nodded to each other. A couple of men were standing near the stage and I asked the girl next to me if she could point out Tony Robertson, which she did. Only one of the girls was wearing a skirt, the rest were in jeans. I hoped I would get some marks for making an effort. I glanced at my watch. It was exactly two o'clock.

Tony Robertson looked up from his notes and directed his gaze towards us.

“ Ladies, we are very fortunate that David Lodge who is playing the part of Hamlet is here today and has agreed to play opposite you. Joanna, would you go up on the stage please?”

There was a subdued murmur amongst us as the well-known actor strode onto the stage. If Tony Robertson had deliberately decided to put us under pressure, he couldn't have arranged it better. David smiled at Joanna and shook her hand but it was obvious to us that she felt intimidated. They began their dialogue and Joanna stumbled over her words a couple of times. She looked despairingly at Tony at the end but all he said was “Thank you Joanna, we'll be in touch.” With that, she hurried off the stage.

Myf was called next. In response to my whispered query to Helen beside me, I learned it was short for Myfanwy which I recognised as a Welsh name, although her accent was pure South England. She had the advantage of not being surprised by David's presence and her performance was much more assured. Tony thanked her with almost the same words. He wasn't giving anything away.

Phoebe was next, one of the girls I recognised from the television. She was good – I mean very good, and my heart sank a little. Then Helen was called up and I whispered 'Good luck' as she stood up. I rated her performance 'good' but not as good as Phoebe's. Now it was my turn.

It seemed a very long walk to the stage. David smiled at me, sensing my nervousness and whispered. “You'll be fine.” As has happened to me before, once I was acting, the nerves disappeared and I actually enjoyed myself. Here I was on-stage with one of England's finest actors. I've been told that if a sportsman plays against a top player, it makes them lift their game, and so it seemed to me, acting with this star of stage, screen, and television. At the end of the scene, he took my hand and raised it to his lips before walking off and leaving me there.

I was expecting Tony's standard 'thank you' but to my surprise, it didn't happen. “Very good Harriet. I'd like to hear some more. Do you have something else you can give us? Maybe some other Shakespeare?”

It so happened that I had been reading on past my lines for the audition, and as usual, the words had stuck in my mind.

“Well, I could do Gertrude's speech on hearing of Ophelia's death,” I said.

“Yes, please let us hear it,” he said, and so I began. Shakespeare's words are so wonderful, could anyone not love performing them?

“There is a willow grows aslant a brook,
That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream;
There with fantastic garlands did she come
Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples
That liberal shepherds give a grosser name,....”

and so on to

“...but long it could not be
Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,
Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay
To muddy death.”

There was silence for about ten seconds after I finished, and then a smattering of applause from those present. Tony Robertson said “Harriet, did you learn that in case you needed it for today?”

“No Mr Robertson, I read it while learning my other lines and it just stayed in my mind.”

I'm not sure if he believed me or not. Anyway, it was at this point that he thanked me and said he would be in touch, just as he had to the other girls, so I left the stage and walked out of the theatre to find Reggie relaxing on a seat by the banks of the Avon that flows right by the theatre building.

“How did it go?” he said.

“I'm not sure. The director asked me to do an extra piece and he didn't ask that of the other girls. I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Anyway, for better or worse it's done now and I just have to wait to hear from him.”

Since this was my first time in Stratford, we did check out some of the tourist areas, including the house which was Shakespeare's birthplace, King Edward IV school that he attended, his grave in Holy Trinity church, and finally the site of his last house, New Place which unfortunately was demolished by a later owner. Lovely gardens now occupy the site including a knot garden.

We concluded our visit with a light meal in a tea shop before returning to the railway station to take the train back to London just before six o'clock.

Reggie escorted me back to the door of Louise's home and we exchanged a fond farewell kiss.

“Try not to worry,” he said. “Even if you miss out on this role, you are still a star in my eyes and always will be.”

How could I not love a man like that?

On Monday we just had an evening performance, so I went out to do a little shopping and then returned to the house to make myself some soup. The phone rang and I jumped.

“Miss Stow? It's Tony Robertson. How are you?”

“I'm fine, thank you Mr Robertson,” I answered, thinking to myself ''he's softening me up for the bad news'

“Thank you for coming to the auditions yesterday,” he began. “All the applicants were good and it was hard to make a decision, but eventually we narrowed it down to two applicants, and at that point, it became even more difficult to choose. In the end we offered the role to Phoebe Wells and she has accepted it. I hope you are not too disappointed.”

Of course I was disappointed – what did he think? I smiled, because it shows in your voice and replied indirectly.

“She was very good. Please pass on my congratulations.”

“Well, you might be able to do that yourself, since I'd like to offer you the position of understudy to her. How do you feel about that?”

My heart leapt. I remembered what Emma had said to me and immediately replied.

“I would like that very much Mr Robertson.” It was, after all, a foot in the door.

“There's one thing more,” he continued. “As you are aware, there are only two female roles in Hamlet. You will also know that Dame Emily is playing the other one, Queen Gertrude, and we have of course appointed an understudy for her too. However, we were all very impressed with the way you were able to recite her speech about the death of Ophelia without actually studying it. What we would therefore like to propose is that you also be a back-up understudy for that role too.”

I gasped and he heard me.

“I know what you are thinking – Gertrude is Hamlet's mother and so, much older than you. However, it's amazing what can be done with make-up and costume, and also the way the actor plays the role. I noticed that your voice took on a more mature sound when you performed that extract. We can give it a try anyway and see how it goes. You would receive extra remuneration for that of course.”

“Well Mr Robertson, if you think I can do it, I'm certainly willing to give it a try.”

“Good,” he replied. “Well, I won't keep you. I imagine you will be getting ready to go to the theatre soon for tonight's performance. I'll try to come down to see it if I have time”

“You would be very welcome to come and see it. The house is often full, mainly school students who are studying it this year, but I'm sure a seat could always be found for you.”

He laughed. “Well, we are all part of a tight-knit fraternity and have to look after each other.” And with that, he hung up.

I realised that my heart was racing. I was going to become a member of the Imperial Shakespeare Company! Alright, I would be a very small part of it, but this was something most actors would give their eye teeth for. I thought of my sister. How was I going to break the news to her? She couldn't help but be jealous. Perhaps I would let Mum know first and ask her to pass on the news.

I checked my watch. I had time, so I rang Mum and fortunately, she was in. She was thrilled to hear my news of course.

“There's one thing that worries me, Mum,” I said. “How do you think Emma will take the news? She's slogged away in the Apollo Players all these years, and then I come along and everything seems to be falling into my lap. She can't help but be jealous.”

“I'm sure she'll be very glad for you,” replied Mum. “But if you like, I will break the news to her.”

“Would you mind doing that? I feel like a coward, but perhaps it would be better coming from you.”

“I don't mind at all my dear. Have you contacted Dame Emily about it?”

“Not yet, but I will. Heavens, I just saw the time. I've got a show to act in, and I'd better not be late or they will think I'm getting too big for my boots.”

When I arrived at the theatre, I ran into Martin and he already knew!

“I believe congratulations are in order,” he smiled.

“How did you know?” I gasped.

“You'd be surprised. The theatrical community is like a family. Word gets around.”

“I can hardly believe it myself. It still seems like a dream.”

“Have you checked with Phoebe yet whether she's had her appendix out?”

I blushed and we both laughed.

“Well I'll have to think of something else if she has,” I said with a smile.

When I arrived in the dressing room, Elspeth was there, so I told her what had happened.

“So I'm going to learn what it's like to be an understudy too,” I said.

The next day I rang Dame Emily. I had to leave her a message but only half an hour later she rang me back. I was still getting used to the idea of being friends with one of Britain's most renowned actresses. I told her about my understudy appointment.

“Were you very disappointed, my dear?” she said.

“Not really,” I replied. “When I saw the competition I was surprised and pleased to be offered the understudy position. Phoebe Wells is very good and she deserved the role.”

“It's very decent of you to say so,” said Dame Emily.

I went on to tell her about my secondary role as 'reserve understudy' for Queen Gertrude. She laughed at that.

“Goodness me! Tony must think there's some risk of me dropping off the perch, in which case Madge Browning will step into my shoes and you'll be a double understudy. Just wait until I see him!” She sounded amused rather than offended by the situation. I certainly doubted whether I would ever play the Queen, but I was glad to receive extra money just for studying another role.

“I think I'm much too young to play the queen,” I said.

“Well, I'm much too old,” she replied. “After all, in those days, girls often had babies at age fifteen or so, so really I'm old enough to be Hamlet's grandmother, not his mother. Theatre is all about 'suspension of disbelief' my dear.”

I was too polite to say it, but I thought that one reason for asking Dame Emily to perform was not only that she's an amazing actress, but also that famous names get 'bums on seats' as they say. I couldn't imagine a time when seeing the name 'Harriet Stow' on the cast list would encourage people to buy tickets but you never know.

To be continued

I would like to acknowledge the assistance of Louise Anne in proofreading the text and giving me a great deal of useful advice about modern-day Britain to incorporate in the story.