"

The Might-Have-Been Girl A novel by Bronwen Welsh Copyright 2015

Chapter 14   The Audition

That evening when I came home from rehearsals with Emma I saw a letter addressed to Miss Harriet Stow waiting for me. That was the very first letter I had ever received addressed this way, and I felt like keeping the envelope as a memento.

It was written by Sir Edgar's secretary Louise and read as follows:

Dear Harriet,

Louise Burton.

I read the letter through twice, my heart pounding, and then I handed it to Mum and to Emma to read.

“What do you think I should do?” I asked them both.

“This is a great opportunity, I think you should take it,” said Emma.

“But I've just been given my old job back. I would feel that I'm letting Duncan and David down. Besides, do you think I might be a 'one-trick pony'? After all, this is the only role I've ever played on stage.”

“Harriet, you have to learn something about the theatrical world. It isn't like other jobs where you stay years in one position. When an opportunity like this shows up you should grab it with both hands. Duncan and David understand that, perfectly,” said Emma.

“But I mightn't even get the role,” I said.

“Believe me, that role was made for you. Why do you think Sir Edgar is inviting you to audition for it? You've got a ninety-five percent chance of landing it,” said Emma.

“Well I still think I should speak to Duncan and David,” I said. “What do you think Mum?”

“I think your sister is right. This is a great opportunity. Tell me honestly, would you rather be on stage or standing in the wings?” said Mum.

I blushed. That was a no-brainer.

“I thought so,” said Mum. “My only concern is about you being in London on your own, but staying with Sir Edgar's secretary sounds like a great idea. I would have to meet her and her husband and see their place of course. Then there is Reggie. I'm sure he will look after you. So go and see Duncan and David tomorrow and then contact Louise straight away.”

I felt myself reddening again. If I were honest, the thought of seeing Reggie on a regular basis had immediately come into my mind upon reading the letter.

The following day I took the letter with me when I went to the theatre. I asked David if I could see him in his office during a break in rehearsals, and handed him the letter to read. When he had done so, he sat back and looked at me.

“This is a wonderful opportunity, Harriet. What would you like to do about it?”

I blushed. “I've spoken to Mum and Emma about it and they think I should go for it, but I feel embarrassed because you've only just given me my old job back, and if I leave I feel like I'm letting you down.”

“Well of course if you leave we will have to find another assistant stage manager, and there's no doubt we will miss you, but I think this is too good a chance to refuse. Theatre isn't like other jobs, you know. You have to take your opportunities as they come.”

He was saying more or less the same thing as Emma.

“I think you prefer being on stage to backstage, am I right?”

“Well yes, if I have the choice,” I said, blushing again.

“Then go for it, and good luck,” he said.

When I stood up, he did too and gave me a hug. “You'll be on the West End stage one day, I have no doubt about it,” he said.

When I got home, I emailed Louise to tell her I would be attending the audition. Mum agreed that she would come down to London with me and meet Louise and her husband and see their house, so if I was given the role a decision could be made immediately on whether I would be staying with them. I did feel a bit nervous. If I took on the role again it would be with a completely new group of people that I'd never met before. However, I realised that this would be my life if I wanted to continue as a professional actress. I would be regularly auditioning and not always getting roles, but when I did it would often be with people that I had never met before.

Mum pointed out that we needed to go to London the day before the auditions took place so it might be a good idea to take a room for three nights at the hotel where we had stayed the previous run.

“Why three?” I asked.

“Well, you need a night's rest before the audition, then when you get the part which we should know late Wednesday, on Thursday we can arrange to see Louise's house where she's invited you to stay, so three nights.”

“Don't you mean 'if' I get the part rather than 'when'? I said.

“Positive thinking Harriet, positive thinking. There can't be another person in Britain who knows that part better than you do.”

I felt myself blushing, but what could I say? She was probably right.

“Do you mind if we share a room?” she asked. The question slightly shocked me. I couldn't imagine her saying that if I had still been in Harry mode.

“No, not at all,” I replied, hoping she hadn't notice the pause before I answered, but she had.

“Only if you are comfortable doing so,” she said.

“Well Emma and I shared a room for about six weeks and it didn't cause any problems, so no, I'm fine with it.”

“Alright, can you ring up the hotel and book it then?”

“Sure,” I replied and went off to make the call.

We didn't need to take a lot of clothes as it was only for three days. I had been wondering what to wear for the audition and was almost overwhelmed when on the day before leaving for London David asked me if I would like to borrow one of the costumes I had been wearing throughout the Apollo production.

“You will feel comfortable in it and that will help with the audition,” he said. I felt tears starting in my eyes as I gave him a big hug and whispered: “Thank you so much, how can I repay you.”

“Don't mention it,” he smiled. “Just you go and get that part.”

I had been in regular contact with Reggie since I returned to Bridchester. I really missed him and certainly this was a factor in my decision to audition and get back to London. When he heard about it, of course he asked if we could meet up. I could hardly leave Mum on her own, so I suggested he might like to come and have tea with us at the hotel on the second night we were there. Understanding the situation, he was happy with that. That was yet another thing I loved about him, he was far more sensitive to situations than the average man.

The following day we headed down to London. At least I was going to a familiar place and Mum had been there several times in the past. I couldn't deny that I was feeling nervous. Apart from that 'sort of audition' I did when I stepped in for Mary, I had never had a real one. However I realised that this would be a regular part of life if I wanted to continue my acting career, so I had better get used to it.

We arrived at Finsbury Park station and this time it wasn't Tom who picked us up. Guessing that all the drivers from that area knew each other I asked our driver whose name was Fred, how Tom was.

“'E's fine. Him and 'is missus are 'aving a couple of weeks at Benidorm to celebrate their thirtieth wedding anniversary.”

“Well, when you see him could you mention that Harriet Stow and her mum said 'hello',” I said.

“Ain't you one of the actresses he drove around a bit?” said Fred.

“Yes that's right. I'm actually down here to audition at the Mercury Theatre again. It's the same play but a new production. I'll probably see him again if I get the job.”

“Well 'e's back next week so I'll let 'im know.”

By now we were drawing up at the hotel, so I gave Fred ten pounds and thanked him. He responded by lifting our suitcases out of his cab. Thank goodness they all have wheels on them nowadays, so it was no problem for us to take them into the hotel reception where we were greeted like old friends.

“I've put you in one of the twin share rooms we've just renovated,” said Shirley the receptionist. We were getting the royal treatment.

After settling into our room and freshening up, we went down to the dining room for a light meal.

“I know it's only eight o'clock,” I said to Mum after we finished, “But I'm feeling rather tired after the journey so I think I'll turn in.”

“That's alright darling,” said Mum. “I'll be up a bit later.”

Up in the room I undressed, put on my nightie, removed my make-up, washed my face, put on a little cleansing cream and brushed my teeth. I'm fairly sure that five minutes after I got into my bed I was fast asleep. I certainly didn't hear Mum enter the room.

I was awake at seven o'clock the next morning feeling fresh and well-rested. Mum was still asleep or pretending to be, so I went into the bathroom for a shower, taking my bra and panties and my dressing gown with me. We had organised breakfast to be delivered to our room as I didn't want to dress and then change again into my costume. It arrived on time at a quarter to eight and by now Mum was awake, so we sat at the little table in our room and feasted on orange juice, corn flakes, scrambled eggs on toast and more toast with marmalade, all washed down with coffee. Well at least Mum did. I suddenly found that nerves were getting to me again and I only ate half the scrambled eggs and some of the toast with marmalade.

Mum did her best to keep my nerves in check, but it wasn't easy. I knew everyone expected me to get the part, but what if there were other contenders and they were as good as, or better than me?

At nine o'clock I was dressed and had done my make-up. I was in two minds whether to go for ordinary make-up or stage make-up and compromised between the two. We had asked Fred to come and pick us up at nine-thirty and he was five minutes early. Sitting in the lounge I know I attracted a few curious stares from other guests with my make-up and rather old-fashioned dress. I think by that evening the word had got around about me being an actress dressed for an audition.

We arrived at the theatre ten minutes later, and the first person we bumped into was Sir Edgar.

“Harriet my dear, you look delightful,” he beamed and I blushed as he kissed me on the cheek.

“This is my mother, Sir Edgar,” I said.

“Delighted to meet you Mrs Stow. Come to give moral support?”

Mum managed a tight-lipped smile “Something like that, Sir Edgar.” she responded. Mum could see through an old phony like Sir Edgar in an instant.

“Come along, let me introduce you to the director Mark Stevens,” Sir Edgar said. We followed him into the stalls and down to the front of the stage where an earnest young man was in deep conversation with two other men. He stopped when he saw Sir Edgar approaching like a ship in full sail.

“Mark, dear boy, this is Harriet Stow that I've told you so much about.”

Mark smiled and extended a hand to shake mine. I wondered just how much he had been told about me. If Sir Edgar had been singing my praises maybe this would work to my disadvantage. I felt my stomach lurch, but managed to keep a smile on my face.

“Thanks for coming all the way to London, Harriet. I have to tell you that there is another contender for the role but guess you have the advantage of experience.”

“I'm sure you'll pick the best candidate for the role,” said Sir Edgar and I felt like telling him to shut up, but of course I didn't.

Mark indicated where the people waiting to audition were seated, a few rows back in the stalls. There was only one teenage girl among them so it was obvious that she was going to be my rival.

Mum said “I think I'll make myself scarce; I'll only make you nervous. I'll come back in half an hour. Good luck.” Oops – those fateful words, but then she wasn't to know.

I went to sit down next to the teenager.

“Hello, I'm Harriet, how are you?” I said. “Are you auditioning for the part of Margaret?”

“Yes, I am. I'm Elspeth by the way. I'm so nervous, how about you?”

“Me too,” I said, “It doesn't get any easier.” I thought to myself that was a bit unfair making out I'd had plenty of audition experience.

“I really need this job,” said Elspeth, “This is my fifth audition with no luck.”

Oh dear, that was guaranteed to make me feel sorry for her, but were we both playing games here?

The auditions started. I noticed that most of the people, Elspeth included, were holding copies of the script. “Don't you have a script?” she said.

“Err no, I've played it before,” I said.

“Oh,” was her response, “Is that the costume you wore?”

“Yes, they kindly loaned it to me for the audition.” I felt like I had an unfair advantage from the start. In addition, I was fairly sure that Sir Edgar had made his preference known to Mark. Perhaps we were just going through the motions.

Experienced as I was with the script, it was interesting to watch as the various contenders played their parts. Some were definitely better than others and I could make an educated guess about who would get the parts.

Then suddenly it was our turn. We both walked up on the stage and Mark said he would play the part of Dearth. “I'll take you first please Elspeth,” he said, so I walked off the stage into the wings.

I have to admit that Elspeth was quite good. She stumbled over some of the lines, but then she hadn't had a lot of time to learn them. Mark only went about half-way through the scene and then stopped.

“Thank you Elspeth, that was very good. We'll be in touch later today,” he said. She didn't look too happy as she walked off. Presumably, they'd said the same thing at the other auditions where she'd be unsuccessful.

“Harriet, can you come on stage now?” he called out, and I walked out from the wings.

What was concerning me was that he expected me to be good after all the practice I'd had, so I had to meet or preferably exceed his expectations. That's what was making me feel so nervous. I'm sure Mark realised that I was wearing the costume from the previous production but he said nothing.

He commenced from the start of the scene and I doubted that he'd go to the end with my big dramatic moment, and in that I was right. When we finally stopped he said.

“That was very good Harriet, just don't try too hard.”

My heart sank. Yes, it was true I was trying to impress him and perhaps I was going 'over the top' a bit.

“I'll be in touch this evening,” he said, more or less as he'd said to Elspeth.

I thanked him and walked down the stairs to the front of the stalls. I saw Mum sitting at the back, so I picked up my coat and walked up to her. When we headed into the street, I said to her “What do you think? 'Over the top'?”

She smiled at me “Maybe a little, but I'm sure they make allowances for the stress of an audition. I believe even the most experienced actors and actresses get nerves.”

That didn't exactly fill me with confidence. We went for lunch at the local cafe, although again I wasn't very hungry. Afterwards we had a look in the shops, and then went back to the hotel to wait for the phone call.

I felt quite exhausted and lay on the bed for a bit, while Mum read a book. When the telephone rang about six o'clock I jumped and then with a trembling hand lifted the receiver.

“Harriet Stow speaking,” I said.

To be continued

I would like to acknowledge the assistance of Louise Anne in proofreading the text and giving me a great deal of useful advice about modern-day Britain to incorporate in the story.