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The Might-Have-Been Girl A novel by Bronwen Welsh Copyright 2015

Chapter 11   A trip up north

By now I was used to finding people, usually teenage girls, waiting outside the stage door after a matinee, looking for autographs. I always greeted them with a smile, still finding it hard to believe that anyone would want my signature just for being an actress. Emma had given me advice 'Always greet fans with a smile. Treat them well and they'll tell twenty people, but treat them badly and they'll tell fifty'. I've heard that advice given to everyone in business and after all, we were selling a product just as much as any retailer does. Anyway, as I've said, it was very flattering to get so much attention.

After one matinee I was signing autographs on my own, I think Emma had been delayed, and after I finished the last one, I heard a familiar voice behind me say “Can you sign my program too, please?”

I spun around, “Mary!” I exclaimed. “It's so good to see you, and you're looking so well.” We hugged each other.

“Yes I'm fine now,” she replied. “Mum promised me a trip to London as soon as I recovered fully, so that was a great incentive. By the way, I don't think you've ever met my mum?” She turned to an older woman who was standing back.

“Hello Mrs Green, it's very nice to meet you,” I said, thinking to myself 'does she know about me?'

“You too Harriet,” she replied. “When we knew what date we were coming to London, Mary insisted on letting David know, and he kindly arranged some tickets for us to see the show.”

I wondered how she felt about me taking the part which she probably felt was rightfully her daughter's.

“You were wonderful,” said Mary. “Honestly, you are better than I was in the part. I think you were born to play it.”

“Thank you, Mary,” I replied, a bit embarrassed by her enthusiasm, and thought it polite to say, “But you are a very good actress and I thought you played it very well.” I changed the subject. “Anyway, I understand you have a good part in the first play of the season, so that's something to look forward to.”

“Yes I can't wait to get back on the stage again,” she said. “And you, what will you do back in Bridchester?”

“Go back to being assistant stage manager I guess,” I replied. I didn't say that I'd be doing it as Harriet not Harry. There was time enough to reveal that later.

“I think that's a waste of your talent,” she replied. “I hope they have a play soon where we can both be on stage together.”

“Me too,” I replied.

“Well, we have to be going. We're off to see a West End show this evening.”

“Lucky you,” I said. “I won't have a chance to see any as we are performing when the other shows are on. It's been great seeing you, and I look forward to seeing you when I get back to Brid.”

We hugged again, and they walked off. I thought that Mrs Green probably knew about me, but she hadn't said anything to confirm it, so I was grateful for that.

The season continued and the 'house full' sign was up on nearly all of our performances. With only just over another week of the season to go, I decided that telling my Mum what I intended to do could not wait. I wanted to discuss my future as Harriet back at the Bridchester theatre with Duncan and David, but Mum needed to know first. I told Emma and she offered to go up to Brid with me. I thanked her but I said that if I was going to eventually transition, then I would have to face more difficult situations that this on my own, so the sooner I started the better. Nevertheless, I wasn't really looking forward to travelling up to Brid and back again solo, since Sunday was my only day off.

I phoned Mum and told her I was coming up to see her.

“Is something wrong?” she said. “You've only got another week to go in London.”

“Nothing's wrong, Mum. Life couldn't be better, but there's something I need to discuss with you and I'd rather do it face to face. Will you be home on Sunday?”

Mum said she would be home. I could tell from her voice that she wasn't convinced that there was nothing amiss.

“I'm fine Mum, really. I'm not pregnant if that's what you're thinking!”

We both had a laugh then and I said goodbye and ended the call.

Since my only day off was Sunday, I had no option but to sacrifice my day out with Reggie, much though I regretted it, so I phoned him and explained what I intended to do.

“Would you like me to accompany you up there?” he said. “It's been a while since I last saw my folks and they have been throwing out broad hints that it would be nice if I called in some time. I could drop you off at your mum's place, go and see my parents and then pick you up for the journey back.”

“Oh Reggie, would you? That would be so nice, and I wouldn't have to give up my day with you.”

“There's one problem, Richard is back now so I don't have use of his car, and anyway, it might look a bit cheeky taking it for such a long distance.”

“Well, I was planning to go by train,” I said and then had a thought, ”How would you feel about driving up if we hired a car? I would pay for it of course as you've already paid for so many things.”

To my relief, he didn't argue. “Well there's a car hire place in Southgate and I've used them a couple of times. They usually do me a good deal. I'm not considering buying my own car while I'm working in London, it's far cheaper and easier to take public transport. I'll give them a ring if you like, and get back to you. We only need a small car, and it would be cheaper on petrol too.”

He rang me back in an hour. “I've organised a Renault Clio for us. It's a cute little two-door, and very light on fuel. Now, what time do I pick you up?”

“Is eight-thirty too early?” I asked.

“No, that's fine. They'll let me pick it up late Saturday and I can return it Monday morning on my way to work.”

I was up early Sunday morning, having gone back to the hotel and straight to bed after the show. I had arranged with Emma that I would borrow the grey pleated skirt again, teamed with the white camisole under a satin top, sheer nude tights and black pumps with five inch heels that I had trained myself to wear without stumbling, over the last few weeks. I wanted to look smart and sophisticated but not over-dressed for my meeting with Mum. I took care with my make-up and hair and finally presented myself for my sister's approval.

“By the way, sis, I do intend to start buying clothes of my own,” I said. “You have been so kind in letting me wear your clothes, but it's time I had some of my own for you to borrow!”

I was down in the dining room at eight, waiting for the kitchen to open, and had a light breakfast before walking to the foyer to meet Reggie. As usual, he was right on time, and I kissed him on the cheek before we headed out to the car. He was right, it was a very cute car, something like the one I would consider buying for myself once I learned to drive.

We headed north, and only stopped once at one of the service areas to buy an over-priced coffee and sandwich, and we arrived outside my house at twelve o'clock. I had asked Reggie not to open the car door for me on this occasion as I was sure Mum would be watching from her window, and I thought it looked a bit 'toffee-nosed' to have a man open it for me. “Not that I don't love you doing it,” I assured him.

I turned to wave to Reggie and didn't have time to knock on the door before Mum opened it. I was right, she had been watching out for me.

“Goodness me, look at you!” she exclaimed. “Is that a new skirt?”

“Yes Mum, but it belongs to Emma, like almost everything I'm wearing,” I replied.

She laughed and beckoned me into the house. She asked if I'd eaten, and then suggested I sit in the lounge room while she made us some tea. Of course, when she arrived a few minutes later (she must have had the kettle boiling already) it was with a plate of sandwiches and cakes as well as the tea which she then proceeded to pour.

Once we were both settled with tea and some sandwiches on the little tables on either side of the armchairs, she looked at me and said. “Darling, I hope you don't mind me saying this but five weeks in London has really changed you. You looked like a sweet young girl when you left, but now you look like a sophisticated young lady. By the way, who was that in the car that you arrived in?”

“That was Reggie, my friend from school. Do you remember him?”

“Yes I do, a very nice boy, but what's he doing in London?”

So then I had to explain about Reggie and how he had found me and what he was doing. I'm sure Mum suspected we were going out together but she was too tactful to say so.

“Now what did you want to talk to me about that couldn't wait a week?”

“Well Mum, that's why I felt you should see me when I told you. I know it's only been a short time, but after living as a girl for five weeks, I've come to the conclusion that this is who I really am. Do you remember how at school I was different to the other boys, and it was Reggie who stopped them bullying me? I didn't know then why I preferred spending time with girls, and why I hated those rough sports, but now I do.

“As the season of 'Brutus' has been coming closer to an end, I realise that I'll soon be coming back to Bridchester again and being Harry, and it's something I can't bear to think about. Meeting up with Reggie and going out with him made me realise that I should have been a girl right from the start. It's not too late for me to change, so that's what I plan to do.”

I was close to tears by now. Mum moved to the couch, beckoned me over to sit beside her and put her arm around me.

“My darling, you may think I'm surprised but I'm not. Mothers notice things you know. It's possible that you may change your mind, although I think it's unlikely, but the only way you will find that out is by continuing to live as a girl for the time being.”

She smiled at me and continued “Do you remember that day that David came round and asked if you would step in and take on the part of Margaret in the play? Well, he rang me first. The poor man was at his wit's end and he was really scared to ask me if I thought you could play the part in case I laughed and told him he was crazy. I told him yes you could, although it had to be your decision whether you did so or not. Now can you think of any other boy your age who could convincingly play the part of a girl on the professional stage, and with only a few hours' notice? I certainly can't.”

I felt quite shocked. I understood why Mum hadn't warned me in advance. Obviously she hadn't told Emma either. The great thing was that I obviously had her support in what I planned to do, and that made me a very lucky person.

“Mum, I want to go and see our G.P. as soon as I get home. I've heard about something called Aldactone that I can take to help stop me from developing male characteristics. I don't know if I'll be allowed to take hormones yet, but I'm sure the doctor will tell me about that. Mum, are you sure you're alright about having two daughters instead of a son and daughter?” I asked.

Mum hugged me to her. “Darling, whatever happens, you are my child and I will always love and support you.”

“Oh Mum,” I said, and this time the tears flowed and I didn't try to stop them. I think Mum cried a little herself too. When I finally stopped crying I said “Oh goodness, I must look such a mess. I'd better go to the bathroom and freshen up.”

I picked up my handbag and went to do some running repairs to my make-up. When I returned, Mum smiled at me and said “Harriet, I don't think there's any doubt that you are a girl.”

We enjoyed another hour together chatting about how she was going and what I was doing in my limited spare time in London.

“Mum, I'm earning more money now so I can make a bigger contribution to the household budget. Are there any big bills that need paying?”

“Darling, that is so kind of you, but I'm managing on the pension at present. Don't forget I've only had myself to feed while you and Emma have been away,” she replied.

Just then my mobile phone rang. It was Reggie, so I excused myself and answered it. He asked how things were going and I said 'fine', and he asked if he could pick me up in about thirty minutes. I knew he wanted to get back to London before it got too late as we both had to work the next day, so I agreed. Mum said why didn't I ask him in for a few minutes when he arrived as it was years since she had seen him. When the car arrived I went out and asked Reggie to come in to meet my Mum.

“Hello Mrs Stow, it's nice to see you again,” said Reggie as he accepted Mum's invitation to come into the house.

“It's nice to see you too Reggie. Thank you so much for driving Harriet up to see me. How are your parents?”

'They're fine, thank you Mrs Stow. I was in a bit of trouble for not visiting them for a while, so I was pleased when Harriet suggested we drive up.”

After a few minutes talking about his job in London, Mum tactfully said “Well, I mustn't hold you up. I know you both have to get back to London for your work, but I hope you will call by again the next time you're in Bridchester.”

As Reggie walked down the path, Mum gave me a final hug and whispered in my ear “Reggie has grown into a fine young man, you're lucky to have him as a boyfriend.”

I opened my mouth to protest and then thought better of it and just said: “Yes I am.”

I don't know if Reggie forgot, but he opened the door of the car for me to get in. As I did so I was aware that Mum was watching, but it didn't seem to matter. I waved to her as we drove away and she waved back. Were there tears in her eyes? I suspect there were.

The trip back to London was uneventful. We stopped halfway to stretch our legs and have a coffee. While on the road I asked Reggie how much the car had cost to hire and he wanted to go halves as he had seen his parents too. We finally compromised that I would pay for the car hire and he would pay for the petrol and refreshments he'd already paid for. My salary was directly deposited into my bank account, so drawing out cash from a machine was no problem; however, I hoped that I could change my identity before too long as it would be a bit embarrassing to buy clothes with a card that said 'Harold Stow'.

We parked just around the corner from the hotel and had a deep and lingering kiss.

“When will I see you again?” said Reggie, aware that the show was entering its final week.

“The final show is next Saturday night and there will be the usual drinks and nibbles for the cast afterwards, so I've persuaded Emma that we stay in the hotel Sunday and go back to Brid on Monday,” I said. “She wants to do some shopping, so we can have the day together if you like.”

“Sounds perfect,” replied Reggie and we had another long kiss before he helped me out of the car and walked me to the hotel door.

To be continued

I would like to acknowledge the assistance of Louise Anne in proofreading the text and giving me a great deal of useful advice about modern-day Britain to incorporate in the story.