Garia tries to concentrate on her next goal, that of riding in public. However, she is increasingly distracted, and seems completely unaware of the approaching storm that is about to engulf her... and Keren. It is left to the Queen to gather up the pieces and to provide an example for Garia to follow.

Disclaimer: The original characters and plot of this story are the property of the author. No infringement of pre-existing copyright is intended. This story is copyright (c) 2011-2012 Penny Lane. All rights reserved.

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Garia went down to breakfast in a very confused state of mind. Most of the night her brain had been trying to figure out what had happened the previous day between her and Keren. When she reached the dining room things didn't improve, either. Strangely, she felt comforted by Keren's presence but also apprehensive for some strange reason. Her stomach was doing things it never had before, and she had to fight to keep her expression neutral as she sat to join the others.

Still, a good work-out would help clear her mind, wouldn't it?

"What are we going to do this morning?" he asked as they walked to the Self Defense Training Room. "After yesterday I feel like I need the exercise."

"Nothing special," she replied. Strange, even his voice sounded more interesting today! "Really," she added, "we should be concentrating on repetition now, so that all the lessons we've learned start to sink into our muscles and become automatic. I know it sounds boring, but it will pay off the first time you have to put those lessons into practice."

"I think those of us who saw you tackle Jarwin learned that lesson," he said seriously. "You couldn't possibly have known what you were going to do next, could you?"

I could just stand here all day and listen to him talk! What is wrong with me?

She tried to concentrate on the topic at hand. "You'd be surprised, actually. In a real fight, your sense of time can speed up enormously, so that you'll find you have ample time to figure out what to do next. There wasn't a lot of time available while I was fighting Jarwin, it is true, but enough to be able to plan what I intended to do to him."

"Maker, you sound so cold-hearted! But I suppose that's necessary in that kind of situation. It's him or you, after all."

"Exactly."

In the large Training Room, all the men were lined up waiting for them to arrive, and she managed to zone herself into the Tai Chi with some difficulty. Almost everyone had 'got it' by now, and the improvement in their movements was noticeable. After a short discussion with Captain Merek regarding the coming afternoon's activity she joined her 'file' in the smaller room where they separated into pairs and began.

"Teacher! You're not concentrating!"

Garia stumbled to her feet, breathing hard. Keren looked at her with concern.

"I guess yesterday's outing disturbed me somewhat," she said. "We've also gotten too familiar with..." each other's bodies. "...each others reflexes and movements. I suggest we change partners for now."

After a hard session spent with several of the others she called a halt and asked them to gather round. A moment had arrived that she had known would come, and it was time to move her men to the next phase.

"Okay. I think you've probably all realized that I've almost reached the limit of what I can teach you right now. What we'll need to do from now on is two things, firstly, to concentrate on practicing what you already know, so that the actions become automatic. I've talked about that before. Some of you have already begun to see that happen, but the rest of you need to just keep practicing. In addition, I'd like you all to think of ways in which we can develop what I've started here.

"There are other things I can teach you, but you'll need to have more experience and practice before I can do that. On the other hand, there's so much more to this art that I can't teach you since I didn't learn it myself before I came here. For that I am truly sorry, but..." she shrugged. "My coming here wasn't planned, after all. However, I know one or two of you have been thinking about what we do here and how it all fits together, and I've had suggestions about new moves we could do and so on. The intention is for you to create your own style of martial arts, based on your own discoveries and ideas. One other factor I need to mention is that I'll soon have to stop attending these practice sessions, since I - and Prince Keren - will be leaving for the north in a couple weeks time."

She looked at Keren for confirmation, and he said, "The Sirrel will still be too swollen to cross for some time after the rains end. Probably be three or four weeks, but the point is made."

"Before I go," she continued, "I'll be asking for men to start up my own guard, and one or two of you will probably be chosen if you volunteer. Those that are left will have to continue what I started, and begin their own training sessions with some of the men outside in the hall. You'll form the core of a martial arts group within the guard. Do you all understand that?"

There were nods from all the men, some of whom looked unhappy that she would be departing.

"Don't worry, please! I don't intend to stay in the north, in fact I think the King would prefer me to base myself permanently in the palace, but I ought to at least go and find out what lands he's given me. Any time I get the chance, I'll be back in here to join you for practice sessions, you can be sure of it. I'll have to, to keep my fitness up.

"Another thing I must do before I leave is to get the matter of personal weapons sorted out. I haven't done any knife work yet and my attempt to find a suitable sword didn't turn out too well, did it? So, getting used to a bit of armor and weaponry is going to occupy some of my time. I'll want to get used to riding Snep as well, since I'll probably be mounted most of the time once we reach the mountains."

"The King has given you permission to ride in public, milady?" Feteran asked.

She grinned at him. "Not yet, but the Queen and I plan to ambush him this afternoon. I'm sure all of you can find reasons to be in the Large Training Room when that happens. Okay! Jenet, how much longer do we have?"

"About a half bell, milady."

"Then we'll continue with some gentler exercises to help our muscles cool down," she said. "Let us begin."

A quarter of a bell later, she had to stop and sit down, massaging her head with her hands.

Merizel came to sit by her.

"What's happened? You looked a little funny when you sat down."

"Nothing serious, I think." I'm finding it hard to think straight today, but I can't tell her that. "I think it might have been something I ate yesterday. It's not too bad, really it isn't."

"Are you sure?" Now Merizel was concerned. "You didn't knock yourself this morning or something? Some of those moves you did were quite violent."

Violent, yes. I was trying hard to focus, with total lack of success.

"No, really, I'm okay. I think I just need to ease up a little. Tell you what, I'm going to go back to my room and stay there, have a good rest. I'll have some lunch sent up, I don't think I can eat very much. Give my apologies in the dining room, will you?"

"What about this afternoon? Do you want me to put it off for you?"

Garia smiled at Merizel. "You're such a thoughtful and efficient person, did anyone ever tell you that? No, I think I should be all right by then, Merry. I want to see the look on the King's face when I climb on Snep's back this afternoon, and I don't want to disturb his arrangements, do I?"

"I don't think so, Garia! I'm anxious to see this fabled outfit myself, you know."

"Don't let your expectations get too high, Merry. If you drop by at the usual time after our nap, I'll be ready and waiting."

~o~O~o~

"I have never before seen a woman wear such a garment, milady," Jenet said as she helped Garia get dressed.

"I'm not surprised," Garia replied. "At one time, these would have been forbidden for women on Earth, as well. May well still be, in some of the more backward places. But you were there when Rosilda and I talked it over, these are entirely practical for the purpose and with any luck very few onlookers will see them anyway. Is everything straight? I don't want to look a mess in front of the King and Queen."

"Milady, everything is exactly as I believe it should be. If I may say so, you appear to be taking more care over your personal appearance these last weeks. "

"I am? I hadn't noticed, Jenet."

"Perhaps you are becoming more accustomed to life as a woman, milady. Certainly your movements are much less awkward than I remember them from your first days with us. You move now as though you were a woman born."

"That's so, isn't it?" Garia pondered. She smiled. "I've noticed that as well. Perhaps all that training has helped, made me more flexible. Maybe you're right, perhaps I am becoming more comfortable as a girl now."

"You have had many weeks to watch and learn, milady. Now, I need you to step into your skirt."

They were ready when Merizel knocked at the door with Bursila. Garia insisted on carrying her helmet, but Jenet took her gloves along with the usual bag of assorted feminine standbys. The four walked slowly through the corridors towards the Large Training Room.

"You're feeling better now, I believe?"

"Well, yes and no, Merry. I certainly feel as though I can get through this afternoon okay, if that's what you mean, but there's still something going on inside me. I feel like there's a sort of fizzing going on, and sometimes my thoughts are all over the place."

"Fizzing? What's that?"

Fizzing. These people haven't much experience of acids and alkalies, have they, or sodas, or anything like that. How do I explain fizzing?

"Um, I'm not sure how I can explain it, Merry. Do they sometimes bottle beer or wines here, such that the pressure builds up -" Blank looks. "Uh, what I mean is, when you pull the cork out, and the beer or wine all gushes out suddenly?"

"Oh, yes! I know what you mean." Merizel frowned. "I think. You're saying like you want to gush out?"

"No, it's like I have all these bubbles fizzing away inside me. I feel all energized."

It's like a sugar rush, I guess, except there's no sugar on this world that I know about. Funny thing is, I don't miss that at all. So why do I feel high right now? Maybe... it's like some kind of anticipation. Like I was a kid and it's just before Christmas? Oh, no, it's not hormones again, is it? We're not due for another - no, that's at least a week away. What, then?

"Your skirt seems interesting, Garia." Merizel tried to steer the subject back to something she might understand. "It swirls around your legs in a most intriguing and curious manner, does it not? I hadn't realized that the different cut would make such a difference in how the cloth falls."

Neither had I. Well, I might be forgiven, I was a guy, right? A girl's skirt just added to the overall effect she wanted to create, and I thought no more about it. Now I do think about it, it amazes me just how many different styles and cuts of skirt there were back home, and I bet they all felt different to wear. A smile. Rosilda and I can have some fun with this in the future.

"As you say, Merry. I feel like I want to waggle my hips to make it swirl some more, you know? It never occurred to me when we thought this style up, but I think I like the way it moves."

They arrived at the hall to find the King and Queen, with assembled courtiers, waiting for them. Over the far side, her file stood unobtrusively against the far wall, one of them holding Snep's reins.

"Sire." They curtseyed. "I apologize for the delay. This is only the second time I have worn these clothes, and I wanted to make sure everything fitted right."

"No need to apologize, Garia," Robanar said. "Waiting does not trouble us when the end result is what we see. Let us take a good look at you."

Garia stood to attention in front of Robanar and Terys, her helmet held in her crooked left arm. The tunic she wore was similar to those she wore in the dojo, except that since she would not be throwing men over her back the sleeves were set more conventionally. Her skirt was a circle and came just below the knee. On her feet were boots made from the curious fluffy knitted string she had encountered before, boots which went all the way up her calves and were laced behind, with a strap at the top, barely visible. Over her tunic and skirt she wore a short diamond-quilted tabard in the same color, secured by a simple loop-and-toggle at the waist either side. Over the tabard was her customary pink sash.

"I am impressed yet again," Robanar said. "You look very pretty, Garia, yet your attire seems quite suitable for your activities with my guardsmen. You and your seamstress have chosen wisely. Terys? You have seen her dressed before, shall you point out those things a man might not notice?"

"An interesting choice of words, dear," Terys remarked, hiding a smirk. "Garia, I did not examine those boots the other night, do you consider them hard-wearing enough to ride in? The guard customarily wear leather, even in the heat of summer."

"Ma'am, I thought about the heat and remembered wearing boots like these when I came through the mountains with Master Tanon. But, by themselves they would not be hard wearing enough, so -"

She tilted a leg so that her watchers could see the wide strip of leather that went up the inside of the leg of each boot, protecting it from rubbing against the harness.

"In addition, I asked for iron toecaps to be added, under the knitted uppers. The soles are the same as the men wear, ma'am."

"Ah. An interesting solution, dear. You plan to wear ordinary boots when the weather becomes colder, I take it?"

"Yes, ma'am. The cobbler is already making them for me, since I might need to take them with me when we go north."

"You have planned this carefully, my dear," Robanar observed. "That helmet you carry. It does not quite look like those my men wear."

"Not quite, Sire. The basic shape is the same, but I asked them to make a short peak to shade my eyes from the sun," she explained. "It should also help protect my face if I were to fall off."

The helmet was roughly the same design as a Roman helmet, without the cheek-guards or the brush on the top. It was made of boiled leather with a solid cage of iron strips running round the rim and over the top. She had asked for it to be made oversize, and inside it thick strips of felt gave a level of padding while still allowing ventilation. To aid the flow of air, several holes had been strategically made around the crown.

Her design modifications had been influenced by her memories of bicycle helmets, and she remembered how the padding, ventilation, peak and straps had contributed to safety and comfort. Instead of the traditional single helmet strap, one came from the center of the back each side and met another coming down from the temples. She couldn't manage to design a quick-release buckle in the time available so an ordinary one was used under her chin. This crash hat was one that wouldn't come off in an accident.

Robanar's eyes narrowed. "Merek, what do you think of it so far? That helmet looks interesting, doesn't it?"

"Aye, Sire, it does. I trust Milady Garia will let us inspect it afterwards?"

"Of course, Captain Merek," she said with a smile. "I'll tell you now, though, this helmet was designed for riding, not warfare, so don't go copying it exactly as it is."

"Indeed, milady. But I can see several ideas we might profitably use."

"As with the saddle, captain."

"You know, milady?"

"Of course, captain. I have had to speak with Bowdran a couple times about placing the stirrups and he mentioned that you'd commissioned some saddles like mine for the men to try out."

"As you say, milady. May we see you with the helmet on?"

She put it on and did the buckle herself, waving Jenet away. While she was out riding, she would have to become accustomed to doing such things herself, so she wanted to get used to doing them now. The helmet was heavy, but she was prepared to put up with that. Her neck might get a little sore to start with, but if it helped improve her neck muscles, it would be worth it.

When everyone was finished with their inspection and comments, she turned to Snep and clapped her hands. He looked at Bessel, who was holding the reins, the guardsman dropped them and Snep trotted across the floor to join his mistress. A tit-bit was provided, and he stood waiting for her to mount.

This is the fun part. Hope I don't screw it up.

She put her right foot in the loose loop, hoisted herself up far enough to reach the left stirrup, and swung her right leg over the saddle. A quick flick with the right hand, and the circle skirt flowed smoothly down over Snep's back, concealing everything except the bottom third of her boots.

"Maker!" Robanar started forward, astonished. "What did I just see?"

"Sire?" she asked innocently. Behind Robanar, Terys was trying hard not to giggle.

"I thought I saw... but it wasn't your..." Robanar stood there red-faced, unable to speak coherently.

"Garia, dear," Terys said, "If you would gently lift this side of your skirt, so that the King may see."

"What?" Robanar turned to his wife. "But, surely I shouldn't -"

"You aren't going to see anything you shouldn't see, dear," Terys said with a certain smugness. "You are going to see something you've never seen before, though. I think it's a very clever idea."

Garia slowly pulled the left side of her skirt up until it was all gathered bunched in her hands. Robanar's mouth dropped open and stayed there.

"What do you call that, dear?" Terys asked.

"I'm not sure, ma'am," Garia replied with a frown. "It's an amalgam of several different garments worn on Earth. You could call it breeches, or jodhpurs, or plus-fours, or even bloomers. The idea is to prevent any part of my lower body from being seen at any time, of course." She shrugged. "On Earth these days, a woman would probably have worn jeans like those I was wearing when I arrived on Anmar. I didn't think that would go down too well here, so we came up with this compromise."

"And I think you've come up with a good idea, dear. No-one will see it normally, but when you are climbing on or off your modesty is well preserved. And the shape of the skirt is a good touch, too. I like that."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Will you not be too hot when riding in the warmer seasons, dear?"

"We don't think so, ma'am. The cloth the breeches and skirt are made of is quite thin. Naturally, we'll make thicker versions as the weather cools."

"If the cloth is thin, then... ah, what a clever idea!"

The breeches which Garia was wearing had taken Rosilda and herself some time to perfect. They were shaped so that they fitted while she was seated for riding, with enough give to allow her to function comfortably while standing as well. All those areas which they determined would come into contact with the saddle had a thin piece of soft leather stitched over them to prevent the cloth from wearing. This would have given the garment a strange appearance had it been visible, but of course it was normally concealed under the skirt.

"And there are no worries, then, concerning..."

"Uh, body fluids, ma'am? No, I don't think so. The leather will protect everything."

Robanar's mouth closed and he gestured with a hand. "You may lower your skirt, milady."

"Shall you take a turn about the room, dear," Terys said, "and show us what you look like as you ride?"

"As you wish, ma'am."

As Garia walked off she could hear the King and Queen talking furiously behind her, but she concentrated on riding and tried hard not to look. When she reached her men on the far side of the room they all grinned at her, and a couple pointed to the vigorous discussion taking place in the distance. She grinned back and received some approving nods. When she returned to the royal group and halted, the decision had apparently been made.

"My dear," Robanar told her as she sat on Snep in front of him, "it seems I am but a babe in arms where such matters as these are concerned. I will, however, venture you my own opinion. I can find nothing, nothing, which ought to prevent you from exercising your mount with my guardsmen, or even beyond the confines of the palace. However, I must remind you that the mind of the public is a fickle thing and it may be that some of my people will feel that you cause them offense. Do you understand, Garia?"

She bowed. "Sire, I do."

"Then, with that proviso, you have my permission to ride as you will. Terys, you have a word?"

"Indeed, dear. Garia, whenever you first appear to any new group of people, be they guardsmen or the folk of the city, or to others, you are going to cause a sensation. I trust you will take care to be well protected on those occasions, and that you plan your appearances with that in mind. I do not want to see you hurt, dear."

"No, ma'am. Uh, my men, over there, they seem to approve, so we should be able to handle any trouble that occurs."

"That's good. I doubt you will have much problem within the palace, most know you by now, but one can never tell."

"As you say, ma'am."

Robanar and Terys took their leave, taking their entire entourage with them. Garia was left facing Keren, Merizel, Merek, Jenet and Bursila.

"Do you mind if I carry on with my practice?" she asked them. "Whatever I'm wearing I still want to ride like I've been doing these last few days."

She led Snep through the evolutions she had worked out soon after her riding practice had begun, and soon forgot the worries of facing the King and Queen. Instead, her mind returned to the ever-present obsession - Keren. After a while she stopped and dismounted to have a drink. The helmet was removed and handed to Merek for inspection. Some of her men had walked over to join the others, some had found other things to do.

"What did you think, Merry? Now you've seen what it looks like when I'm mounted?"

"You've certainly convinced me," Merizel said simply. "Now all I have to do is get Rosilda to make me an outfit like yours."

"Really? You'd do that? I'd like that, to have someone else - another girl - to ride beside me, I think."

"What about me?" Keren asked with a smile. "Is it only girls you want to be seen riding with?"

She turned to him, and her stomach flipped.

"Oh, no, uh, Keren, I uh, didn't mean it that way. Um, you'll always be welcome to, uh, ride by my side. Uh, oh, I didn't mean it that way either, Keren, I -"

"I was only having a little fun, Garia. Whenever you go out riding, I'll make sure to be there."

Her face flamed and she bent over her drink bottle to hide her expression.

"Your outfit makes you look very smart," he added. "Even though it is modeled after the guard uniforms, you manage a distinct feminine touch without it becoming impractical. I like that, it shows you were thinking of what you might end up doing while you are riding."

"Thank you," she said, briefly meeting his eye. "That was what I had in mind, yes." That reminded her of something, and she turned to Merizel. "Of course, Rosilda and I had other ideas for riding when we're not with the guard. You might like some of those designs better."

"Really?" Merizel said. Her eyes glowed. "I can't wait!"

Garia rolled her eyes. What was it with women and clothes?

"Milady," Merek asked, "now that you have the King's assent, what are your intentions?"

"Captain, I have none. I thought, maybe... I could join the men in here in the mornings. Get them used to seeing me, and I can learn more about how to look after Snep. I also need to take some instruction in handling weapons, I've managed nothing so far so I'd be little better than your raw recruits, I'm afraid. If you didn't think I'd be too much of a distraction, that is."

Merek looked at her thoughtfully. "A long time before the rains, milady, many weeks ago, you came and saw the men training on the field. You said then that they should become used to attending their duties while there were distractions about them."

"Yes, I did! I remember, now."

"As you say, milady. Let us try you, then, in the morning. You shall stay in here with us once the Tai Chi is completed, with your beast, and we shall find out how you are received by the men. That may indicate to us how others may receive you, so it will be a useful experiment."

"This is all fitting together quite well, isn't it, Garia?" Keren said with a smile. "You didn't plan it this way, but it's exactly the next step you should be taking."

"Huh? What is?" She was momentarily confused. He was saying something? What was he saying? Oh, yes. "Sorry, I was distracted myself. Yes."

She was becoming increasingly confused and distracted. Every time he spoke, she heard his voice but not the words. What was the matter with her? Every time he smiled, her insides turned to jelly. Those lips... she wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and jam her own lips against his. She flinched, and realized dimly that she was remembering the touch of his hand the previous day, and she very much wanted that touch again, and much more besides.

She looked up and saw that they were all looking at her.

"I'm sorry," she said vaguely, and turned away from them. The great double doors to the field were open, to admit what light there was and to allow the air to circulate. "I'm not sure I feel... I need some fresh air a moment. Feteran, would you take Snep back to the stables and see him settled?" She waved behind her, roughly in the right direction. "Jenet, stay here, I need a little time alone, I think."

Feteran replied, "Aye, milady," but she had already walked away from the group. They stared after her. Keren watched her walking unsteadily away, and wondered what was wrong. He wanted to be beside her, to assist in whatever was troubling her. It was, of course, raining, so she stood in the doorway breathing in the cool air, her gaze vacant, her mind fixed on her problem.

This is crazy. All I can think of is Keren! Suddenly, he's become different somehow. Even holding his hand seems different to what it was before, and it's different to all the other men in the dojo! His voice has changed, or it seems so to me, and I find myself watching all the tiny expressions on his face... his lips fascinate me. His smile is like a blast of sunlight. And the sparkle in his eyes. He's always there to help, and he seems so concerned when something's not right... something's definitely not right now ...and I think the reason has to be Keren himself. Is this what happens to a girl when..?

Even though her gaze was on the rain falling on the field, she sensed somehow that he had come to stand beside her. She forced herself not to look at him. If she did, she suspected he would immediately see it in her face.

"Something is wrong, isn't it?" he said softly, not looking at her. The sound of his voice was like the song of a siren, a smooth tone she was unable to resist. "Would you share it with me?"

Oh, God. You don't know just what I want to share with you. Her head dropped, so that he could not see her expression. "I'm not sure I want to."

He gazed at her with concern. She was in some kind of trouble, and he wanted to help. He had to help, his very being demanded it. He had to keep her safe, didn't he? He wanted to hold her close, protect her from whatever -

"Ah. I think I understand, now."

Am I that transparent? What can I do now? Turn and flee? What, in front of all those guardsmen? Impossible. Face him? Also impossible.

"We've both been blind, haven't we?" he said, even more softly. The revelation stunned her. "This is not the place to speak of such matters, though. Can you wait till after dinner? We need somewhere private and the best place is probably the balcony."

She turned, impulsively, to face him, heedless of what others might see.

"This is impossible!" She shook her head, trying to deny the truth. "I didn't know what was happening, I haven't been a girl very long!"

With great restraint he stopped himself from gathering her up in his arms, instead clasping his hands behind his back.

"What was it you told Tord this morning?" he asked softly. "Something you ate? That will have to do for now. Do you think you can bear to walk back with me, or am I banished?"

She forced her pounding heart to calm itself. "No, give me a moment, and I'll walk back with you. If we do anything unusual someone's bound to talk."

He raised an eyebrow. "You do something unusual? That's never happened before, has it?"

"Very funny. I - I think I'll have to pass on dinner, too. There's no way I can eat right now. Come and find me afterwards, please. I don't think I can stand much more of this."

"Something you ate, indeed. I'll pass along your apologies."

His smile blew her away as he turned and made his way back to the others.

~o~O~o~

There was a tapping on the window of her dressing room, and she hurried to the door which led from her sitting room onto the balcony.

"Jenet, will you let me do this on my own? I trust you to keep secret anything we might say to one another, but I'm afraid I might not speak honestly if you're standing there."

"As you wish, milady. When one is part of the royal family, privacy can be very difficult."

"Oh, thank you, Jenet! If you stay here, I can knock on the window if I need you."

"I'll stay here, milady." Jenet hesitated. "Good luck, milady."

"Thank you."

Garia opened the door and slipped through. Outside, it was much cooler. The wooden surface of the balcony was damp and slick, which was to be expected after seven weeks of almost continuous rain. She turned to her left and he was standing there, leaning against the wall to keep from being splashed by the downpour.

"How did you get out here?" she asked, suddenly curious. "You didn't come through my suite, and you can hardly have come through your parents' suite, can you?"

That smile again. "Behind us is Malann's old suite, of course. I sneaked through there." The smile slipped, became a serious expression. "Garia -"

The familiar feeling started churning in her stomach again, overlaid with strange shivery sparks.

"I didn't know," she pleaded. "I'm just not familiar with how a girl ought to feel. I didn't realize what was happening at all. I just thought it was... I don't know." She shook her head.

It's been there since the day I arrived at the palace and first set eyes on him, I think. But I was still emotionally and intellectually a boy then, how could I have possibly have known?

"I didn't realize either," he said. Again, his admission sent her roller-coaster emotions into the sky. "You're just so different than anyone else I have ever met... not surprising really, you come from somewhere else entirely. You fascinate me in a way that no other girl ever has, you have entirely captured my attention."

Then he broke her heart.

"It cannot be, of course. The rules forbid it."

They were standing close together, to hear each other over the sound of the rain without allowing their voices to carry. The look of devastation on her face was enough for Keren, and he gathered her in his arms. She wrapped herself around his middle and mashed her head against his chest, trying and failing to stop the tears. She was completely destroyed by the fact that he wanted her as much as she wanted him, and the fact that he was the one person she could not have.

He held her tightly in his arms, and his own composure was not much better. Her welfare was very much his personal concern, and he absolutely hated that she was being torn apart by what had happened. His upbringing was such that he had to view his future in less than romantic terms but he knew now that if he had been given a choice, it would already have been made.

"If I had not been -" he paused. Her head came up slightly, to hear him better. "If my father had been another man," he tried again, "then this question would have been answered weeks ago. But my father is who he is, and that makes me who I am, and the question cannot be answered the way either of us would want it." He took a deep breath. "Now, listen to me, Garia."

He held her shoulders and started to push her away, and she reluctantly slackened her grip. They looked into each other's eyes.

"I will always be here for you, so long as you remain in Palarand. I will protect you, and cherish you, and do all that I can to look after you. Whatever happens to either of us in the future, your place is here in my heart, and nothing will ever change that. But we must be as brother and sister, nothing more. I have no choice but to follow my father, for I have no brothers so I cannot even run away from my duty. Can you bear it for me? I think I would understand if you decided that it would be too much for you, but we would both suffer for it were you to leave. At least if you are here, I can keep an eye on you, and we can enjoy as much of each other's company as we may."

"Oh, Keren!"

She buried her face in his chest again, completely desolate. Part of her had always known that he was the one person she could not aspire to, and yet another part now knew that he was the only one she wanted. Battered by her emotions, she could only cling to him until she was completely drained. Then she lifted her head to meet his look.

"I can only try," she managed to tell him. There was a faint suspicion of an attempt at a smile. "But don't expect me to be all normal again right away. This is going to take me some time to get through."

"Oh, Garia, I'm sorry. It's what neither of us wanted, and it must hurt you worse than it hurts me. Maker! What a tangle."

The door opened, and she walked back into her sitting room, her head held high, her face composed but streaked with tears.

"Milady?"

"Just the rain, Jenet. The rain wet my face."

"As you say, milady. As you say."

~o~O~o~

"Keren? What were you doing in there?"

"Mother? Why, I was just..."

Keren shook his head. His mother would get to the truth, one way or another, and he had always been brought up to be honest.

"It's Garia..."

"Come with me, dear. Let's go into my sitting room and talk. Your father is downstairs talking to some masons, so we'll have some privacy."

Once settled in her sitting room, Terys dismissed her maids.

"Now, dear. What has happened?"

"Garia has fallen for me, mother... and I for her."

"Oh, my dear! You must be feeling awful. And I imagine she is no better?"

"No, mother. What can we do? I told her, outside on the balcony, that it cannot be, that we must be as brother and sister, but the pain... I did not think it would hurt so much, mother. If I were anyone else's son, there would be no problem, but I am the next King of Palarand, and that is that. If there had been another to take the throne, I might have run away with her, but... Mother, the look on her face! I wished myself dead, and then thought that would be even worse for her. I cannot leave her unprotected, I cannot."

"Your attention to duty does you credit, my son. There is no reason why you should not care for her while you may, but we do not know the future, do we? By the time you come to be crowned King, it may be that she has found another, or at least become sufficiently independent that she has less need for the help of a man. If there is a single woman within Palarand who may be called independent, it is surely Garia!"

"But she isn't independent, mother! Not really. You haven't seen her doubt herself as I have. She needs us, she needs me. As I need her. I do not think that anyone else will light my life the way she does."

"My poor boy. You have learned one of life's harder lessons, and while you may not believe it so, you will become the better for it. All I can advise is that you should conceal your feelings as a man does, and show to the world your strength as a man, for this is a test which will serve you well in the future. Sometimes a King must do uncomfortable things."

"I understand, mother, though I wish it were otherwise. But it will be very difficult, especially with... her... within my reach every day."

"I will help you through this, Keren. As I will help her as well. Do you not think I could see what might happen? You have been together nearly four months now, I am surprised in some respects that it has taken so long."

"Remember, she has the memories of a boy, mother. She didn't realize what was happening. As I did not, until today."

"As you say, my son. For now, I suggest you retire and rest, and I will arrange that you are not disturbed in the morning. And, if you ever need to talk about the matter, you may always come to me, you know that."

"I do, mother. Good night, then."

~o~O~o~

There was a knock on Garia's sitting room door. Jenet had helped her undress, and she sat on the edge of her bed in her fluffy robe, miserably wondering what good a dip in the tub would do. Jenet heard the knock and came back into the bedroom with Terys.

"Jenet, go and start some pel, please. Stay there until I pull the rope, if you would."

"As you command, ma'am."

Jenet made herself scarce, and Terys looked at Garia. Jenet had managed to clean her face up, but the girl still looked terrible, with red-rimmed eyes and dark shadows underneath. Garia looked back at the Queen with heartbreak written all over her face.

"Come with me, dear. Come and sit on the settee and we will talk of what has just happened."

"Must we, ma'am?" The tears started streaming down her face.

"It would be the better course to take, dear. Come, sit."

Terys sat and Garia came beside her, the Queen's arms around the distraught girl. Garia buried her face in Terys's bosom and cried disconsolately, her tears staining the Queen's gown while Terys just tried to comfort her.

"It must be especially hard for you," Terys said when the sobbing had died down, "because of your past. You have not been used to the strength of the feelings you now have. I am truly sorry for you, my dear, that you have had to learn such a cruel lesson so soon after coming to our world."

"Is it always this hard, ma'am?" Garia asked after a while.

"It can be different every time, my dear, for each experience is a new one to every person. Some may be worse than what you feel now, some you may endure better. And that is the key to what you are feeling, my dear. You must learn to endure. That is the lot of woman in this world, and I imagine it may be the lot of woman in your own world also."

"No... I have to go through that again?"

"It will happen, my dear. This is but a disappointment, though it seems like much worse to you today. But you will use this experience in time to help you through others in your future."

"How so, ma'am? What could possibly be worse than this?"

"The death of your parents, perhaps, if you have been particularly close to them. The death of your husband, or of a child. No-one has died today, dear, be thankful for that."

"The death of..? Ma'am, I beg forgiveness, I did not think."

"Your own tragedy occupies your mind, dear. At such times, very little else matters, does it not? And it was a particularly cruel blow, after all these months together."

Garia lay there, thinking. And, after a while, she sat up and composed herself.

"It hurts, ma'am. It hurts terribly. I think at the moment I would rather be a man again."

"I'm afraid you would not escape so easily, dear. Keren is almost as upset as you are. He is almost grief-stricken to have had such a wonderful thing presented him and then torn away."

Garia's tears began again, but she forced herself to sit still and not throw herself at the Queen again.

"It is the rules, isn't it? Well," she muttered, "in the Hall of the Guilds yesterday, rules were broken on my account."

"Perhaps, dear, but the Guildsmen of Palarand may do whatever they wish. The rules which guide the noble families which govern the many countries of the Valley and beyond are unspoken but agreed and obeyed by all. They are not so easily changed as those of the Guilds."

Garia looked sad. "I know, ma'am. It's just -" She lapsed into silence.

After a brief pause Terys said, "Shall you take some pel now? I think you must needs replace some of the water you have gushed forth, mostly upon our gowns."

Garia couldn't help but smile. "As you wish, ma'am. Pel is comforting, isn't it?"

"Just so, dear."

Terys stood and pulled the rope, and shortly Jenet appeared with a tray. She poured for the Queen and Garia, and then stood, ready to leave them alone again.

"Garia? I do not think we need send Jenet forth again, need we?"

"No, ma'am. Jenet, come and sit down. Pour yourself some pel, if you wish." Terys raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Jenet sat in a chair across from the settee and, hesitantly in front of the Queen, poured herself a drink and took a sip.

"Ma'am," Garia began diffidently, "Earlier, you spoke of death."

Terys's face changed and Garia could see the old pain that re-emerged onto it.

"Yes, dear. When you reach my age, you too will have seen some of those you love die. I have two beautiful daughters and a handsome son, it is true, but did you think they had been the only ones I carried? Jenet will know, of course, Jenet has been by my side almost since I came to live in Palarand. My first-born son, he would have been called Thedren after his great-grandfather, breathed for a scant bell after he emerged from my body. It is the way of birth that a certain number do not survive long, or indeed survive at all, and he was among that number. It shattered me, dear, and the King was worried for many months that I would not recover. Then, I had two wonderful girls, and a strong and healthy boy, and we thought the worst was over. There was a third daughter, younger than Keren by two years, and we treasured her as we treasured her brother and her sisters. But there was a disease which went through the kingdom when she was but five years, and she was taken with so many others."

The three women sipped at their pel before Terys resumed.

"There was another death which I could do nothing about, which I did not learn of until after it had happened. You may not know but I came here to marry the King from a country called Stirmond, which is a very long way up the river Sirrel. When my father died I did not find out immediately. The Valley Messenger Service is very prompt, but it was still a week before word reached us here, and I could not even return for the funeral, the distance was too far. I was very upset that I was not able to say goodbye to my father, it seemed like a betrayal even though I knew that the distance made such a journey impossible. So, yes, dear, I have known such sorrows, and although in time one comes to accept them, one never really recovers from them. It is all part of the test we undergo that we call Life."

"As you say, ma'am."

The three continued companionably drinking, and when Garia had finished she sighed.

"Ma'am? I think I am quite wore out, and it would probably be a good idea if I went to bed now. With your permission?"

"Of course, dear. And, I think, you shall spend tomorrow in your room resting. You will need some peace and quiet to reflect on what happened to you today, and to begin to recover. I shall inform those who need to know that, what did you say earlier? It was something you ate, I believe. That will do." Terys quirked a smile. "I must consult Master Hurdin in confidence, to assure him that no insult was intended to the kitchen of the Guildhall, that it was merely a subterfuge to explain, hum, a 'woman's problem'."

"Which is no more than the truth, ma'am."

"As you say, dear. Well, I must go and find out what my maids have been doing. They are quite attached to me, you know."

"As you say, ma'am. And - thank you, ma'am. For putting things into perspective for me."

"Of course, dear. Good night, then, and I hope you manage to get some sleep, though it will not be easy."

"Good night, Your Majesty."

Author's fashion note: Jodhpurs as described here would not be accurate in describing what Garia was wearing, which would more closely resemble breeches, reaching just below the knee. She used the word in a more colloquial sense.