My depression is a liar.
Here are just a few of the lies it tells me.
1) I am a failure. - This is the one that hits me most often. My depression is always ready with a list of my failures, when the truth is as long as I am still trying, I havent failed yet.
2) The darkness is permanent. - When I in that state, its hard to remember there is always light ahead.
3) I am helpless. - Very much not true. I can do many things to help myself
4) I am unlovable. - This one is tricky. Because its not saying I am unloved, that would be easy to refute. it is saying no one should love me. That if they really knew me, they would reject me. I just hold on to the fact that deserved or not, I am loved, and loved greatly.
Refuting these lies isnt a one time thing. Every time my depression springs, it has the lies ready, so I must always remind myself of the truth.
Hold on to hope, folks.
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My therapist
refers to that as not good enough. It is the ultimate lie. We are all good enough. We might be able to improve, that is life, but we are enough.
Ultimately it is the self hate we harbor. It comes from living a lie. When we break out of that mold we can start the healing, but it takes a very long time. With me it was 3 years. Given it took 40 years to get here a few years to dig myself out is not bad.
I was ready to die before I chose to transition. I still don't fear death, but I don't long for it either. Things really have gotten better.
I'm working with folks who are where I was. Maybe I can make a difference.
you are making a difference
you have made one with me.
A similar list.
In a similar vein: Ten Lies Depression Tells You by Anne Theriault. No refutations, though.
You Have To Be Subtle
It's not usually regarded as the path of wisdom to take shows like 'Red Dwarf' seriously, but Dave Lister may not have been all that wide of the mark when he said 'depression is just your mind's way of telling you something's wrong'.
Our brains are incredibly sophisticated pieces of equipment. So much so that a small child can catch a ball, learn two or more languages and form the rudiments of a moral code. In adulthood they are easily able to see through platitudes, so that when a wheel falls off it's not enough to say everything's going to turn out all right in the end. The only people who benefit from so-called 'self-help' literature are doing okay as it is. I believe the technical term for it is confirmation bias.
If you want to overcome these feelings you have to take a more devious approach. Your brain has evolved to solve problems. It thrives on them. That's why crossword puzzles are so popular. That's why so many people read detective fiction. That's why people like me point to somewhere on a map and think 'I want to go there'.
But your brain needs to know it can succeed. Maybe the goals you're setting it are unattainable. Or maybe it's the way you're mentally framing them.
I'm not a psychologist. All I can do is make suggestions based on experience. But I hope I've given you something to think about.
hmm
1) A am a failure
right, I dragged my behind out of bed and I'm alive, 2 successes to start the day.
2) The Darkness is permenent
WHEEEE!!!!!! I love darkness.
3) I am helpless
well I got out of bed, so can't be helpless.
4) I am unlovable
~tacklesugglehug~ nope you aren't
Stupidity is a capital offense. A summary not indictable.