Sister, Sister, Sister - Part 7
By Missy Crystal

Twelve year old Johnny wants to play Barbies with his sisters, but Barbies are for girls. How can Johnny join the game? A sweet, sentimental story about a young boy's discovery of the girl he should have been with the help of his sisters and mother. This is a story I wrote a couple of years ago and I am posting it here for those who would like to know more about Dr. Jenny Mitchell. It is complete, for those who anguish over being left hanging, but too long for

After we got home, Beth made a couple of phone calls and asked Mom if she would drive her to Cindy's house. Mom offered to drop Susie and me off at Mrs. Johnson's, but I knew Beth was anxious to get going and her friend's house was in the opposite direction. It was only a few blocks and I told Mom that we would walk. Susie and I left and, when we reached the sidewalk, she took my hand. It made me feel really special. It wasn't until we arrived at Mrs. Johnson's front door that it struck me she might not be home on a Saturday afternoon. I rang the doorbell and waited. A few minutes later she opened the door. It took her a moment to recognize who it was with the long blond hair.

"Jenny, you look lovely." Then she noticed Susie. "And Susie, so do you. I love your new hairstyles. Please come in."

As soon as we were in, Susie gushed, "Oh, Mrs. Johnson, we had the best day ever. Mommy took us to Mr. Kenneth's salon to have our hair done and we had a party and we got beautiful presents. See."

She held up her wrist to show off her bracelet.

"It's real gold and it has my name on it. And Jenny got a pretty wig and a real gold necklace with her name on it too."

Mrs. Johnson was impressed.

"My, my Susie, this certainly was an exciting day. And that is quite a beautiful bracelet." She called upstairs, "Julie, Susie's here and she has something for you to see."

A minute later Julie came bounding down the stairs. She stopped short when she saw us.

"Wow!" she exclaimed. "Your cousin looks great. Susie, you look really cute."

I don't think Susie was happy with 'really cute.' She was probably hoping for her friend to die with jealousy. Julie wasn't about to give her the satisfaction, although her next question gave her away.

"Mom, can I get my hair styled?"

Mrs. Johnson gave her the usual mother's response, "we'll see dear."

Susie held up her wrist. If her new hairstyle didn't work, the bracelet was bound to do the job.

"I got a new bracelet too. It's real gold and it's got my name on it. See, 'Susie'. Mr. Kenneth our hairdresser gave it to me when he did my hair at his salon.”

"Nice," Julie, replied. "Can I wear it?"

Susie’s face lit up with satisfaction.

"Well, I don’t know, it is very special and it does have my name on it," she said coyly.

"I have a gold locket with my initials on it," Julie bargained. "It has a gold chain too. I’ll let you wear it, if I can wear your bracelet. Please?"

The please did it.

"Okay, but just for a little while," Susie agreed conditionally.

Julie and Susie went upstairs to swap jewelry, leaving me with Mrs. Johnson. She came closer and looked at my wig.

"That is a beautiful hairpiece, Jenny, very natural."

"Thank you," Mrs. Johnson, I said politely. "I love wearing it and I’m going to hate myself when I have to go back to being Johnny."

To my surprise, Mrs. Johnson frowned.

"Jenny, you’ve said something that is troublesome. I’d like to talk to you about it."

"I didn’t mean to make you upset," I said apologetically.

Mrs. Johnson's smile returned.

"For someone whose profession is talking to people, I'm afraid I didn’t express myself very well. It’s not what you said that's troublesome. It's how it can make things difficult for you later on. Please come sit with me and we can discuss it. Okay?"

"Sure, Mrs. Johnson," I agreed.

We went into the living room. She pointed to the sofa and I sat down. She sat in an arm chair across from me with a coffee table separating us. She adjusted her skirt and crossed her legs, placing her hands in her lap.

"Do you remember what you just said, Jenny?"

"I think so,” I answered her. “I said I love my wig."

She shook her head.

"You did say that, but there was more. Do you remember?"

I thought back. Mrs. Johnson had complimented me about my wig. I thanked her and said what I just said. Was there more? Nothing came to me. I shook my head.

"I’m sorry, but I just can't remember anything else. Susie was right. Today was the best day of my life and that's all I can think about," I explained.

"I understand," Mrs. Johnson said reassuringly. "We can start from there. I'm going to ask you some questions. Please relax, Jenny. There’s no right or wrong answer, just say whatever comes into your mind. Okay?"

"Sure. No problem."

"Why was this the best day of your life?"

That's easy," I answered quickly. "It's because I got to spend it as Jenny and to feel like a real girl. I didn’t tell you this part, but, on our way to the party, Beth dragged me into one of the fancy women's stores and the salesgirl actually showed me a bra and asked if I wanted to try it on." I laughed. "She even thought I was going to have," I hesitated, "well, breasts."

"That's okay, Jenny. You don't have to be embarrassed talking to me. It is very important for you to be honest and you have my promise that everything we say is confidential."

"I trust you, Mrs. Johnson," I assured her. "I know you are trying to help me and I know that I need to tell you the truth."

Mrs. Johnson nodded.

“"Good. Now then," she continued, "tell me, who's Johnny?”

I gave her a puzzled look.

"You know who he is, Mrs. Johnson. He’s me when I’m a boy," I answered.

"I see. Is Johnny here now?"

I shook my head.

"No, I'm a girl, so Jenny's here."

"If Jenny is here, then where is Johnny? Is he in your room at home?"

Now I was really confused.

"Johnny's not anywhere," I tried to explain. "He’s just who I am when I go to school as a boy."

"What happens to him the rest of the time?"

"He becomes Jenny."

"How does he become Jenny?"

"He changes, I mean I change clothes."

"How does changing your clothes make you a different person?"

I tried to answer the question, but I couldn’t.

"I don’t know," I said with tears in my eyes. "I don't know Mrs. Johnson. I just want Johnny to go away. I don’t like him. I don't want to be him. Please, Mrs. Johnson, please. You have to help me. That's why I came over today. I wanted to ask you to do something, so that I can be Jenny all the time," I sobbed.

Mrs. Johnson came over and sat beside me. She put her arms around me gently and I rested my head on her shoulder as my tears continued to flow. When I finally calmed down, she got up and brought me some tissues. Then she sat down in her chair.

"Jenny, I want to help you. That is what I am trying to do now and you have made progress. The fact that you can talk to me about your feelings is an excellent beginning. You need to understand something and we are almost there. It is always better if a person finds their own solution with my guidance. Do you feel up to trying?"

I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

"Okay."

"Would you like some more tissues?"

"No, thank you. Well," I reconsidered, "maybe, just in case."

Mrs. Johnson got up and brought over a box of tissues. She put it on the coffee table. Then she went back to her chair.

"Let's try it a little differently. The clothes you are wearing, are those yours?"

"No, they're Beth's. She shares her clothes with me, except for our panties. Mom thought we should have our own, so Beth gave me some of her old ones," I explained.

Mrs. Johnson nodded.

"What if Beth wanted to borrow some of your clothes? Would you let her?"

I gave Mrs. Johnson another puzzled look.

"Sure, if she wanted to, but why would she? Her clothes are much nicer than mine."

"Well, one reason might be that boy's clothes are usually looser fitting and more comfortable than girl's clothes," she suggested. "Beth doesn't get dressed up when she's at home, does she?"

"No, you're right. She usually wears jeans and a pullover top. But they're still girl's clothes," I insisted.

Mrs. Johnson smiled.

"For the sake of our discussion, let's pretend that she did borrow your clothes. If she wore them, would that make her a boy?"

"Of course not!" I responded emphatically.

"Why not?" Mrs. Johnson asked me.

"Why not what? I don't understand the question."

"If you are a girl when you wear Beth's clothes, then why isn't she a boy when she wears your clothes?"

"Because," I tried to explain, "because she was born a girl. That's who she is. I, well, I should have been born a girl too, Mrs. Johnson, it's not fair. I am a girl and when I wear girl's clothes that makes me feel like one." I started to cry again.

Mrs. Johnson got up and handed me the box of tissues. She sat down next to me and held me again.

"We're almost there, Jenny," she comforted me.

After a while, I got myself together. Mrs. Johnson went back to her chair.

"This is what I do as a psychologist. I try to talk my clients through their problems. Usually it takes months, sometimes even years. We don't have that kind of time, Jenny, so I am going to explain what this was all about. Are you ready?"

I nodded.

"You said that Beth would still be a girl if she wore boy's clothes, because that is who she is, right?"

"Yes," I answered with a sniffle.

"And you also said that you are a girl when you wear girl's clothes, because that is who you are, right?

"Right."

"If Beth is a girl, even when she wears boy's clothes, because that is who she is, then why aren't you a girl, even when you wear boy's clothes, because that is who you are?"

I looked blankly at Mrs. Johnson. I didn't have an answer.

She smiled.

"Jenny, you are the same person in boy's clothes as you are in girl's clothes. Remember when I asked you where Johnny was if Jenny was here. Do you know the answer to that question now?"

"I think so. He's here too," I said hesitatingly.

"Yes, Jenny, he's here too. You are not two different people who come and go by the way you are dressed. You are one whole person. It is very important for you to always remember that. Our names, our clothes and how we act are all clues we give to other people to help them recognize our gender, but they don't make us who we are."

Mrs. Johnson sat next to me and took my hands.

"Do you remember now what it was you said that I found troublesome?"

I thought about our conversation, but nothing came to mind.

"No, I'm really sorry," I apologized.

"That's okay, Jenny. I will tell you. What you said was that you were going to hate yourself when you had to go back to being Johnny. Do you see why that concerned me?"

"You mean about my not wanting to go back to being Johnny?"

"That's part of what you said, but think some more about how you said it, please."

I went over the words in my mind. Then it struck me.

"I said that I was going to hate being Johnny!"

Mrs. Johnson nodded.

"Yes. Now do you see?"

"I think so. It's because, if I hate being Johnny, I hate myself. Is that right?"

"Yes, Jenny. That's right. The worst thing a person can do is to hate himself. Or herself," she added. "You don't really hate yourself, do you?"

I shook my head.

"No, I like myself. I am very happy with who I am. I just wish everyone else felt the same way."

Mrs. Johnson squeezed my hands.

"Good. Now, one thing I like to do is have someone I've worked with tell me in their own words what we've accomplished. It gives me confidence that they really do understand. Would you try, please, Jenny?"

"Well," I hesitated, trying to say it just right, "even though I'm a girl, I don't have to not be a boy."

It took Mrs. Johnson a minute to sort out the sentence. Then she nodded her approval.

"Yes. A girl isn't any less of a girl because she does things boys do." She looked at me sympathetically. "Jenny, I do believe you will get your wish; but it's not magic. It doesn't happen overnight like in the storybooks. You have to be patient."

I laughed and Mrs. Johnson gave me a curious look.

"What's so funny?" she asked me.

"Well, when we were at my birthday party at the mall, they brought in a cake and I made a wish when I blew out the candles. I guess I can tell you, without spoiling it." I laughed again. "I made the opposite wish from Pinocchio. He wanted to be a real boy and I wanted the Blue Fairy to turn me into a real girl."

"Sorry, Jenny," Mrs. Johnson said with a grin, "the Blue Fairy doesn't deal with transgendered people, but I do know someone who could help your wish come true."

"Really, Mrs. Johnson, who?" I asked excitedly.

"Her name is Freda Goldfarb. She's a psychiatrist I met at a conference. She specializes in Gender Identity Disorder. That's a fancy medical term for people who are transgendered. You'd be surprised, Jenny. There are more people like you than you would think. I spoke with her and she would like to see you. I will call your mother and give her the information.

"Wow, Mrs. Johnson, thank you," I said.

I reached up and gave her a hug. She hugged me back. Boy's sure don't know what their missing by not being able to show their feelings, I confirmed to myself. After we finished our tender moment, Mrs. Johnson looked at her watch.

"Oh my, it's getting late and I wanted to get to the grocery store. Jenny, would you do me a big favor and keep an eye on the girls while I run out. I won't be gone more than an hour."

Mrs. Johnson's request took me by surprise.

"Are you sure, Mrs. Johnson? I don't know the first thing about being a babysitter."

"Just let your maternal instinct guide you," Mrs. Johnson said with a grin.

"What's that?" I asked her?

"Oh," she explained, "that's what helps mother animals to care for their young."

"Well," I kidded her back, "if you're right, it's going to be a while before I have one of those."

That pretty much cracked her up.

"Seriously, Jenny. Susie and Julie can take care of themselves, but children shouldn't be left alone in the house, in case there's an emergency. I'll pay you five dollars. That's the going rate for babysitters."

"What's your going rate for counseling?" I asked.

"Eighty-five dollars an hour, why?"

"Because I have to work off what I owe you. Besides, I'd love to spend some time with the girls. You do your shopping. We'll be fine until you get back," I assured her.

"Jenny, that's very sweet, but you don't owe me anything. I don't charge my friends for helping them."

"Neither do I," I replied.

"I better give you a quick tour before I go. Follow me."

I had only been in the hall and the living room. She showed me the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and some cabinets and told me to help myself to milk and cookies, if I got hungry. There was a family room off of the kitchen, with a TV. It had the same setup as the one at our house. Then we went upstairs to Julie's room. The door was open. It was done in pastel colors, with aqua carpet and white furniture. Along one wall was a low bookcase with dolls and games. Susie and Julie were in the middle of the room, doing something with string.

"Julie, Susie, I'm going to go shopping for a bit," Mrs. Johnson announced to the girls. "Jenny is going to stay with you. I won't be gone long."

She tuned and left. Susie immediately got up and came over to me. She took my hand and led me back to where she and Julie were playing.

"We're doing cat's cradle," Julie explained, "but were having trouble with this one. She pointed to a book on the floor next to her with a diagram. Can you help us?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I've never done this before, but let me take a look. Three heads are better than two.

The girls laughed.

I went over and sat down next to Julie, crossing my legs and adjusting my skirt. I picked up the book and compared what it showed to what Julie was holding.

"That looks right, so far. I think that Susie has to take these two strings here," I pointed to one upper and one lower, "and bring them over these two."

Susie reached in, put the strings on her fingers and held them while Julie withdrew her fingers, then she moved her hands apart to tighten them up.

"Neat. Thanks Jenny. Let's see, next I think we do the same thing again."

She reached in and moved the strings under and around. A few more exchanges and finished the design.

"There." Julie ended up with the string and showed it off to me. "Thanks so much, Jenny."

"No problem, Julie. You girls are really whizzes at this. Do you think you could teach me?"

"You don't know how to play cat's cradle, Jenny?" Julie asked skeptically.

"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "I only have a brother, so I didn't get to play girl's games."

I made a silly face at Susie and she broke into giggles. Julie turned to see what was so funny, then turned back to me and shrugged.

"It's really easy, Jenny. We can do the basic one first. Here."

Julie took the long loop of string they had been using and put it over my middle three fingers of each hand.

"Spread your fingers and then make an inside loop with these fingers," she instructed me.

It took a bit of practice, but after a while I could get thorough the first six stages. I was really pleased with my accomplishment and I was even happier with the chance to spend time with these two sweet girls. In fact, the time went by so quickly that we were still playing when I looked up and saw Mrs. Johnson standing in the doorway.

"I see you managed quite nicely, Jenny," she said approvingly.

"Actually, Mrs. Johnson, it was Julie and Susie who took care of me," I told her. "They taught me how to play cat's cradle. I probably had more fun then they did."

"Uh, Uh," Julie defended me. "Jenny helped us do a hard one. I like her Mommy, can she be my babysitter for real?"

"That's up to her, Julie. I like her too and next time I'm going out, I will see if she is available. Is that okay, Jenny?"

Mrs. Johnson looked at me and smiled.

"More than okay, Mrs. Johnson," I replied. "I'm always available when I'm not in school," which of course she knew was true and why.

Just then the telephone rang. Mrs. Johnson answered it.

"Hello. Oh, hi Carol. Yes, the girls are still here. I had to run out and Jenny babysat for a bit. No, not at all. In fact, Julie is quite taken with her. She wants her to be her babysitter from now on. Oh, before I forget, I need to give you some information. I don't have it here. I'll give you a call later. Uh, huh, right. Jenny and Susie should be leaving soon. Okay. Talk to you later. Bye."

"Jenny, I'm glad we had a chance to chat. Susie, I'll see you next week after school."

Mrs. Johnson walked us to the door. We left and Susie took my hand. I looked down and saw that she wasn't wearing her bracelet. We went back, rang the bell and got it. Then we headed home. Susie looked up at me and squeezed my hand, her way of saying thank you for watching out for her. I squeezed back to let her know that was what big sisters were for. When Susie and I got home, Mom was in the kitchen putting away groceries.

“Hi girls,” she greeted us. “I stopped at the market on the way home.” Putting down a box of cereal, she turned to us. “Beth is going to get a burger and see a movie with her friends. That sounds like fun. We’re all dressed up and we have a free night. Would you like to do that too? I think there’s a new Disney movie out.”

A Disney movie wouldn’t have been my first choice, but I knew Susie would like it and, besides, anything I could do to spend time as Jenny, especially going out as Jenny, was fine with me.

“Sounds great,” I answered.

“Yes, me too,” Susie quickly agreed.

“Good,” Mom told us. “Let me finish putting away the groceries and then I’ll check the paper for the time. We can stop to eat on the way.”

“C’mon, Jenny, let’s play for a bit,” Susie said.

“No, Sis, we need to help Mom, chores, first then play.”

Was that me, the boy who never did anything around the house, saying that? Wow. Jenny certainly was a good influence on me. No, that wasn’t it. Mrs. Johnson had said I wasn’t two different people and she was right. I couldn’t be an influence on myself. I must have known what I should do, but just ignored it. I was better able to be me as a girl. No, that wasn’t right either. I’m still the same me. I guess I just learned more about myself.

“Earth to Jenny,” Mom called. “I appreciate your offer to help, but if you want to get done, then you have to get started,” she chided me.

“Sorry, Mom. I was thinking about something. "Susie, if you put away the milk and stuff that needs to go in the refrigerator," I suggested, "I'll hand Mom the stuff to put in the cabinets. We should be done in no time. Okay?"

"Sure, Jenny," Susie agreed as she began to take things out of the grocery bags.

"Mrs. Johnson said you stayed with Susie and Julie while she went out," Mom said, taking a can of soup from me and placing it on the shelf. "How was it?"

"Fine. Susie and Julie are great kids." I turned to look at Susie and smiled. She smiled back at me. "I wish I had discovered how much fun it was to play with girls before," I said wistfully.

"Better late then never," Mom comforted me, putting down a box of raisins and holding out her arms.

We hugged gently for a few seconds.

"Okay," Susie interrupted. "I'm done. Can we play now?"

"Go ahead, Jenny. I can finish up," Mom said, "we have plenty of time."

Susie headed upstairs. I followed after her. We went into her room. There was a toy box next to her bed. She opened it and began taking out her Barbies. I thought back to how all this got started, me being a girl, because Susie didn't want to play Barbies with a boy. Mom was right. Better late than never. I tuned my attention to the game. Susie decided that Barbie and her best friend Stacy were going to go to a dance and needed to get dressed up. Except for one of Beth's dresses, everything I had worn up to now was casual, so picking out Barbie's formal wardrobe was educational, as well as fun. Susie decided on a silky red strapless gown with a long full skirt. I wondered if I would ever be able to wear something like that, without having anything on top to hold it up. Of course, Barbie needed fancy sparkly pantyhose and gold high heeled shoes to finish off the outfit. Susie fussed with the doll's hair, until she was satisfied with the look, then she handed her to me while she got Stacy dressed. Since Barbie was going to be the queen of the dance, Stacy couldn't look as good as her. Apparently, even little girls understood the importance of being better dressed than the competition. At least that wasn't something I would have to worry about, I thought to myself. Stacy ended up in a straight black knee length dress with a white band around the top and thin black straps. It was cut low in back. White pantyhose and black high heels completed her outfit. Susie had a good sense of fashion. I complimented her on how pretty Barbie and Stacy looked. She nodded her acceptance. Once everything was ready, Susie turned on the radio and Barbie and Stacy moved to the music. The fact that there weren't any boys attending the dance didn't make any difference. We continued to play until Mom called. I helped Susie put the Barbies away, then we checked ourselves in the mirror, made a few adjustments to our hair, I put on some lipstick and we headed downstairs.

Mom was waiting in the kitchen. We started out the door. She stopped.

"Jenny, where's you pocket book?"

I went back and picked it up from the kitchen table where I had put it down to help Mom with the groceries. We went out to the car and I opened the back door. Susie scooted in. I started to close the door.

"Sit with me, Jenny. Please," she asked.

"Go ahead," Mom told me, "I don't mind being the chauffeur."

I slid in next to Susie. By now I was very comfortable managing my skirt. We buckled up and Mom headed out of the driveway. It took about fifteen minutes to get to the restaurant. Mom parked the car and we went in. It was Saturday night, so it was crowded and we had to wait for a table. Mom looked at her watch. We sat on the bench in the waiting area. I crossed my legs, adjusted my skirt and put my pocket book in my lap with my hands on it. I glanced around. There were a number of other families waiting for tables. They were involved with their own conversations and nobody was paying any attention to me. After a while, Susie came over and wanted to sit in my lap. She was really too big for that, but how could I refuse, even if it would draw some attention to us. I looked at Mom. She smiled and nodded. I moved my pocket book and Susie slid on. I put my arms around her waist and she leaned back against me. I glanced around again. An older woman with gray hair sitting across from us smiled at the display of sisterly affection as my eyes caught hers. After a few more minutes, the hostess called our name. Susie hopped off and took my hand as we walked up to be seated.

The waitress handed Mom and me a menu. She gave Susie a placemat with a kid's menu on it. We came here a lot and Susie always got the junior burger basket. It came with fries and a soda. Mom ordered her favorite, a Cobb salad and iced tea. I couldn't decide. We had cake and ice cream sundaes earlier, so I wasn't too hungry. I asked the waitress if it would be okay if I ordered a kid's burger basket too.

"Sure sweetie," she said with a smile. "Us girls gotta watch our figures."

She laughed and headed off to another table.

Mom looked over at me and winked. I winked back. A few minutes later the waitress came back with our drinks, which we sipped while waiting for our meals. Fifteen minutes went by and Mom looked at her watch again. Five minutes later, the food arrived. By then, I had finished my soda and the waitress brought me a refill. We ate quickly, Mom paid and we headed out to the car. The theater was only five minutes away and we made it with about ten minutes to spare.

Mom bought the tickets while I waited with Susie in the lobby. She came back and we headed in. The movie had been out for a while, so it wasn't crowded. Mom found three seats and just as we were about to sit down, I turned to her.

"I have a problem," I whispered.

Mom looked at me.

"What's the matter, Honey?"

"I guess I shouldn't have had two glasses of soda. I have to go to the bathroom," I said with embarrassment.

"Oh," Mom said. "I should have thought of that. We all should have stopped in the ladies' room. There's still time."

I put my hand on Mom's arm.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to use the ladies room?"

"Well, you'd make quite a commotion in the men's room, I'm sure. I suppose I could get you a cup, like we do in the hospital," she said jokingly. "Seriously, I don't have a lot of experience with the men's roombut from what I know the ladies' room is different. It's much more social. We go together to fix our hair, freshen up our makeup and talk girl talk. If we do need to go to the bathroom, we have to get undressed and, well, sometimes we have to do, you know, other personal things, so we respect each other's privacy when we're using the toilets. Really, Jenny, you won't see anything embarrassing and nobody is going to embarrass you. Susie, Jenny and I are going to make a quick stop in the ladies' room. You come too."

Mom was in the end seat, so she got out and we followed her. We went out of the theater, down the corridor and past the familiar sign with a man to the one with a woman. Mom pushed the door open and we went in. She was right. There was nothing to be concerned about. A few women were standing in front of the mirrors above the sinks, combing and brushing their hair, putting on makeup and checking their appearance. There was a pleasant scent of perfume. Mom went over to the stalls and found an open one.

"Susie, you go first," she directed. "Jenny, you'll have to wait a minute, honey."

Susie went in and closed the door. A minute later the door on the stall next to hers opened and a teenage girl came out. I started to go in. Mom came over and whispered in my ear.

"Make sure you put the seat down when you're finished," she pretended to warn me.

I shook my head and gave her a silly look. She laughed.

I went in and closed the door. I had been sitting down to go since I started wearing girl's clothes, so I was used to pulling down my tights and panties and holding up my skirt. I peed and used some toilet paper to dry myself off, to keep my panties clean. When I came out, Susie was waiting. I guessed Mom had gone in after Susie.

"Let's wash up," I said to her, going over to the sink.

"I already did. Really, Jenny, I'm not a baby you know."

"I'm sorry Sis," I apologized. "I know. It's just that all this is new to me. Please be patient. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed.

By the time I finished washing and drying my hands, Mom came out. She used the sink, checked herself out in the mirror, put on lipstick and headed out. We followed her back to the theater. Our seats were still empty and the previews had started. We sat down and waited for the show. Mom reached over and took my hand. I reached over and took Susie's hand. After a while, the main attraction started. To my surprise, it was really entertaining.

When the show was over, we went back to the car and drove home. It had been a long day and, with all of the excitement, Susie was beginning to get sleepy. When we got in the house, Mom took her up to get ready for bed. I went to my room to change into my nightgown. I slipped my fingers under the front of the headband and eased the wig off of my head. Holding the wig gently, I opened the box with the wig stand, placed the wig on it and put the cover back on. I used my brush and comb to fluff up my hair and style it as feminine as possible. When I was satisfied with the look, I stripped down to my panties and cammie, leaving the sweater and skirt on the bed to hang up in Beth's closet later. I picked up my tights and headed for the bathroom. Susie was just leaving. She smiled at me and I smiled back. I washed up first, brushed my teeth and then ran some warm water in the sink to rinse out the tights. When they were done, I hung them on the towel bar in the bathtub to dry.

Back in my room, I took out my nightgown. I held the smooth, silky fabric in my hand and started to slip it over my head. I decided to try an experiment. I put the nightgown on my bed and went over to my bureau. I opened the bottom drawer and took out a pair of my pajamas. They were dark blue cotton. The pants had an elastic waist with a fly and the pullover top had a v-neck and long sleeves. There was light blue piping around the neck opening and cuffs. I put them on. I didn't have a full length mirror in my room, so I stood on the bed to see myself on the small mirror over the bureau. I had to scrunch down to see the top half of me, which looked girlish with my hair and my cammie peeking out from the neck opening. When I stood up, it could be anybody in pants. I ran my hand over the material. Mrs. Johnson was right. What I wore didn't change how I felt about myself. I was a girl in boy's pajamas. I smiled at my face in the mirror and Jenny smiled back.

I picked up the skirt and sweater and headed for Beth's room. I thought that Susie would be asleep, but she sat up when I walked into the room."

"Jenny?" she asked.

I went over to her.

"Yes Susie, go to sleep."

She looked at my pajamas.

"Aren't you Johnny when you're dressed like a boy?"

"Not when I'm at home. I had a long talk with Julie's Mom while you two were playing and she helped me to understand that Jenny is who I am, no matter what I wear. I put on my boy's pajamas just to see if I felt different, but I don't. I'll always be Jenny. It's just that sometimes I have to pretend not to be. So, when I'm outside and dressed like a boy, I'm Johnny. Got it?"

"Uh, huh," Susie said sleepily. "Jenny inside, Johnny outside. Read me a story, please, Jenny."

"It's too late, Susie, but I'll stay here with you, until you fall asleep. Okay?"

"'Kay. Night Jenny."

It only took a few minutes before Susie was back in dreamland. I got up, went to the closet, hung up the skirt and sweater and left quietly. I saw that Mom's light was on. It was past ten o'clock and Beth's curfew was 11:00, so I guessed Mom was waiting up for her. I walked down the hall and I went in.

Mom was reading. She looked up from her book when I came in.

"Hi, Jenny." She gave me curious look. "Nice pajamas. I think Johnny has a pair just like them," she kidded me.

"He still does, Mom. Mrs. Johnson and I had a nice talk. Johnny and Jenny are the same person. It's not what I wear, it's how I feel about myself. I wanted to see if that was true, if I would still be a girl when I'm dressed like a boy."

"And are you?" Mom asked.

"Yes," I said with relief. "I don't feel any different about myself in boy's pajamas, although, to tell you the truth, I like my nightgown better."

"You know, Mrs. Johnson called right after the first time you told her about Jenny."

"No, Mom, she never mentioned it. What did she say?"

"She wanted to know how I felt about you being a girl."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that it was you decision, that you seemed to be dealing with it, that your sisters and I loved you and that we would support you, if that was what you wanted."

"Wow. What did Mrs. Johnson say?"

"She wondered if you were serious. She said that as the only boy in the family, it wouldn't surprise her if you felt left out and were just looking for attention. If that was the case, she believed that encouraging you could do much more harm than good."

"Oh. Is that what you think too, Mom?" I asked with concern.

To my relief, Mom shook her head.

"No, not now" she reassured me, "but I did when I first saw you in Beth's party dress. That was why I took you to the mall as Jenny, got your ears pierced and had your hair done. I thought that having you believe I was going to turn you into a girl would have the opposite effect. The holes in your ears would close up, if you didn't keep the studs in, and your haircut was just a trim, so you could go back to being a boy. To my surprise, you didn't change your mind. You were happier, better behaved and your willingness to be a boy part of the time, so that you could be a girl the rest of the time, convinced me that you were sincere. I told that to Mrs. Johnson."

"What did she say to that?"

"She was very sympathetic. She said that, as your mother, I was in a better position than she was to know what was best for you, but you had made a very difficult choice and would need counseling, if you wanted to go through with it. I asked her if she would help. She said that she wasn't comfortable working with you professionally, because this wasn't her area of practice and also her relationship with our family would make it difficult for her to be objective, but she would do what she could as a friend."

Mom got out of bed and walked over to her bureau.

"Come here, sweetie. I want to show you something."

I went over to her. She opened the top drawer. I could see that it had bras and panties, just like Beth's top drawer.

"I like being feminine. See here." She held up a lacey white bra. "And these." She put down the bra and picked up a pair of white nylon panties with matching lace. "I wear a plain white nurse's uniform when I work. So do all the other nurses. We look pretty much the same, but underneath we all, well, most of us, I suppose there must be a few who don't, wear pretty lingerie. What I'm trying to say, Jenny, is that dressing like a girl doesn’t make you one, but it makes you feel good about being one. I'm not a psychologist, but I do know you don't have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else about who you are. Now, go take those pajamas off and put on your nightgown, young lady. Scoot!"

Mom's encouragement was all I need. I scooted. Back in my room, I took off my pajamas, folded them and put them away, then slipped on my nightgown. It was much nicer being feminine.

I went back to Mom's room. She had turned on the television.

"Beth should be home soon. Do you want to watch TV with me?"

I nodded and climbed up on the bed. Mom moved over to make room for me. I wasn't really interested in the news program she was watching, but it was a nice mother-daughter moment to share. It was so comfortable that I must have dozed off, because all of a sudden I heard Beth's voice. I opened my eyes and she was standing in the doorway.

"Hi, Mom, hi, Jenny, did you have a nice night? What did you do?"

"The same as you," Mom told her. "We went out to a restaurant and saw a movie."

"Cool." Changing the subject, Beth asked Mom, "Are you ready for your big date?"

"Beth," Mom protested, "I am not going on a date. Kenneth is taking me shopping to buy some new clothes. He probably feels sorry for you girls to be seen in public with me."

"Well, let me see. I believe he said 'movie star,' 'swan' and something about a couple of people I didn't get, but it sounded romantic. You said something about making his heart smile." Beth raised her eyebrows. "Not that I'm an authority, but it sounds like a date to me."

Mom shook her head. "You've been reading too many teen magazines. Okay, so I flirted with him a little. He did something very nice for our family and I was being appreciative. What he said, that's just his way of talking. He doesn't mean anything by it. Besides," Mom said softly, "I doubt he's interested in women."

Beth shrugged.

"Maybe, but appearances can be deceiving."

She looked over to me. Mom followed her gaze and cracked up.

"Anyway," Beth continued, "it can't do any harm for you to look good when you go out with him. Have you thought about what you're going to wear?"

"No, not really," Mom replied. "I guess what I had on today, my black pants and a top, maybe a blouse, because he didn't like my sweater."

Beth rolled her eyes.

"Really, Mother, you can't wear the same outfit. Don't you have a cute skirt and a sexy top?"

"No and no. If I did, then I wouldn't need to go shopping in the first place. I'm sure Kenneth will get over his disappointment."

"Jenny, come with me," Beth directed. "We need to survey Mom's closet. Where's that stupid fairy godmother with the magic wand when you need her. I mean, Cinderella is going to the ball in her old clothes," Beth joked.

"How about if I scare up some mice? They did a good job of putting together a dress for Cinderella in the movie," I continued with the theme.

Not to be outdone, Beth went on, "Yes, my dear sister. Having once been a boy, you can be in charge of rodent collection."

Mom was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.

Beth opened Mom's closet and began to do an inventory. When she finished, she turned to Mom and asked if she had bought anything new in the last five years.

Mom gave Beth a stern look.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm afraid that being a single mother and providing for my family has seriously interfered with my wardrobe."

Beth knew she had gone too far.

"I'm sorry, Mom," she quickly apologized. "I just wanted you to look nice. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Mom smiled.

"I know you meant well, Honey. When I was your age, clothes were important to me too." She shrugged. "Unfortunately, when you get older, you realize that there are more important things in life than being fashionable." Mom's face brightened, "but perhaps Kenneth can fix that."

Beth's smile returned.

"If anybody can, he can," she said confidently. "You know, you're right about wearing the pants. They'll do fine. Do you have a neutral blouse, something a little dressy?"

Mom went through her closet and found an ivory colored silk blouse with a pointed collar and long sleeves.

"How about this?"

Beth and I both nodded our approval.

"Well, then it's settled. I assume you will trust me to pick out my own underwear," Mom kidded us. "I don't believe Kenneth will accompany me into the dressing room." She paused and stared at Beth. "At least not on our first date."

It was Beth's turn to crack up.

When she finally got control of herself, we each gave Mom a hug and said goodnight. Beth went back to her room to get ready for bed. I did my nightly routine, well, most of it, because it was late. I got into my bed and snuggled down, feeling the smooth nylon nightgown slid against the sheets. It was good to be me.

TO BE CONTINUED