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The Hatbox
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Comments
A beginning...
I gave you a thumbs up because this is a good beginning. That being said, I do want to make at least one point.
The title would imply an introduction but there is little to none. Building sympathy for your main character would have made this more emotional or gotten your readers more invested before he was spirited away to what amounts to a slave training center.
Patrick Malloy
i see the social worker went
i see the social worker went to the marquis de sade school of child raising
There seems to be a lot of
There seems to be a lot of spelling or grammar errors in here, but I can see an interesting if horrifying story laying beneath. I suggest you get yourself an editor, and maybe flesh out your descriptions a bit more, it will give us more of a sense of things.
I don't know where this is supposed to be taking place.....
But no self respecting police officer would turn a child over to a place like that.
This sounds like something out of the SovietUnion circa 1950 or so.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
It happened in Canada.
It happened in Canada.
Wow......
And here I thought Canada was a civilized country.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Things have gotten better in
Things have gotten better in 4 decades. I wish we had the kids help phone back then. There have been vast improvements for children in government care. Still have a ways to go.
This happens
in the United States, too. There are plenty of corrupted cops...and police agencies...that respect nothing, least of all themselves.
I just read this introduction
I just read this introduction chapter and am sitting here trying to decide how to comment on it.
I am torn in this, because I worked around the juvenile system, tho not specifically in it.
By Federal law, no child at this age is ever to be placed in handcuffs. So that bothered me right away.
The dog collar and leash grabbed my attention right away as well and THAT did bother me a lot.
I will be waiting to read another chapter to see exactly why the rationale of using a collar and leash or any other items on children, regardless of their "crimes" or offender status.
!!!
That kids learneds a valuables lessons. Don't trusts polices. They are no good!
Rotten in Denmark
Thirty eight foster homes in 5 years and he's only 10 years old? And no one wondered why? And now he's being treated like a dog?
What kind of system is this anyway? Did someone forget about compassion?
I agree with the idea of building compassion for the main character at the beginning. But how the boy is now being treated lends greatly to that compassion.
I will be keeping an eye out for more chapters of this story.
Others have feelings too.
Then the kid grew up and shot
Then the kid grew up and shot a cop and robbed a bank and they wonder why.