The Pastor

By Asche

Copyright 2015

Preface

This story was inspired by KT Leone's story "The Christmas Conversation." I found the story charming, but couldn't really believe the pastor's instant conversion from seeing the trans girl's desire to be a girl as a sin to accepting her. This is my attempt to imagine how a pastor from a conservative Christian tradition might come to see that it was not only not a sin, but how God wanted her to be.

Chapter 1 -- First Encounter

Reverend Warren Hanley prepared himself for his next appointment. Marisa Taylor, Gary Taylor's wife, wanted to talk about her son, Jesse. Although she hadn't said what it was about, he could guess. Hopewell was a small enough town that pretty much everybody knew everybody's business, and a boy who showed no interest in the usual boyish activities and had a delicate manner more like a girl was going to get talked about. Reverend Hanley considered himself a servant of the God of Love rather than of the stern judging God, so he had a feeling this was going to be a difficult talk.

"Come in, Miz Taylor," he said as he opened the door and gestured for her to sit in an overstuffed chair near his desk.

"It's about my son, Reverend," said Marisa nervously. "I've tried to bring him up right, and Gary did what he could, at least until he was deployed, but --"

Reverend Hanley waited patiently. He gave her a smile to indicate she could take as long as she needed.

"Well, you know he doesn't like sports or roughhousing. I mean, he's been trying to play baseball, but his heart isn't in it. And I've noticed he has this sad look. I'd say: haunted. Like there was something real heavy on his mind. Well, I told him if he had something he needed to say, he could talk to me any time. I've said it a few times, especially since Gary left. One day, he sat me down in the kitchen." Reverend Hanley couldn't help smiling at the image of this shy, slender seven-year-old telling his mother to sit down. "And he asked me to promise not to get mad, but he had to tell me something. And I said, did you do something bad? And he said, kinda, but it's not what you think. And I said, spit it out, son. And he said, I think I'm a girl. Well, I didn't know what to say at first. But I could see he was really upset, so I put him on my lap and hugged him. And then I asked why he thought so, and he said, I don't know, I just know it. I keep trying to be a boy like I'm supposed to, but inside I know it's a lie."

She gave the pastor a supplicating look. The pastor asked, "and what did you do then?"

"I didn't know what to do. The next time I got to talk to Gary, a week later, I asked him, and he said to talk to the doctor. And the doctor told me to take him to see Dr. Hancock, who's a child psychologist, over in Milburn. The Army insurance is paying for it. I hoped she could help him get straightened out."

The pastor wasn't sure a psychologist was such a good idea. While he wasn't opposed to them on principle, he thought they sometimes gave bad advice that conflicted with the Lord's law. But he didn't want to distress her, so he said, "I can see you're trying to do your best for your son."

"Anyway, after a few weeks, she -- Dr. Hancock -- told me Jesse was probably 'transgender.' That means that even though he's a boy on the outside, he's a girl on the inside. And whether he is or not, we'd best let him spend some time being a girl. If he's not transgender, he'll get bored with it. Well, I got him some girl clothes -- a dress and some tights and some, you know, and I let him dress up in the evening. I was worried I was hurting him, but the minute he got dressed up, that sad look vanished and he looked happier than he'd been in months. But when he had to get back into his boy clothes, he got sad again. I've been letting him do it most evenings, when we don't have company or anything, and we close the curtains. I even got him a girl's nightgown, so he's happy all night. He decided he'd like to be called Jessica, at least when he's being a girl."

Marisa began to cry. Reverend Hanley reached her a box of tissues.

"I feel so torn, Reverend. On the one hand, I know the Lord says he should accept the body the Good Lord gave him and be happy being a boy. On the other hand -- on the other hand, I just want my boy to be happy, and this is what makes him happy. When he's trying to be a boy, I feel like I'm losing my son, but when he's being a girl, I feel like I have my boy -- I mean my child -- back. Tell me: what should I do?"

"Miz Taylor, I know you love your boy and you don't want to do anything to hurt him. He's got the best mother a boy could have. But sometimes -- well, sometimes the Lord gives us hard things to do. Sometimes He lays heavy burdens on us, and we just have to carry them. Miz Carrington lost her husband and her son to cancer, and they suffered mightily for a long time. I can't tell her why the Lord made them suffer like that, and I can't tell your Jesse why the Lord put this burden on him. The Lord made him a boy, and he needs to pray to the Lord for strength to resist this temptation."

"What should I do about the -- the dresses and such?"

"I'd suggest you give them to the church clothing drive. There are always poor families that could use them. Just remember: the Lord knows we stumble, and He doesn't hold it against us when we do. But it's our job to stand back up again and sin no more."

Marisa thanked the pastor and went out, but he could see from the way her shoulders slumped that she wasn't comforted. He sighed to himself. Yes, sometimes the Lord gives us heavy burdens. As the door closed he bowed his head and said a prayer for Mrs. Taylor and her son.

(To be continued)