BLARG!

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So... I'm angry. Those of you who know me, probably know I have anger issues. I joke about it and say I'm Irish (which I am) and that I've got the stereotypical temper (which I do). I have a hard time getting past anger. I don't forgive easily. I hold grudges. Maybe I'm being petty. I don't know, and I just don't care.

This is why I'm leaving BCTS. For how long? I don't know. Maybe for good, maybe not.

I can't talk to my friends here about why. They don't want to hear it. Mainly because the person I'm having problems with is close to them. Also, I don't like to put them in the middle. But as I'm leaving, what the hell. I need to say this. For catharsis, for closure, maybe just so at least one person actually hears my side of this.

Six months ago, in a thread about writing, I made a pithy comment using a quote from a well-known successful author. My mistake, it turns out. Lo and behold, there came along a person who because of her own personal problems (as admitted to me in a PM), felt she needed to Police my pithy comment, and warn everyone about what it "really" meant.

I came un-fucking-glued. To this day, I don't know why it had the effect on me that it did, but it was like that moment in the Road Runner/Coyote cartoons where Wile E. Coyote lights the fuse on the bomb and it burns through in less than a second and BOOM!

What didn't help is that from this same person I got a condescending PM telling me how I need to open up to other people's point of view. Something she didn't seem to care about when deciding to police my pithy comment in the first place. No apology, no retraction of her comment, just condescension.

I'll be honest. Typing this, thinking about the whole thing again, makes me so angry I want to scream! If I could do the Vader thing and reach through the screen and Force-choke her, I would in a heartbeat! The little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for that. Maybe I should. I probably would be if I could get past the anger.

And that's what has pushed me to this point. Every time I go to post a comment, I'm scared that I'll get another moronic policing of my words. I used to hang out in BCTS Chat, now she's there with my friends and I'm... Not feeling welcome anymore. And I see her name and I just get so angry...

So that's why my comments as of late have mostly been pissy. That's why I haven't posted a story since November.

I love this site. There's nothing else like it. I feel like I just don't have a place here anymore. My health, both physical and mental isn't in good shape, and the stress of coming here doesn't help either.

Erin, if you would, please unpub my stories and author page. I doubt this will stay up long, but I hope someone reads it. It would be nice to know I was heard this one time.

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