Timeout 4, Reel to Real: A Whateley Academy Fan fiction

Miki's *predicament* becomes known to the Sabers. Joanie's BET recording project gets a Weird producer. End of semester looms; Joanie impersonates Experiment 626. A shapeshifing experiment goes Blondly wrong; people start seeing double or is that quadruple? A BAD hair day follows. The Asian Playmate and sister stop by. Joanie subverts the American justice system.

Andy Warhol said,"In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes." What if your 15 minutes came late in life, and fame decided to never let you go? Could you survive the circus your life would become?

Timeout 4, Reel to Real: A Whateley Academy Fan fiction

This is fan fiction for the Whateley Academy series. It may or may not match the timeline, characters, and continuity, but since it's fan fiction, who cares? To see the canon Whateley Stories, check out either Sapphire's Place,

(http://www.sapphireplace.com/stories/whateley.html) or the Big Closet (http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/taxonomy/term/117)."

Here’s another chapter in part four of my TG/sci-fi/superhero/magic/one-size-fits-all epic. It’s not that bad; I do have an overall story arc in mind, honest. I’m much better than when I started this, though my grammar and spelling remain flawed; ask Itinerant if he is still coherent. (wibble - WIBBLE!!) Not recovered yet? Time for the horse pistol, I mean the hospital.

Your constructive criticism and advice continues to help. This is an exercise in the joys of creativity and in appreciation of the wonderful Whateley Universe. Any violations of copyright, trade mark or use of real people or incidents are purely for purposes of humor or parody and done solely for the free enjoyment of the reading public. All rights reserved in perpetuity, John from Wauwatosa WI, 2005-2008.

Adult content advisory: this chapter contains situations and topics unsuitable for young minds or your sanity. There is also some adult content written by a middle-age juvenile mind. You were warned.

Timeout 4

By John from Wauwatosa
Verb verification by Itinerant, verily
Kwality Kvetching by Karen_J

Chapter 10, *Mothers’* Day 2, You BET Your Life-Dangerous, DON’T PANIC, And Now in Stereo-Revenge of the Blondes, The New New Avengers-Resurrection, Hang um High

Whateley Academy, Dunwich NH, Boston MA, May 14-May 25, 2007

May 14, 2007,

“Doctor Pollard, I had the strangest dream. I dreamed you said Miki was pregnant, and that I strangled you with barbed-wire -- or was it I castrated you with a hand--cranked sausage grinder … slowly.” I grinned predatorily; he looked concerned.

“I, ah, um …” He didn’t seem to know what to say.

~~Mistress Joanie … I am at fault. I have brought shame upon you. … I … There are herbs I can take to stop my …~~

I felt Miki’s shame and sorrow; she was distraught. “Doctor Pollard, may my friend and I have a few minutes alone?”

“You both appear to be recovered. Take it easy for fifteen minutes and you are free to go. I will read up on mongoose prenatal needs, ladies, so I can prescribe a suitable diet. I’ll make sure you have it in a day or two.”

He left, and I turned to her. I placed a hand on her and gently stroked her fur. ~~Miki, it’s your life, your body, your decision. It’s a shock, your being pregnant, but I’d be a hypocrite to say you must abort your fetuses, your babies. You know how much I want to have children. If you don’t want to or can’t handle being a mother, do it -- have an abortion. If you have any doubts it is the right decision for you, know this -- I would love to be a friend to your children. And I will also support you if you chose not to become a mother.~~

~~You don’t mean it. You are angry at me. You think I am a wanton.~~

~~Where did you get that idea from, Miki?~~

~~I see it in your mind and you fainted when told.~~

~~So did you, Miki. It was the shock and surprise. If I thought badly of you *I* should be the one to apologize. If anyone is a slut here, it’s me. I simply think of Eric and I become aroused. I speak to him and I want to become a mother and his lover, that very moment. Oh my … Miki, can you *feel* it?~~

I got a mental giggle, then embarrassment, followed by understanding from Miki. ~~I *feel* it, you are aching for your Eric. Your body is making ready for sex even though he is not here.~~

~~You understand me, Miki? I know I cannot have him until he is of age. I have pledged I will be faithful to him. I am not intoxicated by fermenting fruit, yet my body reacts as if Eric and I were about to have intercourse. I am no more a slut than you, Miki; it is our nature as females to want children. And your being so totally pregnant is like, um, practice for me, for sure.~~ I broke into giggles.

~~Why do you laugh?~~

~~I sounded like a blonde bimbo in my own mind. See, I am excited but I am not angry. This is not a time to be sad, this is a happy accident.

~~I may not have understood what I was doing when I agreed to be your mistress, but I do not regret it. You saved us on Maui, do not doubt it, Miki. If you want to be a mother, I will find a way to keep your children safe from the law. I know of two sorceresses who have no familiar: Gin in Wisconsin and Lonnie here at Whateley. Gin’s new sister is identical to her and may become a sorceress in time. She’s preschool age and could use a friend, teacher and protector. That’s three possible mistresses for your children. We will find a way.~~ I felt a wave of relief and love wash over me.

~~Thank you, Mistress, I am in your debt.~~

~~As I am in yours, dear friend.~~

I had a disturbing thought.

~~Joanie, what is wrong?~~

~~Telling Administration will be a bitch, and the Sabers will be a pain for the next few months.~~

~~I don’t understand.~~

~~You will, once the Sabers start treating you like a delicate and helpless mother-to-be. They will pamper you to the point of inducing nausea.~~

~~Why would your friends wish to make me sick?~~

This was going to take a lot of explanation, I could tell.

* * * *

The rest of my friends were naturally curious, when I called for a formal meeting as part of our late afternoon practice. Miki sat in my lap as I petted her to keep her calm. I was not sure which of us was more anxious.

“Joanie, what’s up? The rumor is you and Miki were both treated by medical today.” Cheryl looked worried.

“We’re fine, better than fine actually. Leah probably has a better idea what I’m about to say than anyone as she was with us at the time. Leah, dear, remember the first night in Waikiki when I let Miki have some *personal time* in that park?”

“You mean when you acted so, um … strange after?”

“That’s putting it mildly; I was acting like a nymphomaniac on aphrodisiacs.”

“You never told us that, Joanie.” My friends were looking at me and were confused big time.

“That was mental feedback from Miki. She had eaten some overripe mango and was pie-eyed drunk. It was partially my fault, as I agreed she needed some time as a woman.”

“You mean she and that male mongoose … that they?”

“Yes, Leah, that was the intention, to let her experience being a sexual creature again. But being drunk -- accidentally I must add -- she let her magic contraception drop and … Miki will be a mother in early July.”

“Pregnant? Miki is pregnant?” several asked in shock.

“How did that happen? “ Tom asked and immediately regretted it as all of the rest of us laughed, snorted or giggled. The gleam in my eyes must have been frightening.

“Well, Tom, the mommy mongoose and the daddy mongoose love each other very much and want to share that love. They kiss and 60 days later the stork brings a baby or babies. Oh, and they fuck like weasels.” I giggled until my eyes watered.

“Joanie, that was not nice to make fun of my Tom that way. Tom, I’m sorry my cousin treated you so poor. I think I’ll …” she whispered something in his ear. He broke out in a shit-eating grin.

“Are you sure, Suzy?”

“If you don’t want to …?”

This exchange was raising red flags like dandelions in an abandoned farm field.

“Do you have to ask? Of course I want it.” What Tom said did not worry me half as much as Suzy licking her lips provocatively. I wasn’t the only one this conversation was upsetting to.

“Tom, I’m telling Mom if you don’t behave yourself, you promised her.” Tina was cross.

“Suzy, tell Tina what you told me.”

Suzy whispered to Tina and Tina broke-up.

“I smell a set-up. Have you two been pulling my leg?” I asked.

“I’d say both of them while making a wish. You’ve been had, Joanie.”

“There’s only one fitting punishment for these children, they have to help me build Miki’s den and nursery. The rest of you are to furnish it, on my tab of course.”

“That is soooo wrong, Joanie!” Leah practically screamed at me. “After all she did for us in Hawaii, it’s only fair I buy or make her something in thanks.”

“If Leah is getting Miki and her babies something, I’m doing it, too. I’ll not look like a cheapskate,” Jenny said firmly.

I was assaulted on all sides with girls angry at the effrontery of my paying for *their* gifts to my precious momma mongoose. ~~I warned you, Miki, and it’s only going to get worse. Prepare to be pampered to within an inch of your life.~~

I think Miki gave a resigned sigh; it’s hard to tell with mongoose.

* * *

That evening’s clean-up at the farm project was not as I expected. For one, the TOH producer was there along with the camera/sound crew and all the main on-air talent -- Roger Cook, Tom Silva, Richard Trethewey, Kevin O’Conner, the TOH producer and…

“Norm, what are you doing here, or the rest of you for that matter? Duh! You’ve here to film.”

“That, and I understand from your NOVA producer you will be out of state and/or overseas most of June.”

“I’m a busy girl. How do we work around it?”

“That’s why we are here, Joanie. Whateley Operations informed us the farm house will be done in a matter of days, except for finishing details and some painting. All those prefab walls and modules speed construction immensely. It will be ready for occupancy no later than the first week in June and that includes the heated garage. Completion of the farmhouse and related jobs will free up resources to finish the big project, your barn conversion. We’re here to see the finalized holographic walk-though of the projects and discuss some secondary issues,” Mr. Abram finished.

“Like?” I asked.

“Out buildings, landscaping, security and so on,” Norm replied.

“I do need a garage or two because of the rental property, and I need a four season animal shed and exercise yard.”

“There is talk of converting part of that modern pole barn into a recording studio; I haven’t a clue why,” Tom Silva said and laughed.

“Are the guys always so silly?” I asked Kevin, the primary host.

“They are usually worse.”

That got him a chorus of boos from the gang.

I’d try and describe the walk-though, but I can’t. The best I can say it was like walking into a real home; we could even walk *upstairs* due to the military derived gravity/force field technology. What was spooky was when they turned off some of the shading and the walls became transparent. That way we could see the mechanicals and other hidden facets of the buildings.

“I’ve seen aircraft simulators before, but this is incredible,” Kevin exclaimed afterwards.

“Well, Joanie, what do you think?” he asked.

“I’m overwhelmed with how close this is to my ideal, and I wasn’t here for most of it. I think I will be very happy with this.”

“When you offered this project to us, you said you were not expecting any donations, which is in part why we accepted your offer on such short notice. We didn’t feel right about us not contributing something, so we called in a few favors.”

“That is so vague a Presidential candidate might say it. What does that mean in plain English?”

“The landscaping, including materials, and the full cost of building that animal enclosure will be picked up by our underwriters,” Kevin said and the producer nodded. This was unexpected. I was so happy, I started hugging and kissing the guys mercilessly.

I regained control and was embarrassed. “I am … I didn’t mean to ... I … Ah fudge!” And I broke into the giggles.

Norm said it best. “You’re welcome, Joanie. Wow!”

* * * *

May 15, 2007

I got a particularly early start on Tuesday. Exams and end of session papers were due by the end of the month so time was precious. After my run and breakfast I prepared to drive to the farm. Pinky was waiting for me along with my menagerie in their travel kennels.

“What gives, Pinky?”

“I was told to bring them, it’s important.”

“Okay, but I don’t want to see them get hurt.”

Several of the Sabers got in my truck with us. We drove the short distance to the farm then parked in a shady spot. I noticed Leah was feeding Miki a hardboiled egg piece-by-piece.

“Spoiling Miki already are we?”

“She deserves it. My, don’t we look lovely today Ms. Miki.” Leah’s words dripped with sugary sweetness.

~~Miki, I warned you this would happen.~~

~~I do not mind, Joanie. Ms Leah means well, and the egg agrees with my stomach.~~

“There you are, Joanie. So these are the animals the shelter is intended for.”

“Good morning, Norm. Yes, these are my furry friends. They will often spend time with me, but I’m sure a proper enclosure will be to their benefit. Did the people at NOVA give you information on their adult size? The cats are but kittens yet. Miki, my mongoose companion, though an adult, is expecting, so she will need several nesting and nursing boxes. Don’t worry; I do have the necessary permits to keep exotic animals. I want the best for my friends, and safety is a must both for them and for guests to my farm that might inadvertently cause the animals to defend themselves. The enclosure and shelter will need to be hazard free and escape proof. It also will need smoke detection and fire suppression systems, security alarms and the like.”

“I visited a large eastern zoo and got advice on designing an animal enclosure. Adequate space for exercise, comfortable shelter, food, water and security -- both theirs and your guests -- are all a part of the redesign of the horse shed. I also have a list of safe materials and of materials to avoid in building the facility. Nice kitties, what big teeth you have.”

The smilodons decided Norm was okay by them and were rubbing against his legs, sniffing his work boots and such.

“Give it a few months,” I said softly.

We reviewed a set of blueprints and a model of the proposed facility. Pinky took my animals out to explore the farm. The plans were everything I could ask for and then some. He’d designed in a weather controlled HVAC system, auto-refilling and flushing water dishes, timer-controlled food dispensing bins and other comforts for my animal friends. My friends would be well cared for when it was completed, though I intended they be frequent houseguests as well. Similar features would be built into my home; I made a mental note to make sure of that.

Pinky returned sometime later, sweaty and flushed. The smildons looked very satisfied with themselves.

“What happen, Pinky?”

“Squirrels, lots and lots of squirrels, I barely kept them under control. If these two had had their way, there would be a lot less squirrels left. Miki got in on the game too.”

“What?”

~~They wished to bring food back to *new mommy*. Their minds are difficult to read, but they think of you, Joanie, as new mommy. I wished to help them. I have eaten tree mice, squirrels, before. You provide generous food; it is proper we provide as well.~~

~~That is your choice but as long as the animals are harmless, I prefer my farm be a sanctuary. Thank you, George and Gracie, but you need not hunt food for me. Miki, hunt for your own needs if you wish or as your duty to the Sisterhood requires, but I am content with obtaining my own.~~

And I thought cats bringing presents of mice and birds was bad.

* * * *

Many classes were meeting only briefly in recent days, to give the students time to finish their end of session papers and presentations. My classes were no different. This allowed the entire gang to meet for the early lunch, something that rarely happened.

“How is everyone coming?”

The consensus was that most were in good shape for their class assignments, but a couple needed help, Leah, because she was a late start, could have been exempted, but she wanted to do a paper anyway. Then she is a brave girl. I had to finish my research -- all those *interruptions* -- and most thought a bit of extra credit wouldn’t hurt.

“Put together a list of what you need, and we’ll do a mass data search in the library. With all of us looking, we should find everything in no time flat.” They agreed. “Off to the Bat Poles ... the library!”

“Joanie!”

* * * *

We broke into groups. Tom and Tina -- you didn’t think I’d put Tom and Suzy together? -- would look though the electronic catalog for on-line stuff. Cinda and Lonnie would check the Web. Cheryl and Leah would consult the electronic card catalog for books, newspapers and magazines. Jenny and Suzy would dig though the references to the technical papers on file from staff and former staff. And I, the old fuddy-duddy, would use the paper card catalog to look for sources not on-line and even, gasp, microfilm. Pinky would be our swing woman, helping out whoever got stuck.

After an hour’s hard work we had all the leads we needed; we just had to retrieve it. Half the group reviewed the electronic stuff, printing out the most useful articles, a couple organized materials by student, and the rest of us dove into the stacks. “Arr, we be lookn’ for treasure, arr!”

“Joanie, can’t you be serious, and quiet? The librarian is looking at us.”

“Sorry, this is always the fun part for me; it’s a real hunt. The studying is the serious bit. Well I’m off, 'Up, up and …'”

“That one’s under copyright, girl, and you’re not wearing a cape.”

“Darn.” Pinky had to be the spoilsport.

* * * *

One hour later

“Where’s Joanie? I haven’t seen her since I left the media center,” asked Suzy.

“I saw her up in periodicals, but that was thirty minutes ago,” Jenny replied.

“Ohmygod! Look over there,” Tom cried, and they turned my way.

“Hi! SorryItooksolong.,” I said as I hustled down the middle of the reading room pushing a stainless steel library cart with one hand while pulling another, both loaded to bursting. “Wouldhavegotyoumorebuttheywouldn’tletme haveanothercart.” I was pumped, excited and a bit manic, to be honest.

“Experiment 626 is obeying her destructive programming. There is no stopping her,” Leah said in mad scientist accent, maybe mock Russian?

“Experiment 626?” Suzy asked.

“The alien monster from 'Lilo and Stitch,' Lonnie, the Disney animated film,” Leah explained.

“I am not an alien monster,” I argued and pouted firmly. I resisted the urge to smash a model San Francisco. I’ve seen the film; Leah insisted on it.

“Two carts of material and the semester ends next week? You *are* a monster gone amok,” Leah replied. We were giggling like idiots when we left the library. We did not leave entirely voluntarily, I must add. They did let us check out what we wanted so long as “…you … you … go away, please?”

* * * *

That evening I got a message from my record producer, and he put me on a three way call after I confirmed I was alone. I went to my dorm room; I figured my kitty cats and Miki were trustworthy.

“Joanie, I found a producer, composer, performer who is eager to help you pull off a fast one on the industry. I’ll let him speak.”

“Joanie, I may call you that?”

“Sure Mr…?” He sounded familiar and not what I’d expected.

“My name is not important, though you can call me Al.”

“Brother, can you spare a dime?” I sang back and he laughed.

“You’re a nut. We’ll get along fine. Your producer tried helping me out when I had a fight with my record label. It’s a sad fact, but disputes between artist and labels happen all the time, and it’s usually the artist who gets screwed. I went so far as to threaten to record under a different name in protest until we came to terms. After you-know-who pulled that stunt, my threat to do the same was taken seriously. I understand BET invited you under the assumption you were *ethnic* shall we say.”

“Yeah, it happens now and again -- brainless database programs with data entered by even dumber people. I swear database errors follow you for life. One major list had my dad’s house as an apartment, in a city block that consists of only single family and duplex and no apartment buildings. You sound familiar; I keep picturing you in a dark conservative suit while fighting space aliens for some reason. You’re not Bob Dylan are you? Him and that other guy from that Minneapolis/St Paul club are so alike.”

He laughed. “No, I was not in Men in Black, I’m not from Hibbing, Minnesota, nor do I wear lace cuffs. For the record, I do play the accordion, but then it is the sexiest instrument around, Joanie. I may call you Joanie?”

“I insist.”

“I think this could be fun, and I don’t mind us keeping your name under wraps for a while, mine for that matter. I’d like to offer my services. I could meet you in Boston; they have several excellent studios there. I’ll even bring my own band members with me to maintain the secrecy. I understand we need to do the album in a few days of recording at most. We’ll have to e-mail sound files back and forth so we can practice remotely. We could practice via a conference call if need be.

“I have some songs in mind. I imagine you have ideas as well. We can work out a selection and record this coming weekend or the next. I understand you won’t be available much after June first, but your producer says you are a fast study.”

“Why are you doing this? This is an odd project after all. I need to know.”

“Because I think we could make a great product and to thumb our noses at the powers that be. I always try to have fun with music. This will be an opportunity to be serious, yet still be funny.”

“Funny? Geez, I always thought your songs were deadly serious.” I held it in for a few seconds then giggled like the teenager I am.

“Are you sure you’re not one of those early teen female bubblegum pop sensations, like that Hanna Wyoming or whatever her character’s name is?”

“Look in this July’s Playboy, that will prove I’m no *little* girl.”

“Be serious for a moment, Joanie. In a twisted way, this is the ultimate in song parodies; doing them absolutely straight forward, then letting the press and public jump to all the wrong conclusions. It will shake up their preconceived notions of what-is-what in music, I love it. After all music is universal; it should transcend race and gender.”

"My thoughts exactly. That’s why I asked my producer to find me someone who can produce urban/hip-hop and adult contemporary jazz. You can do that?"

“I am familiar with a wide range of music, You have heard my music?”

“I have some, and my sister is a big fan, Al”

He suggested the Swedish group Roxette’s hits The Look and Dangerous reworked as a funk/rock duet. Apparently I had the right kind and style of voice for those songs. I countered with Roxette’s Listen to Your Heart in an updated rock ballad form, closer to the original than Kelly Clarkson’s country/pop version. He got excited at my suggestion.

“You’re willing to take on Kelly Clarkson? This is going to be fun, Joanie; I like your attitude. With your powerful voice, I say we do all three. Listen to Your Heart will be a monster seller, I swear.”

“What else do you have in mind?”

He mentioned several Beyonce’, Maria Cary and other more recent artists hits, as well as a few I hadn’t though of.

“A reworked version of Respect might be hot; it worked for Aretha. Possibly a few Supremes standards. I know you like oldies.”

“Oldies? Why not go for broke. I like powerful singers and emotional songs, add in 'Stormy Weather,' the full version with vamp of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow,' 'Will You Love Me Tomorrow?' and 'A Love So Beautiful,' by Roy Orbison. I remember a pretty good cover of it on the urban radio stations a couple years back. Something from The Class of 55, 'I’m Coming Home' by Roy Orbison and Waylon Jennings comes to mind. The guitar work in parts of that one makes my want to cry. You might want to rework it as urban or rock, obviously. Oh, just to drive the business crazy, 'Black Leather.' I’ve performed it on TV. If they fail to figure out who I am with that clue.…” I giggled.

He laughed. “You are such a tease, Joanie. I’ll work out the orchestrations. Your producer says you have an unusually wide range but he says he’ll give me your preferred keys.”

“Thanks, my schedule is so frantic.”

“My pleasure, Joanie. I always have loved the sight of beautiful women in my band. You will be the crowning jewel.”

“So that’s how you got so many of them into your bed?” I asked and giggled.

“That and my manly charm,” he said and laughed.

“Right, like any girl would fall for an accordion player.”

“It’s the sexiest instrument there is. I mean, it didn’t get nicknamed squeeze-box for nothing.”

“You are weird.”

“Exactly.”

“Works for me; let my producer know and he’ll set things up.”

~~Well, he’s not what I had in mind, but his taste in music is wider than mine. And he does have similar taste in hair. Come to think of it, an accordion is sexy, all that in and out and squeezing … Oh my! I think we can pull this off. ~~

* * * *

Monday May 21, 2007

I was working security that morning, unusual for me as I usually worked evenings. A few officers were on vacation, so I picked up some extra hours. I was surprised when Chief Delarose radioed me to meet him at Administration.

“Officer Brown reporting per Chief Delarose’s request. Tina, any ideas what’s going on?”

“Nada, sweet-cheeks,” Tina Anderson said then laughed. “Nothing serious I’m sure. He’s in with Ms. Carson, I’ll page her.

“Ms. Carson, Joanie is … Right away.

“Go in, Joanie.”

I walked into her office and met Ms. Carson and the Chief.

“What may I do for you?” I asked not sure why I was summoned.

“Don’t look so worried, this will be fun. We got a call from the Berlin School District. They are desperately short of teachers today. One of the teachers had a celebratory dinner yesterday, as she has recently become engaged to marry. She’s well liked, a great many attended, and half came down with food poisoning -- contaminated salad I understand. That leaves the district some twenty teachers short after all the regular substitutes were called up. The surrounding area public schools are lending out who they can, but they are still short. We are sending several to help out. Christina Anderson will teach automotive shop and you will teach …”

“Not music, no!” Then I giggled.

“As I was about to say, you’ll be teaching gym. I am informed the students in Survival 101 are terrified of you. You’ll be perfect.

“Joanie, I hear your farm projects are coming along well. June first is the completion date for the farmhouse portion so I’ve been informed and early July for your own home.”

“That eager to kick me out of Poe and my luxurious linen closet, are we?”

”No, Joanie, simply pleased that the proof of your long term commitment to Whateley is so well underway. We will miss your living on campus but it’s not like you are going anywhere and I suspect your animals will be much happier. I am certain your friends, student and other, will be frequent guests of yours. I envy your situation; it’s the best of both worlds. Plus how could you raise a family in that closet? Your husband would surely prefer a quiet private retreat with you rather than the communal living of the dorm.”

“I’m not married yet!”

“I *know* you, dear. You and your young man’s souls are wrapped up so tight neither can ever let go. I look forward to the day when I can meet him ... as an adult.”

She gave me a motherly look that showed she approved but that *we* had better cool it until he was of age. It not so much a ‘Thou shalt not …’ as it was a ‘Please be careful.’

“You’ll need to hurry. Go grab your Security workout clothes, and meet Tina back here in 15 minutes." Before I left she handed me an envelope with my destination and duties inside. Something about part of that conversation troubled me but couldn’t figure out what. ~~Maybe she wants to throw me a house warming party?~~

* * * *

I felt bad leaving Miki behind, but I couldn’t see how to bring her along and not have all kinds of grief afterward. Some kids can be cruel to animals, and there are always those parents who freak at anything out of the ordinary.

~~Joanie, I am no invalid.~~

~~It is too dangerous, and it’s only for part of two days. I’ll be fine. You guard my friends for me.~~

~~I will do as you ask. I am not happy, Joanie.~~

I wasn’t happy either but it was for the best, wasn’t it?

* * * *

“Chris, lookin’ sharp, Girl.” And she was. “You do things for that mechanics jumpsuit that are inspirational.”

“Joanie, you would do things to a jumpsuit that border on obscene, but thanks for the compliment. I figured if I was working with you I’d better look my best, and short of a LBD or a cat suit this is a good look for me. It’s a nice day; we could take our cycles, hum? Yet another reason for the jumpsuit.”

“Maybe, but I was thinking taking the, um, GT, unless you don’t like exotic sports cars?”

“The GT? Let’s go!”

I was naughty, and let’s say it was a white-knuckle flight. Yes, I know technically I should say it was a ‘white knuckle ride,’ but the way I drove, it was more like we flew. I don’t normally drive like a maniac; I’m usually a good driver, honest! We got to Berlin in record time. I dropped Chris off at the high school, while I went on to the middle school. It wasn’t a long drive. Like many smaller rural communities, Berlin had a combined school campus with three huge but separate schools on the property -- one each for grade, middle and high. A few hundred yards later, I was in the visitors’ lot by the middle school. I parked, grabbed my kit and walked to the entrance.

* * * *

A woman of around forty spotted me. She wore a well-tailored women’s suit, and, well, John would have thought she was hot for her age. This woman’s face and figure screamed, “I am woman, hear me roar”, but in a dignified way. Let’s not go into what my body usually screams; it’s likely obscene.

“Miss, high school admissions is the next building … Oh, you’re Joan Brown from Whateley, I recognize the school logo on your uniform. We were told you looked young but … has anyone ever told you look like that singer, Joanie…”

“My record producer does all the time.”

“The rumor was true? But why Whateley?”

“I’m a new mutant. Can you think of anywhere better to get training?”

“You have me there. Let me escort you to the women’s locker room so you can change. You are familiar with athletics?”

“I sucked as a man, but I’m pretty good now. If need be, I’ll make them run with me. I’m very good at that.”

* * * *

She took me in through the coach’s entrance, and I changed into my workout uniform. I waited while she introduced me. I could hear them talking as she opened the door to the gym.

“A substitute? They won’t know a thing we’re supposed to do. This will be sweet.” It was a boy’s voice.

I looked at my clipboard. I was about to confront eight graders, all boys. ~~The scum of the Earth, just my luck to get stuck with a bunch of walking hormones pretending to be people. I remember what I was like back when I was one.~~~ This time around I’m a hormone crazed teenager in perpetuity which is like a really long time. The difference is I’m viewing it from the other side of the reproductive equation, the winning side.

“Class, Mr. Long is out sick today so we have a substitute. She’s a part-time teacher at a local private prep school but she is qualified.”

“Probably some middle--aged cow.”

“William, say that again and you’re on detention. Joan is a lovely young woman and even if she wasn’t, your teacher deserves respect.”

“Sorry, Principal Sorenson.”

~~So I’m getting the VIP escort.~~ “You’re not far off, William,” I said as I walked into the gym. “I am 49, but I’ve aged well, don’t you think.” I did a model's turn, and the poor boy’s eyes bulged out. Yes, that was over-the-top, but he asked for it. “Boys, I won’t bite. Neither am I a piece of meat, so stop staring at me like deer in the headlights and pay attention.” ~~And stop staring at my 'headlights,' too! … Where did that thought come from?~~

“M_m_m_ma’am? Are you Joanie, the singer?”

“Regrettably yes. I’m here to see to your physical fitness today not your musical talents. I see from the notes I was given you are doing track and field this week, primarily running events. We are using field number three, so let’s go, and show me some hustle.”

“What?”

“That means run hard as soon as it’s safe to do so.”

I ran out the door; they followed en-mass. I stopped outside to make sure everyone was with me. A couple had tried to weasel out.

“Boys, today does count toward your grade; pay attention or you’ll have to make it up … in summer school.” They kicked their butts into high gear.

So I was exaggerating, but I took this assignment seriously and boys are so easy to manipulate. I know, I used to be one.

* * * *

“If you all behave, and try hard, I’ll try to make this fun, is it a deal?” They nodded or mumbled their okay.

“Tough crowd, huh? This will be real simple. We will run around the track continuously for ten minutes, no goofing off or rough housing, got it? If you all give it your best, then we can have some fun.”

“I suppose you’ll be standing around and watching us?” one of the troublemakers asked.

“No. I’m running too, but I’ll have my eye on you all. I have a very good memory. Everyone to the starting line and pay attention, please. Remember this is for ten minutes; run hard, but not too hard. Pace yourself. Ready, set, go!” I shouted as I pressed the start button on the countdown timer in my watch.

We started and most behaved themselves. I noticed a few lagging, so I slowed up to let them catch me. A couple students were heavyset boys and from their sweating they were trying hard.

“Good effort guys. Not everyone is a star athlete, but you’re trying hard and that’s all I can ask. As for you, Mr. Lazybones, catch me or you will be serving detention.

I sprinted, and he soon fell behind; well, I am an exemplar, and these are middle schoolers -- eighth graders to be precise.

“Come on, this is pitiful. A lousy girl is beating you handily, have you no pride?” I ran backwards to give him a break. Even so, I was almost as fast as all but the best of the boys -- my long legs I guess. I don’t know if it was pride, my gentle taunt or the added incentive of my jiggling … The best of sports bras is only so effective, and let’s face it, mine has two BIG responsibilities. Electric rabbits work at the dog tracks; I simply used a different kind of lure. ~~Was I this easy to manipulate at this age? … Absolutely!~~ He ran harder and gradually caught up. The alarm on my watch went off and the ten minutes were over. I looked around and everyone was there and sweaty.

“You all tried hard, and I will keep to my word. Have you ever watched one of those old war films where they show soldiers marching while they sing or chant in time to their marching? I think the chants are called Jodies.”

“You mean where someone calls out a line and everybody repeats it and that’s a Joanie?”

“Exactly, it’s called a cadence call or a Jodie. But you call it what ever you like as long as you do it right. Some calls are clean, some are downright filthy. Often they have to do with the unit and where it is stationed. I was thinking we could do the same but make up verses about the school and the teachers but nothing mean or dirty. The intent is to march in time to the call, think of it as poetry, think of it as rap without all the gold jewelry and girls in tight shorts shaking their *booties*. I’ll start you off. As long as it rhymes and it’s clean I don’t care. If you’re can’t think of a line shout out ‘I am stuck I pass one two’, got it?”

“Yes, Ms. Joanie,” they all said.

“I’ll start you off. Then you repeat after me. Oh, occasionally I will call out double time*. That means we go twice as fast, a moderate running pace, but I won’t do it often. Fair enough? Let’s begin.

“In class today we learned to call, it hardly seemed like work at all.”

“In class today we learned to call, it hardly seemed like work at all,” they echoed.

“Teacher says her name is Joanie, her hair is in a tail of pony.”

“Teacher says her name is Joanie, her hair is in a tail of pony … Pony? Ewh!”

I heard some groans. “They can’t all be gems. Okay, think you can do better? You, the tall blond guy in the red shoes, you are next.”

It took a while but by the end of class, we had several good calls worked out, and all of them were clean. Really, I mean it. Well, they did try a couple times but the moment I heard lines ending in words like class, best or bit -- you get the idea -- I laid down the law.

“Any lewd references to parts of my body or sexual acts will get you *all* an *F* for today, got it?”

“Yes, Joanie,” they muttered.

Over-all the day went well except for the mixed boy/girl volleyball class. I don’t want to talk about that. I am sooo embarrassed. I swear, I am never buying that brand of sports bra again.

Oh, we both got asked to come back the next day. Chris was a hit in the automotive shop. The high school guys paid close attention -- I’ve seen her in a mechanics jumpsuit, lucky boys -- and the few women in her classes were inspired to see a female mechanic who clearly knew her subject. And Principal Sorenson was a dear, considering she was observing my class when the *wardrobe malfunction* occurred.

“Joanie, *that* happened to me when I was a college cheerleader. It’s the price we pay for being, um, well developed ladies.”

* * * *
Tuesday May 22, 2007

Chris and I returned on the 22nd to help out at the local school again. The day went quickly, and my new sports bra proved up to the task to the disappointment of many, including a number of mostly male teachers taking their break in the folding bleachers instead of the teachers lounge. Perhaps they were painting the lounge or shampooing the carpet? Nah! Soon, or so it seemed, we returned to Whateley. Late that afternoon Suzy came up to my room, as I finished changing into something casual.

“Joanie, may I come in? I need a big favor.”

“Sure, Suzy. What do you want?”

She entered and closed my door. “Joanie, I need help with my powers class project. You know how I’ve been practicing and *storing* a variety of bodies and powers?”

“You once told me the doctors think you can copy a person’s BIT and *overlay it* on yours for a time.”

“Exactly. I have to successfully copy and reproduce six different individuals and/or their powers, preferably both.”

“I think I know where this is heading but I’ll let you finish, Cuz.”

“I can successfully duplicate Cindy and her fire energizer powers, I can do this cool boy brick, I can do a great copy of Jenny and her manifestor power -- the steel lotus blossom throwing daggers?” I nodded. “I have a speedster down pat -- her name is Pat, honest, Joanie -- and I managed to copy Tina’s inverter powers. I can’t do magic, and devisor powers, though useful, aren’t flashy enough for a presentation.”

“I said long ago you could copy me, Suzy.”

She ran up and hugged me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You won’t regret it. Let’s do it right away … So I can get it down solid for my class presentation.”

That hesitation should have been a warning sign but I blissfully ignored it.

* * * *

“What do we do, Suzy, or more properly, what can I do to help.” I was being the perfect patsy if Suzy was the least bit unethical but she was *blood* and a good friend after all. I’d saved her life and her mom was a first cousin, Suzy was a safe as they came. Plus any girl that girl-next-door cute and sexy had to be nice.

“We take off everything except our under things, please, Cousin. It’s important”

We stripped down to our bra and panties. I tried not to stare; she was my cousin after all. Still I couldn’t help comparing our figures and a tiny but vocal part of me, my inner bitch for want of a better term, said “’I’m much better looking.’ ~~My cousin is one attractive young woman, maybe she has a little exemplar in her after all. She’s a genuine girl next door type. Oh, I like her butt and legs. Nice body, a little small in the breast department but compared to me, who isn’t.~~

“Explain again why we are naked, cousin? Some details would be welcome this time around.”

“It comes down to how much direct body contact we can get. Completely naked would be better yet but this will do. The more body-to-body contact I have, the easier and quicker I can copy another mutant. It’s only mutants I can copy, by the way.”

“I’m glad you copied Tina, if it had been Tom …”

“I’d be pregnant. I’m on the Pill, Joanie. Tom and I may kiss and hug, but that’s the limit of it. We know we’re too young, but yes, intimate contact would speed things up,” She said and snickered. “We can lay spoon fashion or back-to-back if that worries you. I haven’t tried to copy a warper so I want maximum contact for a good result.”

“Shouldn’t we have supervision?”

“I’ve done this dozens of times now. I’m capable of doing unassisted copies, and this will make for a flashy finish to my presentation in class.”

“Okay, but only if you are certain. And you may spoon to my back if it helps.”

“Don’t worry, I can only copy you, I can’t copy your thoughts or alter you in any way. I’m not a body swapper and you are my cousin, second cousin but you saved my life. That makes us like sisters or even twins in my mind. I wouldn’t subject you to any risks I’m not taking.”

“Risks? What risks?”

“Hold still, Joanie, this takes all of my concentration. In a few minutes we will know; it either works or not at all.”

I held still and tried to remain calm and centered. I considered her a friend first and my cousin -- second cousin -- second. That was before any consideration of her as a budding young woman. This kept me from responding to her charms as a woman. I remain attracted to women and believe I always will be so. I am just as certain I fancy men, one in particular, but Suzy was a friend and a minor, thus verboten in my mind. Being family made her verboten with an exclamation point. I stayed relaxed, until I heard her moaning.

“Oh-oh … something is wrong, Joanie, I feel weak and dizzy. My body is on fire, help me!”

I turned and saw she was convulsing in agony, I could feel her pain but why? I managed to grab my secure cell phone radio and press the panic code. “Timeout to Security, medical emergency my dorm room third floor Poe. Complications of shape-shifting experiment, need transport for two female patients. I am one of them. Hurry! Other female is in severe pain and in and out of unconsciousness. I am experiencing possible empathic reaction. It is difficult to concentrate. I feel wrong. I will stay on the phone as long as I.…“ I passed out.

* * * *

I woke feeling refreshed, happy and -- to be honest -- more than a little aroused. A nurse had finished checking me over.

“Your vitals are normal, for you anyways, Joanie, other than some unusual persistent brainwave patterns often related to emphatic and telepathic communication. How do you feel?”

I got up slowly, the hospital gown felt divine on my body. “I feel great, better than ever. Where’s Suzy?” I was bouncy and high energy and I didn’t think it was odd, but then I often feel like a girl.

“I’ll take you to her; she’s almost recovered.” We walked to the next patient’s room in the infirmary and I saw.… me!

“Like wow, that’s me! I mean that’s exactly me. I’m a babe!”

“You’re a looker too, Joanie. It worked, I did it! I copied your form exactly.” I felt a wave of euphoria wash over me. We both giggled from the excitement.

“Any kewl powers, girl?” Huh, why did I talk like … What was I … ooh, I love Suzy’s hair but then it’s like mine, you know.~~

“No powers stuff, yet, but that takes a while lots of times. Can I get up? I want to compare.”

Suzy got out of bed and we stood back—to-back, face-to-face, and side-by-side. A large mirror on the bathroom door made it easy to check. We were identical twins from the tops of our tall heads to our cute, tight butts. We giggled and smiled identically, and it felt so good. I loved to be near her; she made me so happy, and I made her happy, too.

“Can we get dressed and go now, I’m soo hungry, and we have lots to talk about, don’t we Joanie?”

“Yeah, okay if we go?”

“I guess so, but if you feel odd again...?”

“We’ll be right back, Nursie. Let’s get dressed and have some fun, Cuz.”

“You’re on, Joanie.”

“Quit acting like a couple of airheads, girls. I can tell you’re faking.”

“Aww, you’re no fun,” we said together.

* * * *

There were no clothes there for us, other than our school uniforms that someone had got for us.

“Look, Suzy, only our sucky school uniforms … though if we unbutton the tops and tie the bottoms in a big knot they might be hot. What do you say? Want to show off our sexy tummies?”

I should have realized something was wrong. I can be silly, impetuous and a bit flirty on occasion, but for this long? And I sounded like an airhead, but so did my cousin.

“I feel so perky and full of good stuff, Suzy. So like how come you passed out and all?”

“That hunky Doctor Pollard ...”

“Oh yeah, he’s packing, packing big if you know what I mean, Suzy girl.”

“And what an ass!”

“I totally agree, Suzy.”

“... Doc Stud Muffin said it was because I so completely copied you, but you are bigger and taller, so I needed food and energy to make up the difference. They stuck lots of IVs in me and a feeding tube and then I ate all these yucky power bars. I gained over twenty/thirty pounds, I feel soo fat.” She giggled and I giggled.

“It looks bitchin’ on you; let’s say we put on a few more pounds in the right places?”

“Nada, Joanie. When I got like as big as you I couldn’t gain anymore. Said it’s ‘cuz of your BIT or something like it. It was all so dull and techie yah know?

“Oh, poo! Wanna have some fun? You’re like a blood relation or a relative or whatever, you know. That means were almost sisters. Doh! We’re totally the same now, identical and all that so like we can’t fool around. It’s such a pity ‘cause you are like so my type, one totally bitchin’ babe. Maybe we can have fun with Tom?”

“He’s mine, keep your, our, sexy body off him!”

“I was just foolin’. Wha’d you say we...?” I whispered to Suzy, and we giggled, but I, we, felt wonderful. It was like we were high and would never come down. We weren’t drunk or anything like that, it was more we were so happy, you know? We didn’t have a care in the world except where to get some bitchin’ clothes.

“Our school uniforms are so totally not the look no matter how much we unbuttoned and tied them, Oooh! Your belly button is the sexiest, Joanie Girl.”

”Just like yours. We are so hot we’re on fire or something’. Hey, you think maybe we should get them pieced?”.

“First things first, we need proper clothes and not these yucky prison rags. How about we get matching tattoos, Joanie?”

“Wicked!”

* * * *

We worked our way to my dorm room for some decent clothes though we had fun with the boys on the way.

“It’s so easy to tease boys. I don’t know why I didn’t do it before?”

“Did you see Peeper when we almost flashed our boobies. I think he, you know?”

“You know what, Suzy?”

She whispered to me.

“I think he did, and that is a wicked thing to say. Not every boy can control himself and face it we are scorching hot, Cuz’.”

* * * *

We changed into something little more scandalous. “Cuz, how come you, we wear a bra? These won’t ever sag cuz’, cuz’ we’re regens. I mean, my Ghod, it’s a sin to hide these from the boys.”

“Whatever you say, Suzz-zie. You have the most sexy name, you know girl. Hey, these old T--shirts were tight before they shrunk in the wash and ooh, I forgot I had these jean cutoffs. We’ll be smokn’.

We changed into our tight tops and hot shorts -- no panties. We were so naughty! The two of us got this mondo funny idea, and then I don’t remember much more.

We woke the next morning wrapped in each other arms -- clothed I might add -- and Suzy back to her normal self. My animals were looking at us strangely as we fed them. Miki seemed like she wanted to say something but didn’t. We showered and dressed, and she helped me carry my trash to the dumpsters.

“Joanie, look at all those empty bottles of food coloring and theatrical hair dye in the dumpster. Somebody must have had a wild makeover party, Look, neon pink, fluorescent hunter orange and day-glow lime green? Is that Punk look you told us about making a comeback? See you later. Thanks for letting me copy you. I’ll practice changing under adult supervision, and let you know when any powers surface.”

“Take care.”

We went our separate ways. I started walking down stairs in Poe. ~~I have this nagging feeling something weird happened after she tried to copy me, but I can’t remember for the life of me.~~

“Joanie, did you hear?”

“Hear what, Jenny?”

“Some gang on campus, no one knows who, switched hair dye with the shampoos and conditioners in a couple shower rooms here and in Dickenson. Boy, are those kids pissed too.”

“Huh?” I saw several girls walk by with berets and scarves pulled down low on their heads and bright, almost neon pink hair peeking out from under them. Then a couple guys walked by with baseball caps over lime green hair. “That is weird.”

* * * *

I walked to the Crystal Hall where I saw several Whateley staff members wearing hats to cover blaze orange hair, including Ms. Hartford.

~~Who would be insane enough to pull a stunt like this? It’s pretty funny, in a juvenile way, I have to admit.~~ I grabbed some food and sat down to eat. I noticed a spot of something orange on one of my perfectly manicured nails. I rubbed it of with a paper napkin and …

~~ No! No way … absolutely no freaking way in Hell!~~

* * * *

Wednesday May 23, 2007

I took a run out to my farm later in the morning; the late spring weather was glorious. Construction had temporarily slowed as the end of term approached, and for once I didn’t need to haul anything that day. At the site, I saw the Whateley Security officer who was moonlighting as a guard; he waved and I waved back. Great progress was being made.

The farm house modules were assembled, stockpiled on site and many already fastened in-place. From a foundation with a floor over it and nothing else the transformation in a week’s time was amazing. I looked it over then headed to the more complicated barn conversion.

Two college-age women, of apparently Asian heritage, sat at one of the picnic tables the construction crew had made from some scrap lumber so they could have a nice place to eat their lunches. They saw me and broke out in glorious smiles.

“Joanie, you look great. That running outfit suits you.” May Lee looked as lovely as ever and far happier than the first time we met.

“Thanks, May Lee; don’t tell me this is Anna?” I was stunned by her appearance.

“It’s my sister Anna alright.”

“I told you not to tell me,” I said. I giggled and motioned for Anna to stand and give me a good look at her. “Anna, you must be almost done with your treatments; you look, well, hot and so young.” And she did too. She was wearing not all that much more than I was, and from what I could see those awful tattoos were gone. Her figure appeared restored to her natural body shape; I’d seen some pre-college photos of her before, so I *knew*. ~~Why did they tamper with *that* body? She’s lovely. Scratch that, she’s … Ghod, if I didn’t know about all the physical, mental and sexual abuse those creeps had done to her I think I’d *want* her. Anna is one desirable woman but I would never take advantage of her. What those people did to her was sick. Please forgive me for even fantasizing about her, Eric.~~

“What do you think, Joanie? I’m almost back to who I was. The surgeons did a great job and those thaumatologists were careful and kind. They set me up with a colleague near where I’ll be going to school to give me occasional checkups, just to be safe.”

She was so upbeat and bubbly it was infectious. ”You sound much better, Anna. Your eyebrows, eyes and lips look normal for once, none of that garish permanent makeup. How did they do it?”

“It was exactly as they suggested. They used several small localized spells to *grow* the tattoo pigments out of my skin. The skin over the tattoos was tender for a few days, and I felt the occasional tingle, but there was no pain. It worked better than they thought; it was a lot quicker and there was less residual magic than they expected. My skin peeled like I’d had a moderate sunburn, but only over and near where the tattoos were. In a week most of the tattoos were gone. A couple stubborn areas required a second treatment, but that was it.

“I’ve finished a whole body magical *tune-up*. They think all the damage to my breasts has been reversed so I can nurse properly if I have children. The sensitivity is back too; it’s not like my nipples are half-numb anymore. I can think straight for the first time in ages. The effects of the drugs and other things they did to me have been reversed, and they say any damage done to my mind has been repaired from a physical standpoint.

“I test out as biologically eighteen, so I’m a little younger than when all the trouble happened. I’m a physical virgin again. Mentally I’m not, but most of those *scars* have been faded by the counseling I received and will continue to receive. The people who treated me felt it was only fair I get a few years back after all I’d gone through. They made me feel like family. Thank you for getting them to help me, Joanie.”

“I could help and I did, though all I did was point you to the right people. Your recovery is due to your hard work, Anna.”

“I remember when we first met, I … I tried to seduce you because it was all I could think of to show my thanks. I was so out of it … I nearly seduced May Lee, when I realized I was free of my masters. Please forgive me, not that I don’t think you are a wonderful girl and if we were so inclined … What I mean is ... thanks.”

“You had been drugged, brainwashed and treated like an animal. You have nothing to apologize for. And let’s face it, your sister and I are two hot babes.” We all laughed. “You said earlier you will be going to school, not back at …?”

“No, that place frightens me. Your friends set me up at another great university where I will have counseling for my trauma along with medical and magical monitoring. The magic expert is someone you know, she said I should call her Gin. I talked with her and she says you’re friends.”

“You’re enrolled at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Anna?”

“And I’m going with her, Mr. Hefner insisted. He felt it would be better for Anna with my support. He helped me get all my credits transferred and Anna’s college grade records expunged so they won’t hurt her,” May Lee added.

“You two will love Madison; it’s cold and snowy in winter, but there’s lots to do indoors and out, and it’s a great school. Don’t party too much, okay? Summer is glorious what with the lakes and parks. Have Gin introduce you to the rest of the Gang of Four -- that’s the nickname for the group of girls I hung out with last year. Tell them I said they should keep an eye on both of you as a favor to me; they’ll understand.

“Anna, what about your former fiancé? Did you get back together?”

“Yes and no. We’re seeing each other, but I have put any marriage on hold. I’m not so sure I want to be a *traditional* Asian wife. The whole experience of being under the complete control of another frightens me. To be fair to both of us, I’m seeing him again on a trial basis. I need to be sure this is who I want to be, and how I want it. I’m not rushing things, though I would like to be a mother at a reasonably young age."

“I have to ask you, why are you out here on my farm?”

“You told us about it, and so did the doctors here before we left for the surgery to get rid of Anna’s implants. It’s a nice piece of land and Security let us see the general site plans. This will be a beautiful when you are done; I hope we can visit someday. And Security told us you were out here. Anna and I wanted to thank you before we left town. We’re about to travel to Wisconsin so we can take some summer classes. Anna needs to catch up, and I left school for awhile because of her troubles so it will do me good as well,” May Lee said happily.

* * * *

I worked on my class papers and other school work most of the morning. With end of session soon approaching, we had the day off for study. I took one of my papers with me to work on as I ate my lunch. I’d settled in, sandwich in one hand, class paper in the other, when I heard Pinky call me.

“Joanie, I have your mail and it looks important.”

I’d given her the authority to pick up my mail, as I was often busy and I trusted her. She took this trust seriously.

“Thank you, Pinky. You know I did this as much for you as for me, allowing you to receive my mail. Your happiness means a lot to me and I know I can trust you. If I can trust you with my most guarded secrets what's a little first class mail?”

Pinky ran up and gave me a hug. “I can sense your sincerity, Joanie, I didn’t mean to but I couldn’t help it. You’re broadcasting your emotions again, Joanie.”

“Thanks for warning me. My empathic and telepathic powers still are beyond my conscious control. That’s it! Oh wow, maybe I have *unconscious* control of them. Like, oh my ghod, I have this so totally cool Blonde power, the power of unconsciousness.” I giggled in a particularly ditzy tone. Pinky just stared at me. I remained undaunted. “What do we have for Joanie? Show me, pretty please with sugar on top!”

“Cut it out, Joanie, you’re embarrassing me.”

“It’s my duty as your friend to be a silly pest. So what do you have for me?” My tone was far more serious this time.

“It’s an official letter from the county seat in Berlin. Looks like they gave it *special* handling too,” she said and snickered. The letter was torn almost in half diagonally, spotted with oil and taped up. A damaged mail label was attached. I assume the post office was afraid the damage they had done was not obvious enough for us *amateurs* to notice.

“Can’t be taxes, Pinky; it’s the wrong time of the year. It looks like a jury duty summons. Let’s see … ‘yada yada yada, please return the enclosed jury questionnaire by May tenth,’ I think. It’s hard to make out. ‘You are to report 8:30 AM Thursday May 24, and Friday May 25, or for the duration of the trial should you be chosen for a jury.’ Crap, that’s tomorrow!”

“Joanie, such language, and in front of an impressionable child!”

“I’d better call in right away, thanks again, Hon.” I hugged her, but the kids in the Crystal Hall thought nothing of it. I had a touchy-feely reputation and there were several groups of students openly kissing and more at some of the tables. It’s spring, and the hormones are flowing. I know the feeling.

* * * *

The official letter included a number to call if you had questions or a problem with serving on the dates assigned to you. I took out my phone and dialed it.

“County Court House, Jury Assembly. How may I help you?”

“I received a jury summons today, but it was damaged in the mail. I’m due to report tomorrow. What do I do?”

“Is your juror number still readable and do you have Internet access?

“Yes to both.”

“Got to our website and do the online survey before four o’clock today, then show up at 8:30 AM tomorrow as requested and you will be okay with the court. Show up in any case. If you need a short delay in your service you must report in person tomorrow. Do bring the letter, we need to see it.”

“I’ll get off work somehow. Ms. Carson is accommodating of my needs. I’m a part-time teacher and student”

“Ah, Whateley Academy, Ms. Carson is well known to the courts here. Be on time, you mustn’t disappoint your boss.”

“That I would never do: I have a morbid fear of spandex. Thanks.”

I do, would you piss off a world-class super like Ms Carson?

* * * *

I wolfed my sandwich -- okay I saber-toothed it, I’m more of a cat person -- and hustled to Administration.

“Is Ms. Carson in?”

“Sure, go in, Joanie,” Tina Anderson said. “What did you do this time, Joanie?”

“Jury duty, and the letter came late.”

“You on a jury? Civilization is doomed!”

* * * *

“Yes, what do you need off for this time?” Ms Carson was making what would seem a wild guess, but with me it was more of a turkey shoot.

“It’s not my fault; read this please.” I handed her the letter.

“You on a jury? Horrors! Sure, we can work around it, Joanie. Odds are you won’t be picked. In my experience lawyers don’t like mutants on juries due to prejudice against us and fear they might be mind readers or worse.”

“That sucks, pardon my French.”

“I know that look; I’ve seen it on you before, that look of mischief brewing. Don’t do anything foolish, Joanie.”

“Who, me, cause trouble? Perish the thought.”

“I’ll put the National Guard on standby.” She laughed. “Please behave yourself.”

* * * *

I told the gang at practice, which was more of a joint study session these last days of the semester. They fired questions at me machinegun style. I couldn’t keep track of who said or asked what.

“Do you get to hang anyone?”

“I hear juries get to stay in hotels.”

“My dad said waiting to be picked was booooring.”

“Do you have to wear some stupid suit, or you will you be dressed sexy?”

“Slow down! No they don’t hang people in New Hampshire, I’m pretty sure of that. No, they use lethal Injection, still yucky-poo.” - editor: see SECTION 630:5 PROCEDURE IN CAPITAL MURDER. -- “The bit about hotels is only if we are sequestered, but that happens rarely, most commonly in high profile trials. I’ve served before and the waiting is boooooring, but I’ll take my schoolwork with me. As to dress, I’ll dress to represent my school, tasteful, professional clothing that shows off my figure. Satisfied?” I finished and stuck my tongue out. It seemed the thing to do.

The Sabers set up a schedule to care for my beasties, Miki presented a different problem.

~~Joanie!~~

~~Miki, no! I can’t see how they would make an exception to have an animal with me …. Wait a minute … Seeing-eye dogs are permitted. There may be a way.~~

~~I’m not a dog.~~

~~No, but the concept may apply. You say you must serve me, and we are joined.~~

~~I made offer and you accepted as is the way with the Sisterhood~~

~~A moment, friend,~~

I dialed again, and got the jury assembly desk.

“I called earlier about receiving my jury summons late.”

“As I explained, if you need a short postponement in your service you must appear in person.”

“I have no problem with that, my employer has already made provisions for my absence. What is the rule on aid animals, seeing-eye dogs and the like?”

“A recognized disability can be accommodated. Are you disabled?”

“Not as such. I am recognized by the United States of America as a Sorceress with a familiar -- a mongoose to be precise. I have all the required papers.”

“That’s a new one on us.”

I heard her call out to a coworker. “Clarisse, I’ve got a live one here, she claims to be a federally registered sorceress with a familiar, and, get this, it’s a mongoose.”

“What’s her name, and where does she work?”

“Your name and place of work, ma’am?” she asked.

“Joan Brown, and I am employed at Whateley Academy.”

“Thank you. “

She spoke to her coworker again. “Joan Brown and Whateley Academy.

“It’s entirely possible. I’ve met at least two prospective jurors from Whateley who were registered sorceresses that I can remember but then I’ve worked here for twenty-five years. Give me a moment to check the Federal Magic Users Registry, Beth … Hang onto your seat, Beth … it’s a match … Beth, speak to me, Beth?”

I got my permission. Tomorrow was going to be a strange day by even the standards of my last year, I knew it.

* * * *

Thursday May 24, 2007

Miki and I left for Berlin extra early after spending a couple hours getting ready. We both were dressed to the nines: me in one of Cecilia Roger’s custom tailored woman’s suits, modest heels and my best jewelry; Miki wore her dress collar with sterling silver ID tag. We used her soft-sided airline travel case, which I had since modified to wear as a back pack -- no need to carry it like a shoulder bag any more. For my study needs, I took my school laptop and my secure cell phone plus a few texts not stored in the computer. I wanted to take my guitar, but it wasn’t practical. We drove off to Berlin, secure in the knowledge that my friends had everything under control. I warned Chief Delarose to keep an eye on my friends, or he would answer to me. The hug and kiss I gave him didn’t hurt matters.

* * * *

Getting through security to enter the courthouse was surprisingly easy, but then I was cooperative and ready when my turn came to be scanned. The security staff was more surprised by the jewelry I placed in the tray than by the now naked mongoose on my shoulder as we walked though the scanner.

“Aren’t you worried someone might steal your jewels or computer?” One asked as I put them back on. I am referring to the jewelry; I don’t wear my laptop though I hear it can be done.

“Nah, they can be replaced, and anyone intending me harm would upset my friend here. She packs quite a wallop.”

“Sharp teeth and claws?”

“That, too,” I said and walked of wondering what the two of us could turn the guard into if we could figure out how we did those transformations back in Maui. ~~I think those MCO officers have me spooked. The guards here were perfectly polite and courteous and I’m thinking of transmuting them? Bad Joanie!~~

* * * *

“Reporting for Jury duty. Here’s my summons. Sorry, but the letter got mangled in the mail.” I handed her the document. She scanned it and gave me a sticky badge and fact sheet. Then she saw my mongoose.

“Beth, it’s her, the you-know-what from *that* academy. She really has a mongoose with her.”

I laughed. “Miki won’t be a problem. She’s toilet trained, and thanks for being understanding. We are partners after all, and I couldn’t leave her behind, pregnant and alone.”

“A mutant sorceress with a pregnant familiar; it must be a Thursday,” a coworker said, shaking her head.

* * * *

They used a pool system similar to what they use back in Milwaukee County. It reduced the number of prospective jurors needed compared to summoning for specific trials. We waited in an auditorium and watched a presentation on how the process worked. A family court judge gave us her perspective on service.

“If you are not called, you have still done a service. Many cases settle just before a jury is formed. The knowledge that the case is about to be tried is a big incentive. How may of you have served on trials before?”

I raised my hand along with roughly one-third of us.

“More than once?”

I raised my hand along with a much smaller number.

“You veterans know the drill. Did any of you serve in other states?”

I was the only one. More and more people looked my way and I knew the wheels in their heads were spinning.

“May I ask where?”

“Milwaukee County in Wisconsin, this is my first time here though. I moved to the state this last December.”

“You’ll find the process similar, and welcome to New Hampshire …?”

“Joan, but most people call me Joanie.”

Several of my fellow pool members gasped.

“Ma’am, you needn’t answer, but are you the Joanie who is a famous singer?” the judge asked.

“I have that among other *hats* that I wear.”

She smiled, “See folks, it’s just like the poster in the lobby of J-Lo reporting for jury duty. It takes all walks of life to fill a jury. I have been summoned myself in the past as well, so I understand the disruption this is to your lives.”

* * * *

We settled into seats in the auditorium to watch a movie or at tables in a separate work area where we had limited wireless connections available while in the pool. Every half-hour or so, they called out a series of names followed by numbers. We were to stand on the matching number in a hallway to be escorted to a courtroom. The courts knew who we were by our numbers. They used a PA system that was even in the bathrooms. I lucked out on the first several calls, so I managed to get some studying done. It was close to noon when my name was called. I packed up fast and moved to my spot in line.

“I’m Frank; I’m a bailiff and will escort you to Courtroom 316, Judge Smith. Please line up again outside the courtroom in the order of your numbers and stay quiet until questioned by the court. If the judge excuses you, report back to the jury assembly area. Any questions?”

“Why is this teenager in a jury pool and carrying an animal to boot?” a man asked. He must have not paid attention to the judge during orientation.

“Ma’am, may I?” The bailiff looked at my special badge, driver’s license and papers they’d given me to explain Miki.

“Sir, the animal is covered under a provision allowing aid animals to accompany their human partner. Her papers are all in order, and she is an adult resident of the state despite her youthful appearance.”

“Thank you for the compliment. Are you single?”

That hushed my fellow juror for a while and got a big smile out of our big and buff bailiff.

* * * *

We piled into several elevators and rode to the third floor where we lined-up in order outside the courtroom. We were directed to seats to wait for the voir dire, or whatever the jury sifting process is called. I’m lousy when it comes to Latin or maybe that’s French? Like I said, I’m not very good at languages. (Editor: Middle French: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voir_dire)

The judge was introduced after the usual “Hear Ye!” and so on. He spoke to us. “This trial involves a defendant charged with hit and run injury to a pedestrian by the use of a motor vehicle while intoxicated. In other words, the State is attempting to prove he drove drunk, hit a person, thereby injuring them severely, and then drove off without offering to aid the victim. The defendant claims to be innocent and says though he admits it was his car, he was not in the car at the time of the accident and someone unknown stole it and committed the crime.

“I anticipate this trial to last from two to five days. Anyone who cannot serve for at least five days please inform the bailiff and you will be excused to return to the jury assembly. Legitimate reasons are scheduled surgery, pre-paid vacations, or the needs of your employer.” Two were excused out of 25.

“Attorneys from the state and the defense will ask you questions. Some may be embarrassing, but answer truthfully, as it is important to the fairness of the trial. If you are excused it is no shame on you, you have served and will be excused to return to the jury assembly room and possible assignment to other trials. Begin.”

The process can be fast or tediously slow. From my limited experience it was average but this was a serious case. The penalties for hit and run are severe. The sides removed several for cause -- one was a retired police detective, another was a schoolmate of the victim. I figured as a Whateley Security and National Guard member, I would be struck.

“Number 20, Joan Brown.” The defense attorney called to me. ”You list your occupation as part-time teacher, security officer, member of the National Guard, professional singer, magazine model, actress and student? Is this correct?”

“Yes.” They said to give concise, to the point answers.

“Could you explain this briefly?”

“No. All these are the result of an incident last summer. It’s complicated.”

“That’s vague, please explain.”

“I underwent a mutant burnout, and it changed me radically. I am learning to deal with theses changes, thus I returned to school after a long absence.”

Some in the courtroom seemed to recognize me and several on the prosecution side fought hard not to laugh at the defense lawyer’s confusion.

“Your age, Ms. Brown, you appear too young to be an adult.”

“I’ll be 50 this December 18th.”

“I remind you are under oath, Ms. Brown. Your age?”

“Forty-nine years, five months and six days.”

“Your honor!”

“If I may clear up council’s confusion, your honor?”

“Proceed madam prosecutor.”

“Ms. Brown is known professionally as Joanie. She is a world famous pop singer and mutant; am I not correct, Joanie?”

“I wouldn’t disagree with that assessment.”

“Joanie, just for my own curiosity,” the judge asked. “I understand everything except the actress and magazine model. Where have you performed, and for which publication have you posed?”

“I’ve done some work with PBS, narrating a three-part documentary and will guest star in a TV series early this summer. As to a magazine model, posed is the operative word, your Honor. I am the cover, I have a lengthy interview and I am the Centerfold in this July‘s Playboy. Telling my Daddy I posed naked was not easy, but he’s cool with it.” I smiled, then giggled. “I’m sorry, I can’t control that; it came with the mutant makeover.”

I noticed some of the men, and the female prosecutor, looking at me and imagining what I looked like naked. The defense lawyer looked very self-satisfied.

“Strike this juror for cause.” He was out of the ‘strike the juror, no reason given’ option.

“Cause?” asked the judge.

“Miss Brown is a distraction to the court. Look at her; half the courtroom is staring at her as I speak.”

And they were too, and he was one of them. I spotted his … I was distracting him badly. I broke out with the giggles. I couldn’t help it, then several other spotted the tent in the defense lawyer’s trousers.

The judge noticed, too, and tried valiantly not to laugh. “Defense move to strike juror for cause is accepted. You are free to go, Ms. Brown, and thank you. Please return to the jury assembly room. I declare a fifteen minute recess for the court to recover its decorum and … do something about that, council.” The judge said pointing at the defense lawyer. “On second thought, make it thirty.”

I walked out of the courtroom, into the corridor and down to the elevator bank. I only snickered occasionally.

* * * *

Assembly released me for lunch until two in the afternoon. That gave me an hour and a quarter until I had to report back. I decided to use the courthouse basement cafeteria to save time. I got in line and selected a few items. I had to pay cash. ~~Miki, a twenty dollar bill please.~~ The carrier was the safest place for my cash. She handed me a bill, her paws are unusually dexterous for a mongoose. I paid and sat down, surprised no one noticed where I got the cash from.

I returned to assembly and checked in. I got called to one more court, but they settled before we even sat down for the voir dire thingy. We were released for the day and told to return at 8:30 next morning. I walked out of the courthouse on the way to my truck and was pounced on by reporters. ~~Must have been a slow news day.~~

“Joanie, is true you were rejected from a jury because you were too good looking?”

“Are you a sorceress?”

“Did you pose naked for Playboy?”

“What does your boyfriend think of that?”

~~Whoa!~~ That worried me. I had to answer, but how?

“I was here to answer a jury duty summons, and that’s all I may say about that as I don’t wish to interfere with any court proceedings. I have posed for Playboy for a generous contribution to the scholarship fund of the institution where I am employed. Whether or not I have a boyfriend is my own business, and do I look like a witch to you?” That shut most of them up, but one was persistent; it was the network owned by that billionaire on the far side of the World. Why I was not surprised?

“Then why the animal you are carrying, and you do spend a lot of time with Governor Johnson’s family and their son Eric, a fourteen year old boy.”

~~Miki, can you do anything?~~

~~I will try.~~

“Miki is an animal I rescued and am caring for. I had her here by special permission of the court. And if I was a sorceress, and she was my familiar as you insinuate, by now you’d be growing a tail or be turning in into a little girl or something worse, right Mister? Do you realize how strange your accusations sound?

“And never insult the Johnson family in my presence. They have been extraordinarily kind to me, since I aided their daughter. Everyone in the family is a pleasure to know. Their son Eric is charming and intelligent, as is his sister, Melissa. They are my friends. Why would I not speak with them when I visit the family?”

I walked away ignoring him I. I kept thinking to my self ~~I wish that jerk would shut up. What an idiot!~~ It was almost like a mantra. I drove back to Whateley undisturbed and resumed my routine

* * * *

Friday May 25, 2007

I slept well, did my usual morning routine, then went to the Crystal Hall for breakfast prior to leaving for Berlin. They had the huge flat-panel TV I donated turned to the news. I nearly did a spit-take when I heard…

“Anchor and reporter Philip K Dick was admitted to the hospital last night for treatment of a suspected stroke. He collapsed shortly after interviewing the singer, Joanie, who was in Berlin for jury duty. His bizarre behavior and total loss of speech faded after several hours but doctors are keeping him for tests. We wish him a quick and complete recovery.”

No, it couldn’t be? Could it? ~~Oh, Miki!~~

To be continued.