Unintended Consequenses

“Good after ladies, gentlemen, and others. I am here to present the newly proposed Lincoln Convention Center, as designed by the Smith and Jones Architectural Firm of Chicago, Illinois. The design is for a building of no more than one million square feet, with maximal usable exposition space. I believe that you will find that we have done just that.”

Ms. Jones started her presentation showing exterior drawings of a gorgeous structure, not looking at all like most Convention Centers, which looked like steel and glass boxes. She advanced through a series of pictures showing the various entryways and hallways, all beautifully done in vibrant colors. She stopped after displaying a drawing of a room containing two rows of 5 tables each.

“This ends the slideshow portion, if there aren’t any questions I’ll begin going over the specifics.”

“I have a question Ms. Jones. Do you have drawings of what the main exposition space would look like? That small function room looks good, but I am sure that everyone would like to see the main space.”

Ms. Jones looked a little surprised, “I’m sorry. That is the main and only space.”

An uproar erupted amongst the council people. Finally one voice overrode the others, “Are we to understand that you have designed a ONE MILLION square foot building that has 500 square feet of usable space?”

Ms. Jones looked at her notes, “623 square feet actually. But yes, that is all the usable space we could come up with.”

“What is the rest of the space being used for?”

Ms. Jones had been expecting this from the beginning, “Other than hallways, service ways, structural members, and the entryway. It’s the restrooms. Under the Potty Equality for Everyone Act passed last year, commercial building are required to provide restrooms for every different gender and sexuality group. That list is currently over 100 and growing.

“Because building regulations require a certain number usable stalls per maximum occupancy and maximum occupancy is defined by area. So for a building this sized we have to provide approximately 137 facilities for each appropriate gender and sexuality group.”

“Ms. Jones, are telling us that you have 137 toilets for 100 different groups?”

“No sir. Some of the facilities are urinals, some are patches of artificial grass, some changing tables. I’d have to check to see what the complete list is.”

One of the councilpersons yelled, “Patches of grass? Changing tables?”

Ms. Jones looked up, “Yes, the first is for Furries of various types and human pets, amongst others. The latter for the various adult babies, sissies, and diaper lovers of all genders.”

“Wait, buildings are required to provide equal facilities for all those groups? I’ve never even heard of most of those groups.”

“The PEE Act made no accommodations for numbers of each group, so the law is based off the numbers formerly required for men and women.”

The Chairwoman banged her gavel, and got everyone to quiet down, “Thank you Ms. Jones. We will get back to you after we receive all of the proposals.”



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