This is a work of fiction, though it does contain actual data and some conjecture. If you don't like tears, I would suggest not reading this. This is my first attempt at a standalone story (heck, any story period) and would ask for any and all words of wisdom and criticism. I would like to thank Kaleigh for her encouragement and my spousal unit for her proofing help.
Thanks and hugs
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Beep...Beep...Beep...
"Mr and Mrs Horner?"
The two people sitting next to the bed containing the body of a small child looked up at the interruption in their thoughts, the man looking both angry and sad while the woman had obviously been crying.
"Yes Doctor?" Dave Horner acknowledged, while keeping his arm around his wife.
"I was wondering if I might speak with you outside, or in the lounge, if you would rather sit?" Dr Jacobs asked the couple.
"Can we talk here? I don't think it will disturb James," the father said, gesturing to the figure in the hospital bed.
Dr Jacobs appeared to ponder this for a moment, but then stated, " I would prefer we not discuss anything in front of the patient. I have found that patients in comas can sometimes recall what has happened around them while they were in the coma."
Dave turned to his wife, Amanda, and looked a question at her.
"Doctor, can I stay in here while Dave talks to you outside?" she asked.
"Well, what I have to say concerns the both of you, as well as your child," stated the doctor. "if it would help, I could have a nurse come in and watch over him while we talk."
Amanda sighed, ran a worried hand over her child's forehead, then said to the Doctor as well as her husband, "Okay, I wil be out in a minute to join you two and go to the lounge."
Dave just kissed her on the forehead and asked the Doctor while gesturing at the doorway, "Shall we adjourn to the hallway?"
********
After showing the Horners to the lounge, Dr Jacobs closed the door and joined them at a small table. "I am not sure how to ask this, but has your child shown any signs of unhappiness or disillusionment? Any unexplained mood swings? Anything at all to suggest why he might have tried to commit suicide?"
"Nothing Doctor, he has been the same as any preteen," stated Dave.
"Dave?" asked Amanda, startling him, "What about his grades and the reports from his teachers? The fights and the bullying?"
"That has nothing to do with this, it's just a phase that he needs to grow up and out of! He just needs to quit being a wimp and be a man!" hissed her husband.
"What, exactly, has happened at school?" asked the Doctor. "The more information we have, the better we can treat his problems, IF he comes out of his coma. If he does not want to be helped, nothing we, as doctors, do will help him. He needs to know that he is still loved. Let me share some statistics with you folks so you can get an idea what is happening here. The latest data on attempted suicides I have for his age group in our state shows that 92 did not succeed while 13 did. That is 13 more that succeeded than I like to see and 92 more that tried than I like to think about. Let me be blunt with you, the child, that 12 year old child, lying in bed in that room needs your love more than your pity."
At this point, Amanda Horner started sobbing, while Dave just sat and glared at the Doctor. "I hope you are happy, you bastard! I love my son and nothing will change that!"
"For your child's sake, I hope you do."
"Doctor? I do have more information, but Dave may not want to hear it. It's the note James... Jamie, left," Amanda told the Doctor, getting her crying and breathing under control.
"What note? And who the hell is Jamie?" demanded Dave
"Doctor? Could you read it out loud? Please?" asked Amanda, eyes tearing up and voice cracking as she spoke. " I need to get back to my baby in the other room," she said, getting up to leave the room.
Mom,
I am sorry. I just can't be the man Dad wants. The boys
at school were almost right; I do like guys, but only
because I am a girl inside. I have been lying to you and
dad, living a lie all this time. His last lecture to me,
telling me to quit being such a crybaby sissy all the time,
hurt too much. I never meant to be a disappointment to you
and him and maybe it is best this way. I hope that you can
love me after I am gone.
Love, from someone who should have been your daughter,
Jamie
********
"Jamie, honey, it's your mother, I'm back and I am here for you. Just come back, please," Jamie's mother asked, holding her child's hand, not wanting to ever let go and resting her head on the bed next to her daughter.
Beep...Beep...Bebeep...
Comments
Bitter Truths
How sad that the child is in this situation. An excellent story, but I say that you need to continue it.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Thank you and continuation?
Thank you for the comment and I will try to find the sequel, as I finally got this out after having it run through my brain for a week and I hope it satisfies my Muse (I hope Lisa did not offend her by calling her a plot bunny). We will see what happens.
Hugs
Diana
A Sequel Would Be Nice
Sequel's not the right word exactly, but, if you find it,I think more than a few of us would like to follow Jamie's story,
Joanne
more to work through
Not the least being the fathers reaction to hearing that note read. You could explore the backstory, but that's maybe not essential. How they got here is not uncommon unfortunately, where they go next is open though as is recovery.
Kristina
Just The Way It Is
This story makes its point and delivers its message with enough punch to get it over, possibly into the thickest skull, if only those with the thicker skulls would be reading it. Sigh... Maybe some day.
As for the continuation that other readers seem to be asking for, I don't think it's necessary for this story. I like it just the way it is.
The story does a fine job of telegraphing what is going to happen. If Jamie comes out of her coma, she will have acceptance in her future, certainly from her mother, but also from the medical community, or at least the part of it that we've met. Her father, the source of most of her torment will either change or leave, but either way that source of torment will be gone.
And, it's not much to go on, I admit, but I choose to interpret that extra skipping "bebeep" at the end of the story as a response from Jamie signifying the beginning of the end of the medical crisis, the coming out of the coma.
I see hope in this, as painful as it is
The doctor is caring and mom knows the score now. Maybe dad was/is just doing what he THINKS men do and is not thinking. Maybe there is hope for hime too.
If is was a solid beeeeeeeeeee at the end, that would be death and the loss of hope but I agree that bebeeb sounds like the child fighting to regain consciousness. Powerful stuff, sequal or no.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Complete As It Is
I really believe this is good as it is. There's no need to carry it any further, despite the fact that many here would like to know more about Jamie.
It's sometimes difficult to know when to stop when telling a story like this. Serials often carry on longer than necessary because the writer has no idea when to cut it off. Just my opinion.
In any rate, this is a good story. I wouldn't necessarily say I enjoyed it, but I definitely liked it. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
I second that
Maybe the requests for more are simply a way of encouraging the writer to keep on writing?
I think it's complete as is.
Good job, Diana.
I like this story as is. You
I like this story as is. You wrote it concise, to the point and gave a lot of information in the few words that you used. You could tell how the Mother felt, how the Doctor felt and even what the Father felt. I really don't think a continuation is necessary, because the story is based on why the child tried to commit suicide and why the child is in a coma right now. J-Lynn
Jamie in a coma
People want this story to continue because they hate to leave Jamie hanging in limbo forever, or in risk of flat-lining. But it never really happened (or not this particular suicide attempt by a TG youth...), we can imagine any continuation we want. I see this as being a horrible scare, after which the parents will be grateful, having felt the chill wind off the wings of the Angel of Death, and will realize what's really important, and will work toward understanding their daughter, giving her the love and acceptance she needs. All that good stuff. It's as true as any other ending (funny if you wrote a sequal in which the Earth was destroyed by a giant meteor!) ............ Welcome to BC authorship, Diane. You've been around,
helping out, giving excellent critiques, it's hard to believe this is your first story here.
Here's hoping it won't be your last ...... An excellent debut!
~~~hugs, LAIKA
What borders on stupidity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
Thanks for the comments!
They mean (t?) a lot :) I have decided to leavce this as-is and let it stand on it's own because my instincts (and Muse) were telling me it is right. The comments have helped tremendously and will (hopefully) guide any future writing I try. I need to ask several authors about their universes and their (the universe's) rules and restrictions. Again, thanks for the critiques and comments.
Hugs
Diana
Bitter Truths
What a heart-wrenching story.
We are left to ponder what the next words will be out of the father.
What is his reaction to finding out he is the main reason his daughter is lying in a coma.
Will it be compassion or hatred?
I guess I want to see the answer, the right answer, but I know the author has left it to the reader to do the pondering.
Thank you for writing such a poignant, succinct, and vital story.
Elron
Elron