Awhile ago I posted a story, 'Let The Punishment Fit The Crime'. It got more reads and comments than anything else I've ever posted here and people want a part two. Therein lies a problem. You see, I never intended to even POST that story! I only wrote it as an exercise, to give me some grounding for another story I WANTED to write. However, When it came time to post THAT story, I hit the wrong button, posting Let The Punishment instead.
So...what I've decided to do is to offer the story to anyone who would like to take a crack at finishing it, in the form of a contest. The winner, voted on by the readers (using the vote button on the entry you like - please vote only on the favorite one you like, not all of the entries), will receive a free, autographed copy of my book, 'Headlights Girl', which I will personally mail to the winner. The contest will run from today March 21, 2008 until the last day of April (April 30, 2008).
Contestants writing the entries will need to attach their entry in the Outline Tab of their submission to the Title Page entitled: Let The Punishment Fit The Crime - Part Two. The titles for the entries should have a unique name another contestant has not posted up for the contest.
As long as the story is attached to the title page, we know its an entry.
Catherine Linda Michel
Comments
little bits to chapter 1 before the contest entries
Fixable problems, especially if you want people to write chapter 2 as a contest.
1) may 2 they went to a party and on may 3 he/she has been on trial for three weeks.
Hmmm
2) it takes a law degree to be permitted to take the test to pass the Bar Exam and become a lawyer. If they just graduated college, they have not yet had time to take that bar exam. law students party after passing the bar more than graduating school. Law offices may offer conditional positions to law school graduates, but they are not lawyers until they have passed that crucial exam.
Fix the first by removing the may 3 date. Make it months later or something like that as even a year is not historically fast. (and if too long he/she has to find a way to support himself until that date, improbable to have passed the Bar Exam with that much pressure and distraction on his/her shoulders)(indefinite would allow the next author room to move fast or slow with the story)
Fix the second by either making this a one night thing until they go back to studying for the Bar Exam, or change the time to a month or so after graduation and they just got the letter stating they passed the Bar and they know that they will be starting as lawyers instead of the current conditional position as continuing interns at the Biggie Law Firm.
Oh, if you go in to fix these, please reconsider how he refers to "his friends" in the May 3 segment. Maybe as "I thought they were my friends", or " I would have bet my life that they were my friends, but what happened?" leave wiggle room for the possibility that he sees them as betraying him instead of setting up how he must have done it against all his recollection.
And make the time frame earlier in the trial, like maybe the prosecutor is "resting" his part of the case before the defense starts up. This would allow for good defense.
Hint, very good not including any hint of gender in the may 3 segment.
little bits chapter #1
ok from the get go wrong year as this is only march 08.it not to bad it may just get going good kick it up and have a good one .oldhippie
mr charlles r purcell
verry good story i wood love to see a lot more of this all i can say is wow verry good thanks for shareing
Umm, wrong bit
I was trying to point out to the authoress that only one day after the party there had been the grand jury, the trial preparation, and had been three weeks into the trial (also three weeks for a rich man with a huge legal team contesting a case without witnesses ie: OJ, is one thing, but a rape trial with witnesses is only several days at most)
OOPS
Whatever errors exist in the story,
they exist because the story was never meant to be posted, hence it wasn't proofread or even spell checked. I regret putting a story up, inadvertently though it was, that garnered so many hits. If you are going to take a crack at completing it, then make whatever corrections in the original that you see fit. So far, all I can see is that no one wants to try it.
If no one takes up the contest, the story will be removed on April 30th and consigned to the "dead stories file" via the delete button.
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
I'd rather you didn't
Over 2500 reads and some long and thoughtful comments, why delete it?
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Minor errors, intersting premise
I've read a few stories with some similarites in the premise.
Often they are distopian future Earths or the like. The transformation may at one time have had merit but has become corrupted, Angela Rasch had a good one a while back. Often in the stories the whole deal is a set up by an enemy, as I suspect here, or the proceedure which was foolproof and reversible proves to not be and they can't restore the person after they are found innocent and in fact were framed by the true guilty party. The authories act like "Too bad, so sad" in responce.
I have a few ideas, my victim would not take their fate lying down, so to speak. It's a question of if I and my muse can find the time. A proper responce to your story is likely not a short one. Desipte any technical flaws you have the seed of a strong story here.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa