Chapter 19 (Revised)   Simon Jones is Eve Jones. But she didn't know.

 
 
Previously:

 
A cancelled hospital appointment, a meeting with the hospital bigwig and news from the school. Claire is a different problem.

Now the story continues.
 
 
 
Eve Chapter 19
 
 
 
Mum and I were barely on speaking terms on Thursday morning. We even forgot the usual 'first of the month' joke. If October was starting as frosty as this in the house, what would it be like in the fresh air outside?

While mum was busy downstairs I dived into her room and found the biscuit tin. I needed something.

The car wasn't back yet so I grabbed my bag at nine fifteen and made for the door.

Mum was stood in the kitchen with no shoes, "where do you think you're going?"

"To see Dr Fox."

"Not without me!"

I didn't answer but slammed the door behind me; I did not want mum in the room with me today. I grabbed a passing bus and was at the hospital twenty five minutes later. There was no sign of mum.

"Good morning Eve."

"Mornin'."

"Take a seat. Now, I can tell that something is wrong so why don't you tell me."

"I was lied to."

"Who?"

"Mum. She told me dad made the mistake with my name. Now I know it was mum all along, and it wasn't a mistake."

"How can you be sure?"

I produced my birth certificate, showing mum as the informant.

"I see."

"I want to know what other lies have been told."

"Eve, I can only go by what you and your mum have told me, so I don't know if there are any more lies, but I really think you need to talk to mum about this."

"I know I must, and I want to, eventually, but I know I'm going to get upset very quickly."

"Then let's talk to her here?"

"No!"

"Oh?"

"You told me at my first appointment that if I wanted to exclude her, I could."

"Yes."

"So, right now, I don't want her in here. Just us."

"Alright Eve, I respect your wishes but you will need to talk to her at some point. Why don't you tell me how your week has gone?"

I went over the precinct incidents, the school connection, the hospital problem and my change of name.

"I'm not so sure any more?"

"About what?"

"About this!"

I pointed at my skirt then at my developing breasts.

"And?"

"This just feels strange. I'm comfortable like this, but I shouldn't be. My head's been played with, physically and mentally. I'm messed up."

I could see Dr Fox was ready to hit the alarm but I stayed sat, and physically calm.

"So, are you Simon or Eve?"

"I'm Eve. The question is not who, but why?"

"I think I see. So, you accept that you're Eve but you can't see how you got to this point?"

"Yes."

"Ah, let's go back to the beginning."

We spent another hour going through everything that had happened, and why. I still couldn't work out why mum and lied to me, though. Lastly I talked about Claire and how I had to decide about children.

"So, do you?"

"I'm nearly seventeen but it's too early for me to think about that. Until a few weeks ago I didn't even have a girlfriend. Now I have a girlfriend who thinks she's a lesbian and that must mean I must be too, however strange that sounds. If Claire doesn't want children then neither do I. But one thing is clear I do not want to, err"

"Have intercourse?"

I was going red. "Yes."

"There are other ways."

I'd had several good cries while sat with Dr Fox and my hanky was stained with mascara. Dr Fox suggested I used her private bathroom to tidy myself up before I left.

As I left her room I spied mum sitting in the waiting area. She had her back to me so I could have just left without her knowing but Dr Fox had calmed me.

"Mum, I'm done. Can we go outside?"

"Yes dear."

I led mum to the same spot we'd gone to the week before and sat on the bench with her.

"Mum, I want the truth."

"Yes, I'm sorry. Do you remember how I said this was my fault?"

"Yes?"

"Well, your dad died the day after you were born. He was going to register your birth that afternoon so in the end I had to do it."

"During the pregnancy the ultrasounds had shown a girl. Just before I went into labour I had been reading an Evelyn Waugh novel and I really liked the idea of Eve Lynn. I really wanted a daughter but got a son. I loved you regardless but after not getting the girl I craved, and losing your husband, I was so very depressed. They call it post-natal depression."

"Yes, I've heard of it."

"So I was both a new mum and a widow, within 24 hours. I thought I would flip and they'd keep me here but somehow they let me go home the following day. The hospital had promised counselling but of course it never happened. I decided I was keeping the names I'd chosen and was going to call you Eve Lynn Simone but the registrar persuaded me to change Simone to Simon. I refused to change the rest. I now know I wasn't thinking straight."

"So why couldn't you tell me?"

"Guilt."

"So what about when I was brought into hospital six week ago?"

"You were in my clothes and unable to explain for yourself. The school gave the paramedics a quick explanation of the male/female confusion. The hospital compounded that mistake and I thought I'd finally get the daughter I wanted, even for just a short while."

"That explains why you didn't tell the hospital they were wrong."

"I was going to, then the staff heard you talking in your sleep and they contacted Dr Fox."

"Did you tell anyone, after I was born, what you'd done?"

"No, they might have taken you away from me."

"You sure?"

"No, but I couldn't take the chance."

I relaxed a little. I was getting to the bottom of it now. I looked up and saw Dr Fox stood a little behind mum. She signed to me to keep talking.

"So who knew my name was Eve?"

"I was so ashamed what I'd done but couldn't tell anyone, not even a solicitor to change your name. So I told no-one until you had to start primary school and then again when you started secondary school. Even then they were told that Simon was the name you used so Eve wouldn't show up on their normal records. Before they connected all their computers together it was easy to do that. Then you needed a passport for this holiday. When your certificates arrived addressed to Eve it all came back and I wanted my Eve. Can you forgive me?"

"Mum, I told you weeks ago that I forgave you, but why couldn't you tell me?"

"I, I, I was frightened."

Now mum was crying. I pulled some tissues out of my bag and dried her eyes.

"Eve, Mrs Jones, do you mind if I join you?"

I just nodded. Mum looked quizzical.

"How long have you been there?"

"Since you left the clinic. Eve wouldn't have you in the room but was very uptight. I wanted to make sure neither of you did anything stupid. You need each other."

Mum cried on my shoulder.

"Eve, you have an appointment here eight thirty on Tuesday to see Dr Preston, a Gender Identity specialist. I'll be there as well. I should have told you sooner but I forgot, shrinks are human too."

"Thanks, I'll remember that you're human, in case it comes in useful later."

She handed me an appointment letter, no doubt they'd post one to me as well. Given the current postal disputes it might turn up before the appointment. She also handed me another prescription, two more weeks of anti-depressants.

"Sorry, I forgot to give you these. I think they'll help."

We took the bus into town and went to the pharmacy to get my pills and some shopping. Without the car it really was a bind.

Back indoors, mum and I sat down with a coffee and cried on each-other's shoulders.

Mum had got the daughter she wanted but I still felt betrayed, she could have told me and let me make my own mind up. No, that was silly. Would a teenage boy willingly become a girl to please his mum?

Yes, I'd been having dreams but mum didn't know and I wasn't telling. I didn't even know what the dreams meant. I thought I was screwed before I found out the truth, but now I still had a ton of questions - but didn't know what to ask or even if there were any answers.

"I love you mum."

"I love you Eve."

The rest of the day was a blur.