by Phantasi Boi
Intro: Here’s chapter 4 of my 1st attempt at a serial. As always I welcome comments be they praise or criticism. Please don’t be angry if I get any facts wrong regarding gender issues, it is only a story, besides the characters themselves could be getting it wrong rather than me. Feel free to point out any errors I make though.
They hadn’t noticed Nadine walk back in; she heard this last comment despite the fact they were talking quietly.
“Did I hear right Lini? You’re not a real girl?”
“Erm, no not at all, we were just talking about someone else.”
“What we gonna play then?” Asked Niki, “What games have you got Pete?”
“Well, I don’t know, why don’t you come to my room and have a look?”
“Ok,” She replied without hesitation.
“Who wants drinks?” Asked Nadine rising up from the dining room table where they were sat.
“Please Nades, I’ll have Pepsi Max,” Replied Niki.
“Sounds good to me, might as well bring the bottle and five glasses in, well if that’s ok with everyone.” Dozer said.
Everyone agreed to that. Dozer and Niki left to look for games; Nadine went to get the drinks leaving Lini and Jess alone.
“Not sure this is a good idea Jess, I think Dozer recognised me.”
“Don’t be paranoid Lin; he wouldn’t have invited you in if he had.”
“But if he ever finds out I’m not a real girl, he’ll kill me.”
They hadn’t noticed Nadine walk back in; she heard this last comment despite the fact they were talking quietly.
“Did I hear right Lini? You’re not a real girl?”
“Erm, no not at all, we were just talking about someone else.”
“Hmmm, ok, sorry, must’ve misheard you.” Replied Nadine, then she thought, “I know what I heard, so we have two t-girls at this party do we. Looks like little sis is not alone.”
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“So what have you got for us to play with then Pete?” Asked Niki as they entered the big boy’s bedroom. “Something interesting and not too short, it’s boring if it doesn’t last long enough.” She said seductively and then looked at him and winked, then she noticed movement in his trousers.
He blushed. “Niki, you’re a tease.” He walked over to his wardrobe and opened the door; he had a big pile of games in the bottom of it.
Niki walked over and bent down in front of him, wiggling her bum slightly, she certainly looked so hot that Dozer nearly came in his pants. What was she doing to him, oh hell.
“Strip poker sounds interesting, what’s that about then?”
“Erm, I didn’t even know that was there, must belong to one of my mates, we can’t play that, you’re too young.”
“I bet you wouldn’t say that to Lini cus, I’ve seen you look at her. You fancy her don’t ya? I bet she’d run a mile if she saw that bulge in your trousers.”
Dozer was bright red by now, “Cut it out Nik, please, it’s hard enough without you teasing me.”
“Hard enough? I bet, if it gets any harder, your zip will find it impossible to stay up. And it’s big enough to break it, if what I saw earlier is owt to go by.” She giggled, it was great to turn the tables on her cousin, he’d embarrassed her enough in the past, revenge is sweet.
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“Wonder what’s takin’ so long.” Said Nadine after a while. “I’ll just go and find out.” She got up and left the room.
“I’m starting to get worried now,” Said Lini to Jess. “She’s gonna tell Dozer and I’m so dead.”
“Look, calm down sis, I’ll tell them my mum rang back and wants us home, then we can make our escape.”
“Thanks Jess, I think that would be best. I just wanna get as far away from Dozer Harris as possible.” Lini said, with a slight panic in her voice.
Presently, Nadine came back in with her sister and cousin. “We couldn’t decide what to play so we brought them all down.” She said lowering a pile on the table. Dozer had some more.
“Aaww, sorry guys, we gotta go, mum rang back and said she wanted us home pronto.” Said Jess very apologetically.
“That’s a shame,” said Nadine and then added. “Pete, you better walk the girls home, it’s not safe for young ladies walking at night.”
“It’s ok, we only live down the road, we often walk out at night.” Said Lini, starting to worry now.
“Nadine’s right, I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you two Lini.” Said Pete, getting his jacket.
Lini looked at Jess and she shrugged, “Well, at least we know we’ll be safe Lin.”
So the three of them left with Jess and Lini saying goodnight to Nadine and Niki. Dozer opened the door and held it while they walked through.
“Lini looks scared to death of me,” Thought Pete as they walked along. “She sure makes a better girl than a guy. I wonder if I should make peace with her. But how do I bring the subject up? She’s shivering.”
“Here Lini, put this round your shoulders babe.” He put his jacket round Lini and slipped his arm around her shoulders to hold it in place.
Lini was spooked, she broke free and ran crying into the dark knocking Dozer’s jacket to the floor.
“What did you do you muppet,” Screamed Jess as she ran after Lini.
“Damn,” Thought Pete, he chased after the girls.
Lini ran towards her house, then remembered her parents and how they’d deceived her so she ran right past and headed for the jitty at the bottom of the Close. Jess couldn’t keep up and was soon flagging, holding her side she had a stitch, she hadn’t got much further than her house.
Pete charged on, “Don’t worry Jess, I’ll catch her,” He called as he passed her.
Lini certainly moved fast, being small helped. She headed down the jitty and out on to the wasteland that bordered the main road, then she stopped to think of her next move. It was pretty dark, the glow of the street lights from the road about 200 yards away being the only light. She heard running behind her.
“That must be Jess, Dozer doesn’t care about me.” She thought as she turned round and Dozer ran straight in to her.
They landed in a heap, Lini felt her elbow hit something hard and she grabbed it and felt blood.
“Lini, are you ok?” He sounded concerned. “Please say something.”
“I’ve banged my elbow, it’s bleeding, it really hurts.” She sounded scared, but though she tried to get up and run away again, she couldn’t move.
Pete crawled to her and knelt up at the side. “Don’t move” He said, “I’ll phone Jess to bring a torch. Damn, where’s my phone?”
“Why did you run Linford?” He asked as he found his phone and opened it ready to call Jess.
“So you do know then, is it that obvious?”
“No, it’s only cos I know you so well. You look really good as Lini. Look, stop being scared of me, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He turned his attention to his phone. “Hi Jess, yes I’ve found her, we ran into each other, literally. She’s hurt; can you bring a torch to the wasteland? We’re not far in but I don’t wanna move her till we know what damage there is to her arm.”
“It hurts Pete and I’m so cold. Where’s your jacket?”
“On the floor where you threw it when you ran, you silly girl. Let me lie next to you and cuddle you to try and warm you up. I doubt its blood loss, it’ll be because of you running off like that, hope Jess isn’t long.”
The two former enemies huddled together for what seemed like ages, but in reality it was only 10 minutes before Jess and her dad arrived shouting for the two teenagers. And so they were found and taken to safety, Harry Rowland was a first aider so he had a quick look at Lini in the torch light and decided it was ok to move her.
Jess had brought Dozer’s jacket and he slipped it on Lini before picking her up in his strong arms.
Dozer insisted on carrying her home and she snuggled into his chest and marvelled at how strong he was, “Maybe he’s not so bad after all,” She thought, “I certainly feel safer in his arms than Linford ever felt in his presence.”
They arrived at Lini’s house, Jess led the way to Lini’s bedroom and Dozer laid her on her bed. He brushed her hair off her face and gently kissed her on her forehead after lowering her slowly down. “I’ll see you tomorrow Lin, Jess said her dad’s gonna get his first aid kit and sort your elbow out. Will you be ok now?”
“I’ve bled in your jacket, it’ll be ruined, why are you being so nice to me?”
“We’ll talk tomorrow babe, don’t worry about the jacket, I’d better get back, my cousins will be worrying.”
He bent down and kissed her forehead once more and started to get up, Lini grabbed his arm. She looked into his eyes; his head was slowly moving down and hers up.
“Right, let’s have a look at that elbow Lini,” Said Harry as he walked in followed closely by Jen. Dozer stood up quickly. “That was close,” He thought, “I’ve never noticed how beautiful her eyes are before now, I nearly fell in.”
“What have you been doing sweetheart?” She asked, sounding concerned.
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I opened my eyes and looked at the clock, “Shit, I must’ve dropped off.” I thought. It was 0217am. “Now where did I get to? Oh yes, Dozer left, Harry fixed Lini’s elbow, her mum came in and kissed her goodnight blah blah, oh wait, damn, I forgot Lini’s supposed to hate her mum and dad now. Oh hell, I’m no good at this writing lark. I suspect everyone is now expecting a love triangle between Dozer, Lini and Niki. Haha, that would be funny, nah, can’t have that. I can’t think what to write now.”
I stood up and went to make a coffee, my mind blank as far as writing more of chapter 4 was concerned. I put the kettle on and went to the toilet, yeah I know, TMI, but I’ve gotta give you something to read.
I made my coffee and went back and laid on my bed, my PC is at the side of it cos I’m lazy, so I can lay in bed and type. I rolled a fag and lit it. Now, let’s see………
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Next morning was bright and sunny as Lini woke and looked out the window, she thought about the night before and considered what would have happened if Harry and her mum hadn’t walked in at that moment. Was she about to kiss her worst enemy? More to the point, was he about to kiss her? “He knows who I am,” She thought. “Oh hell, the bitch can take me shopping today, I need some clothes. Or maybe that bastard I call dad can give me some money and Jess and I can go, yeah that sounds better.”
Just as she slipped her dressing gown on her phone went “Oh oh” Just like a small child that had just done something wrong. That was her message tone. She picked her Nokia 5300 up and slid it open. It was a message from someone whose number wasn’t stored in her phone.
“Hi sxy howz U this morn?? Hope U dnt mind me txt ya, I got Ur num off Jess last nite. Pete xxx”
“Oh that’s right,” Thought Lini, “Jess text me and asked if it was ok to give Dozer my number. Wow, three kisses, what’s going on?”
She decided to reply, “I’m ok thx, thx 4 Ur concern & thx 4 Ur help last nite xxx”
She pressed send and then realised what she’d put on the end. “Oh well, he is quite dishy I guess, and we did nearly kiss last night. I’m just a little confused as to what’s going on. Maybe I should get mum to take me shopping, she does owe me big time and I’ve a feeling her and dad are gonna want to make it up to me.”
There was a tap on her door and Jess poked her head round, “Morning babe, I see you’re up, I brought you some clothes to wear and mum’s sent some make up you can have, I’ll help you put it on if you like.”
“Thanks Jess, I need some clothes, I don’t wanna wear Linford’s stuff anymore. Let me get a shower and then I’ll tell you about last night while we get me ready for the day.”
Lini went and showered and wandered back in to her room just as her phone went “Oh oh”. She slid it open and read, “It’s the least I cud do, glad Ur ok bb, neway I’m taking the girls to town, they wanna shop, U & Jess fancy coming?? xxx” Lini showed Jess the text and told her about the near kiss experience from last night.
“Wow, he’s got the hots for you sis, sounds like you like the attention too. Aaww, she’s blushing.” Teased Jess.
“Leave it out will ya, I’m confused as hell. For years I’ve had nowt but grief off Dozer and suddenly……
“Are ya gonna answer him then? I’m willing to go shopping with them.”
“Jess, this skirt’s a bit short innit? And yes I’m answering him now.”
“Yes plse, I need clothes & I need an outfit 4 Fri nite, give us half hour & we’ll cum rnd xxx”
“This is picking up a little now; do I really wanna make this a sloppy romantic thing though?” I asked myself as I closed the chapter and decided to go back to sleep.
I woke up at 8; something still wasn’t right about this story. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but there was something missing.
Weetabix is my favourite breakfast cereal. I put 3 biscuits in a bowl and covered them with sugar; then I poured some semi-skimmed milk on. I tucked in and soon polished off the bowl and picked up my morning cuppa.
It was a Monday, my day off work and I was looking forward to having a lazy day. The doorbell rang, goddamn it. Who’s that at this time in the morning? I went down the communal stairs and opened the door; it was the postman with a parcel for me. I signed for it and went back upstairs and locked my flat door behind me as I stepped inside.
“Hmmm, I think I know what this is,” I thought, “I’ll open it later, I’ve just had an idea to end chapter 4 or One Long Summer. Yes, it’ll be cool, haha.”
Half an hour later, Lini and Jess were knocking on the Harris’ door with the £500 that Lini’s guilt ridden mum had given Lini for clothes. She had really wanted to take her daughter and help her choose the things she wanted, but she also noted the animosity in Lini’s voice and decided not to push it. She’d give her time to come to terms with it and then they could work through this together. She didn’t know however that Lini was planning on leaving before the summer holidays were over.
“Good morning young ladies, such a lovely day today,” Maureen Harris greeted the two teens who were stood on her doorstep. “Peter, girls, your friends are here,” She shouted to the others. “Come in girls they won’t be long.”
“Thanks Mrs Harris,” Said Jess as they walked into the hall to wait for the others.
Pretty soon the five of them were seated in Dozer’s XR3i bound for town and a fun day of clothes shopping. “What am I going to do while the girls are trying stuff on?” Thought Dozer as he sped up the main road towards town. “Oh I can watch,” He smiled to himself as he imagined seeing lots of female flesh and then realised his front seat passenger was showing slightly more leg than she realised.
Lini looked over at her new hero and realised he kept glancing at her legs. She giggled as she noticed the considerable bulge in his jeans. He winked at her and their eyes met, the excited chatter in the back had stopped and the world slowed down as they gazed into each others eyes. An ear splitting high pitched scream brought him to his senses just in time for him to look up at the front of the number 97 bus as they ploughed head on into the front of it.
Comments
Why???????
PB. Gotta ask, Why that ending?
Having been in a Head on collision for real I can tell you that you have just killed Dozer & Lini, Possibly ALL the people in the car.
Up to this point I was really enjoying your little tale.
As I'm now in pain everyday not to mention covered in scars where they rebuilt both my legs, I just can't work out why you'd do this?
Sam
The impact damage mainly depends
... on the velocities of the two vehicles involved and the front end design of Dozer's vehicle. If Dozer isn't going very fast, and the bus managed to stop in the road before any impact occurred, then we are left with the length and design of the front end of Dozer's ride.
Long or short bonnet?
What mechanicals underneath? (mainly what size and shape of metal lumps underneath said bonnet, not just a FWD or RWD question)
Crumple Zones?
And of course how many air bags and where are they?
This presumes that the car is a relatively late-model ride, not an antique without collapsible steering column and such (pre-mid 70s for Common Market production or pre-71 for US production)(also not before a car would not have air bags _or crumple zones), or that Dozer did not manage to swerve back to his side of the road just enough to where the bus caught his driver's door or something like that.
I'm not sure what happened here
The point of view shifted several times to our writer, but is the writer the physical writer or a character within the story?
Several hints suggest the crash is by the writer in the story playing with how to tell the story and suddenly putting in an imminent crash as a plot device. IE the crash is not real or was averted and is only *pumped up* as an attempt to make the writer writing this story within the story more exciting. The crash and all that morning could also be a dream by one of them, "Bobby Ewing step out of the shower!"
Or the real writer likes killing off all the main characters.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
That is quite an ending, not
That is quite an ending, not even airbags will protect them in a full head on collision with a bus. Too much blunt force from the bus as it is a larger vehicle and sits higher than a car. Are you trying to write out your characters or just some of them while keeping Lini and maybe giving her the surgery way out to becoming a real girl? J-Lynn
The Perspective Jungle
Well, I for one have not the least idea what's going on here.
After a prequel and three and a half chapters of a serial, suddenly a new voice pops up, that of an apparent author of the rest of the story.
We've had chronological story narration, mixed with vivid dreams, and now an author's voice wondering what to write. The end of the this chapter could be anything at all, well... no it can't. You've just told us that the whole tale is just an author wondering what to write, and broken the story-telling spell. So, whether it's "real", or "a dream", or a page of the story that the author will now scratch out and rewrite, it almost doesn't matter to the reader anymore.
Fiction, like theatre, or prestidigitation (stage magic), requires a sleight of hand to work. The strings that make the characters fly aren't supposed to show.
The story isn't necessarily over yet. As a matter of fact, if this one can be pulled back from the brink, it'll be a masterful stroke and a lot of fun. Perhaps the "author's" voice is that of Niki, for example, just messing around trying to write a fictionalized version of what's actually happening to her. Whatever, if the story ends here or whether it continues, it's an interesting experiment.
My only hope is that this chapter ending is not reflective of any real-life despair of the author himself.
Thank you all for your comments.
Thank you all for your comments, I've taken a bit of a bashing I see with the chapter ending. It's nice to see that Niki, Lini & co have built up a small fan base.
In answer to some of your questions, I tried being clever by adding the writer [ie me] but as has been pointed out, it didn't work, sorry about that. Chapter 5 is in production now, hopefully it'll be posted just after easter, depends how much time I get over easter, I'm working all weekend and next week.
Kev [Ρĥà ńŧÄśĩ»ßő™], Skeg Vegas, England, UK.
KevSkegRed, Skeg Vegas, England, UK.
Accidents have been used as plot devices to ...
... give reason for a sudden sex change. Maybe Dozer is about to join the girls - to become a post-op sooner than the others, in fact. Now that would be something, Jess, Nadine, and the two real and enthusiastic TSs having to help a very new girl cope with her completely unwanted womanhood.
"All the world really is a stage, darlings, so strut your stuff, have fun, and give the public a good show!" Miss Jezzi Belle at the end of each show
BE a lady!
An odd twist
... Have Dozer a candidate due to injuries, and one of the others not able to go as a girl due to bad upper body and face scarring. (genetic girl or no)
Hmmmmn?
Today is October 24th, 2009. The last entry in this story is March 20, 2008. I guess that's it? It just stops?
[Sigh!] I wish people would write out the whole story and not just stop in the middle. Or at least post a notice warning the reader that it isn't all there.
No, I would rather **not** read part of a story even if it's well written (and this one wasn't bad! Though I would prefer not to go back-and-forth between the ramblings of the authoress' life and the story.)
Yours from the Great White North,
Jenny Grier (Mrs.)
x
Yours from the Great White North,
Jenny Grier (Mrs.)