(10) The work of an imager trainee -Working the body and as well as the mind

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

I’d like to thank Anne Mouse for her help and good suggestions.

I sat across the table at breakfast from Kolyrt and Evannt so when we finished our meal we set off collecting items I would need for my training.

First we went to a small room and I got four books: History of Tilbor, Basic Maths, Natural History volume I, and Ancient Literature of Teleryn. I also got a bag made of a tough cloth, much like the cloth of the sails on the ship on which I begin my trip. I put my books in the bag along with a stack of blank paper, an ink pen and a bottle of ink pulse a charcoal stylus. The next stop was a tailor who was at a loss as to what he was to produce for me. Kolyrt told him I was supposed to have the standard uniform of an imager: short jacket, vest and trousers, underwear and exercise clothes and boots. He wanted to know if I should have a skirt or dress or what? I suggested that the standard outfit would do to start and that if I required more Major Volytr would let me know. However when it came to underclothes he was completely lost at sea. He had no idea what I needed or how to produce it. I thought a moment. “I will ask Mistress Holyswryth what I should do” and that seemed to relieve his stress.

I was glad I had worn my pants because measuring the inside length of my leg could have been very embarrassing. My bust and waist measurements caused him to blush and Kolyrt to laugh. I gave him the kind of look Odela, my older sister had used on me to put me in my place and that seemed to work.

We spent the rest of the morning walking around the grounds of the Collegium. It was a small town within the town of Westisle. The only things that were missing were shops, if you need something not supplied by the army, you would have to go into town or take a ferry to Llantiago. Kolyrt also explained when and where I would get my pay.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“We get paid, just like the rest of the army. Trainees get a a silver a week, Under Captains get 3 silvers a week, Captains get a gold per week and so on. The higher the rank the more you are paid. The purser sets his ledger and cash box at the top table in the mess hall the last day of the month from 2nd glass to 4th glass. If you aren’t there to get paid, it is added to your account for the next payday. If there are special circumstances that cause you to miss the pay period and you need your coins, you’ll need to ask Captain Threkhyl or Major Volytr for a special pay voucher that you can take to the paymaster. His desk is in the Quartermasters office. That office is in the workroom building on the bottom floor in the end nearest the mess hall.”

“I’ve never gotten paid any coins, ever. I had never even held a copper coin in m hand until Desyrk gave me one and asked me to image a copy.” I said. “What am I supposed to do with my money? You’ve given me food, a bed and clothes. What else do you need?”

Kolyrt just shook his head and said, “just you wait. Once you get settled you will find things that you have to have and then the silvers will come in handy.”

“Where am I supposed to keep these coins after I get them?” I asked.

“I’ve imaged a secret box in the wall of my room and put my pay in there until I need to use it,” he said.

“When I get my coins I’ll try to do something like that”.

After the mid-day meal, I put the strap of the considerably heavy bag with my books and other classroom supplies over my shoulder and made my way to Major Volytr’s office. I sat on the bench in the hall across from the door to his office. As the first bell after noon I rapped on the door, and heard “Come in Joli”.

“Have a seat over there,” he said and pointed to two chairs that faced each other separated by a low table.

I walked to the one nearest to me and sat down then put my bag on the floor next to the chair. I looked around and was amazed. There were two windows, one on each wall of the corner office. Beside the windows were shelves with books, plates, bowls and other items. There were shelves that came up about mytre along the interior walls, with pictures above them on both walls. The one behind were I sat had a large and two smaller pictures. The large picture had what looked like an outdoor cafe with people sitting at the tables. The two smaller pictures were scenes of mountains and a rocky shore. I had never seen anything like them before.

“They are good representations of the mountains and sea shore near where I grew up. The café is in Solis and I used to eat there with the man who is now the Maiter of the Imago Collegium in L’Excelsis the capital of out new land of Solidar. Before we defeated Rex Karst, it was called Varina,” said Volytr as he walked over and sat in the other chair.

“The vision of the Maiter of the Imago Collegium was to establish a place where imagers would be safe to grow and learn and become useful members of Solidar. Our prime goal is to preserve this vision, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. Originally he had not planned on having a second place for imagers, just the one in L’Excelsis, but the reality, as demonstrated across the bay in Llantiago, is that if you put all of your eggs in one basket, that basket becomes a prime target and to get rid of imagers all you need to do is smash the basket. For example to remove the Autoarch and all his imagers in his palace, all you had to do was turn his palace into his tomb.”

“Enough recent history,” he said, “tell me about your self and how you ended up here.”

I spent what I thought was a long time in telling my story. The only ‘detail’ I left out was that Joli used to be a boy.

“I suspect that your trip was more interesting than you let on and required more that a little cleverness and use of imaging. That is both good and bad. From now until you reach the status of advanced trainee, I ask you not to do any imaging except as directed by one of the senior imagers. You may not realize it, but uncontrolled imaging can be very dangerous for those around you and also for you.”

“Let me tell you about the way the Autoarch’s master imagers kept from being captured in the battles we fought. I saw this with my own eyes and Kolytr can vouch for what I say because he used to be an apprentice imager for the Autoarch. At the last, when they knew they were about to be captured, they imaged a disk of gold.”

“Are you familiar with gold?” he asked.

“No, I know that it is vary valuable and shines with a yellowish color,” I answered.

“Yes gold is a color as well as a metal. Here have a look at this,” he said and handed me a gold coin he took from his coat pocket. “Notice how heavy and dense it is.”

“This is important; when you create something by imaging, you draw on the heat from things, including the people, around you. When Under Captain Desyrk asked you to make a copy of his copper coin, there was a sufficient amount of copper nearby that your imaging could draw on to create the coin you imaged. If, right here and now you tried to image a gold coin the same size as the copper coin you copied, you would be taking the gold from our bodies and from others who may be nearby. We need it inside us to live and that is why the Autarch’s imagers created the gold disk; order to disrupt their bodies and kill themselves so they would not be captured.”

I was stunned.

I hadn’t even imagined that the things I had imaged, the candle, the clothes, had come from things around me.

“Until we set up the Collegium, imagers had to learn almost everything on their own and I know of more than a few times where imagers have killed themselves by doing something they didn’t understand. What we are trying to do here is give you the knowledge and understanding so that you can image and survive.”

“The hard truth is that as your imaging capabilities increases and your power increases, the likelihood that you will kill yourself increases. This is why I ask you not to image until you have more control and understanding. It is also why I want you to stay within the walls of this Collegium until one of the senior imagers tells you that you can go beyond the walls. We don’t want you or others hurt. Do you see why this must be so?”

“Ye-es, I didn’t know that what I can do was so dangerous,” I stammered.

“Well we want you to grow up and become as good an imager as you can, but you need to understand that it takes time and effort.” he said.

“You have the small book titled The Rules and Standards for Imagers?” he asked.

I looked down in my bag and removed the thinnest book and saw that was the title.

“Tomorrow at 8th glass please knock on my door as you did today. I may ask you to wait if I’m busy with something or someone, so it’s best that you bring your books with you to read while you wait. I want you to read the first part of Rules and Standards. You should also read the first chapter of the natural history book as well. We will talk about them and proceed from there. At the 10th glass you should go to Under Captain Desyrk’s office just down the hall and he will work with you on the history text. At 2nd glass after noon, you will need to report to Major Alynkyr, his office is across the hall from Desyrk’s office. He will work with you on Maths. You will need to change clothes and be at the exercise yard for group calisthenics at 5th glass. We have learned that a strong body helps make a strong imager.”

“I suggest that you head back to your room and start reviewing the texts I mentioned. Also, if you will write down any words you don’t know or understand and bring them with you so that we can help you understand what you are reading.”

My head was spinning as I walked back to my room and started going through the books. I took only one break before I went to supper and read until 10th bell before getting into bed and to sleep.

My first experience with “group calisthenics” was memorable, at least for me.

My exercise clothes consisted of flexible, ankle-high, lace-up shoes, a tick cotton top with long sleeves and a pair of pants made from the same material with a draw string waist. Not very long after I got to the exercise field a man, standing on a platform on one side of the field, blew a whistle and yelled, “Fall in!”

I took a position in the row farthest from the man in front and noticed that everyone around me was twisting and swinging their arms, so I started to do the same things.

“Jumping jacks, on the count. Hup, hup, hup,…,” called out the man on the platform and everyone around me started jumping and spreading their legs and raising their arms over their heads, so I tried to do the same. Very soon I was gasping for air, but I kept at it although I didn’t jump as high or move as much as this went on and it seemed to go on forever!

“Deep squats and bends, on the count. Hup, hup, hup,….”

I tried my best to keep up with the men around me but I quickly became so tired that I couldn’t keep up with the group.

This process went on and on from one tiring thing to the next.

Finally the man blew his whistle again and yelled “10 laps!” and everyone around me started to run slowly toward the Collegium wall where there was a trail and begin to follow it around the compound. I wasn’t able to run all the way around, not even half way around. I walked most of the way and when I got back to the field, I headed toward my room.

I stripped and hug up my sweaty clothes, collected a towel, washcloth pit on my robe and headed to the washroom. The water in the shower was cold but as hot as I was, I didn’t care. Drying my body wasn’t a problem, but my hair was something else. It was getting to just above my shoulders and it seemed to take forever to dry.

I made it to the mess hall at half past 6th bell and sank into a seat at a mostly deserted table.

I was helping myself to a stew when officer came over and sat across from me.

“I saw that you joined us today,” he said. “I’m Squad Leader Smyte and I don’t think we’ve been introduced?”

“My name is Joli and I’m the newest imager trainee.”

“That answers several of my questions. I didn’t think we were recruiting soldiers as young as you, and I know we don’t recruit girls. Even little sticks like you,” he chuckled.

“Yes, well exercise at 5th bell twice a week is on my schedule and today was my first time. I hope I live to make it to the next time you hold your pain sessions.”

“Eat these two juicy fruits, their juice and flesh will keep the stiffness and soreness down,” he said as he handed me two orange colored fruits and begin to peal the skin from one.

“I heard that you survived a ship wreck and then walked here on your own.”

“Not quite, I was tossed into the sea when a pirate ship attacked the one I was on, but a kind family found me on the road and brought me to Llantiago.”

Smyt just shook his head and said, “I want you to build up your strength gradually, so here is what I want you to do. After I start each exercise, I’ll give a toot on my whistle and that will mean you can stop that exercise and rest until I start the next one. Then when we do our running, I want you to slowly run 100 steps then walk 100 steps. Just do once around the wall for now and I’ll tell you when to do more.”

“Thank you very much. This is all so new to me and I’ve never been very strong.”

“You remind me of my little sister and I want to increase your strength and endurance. The best way to do that is to start slowly and build. If you try to do too much too quickly you’ll just hurt yourself.”

I had been in the Collegium week and it seemed both longer and shorter. When I was with my tutors, time could drag but then the time between the end of a day and the start of the next seemed to fly. At first it seemed that I spent as much time writing down words I didn’t understand as learning what I was supposed to be reading. The initial sessions with each tutor were all questions with me feeling more and more dumb. Major Volytr talked to me during our last session and explained what was their plan for me.

“Joli, please excuse us as we attempt to put together a course of study that meets your needs,” he said. “I grew up in a scholarium. I was sent there when I was just a year or two older then you are now. The big difference between that scholarium and here is that we don’t have any experience of bring up youngsters as young as you, so we have to create something altogether new. You have been most helpful in telling us what we need focus on to help you. Please be patient with us while continuing to do your best to learn what we have asked you to do.”

After talking with Volytr, I didn’t feel so backward and dumb.

Captain Threkhyl worked with me on imaging. He was gruff and almost nothing I did seemed to please him. In our first session, we went to one of the workrooms where there was a piece of wood about a myter wide and tall, propped on its edge leaning against the outer wall of the room.

“I want you to stand at this line on the floor and image a hole in that piece of wood,” he said.

“Where should I place the hole?” I asked.

“In that piece of wood leaning against the wall,” he said.

“I meant is there an exact place you want the hole in the wood?” I answered.

“Remove that knot you see in the upper right corner”.

I focused on the knot and imagined that it was a hole and then the knot was gone and there was a hole in the wood.|

“That’s fine, but can you put a hole all the way through the board, as big as the one you started?”

I focused again and the hole went all the way through the board.

He looked at me out of the side of his eye, and then said, “can you image a knife into the board?”

I focused again and this time I wanted a knife to go through the center of the board, stuck in all the way to the handle, and there it was. I felt a little faint, but I stood still and didn’t say a thing.

“Come over here and put your back against the wall and do that again.”

I walked to the wall, turned around and put my back against it and concentrated on putting a hole through the board to the right of the knife and then putting another knife through the board to the right of the hole. When the hole and knife appeared, I did sway and had to put my hands against the wall to steady myself.

“Here, eat some of this jelled biscuit,” he said and handed me the biscuit and a mug of juice.

“Let’s go outside and see what your range is,” he said and picked up another piece of wood and opened the outside door that opened onto the parade field.

I was able to put a small hole through the wood and stick a knife into the wood up to 50 paces, but I had a stabbing pain in my head and was feeling dizzy.

“Eat all of this now before you go to your next class, and walk slowly even if you are a little late. If your tutor says anything about your being late tell him to come see me.”

As soon as I entered Major Alynkyr’s office, I told him what Captain Threkhyl said and he smiled and said, “lets review some of the things we’ve covered in our last two sessions.”

I was learning that imaging was a lot like exercise; both were very tiring, but exercise made you muscles sore while imaging made your head ache.

* * * * *

“Come in,” called Majro Volytr from his study.

He was surprised to see Mistress Holyswryth come through the door. She closed it and said, “I have a concern that I believe you should address.”

He had never had more than a few passing discussions with her and her presence in his office had him puzzeled.

“I have been watching what you are doing to our young lady and I want to let you know that there is a major deficiency in your curriculum,” she announced. “Are you attempting to turn her into a him?” she asked.

This took him by surprise. “I’m not certain I understand what you are objecting to and trying to say?” he responded.

“She spends all her time in her books, being drilled about what is in her books and then running her raged around this compound. When is she supposed to learn what SHE needs to a girl and then a proper lady?” she asked.

“I cannot honestly say that I ever thought about that aspect of her development.”

“Well you should. It takes a lifetime of constant learning to be a proper lady, even when your family is well to do. If I am to understand correctly, she has come to us from a small farm days away from anything that could be called civilization.”

He wasn’t sure that crofters and other backwoods families would agree with that description but he was interested to hear what she had in mind.

“What needs to be done to correct this deficiency?”

“I suggest two steps that you should do starting next week. First, I suggest that she be instructed in feminine society and deportment. Next I suggest that she be allowed to participate in the social gatherings that occur in our residence. This would mean a lessening of her current assignments so that she has some time available to her to participate in these activities.”

“Would you be willing to outline such a course of study and to supervise it?” he asked.

“Certainly,” she replied. “I wouldn’t have come here to speak about this if I had not thought through the consequences and obligations.”

* * * * *

At the start of the first week in my third month, I found that my schedule had changed and that I was to meet with Mistress Holyswryth three times a week. Was I going to learn about cooking or cleaning, I wondered?

* * * * *

“What is your assessment of our new little imager, Captain Threkhyl?” asked Major Volytr. “Does she have any potential?”

“Sir, after you and me, right now she is the strongest imager in the camp.”

“That is quite a claim Captain. What evidence makes you say that?”

“Have a look at this target board. This knife and hole were imaged at 50 paces.” He said as he touched the knife and put his finger in the hole.”

“I stopped the evaluation at that distance because I didn’t want her to hurt herself.”

“It appears she has plenty of power right now. What would you think about having Desyrk work with her on fine control imaging and also start developing shields,” said Volytr.

“I think that would work out for the best,” said Threkhyl.

* * * * *

“Tell me Joli, do you have any sisters or brothers?” asked Mistress Holyswryth.

“Yes Mistress, I have two sisters, one older and one younger than me,” I answered.

This was my first session with her and I wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Well you are at an important stage in your life: a time when your body will be changing; when your emotions may occasionally get the better of you; when you will make some decisions that will set the path for the rest of our life.”

“There are things we need to talk about so that I know that you know the kinds of things mothers tell their daughters. Also I have insisted that you participate in some of the activities that our young and older ladies do as part of our social life.”

“The first item on my list is your physical development. Have you started to have your monthly cycle?”

I knew what she was talking about because my older sister had started to have periods of bleeding just months before I had to leave the farm.

“No Mistress, I have not.”

“There are supplies in the linen closet that you may use and here is a special garment for you to wear. The cloth pads you will find in the closet fit here,” she said and indicated the center of what looked like a type of diaper. “There is a special tub in the washroom for you to put the soiled one into.”

I felt my face flush and I also started to worry.

“You will not know this, but in living arrangements such as ours, we all tend to start our bleeding within a few days of each other. I wanted to explain this to you in case your time came earlier or later than you expected.”

“I know that imager training is rigorous, and that you are required to wear a uniform of sorts, but I have some suggestions that should help you present a more feminine appearance”

She went on to talk about types of dresses, split-skirts, blouses, jackets shoes, hose, ear jewelry, and scarves that would be appropriate, ending with a statement that she planned to write a message to Major Volytr requesting approval of the additional wardrobe for you.

“Men are happy wearing the same thing day after day. They don’t expect or want to changer their appearance. We women want our outfits to enhance our plans for the occasion, to do that we need variety of options to choose from. I will be speaking with the Major after he read my message, so don’t worry about the process. We will have to travel to LLantiago several times to purchase what we need.”

I was glad she had brought this subject up because I was getting bored with wearing only the same clothes day after day. I was even more excited to hear that I would be getting out of this walled compound.

“Now tonight I want you to join us in the parlor at 8th bell. It is time for you to learn some useful homemaking skills. I believe that it is time for your next class, you and I will meet again day after tomorrow,” she said.

That evening, when I entered the parlor – a large room on the 2nd floor above the entry hall, I recognized two people, Mistress Holyswryth and Jynen, the cook trainee who had helped me the day I arrived.

“Ladies, I want you to meet Joli,” the Mistress announced to the room as I came in the door.

I looked around and it seemed to me that everyone who lived in the building was there. I gave a small smile as I looked around.

“Come sit here and tell us about yourself and how you came to be here,” said the Misterss.

I did as she asked and except for a few details told the story my coming to the Collegium.

“She has been a very busy girl since her arrival, in fact I had to remind the good Major that we girls need time to be with each other,” she smiled and said. “She’s been forced to spend her waking hours in the presence of men and that is no way for a young girl to gain the knowledge she will need to survive.”

There was light laughter all around at these words.

“Joli, would you mind answering some questions I’m sure the girls have some, I know I do?” she asked.

“I’ll try to answer them as best I can,” I said.

Over the next glass, I answered questions about imaging and my training until finally Mistress said, “ladies, I think we have exhausted or new girl and I know she has readings and other course work to do before she gets to sleep tonight. Thank you for putting up with our questions, Joli.” Having said that, she looked around the room and walked out.

Several of the younger girls, including Jynen came to me and told me how glad hey were to meet me and that they would be glad to help me anyway they could.

As I was leaving the parlor, Jynen said, “do you mind if I walk with you to your room?”

I replied, “not at all.”

“I saw some men working in here last week but it doesn’t look like they did anything,” she said as we went into my room.

“Some imagers were in here. They put a thin layer of metal on each wall, the floor and ceiling as well as the door. Then they installed window glass made with a special metal. This is the same thing that they have done to all of the imagers’ rooms in the other buildings,” I answered.

“Remember I told everyone that I imaged a lit candle in my sleep? Well metal keeps my imaging inside this room. It’s a safety precaution for everyone around me. It’s the same as the rooms imagers had in the Autoriarch’s palace.”

“Well I’m glad we will be able to spend some time with you,” she said, then hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

I didn’t let go of my hug, but kissed her back on the lips then I realized what I had done and backed away saying, “I’m sorry, I got carried away.”

“That’s alright, I enjoyed it,” she said and turned left me standing alone in my room.

I plopped on my bed. My legs were weak and it felt like I had butterflies in my stomach.