Jules turned in her chair. She did a double take and put her hand to her mouth, obviously surprised. "Am I that ugly?" I asked. "No Steve, not at all, in fact you make a very attractive woman"   A Mother's Love - Part 4 by Alys

I sat in the small staff lounge, I was grateful that there was no-one else there. I didn't remember how I had got there, just some vague idea of Jules taking my arm as I wept and leading my along the corridor.

I picked up the package and took out the letter, I steeled myself to read the difficult first sentences again

'Dear Steve

Mary'

Jules came out from the kitchen with two mugs of coffee.

"Can I see," she said," well only if you think it's appropriate"

I handed her the letter, she sat down and read in silence. She placed the letter down on the table and sat back with her coffee. I picked up the letter and put it in the package. There was silence between us for a few minutes.

"Mary seems very confused and in distress, Steve" Jules said, speaking as if she was choosing her words carefully.

"I don't know what to think" I replied," she has been down ever since the birth. Last week she said that she needed to get away to think things through. I hoped that she would be back"

"I'm sorry, Steve, I don't know what to say. Maybe she will change her mind. What was the thing about her clothes?"

I explained about the dress, the delivery driver and Mary not recognising my voice on the phone.

Jules smiled briefly.

"It all sounds pretty harmless but it seems to have provoked a severe over reaction in Mary"

Our discussion was cut short by my pager calling me to feed my daughter.

"I've got to feed Bekka now, Jules," I said picking up my package with the letter and the ring.

"Can I come?"

I nodded my head. We walked quickly, in silence, towards the nursery. Janis looked harassed as she held Bekka in her arms while feeding another of her charges in his chair. I briefly introduced Jules to her and then took Bekka to feed her in the comfortable chair in the back room.

As Bekka suckled my deep depression lifted a little. At least I had someone who needed and depended on me, even if my wife had decided that she no longer had a place for me in her life.

"You both look so peaceful there," said Jules after a little while.

I smiled and gently stroked Bekka's head.

"It's such a beautiful experience to be able to supply Bekka's needs from my own body," I replied, " I'm lucky in another way too"

"What way are you lucky?" Jules asked.

"Not many women who induce lactation have enough milk for their babies, they usually need supplementary feeding" I replied.

"Yes I can see that you are larger than me in the boob department," Jules commented.

"Thanks to my Mum and my sister's DD's, I guess," I said, smiling a little.

"Yes, I guess it must be genetic," Jules said.

There was quiet between us for a little while.

"Jules, are you busy after work?" I asked.

"No, why?" she replied.

"I wondered whether you would be able to spend some time at my place, maybe have tea? I don't want to go home to an empty house" I said

"Listen," she replied," why don't I go and see Susan and ask if we can have the rest of the afternoon off and I'll take you home"

"Are you sure?," I asked, "oh what about my car?"

"I'd like to help you know. You can leave your car in the staff garage, it'll be secure there overnight." Jules stated.

"Yes that's a good idea, it's probably safer than outside my house. But what about work....?"

"I could give you a lift?"

"It's a bit out of your way, Jules"

"It'll be OK for one day and anyway an excuse to get up a bit earlier for once."

"Thanks Jules"

She left me with my daughter and went to look for Mrs Williams our line manager.

Almost an hour later Jules had fought her way through the mid-afternoon traffic and we had reached the haven of my street.

The afternoon went quickly as I tidied and cleaned a little while Jules amused Bekka with some nice noisey toys.

"It is an amazing thing to see you feeding Bekka," Jules said as I was giving Bekka her evening feed while Jules prepared an omelet and salad for the two of us.

"It's only what any loving parent would do if they had to, Jules," I responded.

"I don't know any other man I have ever met who would have done what you are doing Steve," she said.

"You know what, Jules, I never even considered what other men would do when I agreed to take the hormones, it just seemed that I had no choice but to ensure that my daughter had the best start in the world"

After we had eaten our meal and I had tidied up, Jules indicated that she needed to get back to her own place, which was another half an hour's drive to the North East of the city.

"Before I go though, I am a bit curious about what you might say was , 'what the butler saw', or in your case, 'what the delivery driver saw'"

"What do you mean?" I asked before the penny dropped and I laughed," you want to see me in Mary's dress?"

"Just for fun, only if you feel up to it after earlier on," she responded.

"I'm not sure," I said and then after a couple of seconds, "well it might be useful, you can give me an objective viewpoint after what Mary said about it feeling like being with another woman"

I went to our bedroom and changed into the push up bra, low cut dress and wig from the previous day. On an impulse I added some lipstick and went back to the kitchen where Jules was sitting with her back to me reading a magazine.

"Well? What do you think?" I asked.

Jules turned in her chair. She did a double take and put her hand to her mouth, obviously surprised.

"Am I that ugly?" I asked.

"No Steve, not at all, in fact you make a very attractive woman"