Another BigCloset TopShelf story by Carol Anne.

BABY by Carol Anne

If you shouldn't be here, please leave. Thank you. And please don't slam the door.

IT'S ONLY A DREAM, ONLY A DREAM, ONLY A DReam, only a dre........

I felt myself regaining consciousness, coming up from the depths of a deep sleep. I could see a pinpoint of light at the end of a long tunnel and I started towards it slowly and involuntarily. After what seemed like an eternity the light began to grow larger until it suddenly winked out, finally there was a feeling of great discomfort followed by an explosion of brilliance and then I someone gave me a swat on the backside and I started howling in pain. I was so tired, I felt like my brain was frying and then darkness as I drifted off to sleep. I dreamed all sorts of strange things but there was no recollection of where I was or for that matter who I was, I felt like my mind had retreated to the back of a dark cave as though trying to protect itself. As my body slowly began the process of wakefulness, I was able to feel my eyes opening slowly. More like a conditioned reflex rather than something I willed them to do. My eyes wandered from side to side taking in my surroundings and the realization hit me that my body seemed to be immobile. My pupils slowly adjusted to the darkness and I could see that I was in a jail cell surrounded by thick bars, I could hear crying from somewhere nearby. I couldn't remember what I had been doing before I awoke. I didn't remember so much as a parking ticket before, what had I done to deserve this kind of treatment. Actually I couldn't remember much of anything, I tried to concentrate and the effort caused a buzzing in my ears. I realized that I was slowly regaining the feeling in the rest of my body as the pins and needles of fading numbness could be felt in my legs. As the feeling returned I made an effort to turn my head and it flopped over to my right side, I had wanted to move it to the left. Nothing looked at all familiar. I was in a cramped cell laying on a small mattress and had apparently been drugged. What had I gotten into ? I could feel something restricting my waist I began to get a feeling of cold wetness, I must have pissed myself silly while I was sleeping. Someone was going to pay for this .... bigtime. I couldn't move my arms yet but my legs seemed to be capable of limited movement. I tried lifting my left leg but my eyes were still not right, the leg looked really small like it was ten feet away and bowlegged. I could feel my face getting flushed as the feeling began returning there but I realized that I was staring at my right leg, notmy left. Then my fingers began to twitch and I tried to move my arms. I could see my right arm or was it my left arm and it too looked like it was far away. My limbs were back but my eyesight was all messed up. I guessed that would come back in time to. They must have given me LSD or something last night. In my squirming around on the mattress I felt something next to me and tried to pick it up with my hand. I had no coordination but finally succeeded in grasping the object and raising it to my face. In the darkness I could make out a gigantic baby's pacifier. While the sight of such a thing should have set off alarms in my head I unconsciously popped it into my mouth with a major effort and began sucking contentedly, drifting off to sleep. I never remember being so content and happy. Some time later I woke again and it was a bit lighter in the cell. The feeling had completely returned in my legs but something wasn't right here, I could feel pressure or bulkiness to the point that they were held apart to some degree. The feeling of wetness now stretched up my back and the pacifier was gone. I could feel that some strength had returned and I attempted to sit up. Problems became apparent immediately, I couldn't grab the bars of the cell because my hands weren't cooperating and everything was out of proportion. I finally managed to roll over on my stomach only to find myself absorbing more of the wetness. Then it hit me, all the obvious pieces, but how. I wasn't in a cell, my body wasn't out of proportion, I was a baby in a baby's crib and I was soaking wet. A wave of nausea flooded over me, this had to be a dream, very realistic maybe, but only a dream. Somehow the frustration broke through and I did what babies have been doing for thousands of years. I started to whimper, that turned into soft crying, then I started to howl. All at once the universe exploded in white light and I was blinded, causing the pitch of my cries to raise another octave. The angels up in heaven must be looking down through the clouds trying to figure out what all the ruckis was about. In spite of everything I could hear voices approaching and as my vision began to return I felt myself being lifted from my prison and recognized the person holding me as a uniformed nurse. She gently put me to her shoulder while the other began changing the wet crib sheets. They talked animatedly to each other and to me, they obvious didn't realize that I could understand what they were saying.

"Did baby have a good nights sleep?" the nurse cooed while she placed me carefully on a changing table. She held my legs apart and deftly undid the offending item, rolling it up and carefully tossing it into the trash with one hand. "Baby is so noisy this morning, huh Martha ! Baby will feel better after I get this dry diaper on you."

"She sure is Helen, but you better get a move on it, baby is due for an 8:00AM appointment with Dr. Burnes and still has to be fed. You know how he hates it when he has to wait."

"No problem, ready in a jiffy. Throw me the baby oil will you. Thanks."

Helen applied baby oil all over my diaper area but it was sorta numb, I had no feeling in my genitals at all. She finished diapering me while I continued to scream at the top of my lungs, scared out of my mind. Then she gave my diaper area a quick sponge bath and put me in a fresh t-shirt. The thoughts were there but they couldn't come out of my mouth. This was the strangest nightmare I had ever had, and so real. The only positive thing was the fact that I probably wouldn't remember a thing when I awoke. Thank God for small favors.

"Martha, the baby needs to be fed, grab a bottle for me will you. The mother dropped off some of her milk this morning. Check the nursery refrigerator, the bottle is the one marked with pink tape."

"Okay, how about a cup of coffee, I'm getting one for myself. Hmmmm, I think that cute Dr. Hodgkins might have brought some more of those yummy sweet rolls !"

"You talked me into it, two sugars please. By the time you get back baby will be all ready for breakfast."

Helen began to rub her finger under my chin and the tickling snapped me out of it, after all it was only a dream. I stared up into her huge beautiful green eyes and she smiled back at me. "What a lucky baby, if Dr. Burnes says you are ready you can go home today. Your mommy and daddy are already downstairs talking to him and as soon as you have your baba I'll take you down for your checkup. Dr. Burnes loves little babies so much. Ah, here is Martha with your bottle."

"Here you are Helen, warmed to perfection."

"My coffee or the bottle?" she giggled.

"Both silly, now get a move on it." Martha intoned.

Helen squirted some milk on her wrist and slipped the nipple between my lips. An involuntary sucking reflex took over and my eyes studied her face while she fed me. I never remember feeling so relaxed as I drank the small bottle with gusto."

"I think my services will be needed after all Martha, baby is all done with baba and looks starved. What do you think?"

"Go for it, if you don't do it now you'll have to express yourself in a few hours and I know what a drag that can be. The mother's milk production will pick up in a few days but the baby needs the extra milk now."

Helen began opening the buttons on her blouse while I watched with interest, my desire expressing itself as a warm stream in my diaper. The left cup of her bra came down like a trap door and her damp breast filled my field of vision. She repositioned me and my heart began to race as the gigantic distended nipple approached my face. In an instant I was in heaven, the sweetness of fresh breast milk was beyond all description. My eyes closed and I managed to bring my tiny hands up and gently grasp the soft flesh. I again felt a rush of warmth as pee flooded my diaper.

"Boy, baby looks ready for a nap already, you better get a move on it Helen. We're cutting it close here."

"Let me tell you, napping is the last thing on baby's mind right now. Those lips are like a high powered Hoover. If I ever moved too fast my breast would come off !"

"Listen, switch breasts and get a move on will you."

I momentarily lost my concentration when someone began tickling my feet and the nipple was pulled from my lips. Before I could think about whimpering another fresh orb was thrust in my face and I was again in Nirvana. For an indeterminate time I nursed Helen's other breast and then had to relinguish it when it ran dry. My eyes slowly opened and Helen passed me to Martha who placed me in a bassinet and off we went. I tried counting doorways but couldn't concentrate on numbers, and anyway who cared. Then we went down in an elevator and down another hallway. I dozed off and was awakened by Martha wrapping me in a receiving blanket and lifting me onto her shoulder. As my eyes started closing again she began alternating between rubbing and patting my back gently. I realized what she had been doing as I was jolted back to reality. I focused my eyes enough to see Helen preparing an examination table where I ended up after Martha weighed me and noted my 9 lbs 10 oz. I weighed as much as a newborn baby ! This was the most detailed dream I had ever had. Then the Dr. arrived to examine me. He was big and commanded respect from the nurses but somehow I knew deep down that he was a decent man. He listened to my heart and chest and looked into my ears and throat. He poked here and looked there until he finally told Martha to strip off the diaper. Martha undid the diaper tapes and draped a cloth diaper over my pubic area. The doctor moved to the end of the table and Martha shifted to the side. I was already nodding off again when the doctor began dictating notes to Helen who recorded them on a chart.

"Healthy baby girl, 9 lbs 10 oz, normal genitalia, normal response to external stimuli including sound and feel. Diet restriction of breast milk only is resulting in accelerated growth and development. Nurse Helen James is supplementing the mother's natural milk which has come in only this morning."

"My ears strained to hear, had he said baby girl ?" I couldn't help myself, I began to bawl loudly and wet all over the table. Martha jumped to contain the flood and the doctor looked down to see his expensive loafers in a puddle of baby pee. Helen picked me up and began rocking me back and forth to soothe my crying

"Button her up and get her ready to go home, her parents are waiting in my office. Helen, there is a car carrier and a bag of clothes in my office if you could grab them."

"Yes dr, she'll be ready to go in about ten minutes. One of your best yet I might add."

"Thank you, we tried a little something different this time and already I can see the benefits. Well, get a move on. We can't keep the anxious parents waiting can we ?"

The doctor left me with Helen and Martha who cleaned me up and put me in a dry diaper and a pink tee shirt. I kept thinking, its only a dream, its only a dream. I finally settled down and they even managed to coax a smile out of me by coochy cooing and playing with my sensitive feet. Helen put a pair of hand knit pink booties on my feet and then they slipped a pretty pink dress over my head and tied a matching bonnet in place. Its only a dream after all. They carefully put me in the car seat and fastened the straps. Helen grabbed the handle and lifted me onto the table. They both studied their handiwork and gave me kisses on the cheek. I could feel myself getting excited and wet myself as I kicked my feet happily in the air. Martha pinned a pacifier onto the bib of the dress and stuck it into my mouth, I began sucking contentedly.

"Come on baby, its time to go home now."

I was carried into the doctors office and placed on the floor in front a petite well dressed woman whose face was too far away for my watery eyes. Those damn eye drops they put in play havoc with your sight. Mhe thanked the doctor and the man sitting next to her picked up the carrier. We left the office and soon were traveling down a highway out into the country. I fell asleep and woke only when I was being carried into a house. It was my house, my house as in not when dreaming. How weird this was, then the carrier was placed on the livingroom rug and the woman bent down to undo my bonnet. Another shock, it was Janet my wife. Its only a dream, but really. She lifted my dress and examined my diaper to see ifwhich brought a smile to her lips.

"Pretty baby, let me get you out of that wet diaper."

"Hey Jan, when are you going to start using the baby's real name. It took you long enough to decide, you should start using it." her companion intoned.

"Okay okay already. Well baby Carol, how do you like your new home. Come on, mommy has to change you and then we can see Carol's new nursery. Bob and I did the old storeroom over just for you."

Janet was so lifelike ! She lifted me from the carrier and cradled me in her arms while we walked down the hall to the room that we used for storage. The same room where I kept my secret stash of women's clothes. You see, I am a transvestite but my wife doesn't know of my little diversion. I even thought at one time that I might be bordering on transexual but could never bear to break Janet's heart. And so I lived a lie and enjoyed my secret nightime joy rides when Janet was away on business. In Janet's case ignorance was bliss because she was easily exciteable whenever the news showed any items about men in women's clothes. Her idea of a cure was to take them all out and shoot them. But now the old storage area was painted pink with white accents and a cozy crib was against the far wall. Little lambs and other animals adorned the walls. A mobile swung gently and stuffed animals were thrown on the floor. A playpen full of toys sat empty in the middle of the floor and a potty chair was over in the corner. Boy, talk about rushing things. Then I realized that those were the things from when Janet was a baby, they had been here in the storeroom. Janet put me on the changing table and hiked my dress up enough to get my diaper off. She fastened a safety strap across my waist to keep me from rolling off. A pacifier wa stuffed into my mouth while she washed my diaper area with a baby wipe and slipped a clean disposable under me. She applied baby lotion to my groin area, a sprinkling of baby powder, and taped me up.

"There, Carol is all ready for the grand tour. First lets see what we did with Jeff's old stuff, okay ?"

What had she said, about Jeff's stuff .... I'm Jeff. Or at least when I'm not having rediculous dreams. I concentrated on my binky but my bowels were starting to churn ominously. I didn't have control of anything else, I was afraid of what was coming next.

"Oh, it's time for baby's feeding. The tour will have to wait until you are fed. The medication from Dr. Burnes finally kicked in and my breasts are killing me. You can finally catch up on the that breast worship you were so fond of. Lets see what mommy has for your lunchee poo baby."

She unstrapped me, picked me up and carried me over to a big rocking chair and made herself comfortable.

"Honey, the car is emptied, do you need anything from the store besides diapers ?"

"No dear, that's all. Wait, get me some Hershey bars and a box of nursing pads okay?"

"Like you really need the candy bars, be right back."

I was getting fidgety , the sounds of their talking booming in my ears. I spit the pacifier out and began burbling to Janet, trying to verbalize my feelings but the effort only caused a large amount of drool to run down my chin. Janet wiped my face with a cloth diaper and smiled at me lovingly. Here I was, an adult mind in a baby's body.

"Let me get you started and then we can have a little talk Carol. My breasts are about to explode and I know you are very hungry. So enjoy yourself while I tell you the entire story from the start."

Janet clumsily opened her blouse and unhooked the front of her nursing bra. I could smell her milk and I had to have it. I tried to reach for her but she only laughed as she pulled me close to her while supporting and guiding my head. I could see a drop of milk forming on the tip as my lips closed around the engorged nipple and for the second time in one day I was in nirvahna. I closed my eyes to concentrate and Janet let out a little sigh. I never thought a dream could be so stimulating. I could feel the warm milk filling my stomach and smell her musky femaleness. Something I had never noticed before this dream.

"Well now," she began as she stroked my cheek, "I guess I should start from the time I decided to clean out the storage room. As you can see, it looks much better. Anyway, I thought that it was about time I got rid of some of that clutter since it had been almost six months since you had died."

I opened my eyes wide and she started stroking my cheek again. You can't imagine what a calming effect it has. I was listening but most of my attention was on lunch.

"You see, I decided that I would surprise you and cut my business trip short by two days. I was going to give you a rather unique welcome home from work treat, I was rather horrified when I found you fully dressed as a woman slumped over the bathroom sink and hardly breathing. The cheap pleasure toy that you had been giving yourself an anal massage with somehow short circuited. Apparrently your anal muscle locked shut and you fried until the circuit breaker tripped in the basement. You weren't dead but you might as well have been. I unplugged that obscene toy and managed to arrange for the police to think that an electric razor was the culprit. I cried the whole time I was scrubbing your makeup off. You'Ill be happy to know that your little accident resulted in the biggest erection I had ever seen on you or anyone else. Ow, take it easy there ! They are really sore. Anyway, I got you undressed which was another herculean effort and left you on the bathroom floor where the police found you after I called them. The paramedics rushed you to the hospital chuckling to themselves over the "tenting" of the stretcher and they put you on life support. That was over a year ago. In spite of the specialists you were slowly failing and my own health was starting to suffer. I went to a grief counselor who convinced me that I needed a vacation and I ended up taking a Caribbean cruise. I was having dinner at the captain's table when I met Bob. In my weakened condition he swept me off my feet and we had a torrid shipboard romance. I felt guilty but at the same time relieved that I was still attracted to a young handsome man. Hmmmm, hold on there for a moment there, lets get you over to the other breast, you've almost finished on that one."

She gently rubbed my cheek until I opened my eyes and released the nipple. I took a few deep breaths while she manipulated the other orb into position and again guided my lips to the bullseye. My eyes involuntarily started to close again as I started nursing in earnest. Jan continued her story, this was too funny and bizarre for words. I hoped I would remember this dream when I woke up, Jan would get a big kick out of it.

"Where was I, oh yes. We exchanged phone numbers and when I returned home I was rested enough to make the decision that ended up changing both of our lives. I discussed your deterioration with the neuro-surgeon and told him that I wanted you taken off life support. Thats when he suggested that I contact Dr. Burnes before I made my final decision. It turned out that Dr. Burnes is experimenting in the science of cloning. We had a long series of talks and I visited some of his successes and a couple of his failures. You dear sweet Carol are another of his marvelous success stories."

Boy, talk about an overactive imagination. I'd better stop drinking so much coffee before bed. Funny, I couldn't remember for the life of me what I had done the previous evening. Yesterday evening seemed so far away.

"Dr. Burnes took a sample of your brain tissue and he fertilized one of my ovum with some of Bob's semen. Boy what a time I had getting that, I got him really drunk one night ... well Bob is still trying to figure that one out. Then through a special process the brain tissue was used to alter the fertilized egg and it was implanted in my uterus. That was ten months ago and you were born again so to speak four days ago. I of course got to choose your new sex and I choose for you to be a girl."

Well, so far I understood everything. No loose ends to this dream. My stomach was starting to feel very full and my body responded by letting go a long blast of gas. I felt so relieved that I wet my pants and began going at the nipple with renewed fervor. I could feel the warm liquid running down between my legs and it sent a shiver up my spine that caused me to squirm without letting go of my vacumn lock on her breast.

"Hey girl, take it easy. I need that thing you know ? Now where was I. While I was pregnant I told Bob that you were his of course and he insisted on doing the right thing. Dr. Burnes of course is very discreet and you and I are the only ones that know. I hope you understand how much I love you and why I had to do this. It was a chance for you to live your life over as it should have been and for me to have the baby that we could never have. I saved most of your clothing stash because it all fits me and Bob absolutely loves it when I wear sexy clothes. I also sewed smaller versions of all the big baby clothes I found. I didn't realize that you loved to wear diapers and plastic pants and drink baby formula. That was really the clincher you know, I went for counseling and became quite an authority on your little diversions. You were quite a stinker. And I never had so much as a clue. Well that's about it, except for you everyone came out smelling like a rose. You on the hand young lady neeed your diaper changed badly. If I can only get you to give me my breast back with the nipple attached. Coochy coochy coo sweetie, yes that's it, open your eyes and look at mommy. There we go, thank you. Whew ! Oh shoot, you wet right through and I'm all wet to. If I didn't know better I'd say you did it for spite. Let's get you cleaned up before daddy gets back, he likes to hold his little baby girl and you need a complete change. I hope he remembers the diapers."

My mind was beginning to refocus now that lunch was finished, I did remember Jan going away on a business trip and taking a few days off from work to persue my hobby. But the more I tried to remember, the more I realized I couldn't. I remember getting all dressed up and putting on my new 5" white pumps. I vaguely remember curling my eyelashes in the bathroom mirror and then nothing .... funny. Jan or should I say mommy carried me back to the changing table and went through the ritual of undoing, cleaning and rediapering me.

"All saucered and blown, I'll put you downstairs in the bassinet while I start supper. Daddy should be home anytime and I'm sure he's starved. Come on baby, up we go."

Mommy put me to her shoulder and we went down to the livingroom where she laid me to nap in the bassinet. I quickly nodded off, what with my full stomach and the effort it took to get that way. The next thing I remember was daddy picking me up and carrying me upstairs some time later. Time seemed to have lost its meaning, the only thing that mattered was the growl of my stomach or the sting of diaper rash. Day ran into night and I began to remember stories that I had heard long ago. People recounting how they had seen their entire lives flash before their eyes in a moment of crisis. This was undoubtedly the longest dream I could ever remember. I actually seemed to be getting bigger in my dream. I had settled into my role very nicely, enjoying all facets of babyhood, but after all it was only a dream. The seasons had changed, I had just begun to crawl a little, mommy and daddy had gotten me a golden retreiver puppy that loved to lick my face and stick its nose under my short baby dresses to smell my dirty diapers. My memory was still sketchy but Jan er mommy constantly filled in little missing pieces for me. Bob er dad had gone away on business for a week and Janet was doing some cleaning. She had me sitting in a scooter, you know, one of those little four wheeled things that you see babies rolling around in. I couldn't walk yet but I could be pretty mobile with a little support.

"Well Carol, in two weeks you are going to be one year old. While Bob's away I have decided to get rid of anything regarding the old Jeff. If you see something you still want just yell out okay ! First let me get something off my chest. I don't think you realize what has happened to you yet. Dr. Burnes recently explained that his research shows you probably would have a major portion of your memories intact. That is quite an interesting predicament and I hope that this is the case. I would hope that all of our earlier little mother daughter discussions were not in vain. I think I can see in your eyes that you understand me but do you realize that this is not a dream ? So, I have decided to convince you. By the way, I really appreciate how good a baby you have been. Nobody can believe how precious you are and I don't think you have cried since we brought you home from the hospital. But I digress, let me show you what I have in store for your entertainment pleasure tonight. First let me unpack the boxes you had left stashed here and I'll sort through them. Oh, here we go baby, this snappy number had to be really sexy on you. How many women today have a maids dress in pink and black with matching hose, cap, and stiletto heels. Let me put them on for you so we can get in the mood."

Jan disappeared into the livingroom and came back shortly all dressed in my french maid fantasy outfit. I blushed furiously and she smiled at me. She emptied the contents of all the cartons on the rug.

"You really do understand what I say don't you, well I am going to surprise Bob with this when he gets home so I guess it's a keeper. Hmmm, how about this item ? Where ever did you get this sweetie pie ?"

She pulled a combination gaff and anal vibrator from another box and wondered at the design, then a little light went on and she smiled as she stepped into it.

"No wonder your sperm count was so low, what with binding yourself up all the time. You know, Dr. Burnes took some tissue samples and found you were an xxy transexual. It was no wonder you acted the way you did, but you had no way of knowing that you were a woman in a man's body. I respect your keeping things discrete and staying with me even though it must have been hell for you. I only wish we could have had our own children. I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

So that was it, Jan was clearing her conscience. Could this be more than a dream, she knew more about me that I ever did. I could feel the color drain from my face and Jan smiled her loving mommy smile for me.

"Baby doesn't look too good, has the news finally sunk in. Remember that you once told me that a person could never experience real pain in a dream, well I am going to pinch you hard enough to make you a believer. It's the only way to truly convince you that you are now and forever Carol. Jeff is gone and isn't coming back."

Jan reached over and pinched the exposed top of my chubby thigh and it stung, I let out with a howl and the tears began flowing freely. I danced around trying to make the pain go away and my bowels had to get into the act, I could feel a soft bulge forming involuntarily in my diaper. I finally cried myself out and when my eyes cleared I could see mommy fastening the straps on my old dildo pants. She slipped fresh batteries into the control box and didn't realize that the control knob was set on high. With a jump she quickly turned it off and then began experimenting. She had a peculiar smile on her lips, I suspected she liked it as much as I did. She looked over and saw me studying her with a smug look.

"There there baby, mommy is sorry but it had to be done. Dr. Burnes says that the memories will slowly fade so that by the time you are five or six they will only seem like childhood fantasies. Let me kiss it and make it better. There we go, smile for mommy. Such a good baby. Now let see what else is in the box. You know what all the other mothers seem amazed at Carol ? All the other little girls hate it when they mess their pants but you just love to bounce around and enjoy yourself whenever you drop a nice load. Well, you can just bounce around and enjoy it for awhile. Whew, girl you sure are a lil' stinker. Most of the mothers have weaned their babies by the time they are one but I would like to continue breast feeding you until you are about two or until you start teething. We'll see how good you are, now let's see what else you have."

She carefully piled all the crotchless panties, pushup bras and other underwear in one pile, the diapers and plastic panties in another. The dresses she tried on and put them in a pile to go to the dry cleaner. The shoes were stored in her closet and then she got to the wigs.

"Oh wow, be right back Carol. This is too much, a Dolly Parton wig ! Boy I would love to know what this stuff set you back."

She came back in with my blond Dolly wig and the little maid's cap sitting on top. I got all excited and began bouncing up and down and wet myself some more. The load in my diaper was turning to mush and the smell was enough to send a pig scurrying for cover.

"Wow, we have to do something about that I'm afraid. The good times are over for the moment baby, you need a fresh diaper."

She picked me up and carried me into the nursery. The load had gotten up and out of the back of my diaper and all over my clothes. She started cleaning me but then realized that a bath was a must and I enjoyed myself tremendously while she wrestled with my squirming body. Finally she had me all dried off and dressed in a feminine little baby girl's pink dress that didn't do much to hide my matching rhumba panties. Little bows were tied in my soft blond hair and back into the roll around I went. She shifted her voice into a phony french accent and guided me back to the nursery.

"Mon baby, you are a lot of zees work, but Fifi is so sure zat you don't really care how much work you make for me do you ? Come wis me and we will continue zis little adventure, eh. Mon baby likes to see momma be Fifi, yes ?"

My eyes had been glued to her ruffled pink panties from the start and I kept bouncing off the walls in the hallway. She started laughing when she realized what was going on and pushed me into the nursery laughing softly to herself. I thought I heard her mumble something like somethings never change.

"Fifi thinks zat sometimes baby has naughty thoughts but zis will pass as Carol's hormones take over Jeff's mind."

She shifted back in her normal voice and continued sifting through the pile of my old things. I started to fidget as I was getting hunger pangs and reached my arms out to her as I started to whine softly.

"Oh Carol, how do you ever expect me to get this accomplished, it''s like you don't want me to ever get this done. Give me a minute, I have a new nursing outfit all set aside for you. Be right back sweety pie, keep your diapers on !"

She left the room laughing at her corny humor and returned shortly wearing another of my fantasy ensembles. Did you ever regret buying something, well I bought the black rubber open nipple TV bra from a boutique in Las Vegas while I was on a business trip. The pussy pants were bought from the Centurian catalogue. They never looked as good on me as they did on her. The brassy blond wig was one of my favorites and I could feel a great warm wetness spreading between my legs. That was one one her personal touches you see, real cotton gauze diapers and Gerber plastic baby pants. I could feel every drop of moisture intimately whenever I wet myself, which was sort of all the time. The black five inch heels were a nice touch with the matching garter belt and fishnet stockings. She did a sexy little turn for me and I smiled as I remembered how I felt when I was dressed like that. She picked me up and retreated to the rocking chair where she liked to nurse me. She made herself comfortable and I greedily accepted the nipple which was protruding invitingly through the bra. The smell of the leather overpowered the sweet smell of her perfumed body and as much as I was excited I didn't like not being able to massage those magnificent soft orbs. But I did manage to finally begin filling my tummy and mommy seemed to be getting off on the whole scene. All at once she put her head back and shuddered and I realized that she was having an orgasm while I was nursing. I almost lost my grip but she calmed down and shifted me to the other breast. In the process of being moved I could see that she was still wearing the dildo pants but had reversed the 9 inch appendage to take advantage of the sculptured veins and variable vibrations. I settled in again and started dosing off with the effort of draining the other breast, the things we babies have to endure. When I awoke some time later I was in my crib and the room was darkened. By the light from the hallway I could see mommy in her bedroom holding clothes up to her body and having a good laugh. The thought had begun permeating my mind that maybe she was right but then I realized it was impossible, it had to be only a dream didn't it ? I dosed back off and slept through until the morning and mommy brought me down to keep her company for breakfast. Somehow this morning was different from all the others. I sat there in my highchair and watched her buttering rye toast, all the pieces had come together while I slept. Everything she had told me was true, I don't know how but it had happened and I sat there and it finally sank in. I started to whimper at first and mommy just looked at me and smiled. I think subconsciously she was telling me something about feeding me in a few minutes or about changing my diapers after breakfast. It didn't matter, the whimpering increased in volume until I was actually sniffling and then the all out howling started. I cried like my life depended on it, like crying at 120 decibels would turn me back into a grown man. I cried louder and louder and mommy hugged me until I finally cried myself to sleep.

"Well little one, I think reality has finally come home to roost. Soon the shadowy memories you have will fade and you will become a well adjusted little girl, just like you should have been the first time around. Now let's get your diaper changed and let you sleep it off, it must be quite a shock. I'm sure that you will adjust just fine."

I slept like a log and when I awoke the plan was already in motion. I was going to be the perfect little girl, after all wasn't that what I had always dreamed of. But there was no reason why I couldn't have a say in things, sort of.

TWO YEARS LATER......

"Dr. I don't understand, she seems so bright and alert but she still isn't talking more than baby sounds and she has no interest at all in potty training. My husband and I are at our wits end trying to figure her out. The more she frustrates us the more she charms the pants off us with her infectious smile. She is very affectionate and loves to play with the other children in the neighborhood, and of course they accept her at face value. We don't know what to do and were hoping you might have some suggestions."

"I'm sure everything will be fine, assure your husband not to worry. Some children just are a little slow getting going but she'll catch up. She is adjusting well and her peers accept her, so let's just wait and see. Who knows, she may turn out to be a genius. Bring her in again in three months and if there is no change we will schedule some tests."

"Thanks Dr. for reassuring me, I just have this nagging feeling. I guess mother's intuition backfires sometimes, thanks for your time and we'll be in touch."

"Have the nurse schedule another visit in twelve weeks and take care of yourself. By the way, don't you think it's about time you weaned her. Next time I see you I expect you to have her completely on cow's milk young lady."

"Yes dr."

THREE MONTHS LATER......

"No change dr. although I did get her weaned after a struggle. I never saw such a determined child in all my life. She still isn't talking though and the diaper situation is really a drag. She's outgrown the toddler Pampers and we couldn't afford the Attends adult diapers so we have her in cloth. She actually seems to enjoy wetting and messing herself if you can believe it."

"Lets schedule her for some tests, two or three days in the hospital and we'll know if there is anything organically wrong with her. I can't rule out psychological problems but it's highly unlikely. Tell the nurse to go ahead and have her admitted next Monday and we'll get the ball rolling."

THE FOLLOWING MONDAY.....

Well here I am, dressed to the nines and being checked into the pediactrics ward. The nurses love my little girl charm but were amazed that I'm still in diapers. After mommy and daddy left I was paraded all over the floor to meet all the nurses and had a wonderful time. I got so excited that I messed my diapers and three of the nurses helped change me. I hugged everyone and smiled so much and was such a good girl that they couldn't do enough for me. I endured the tests and charmed the nurses and everything came back inconclusive, they sent me home and I settled back into my routine. Eat, play, wet, mess, sleep. Not in that order of course but I was really happy. Mommy and daddy had excepted the fact that I was probably retarded and resigned themselves to washing diapers every day and trying to teach me how to feed myself. I was not making it easy for them but I had found myself.

MY FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY !

I sat on mommy's lap and she helped me open my presents. I had on a short yellow party dress that mommy had made for the occasion with all the matching accessories and under it all were my diapers covered by my ruffled plastic lined panties. I had begun to talk though, just a few words. Enough to give mom and dad a ray of hope but not enough for anything else. I was watched over carefully and all my activities were designed for little children and closely supervised. Finally I began to feel remorseful and decided it was time to come out of my shell but I didn't want to give up being diapered. I waited until I was put in my crib for my afternoon nap and I made my move. I quietly climbed out and went downstairs, the back door was unlocked and mom was watching a soap opera while gabbing on the phone. I had my dolly with me and I went up the side of the house and down the driveway. I sat down and played with my dolly until I spied a UPS truck pull up about three doors away. I waited until he went up the front walk and casually found my way over to where it was parked. I sat on the back step of the truck and waited for him to return. Within a minute or two the driver returned and started pulling away from the curb. I held on for dear life fearing I had bitten off more than I could chew. I spotted a car approaching and the woman driver spotted me. She began flashing her lights, honking her horn and generally going nuts trying to get the drivers attention. She had pulled up alongside and was yelling for the driver to stop, I saw my chance and as he started to slow down I let go. Holding dolly as a shield I landed hard on the pavement and banged my head, the next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm and all sorts of machines connected to me. There was an oxygen mask over my face and I hurt all over but I was alive, mommy jumped when she saw my eyes open and she began to hug me cry a little, I followed suit. I really was scared and reached up to pull the mask away, she grabbed my hand and forced the mask back into place.

"Nurse, nurse, come quick, she's regained consciousness and she's crying." she called out while pushing the buzzer for the nurses station.

Two nurses almost immediately came running into the room and began checking me over, right behind them was a doctor and then a second doctor.

It was time for the final act, I was ready to finally move on with my new life under my terms. The doctors looked me over while mom squeezed my hand tight, asking me over and over if I was okay. This was my cue, it was time for my entrance line.

"Mommy, I love you," I stammered. They all froze in their tracks. The doctors began barking out orders, the nurses disappeared, and I was whisked away for an MRI. The next twenty four hours was all a blur, I was in and out of consciousness but the prognosis was that I was going to be fine. The doctors had decided that the bump on the head had somehow caused something to snap, very scientific huh ? I heard them talking about me, they would never have told my parents that diagnosis. I spent forty eight hours in pediatric intensive care under observation and they transferred me to pediatrics. A therapist came to see me and I was given all sorts of tests, but throughout it all I wet and messed myself shamelessly. Finally they sent me home but almost every day I was taken to some specialist and had more blood drawn or took a test of some sort. I actually had a good time with the tests and purposely scored lower than average. Mom and dad were so good and understanding, they made no attempt to change anything and six weeks later I started kindergarten right on schedule. If I couldn't keep up I would be kept back but I was a fast learner. Mom dressed me in oversized overalls to cover my diapers and the teacher would discretely check me every so often. The school nurse loved little girls and she took a shine to me right away, she changed my wet and messy diapers whenever Miss Meriwether sent me down to the nurses office. I had a doctors note saying that I had a condition where I couldn't control my bodily functions. And so my life as a diaper bound female began in earnest, mom and dad worried about how I would adjust while I schemed to stay in diapers. If only they knew just how well adjusted I was!

EPILOGUE .....

I'm getting married this afternoon, no they never did get me out of diapers and yes I did "adjust" rather nicely. I am still a virgin, hard to believe based on my previous life but I didn't want to be pregnant for my wedding. I'll remedy that in short order. I'm in my fertile period today and tomorrow and my husband to be is a virgin, I've planned carefully. I've been teasing Ralph for so long that he'll explode before he gets his tux off, let alone get his diapers down. That's right, I convinced Ralph that if he really loved me he would walk a mile in my moccasins and so he's wearing diapers for our wedding. He even seems to get turned on a little bit by wearing them, but then I was the one who diapered him an hour ago and he looked so cute that I had to give him a massage after I had him securely pinned. I used cloth diapers of course and made him promise that only I can change him, reverse discrimination I guess you could call it, oh well. Gotta go now, mom wants to diaper me with a special wedding outfit she came up with, this should be interesting. I told her all about Ralph's agreement and she was happy to sew extra lace to the leg and waist openings of an old pair of my satin rhumba panties. Talk about sissy pants, she put matching lace on the waist band, three rows. Poor Ralph didn't know what he was getting into, literally. I'll have to have some of the bridesmaids help me change him at the reception. Then she sewed some pink ribbons onto ... hey why ruin the surprise. Maybe I'll drop you a line after the honeymoon. But then again I may be too busy ..... after all, taking care of two big babies is a lot of work. One last thing, dad set us up in business as a wedding present. We run a mail order medical supply business specializing in diapers and other protective clothing, for those people who need that special kind of security. Oops, the photographer is here, gotta run and finish getting dressed. I'll drop you a line after the honeymoon.

love, Carol