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In which a superhero meets his match, masks are uncovered and a mad scientist just tries to get some mad science-ing done without getting distracted by the antics of her magical minion.
Shade gritted his teeth, thick miasma enveloping him as he blinked away.
Just moments later, a car crashed on the spot he’d been standing in just fractions of a second earlier. It flipped over, coming to a grinding halt with a metallic screech.
Idiots just loved throwing cars. It never seemed to occur to them that actually driving the car at 70 mph would make for a far bigger impact than tossing it with, at best, 10 mph. But then, evil and stupidity did seem to be joined at the hip.
“You can’t keep evading forever!” roared the bulky caricature of a man, practically frothing at the mouth. He wore a skintight leotard in a truly atrocious shade of purple, his overgrown muscles bulging beneath the cloth. Just looking at him grievously wounded Shade’s sense of aesthetics.
The darkness flowed once more. “Can’t I?” he whispered in the villain’s ear, just before bringing down his kinetic weapons and slashing open his back. Or attempting to, anyway. The glowing blade barely scratched the mutant’s invulnerable skin, yet elicited a pained howl anyway. Shade retreated instantly, reappearing at a safe distance in a swirl of shadows.
God, but he hated fighting defensively powered types. Shade’s style lent itself to quick and lethal strikes, not long drawn-out battles of attrition.
“You will pay for that,” his opponent spat. “And for everything you’ve done to me!”
“And what would that be?” he asked in a bored tone. He wasn’t usually one for banter, but if he managed to enrage him further, perhaps he’d tire himself out faster.
“You… you don’t remember me?” He sounded genuinely hurt.
At that, Shade tilted his head. He was fairly certain he’d never faced this eyesore in particular before.
“You put me in jail!”
“Ah.” Awkward. “To be fair, I do that to a lot of people.”
“But… I… you ruined my life and you don’t even remember?!”
Shade shrugged.
“You know, this is the kind of shit that makes me go on violent rampages,” the villain said glumly.
“…have you thought about taking anger management classes?”
The fashion disaster roared once again and charged. Shade tensed but didn’t move — not yet. He’d positioned himself right in front of a brick wall, and the idiot was going to run into it headfirst once Shade teleported away at the last possible second.
That, at least, was the plan.
Instead, a red, white and blue blur swooped in, tackling the villain with enough force to shatter the pavement on impact.
“Never fear, bro, I’m here to save you!”
Shade closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Inner peace, he chanted to himself. Inner peace. He’d need it.
When he opened them again, the villain was lying crumbled and defeated to the feet of a caped hero, who flashed Shade a photogenic smile, his unruly blond hair swaying dramatically in the wind.
Die, dudebro.
Shade sighed and somehow forced a professional smile to his lips as well. It wasn’t the Captain’s fault that he was a dudebro who should die. Nor was it his fault that Shade was in a terrible mood.
It had been five days since the Epic Clusterfuck of Sexual Confusion, as Shade had termed it, and he’d been living on the edge ever since. Every day he woke up nauseous at the thought that today he would become the laughingstock of the caped community, and every day that failed to happen. Heroes continued to treat him with professional courtesy and criminals greeted him with the appropriate level of frightened terror.
Which meant Dionaea was keeping his secret to herself. For now. Which begged the question…
Why?
Not helping matters was that he was going through withdrawal. Nobody had ever warned him about the dangers of underwear addiction, but apparently it was a slippery slope. There should have been PSAs. Just say no to panties, kids.
Captain Patriot bounded toward him like a puppy. A very, very dumb puppy.
“You okay, bro? That looked like a close call!”
“I had it covered,” Shade replied, an edge to his voice.
The Captain wilted a little at that rebuke, but immediately rebounded. “Yeah, you did! Really softened him up, or I couldn’t have delivered the finishing blow!” He held out his fist, looking at Shade expectantly.
The Captain was lying through his teeth, as they both knew. His superstrength was, like his father’s before him, unrivaled, making him one of the most powerful heroes in the city. And that pathetic attempt at a lie was the only reason Shade deigned to raise his hand in return. He bumped the Captain’s fist with all the enthusiasm of a dead possum. Usually, he tried not to encourage this ridiculous bromance the Captain sought to establish with him.
The handsome hero immediately brightened, flashing pearly white teeth.
Captain Patriot, the second of his name.
His father had been one of the very first Metas to manifest powers, and his iconic emergence as a self-styled “superhero” had inspired copycats everywhere. Even the popularity of capes as part of a fashionable hero uniform could be traced back to him.
Captain Patriot II had big shoes to fill, and, well, he tried. With all the dignity and ineptitude of the aforementioned puppy.
His father had also been known for his close association with the so-called Arrow, a non-powered vigilante whose crusade against crime left a lasting mark on the city’s slums. Together, they’d been an unstoppable crime-fighting duo.
It was pretty evident to Shade that the Captain 2.0 saw him as Arrow 2.0, which in his tiny little mind obviously designated them Best Friends Forever.
Shade did not agree.
Shade did not appreciate being used as a substitute.
Shade often thought about painful ways in which the Captain might perish, so he could have some peace and quiet.
“So, dude, we should celebrate our awesome victory! Hit the E!” The E, as the Escapist was popularly known, was a transdimensional dance club that catered exclusively to Capes.
“No.”
The Captain continued on, oblivious. “Maybe Amethyst Star will be there. That chick wants me.”
“No.”
“I’d like to have sex with her, if you know what I mean.”
“N— That isn’t even innuendo, that’s a single entendre.”
The Captain quirked an eyebrow as if to say: So?
Thankfully, Shade’s police scanner chose that moment to crackle with static before transmitting a tinny voice into his earpiece. His blood ran cold. Villain spotted downtown — requesting backup — identified as Class 4 threat “Dionaea.”
He dissolved into shadow, leaving Captain Patriot blinking in confusion and disappointment.
In which a superhero meets his match, masks are uncovered and a mad scientist just tries to get some mad science-ing done without getting distracted by the antics of her magical minion.
Shade gritted his teeth, thick miasma enveloping him as he blinked away.
Just moments later, a car crashed on the spot he’d been standing in just fractions of a second earlier. It flipped over, coming to a grinding halt with a metallic screech.
Idiots just loved throwing cars. It never seemed to occur to them that actually driving the car at 70 mph would make for a far bigger impact than tossing it with, at best, 10 mph. But then, evil and stupidity did seem to be joined at the hip.
“You can’t keep evading forever!” roared the bulky caricature of a man, practically frothing at the mouth. He wore a skintight leotard in a truly atrocious shade of purple, his overgrown muscles bulging beneath the cloth. Just looking at him grievously wounded Shade’s sense of aesthetics.
The darkness flowed once more. “Can’t I?” he whispered in the villain’s ear, just before bringing down his kinetic weapons and slashing open his back. Or attempting to, anyway. The glowing blade barely scratched the mutant’s invulnerable skin, yet elicited a pained howl anyway. Shade retreated instantly, reappearing at a safe distance in a swirl of shadows.
God, but he hated fighting defensively powered types. Shade’s style lent itself to quick and lethal strikes, not long drawn-out battles of attrition.
“You will pay for that,” his opponent spat. “And for everything you’ve done to me!”
“And what would that be?” he asked in a bored tone. He wasn’t usually one for banter, but if he managed to enrage him further, perhaps he’d tire himself out faster.
“You… you don’t remember me?” He sounded genuinely hurt.
At that, Shade tilted his head. He was fairly certain he’d never faced this eyesore in particular before.
“You put me in jail!”
“Ah.” Awkward. “To be fair, I do that to a lot of people.”
“But… I… you ruined my life and you don’t even remember?!”
Shade shrugged.
“You know, this is the kind of shit that makes me go on violent rampages,” the villain said glumly.
“…have you thought about taking anger management classes?”
The fashion disaster roared once again and charged. Shade tensed but didn’t move — not yet. He’d positioned himself right in front of a brick wall, and the idiot was going to run into it headfirst once Shade teleported away at the last possible second.
That, at least, was the plan.
Instead, a red, white and blue blur swooped in, tackling the villain with enough force to shatter the pavement on impact.
“Never fear, bro, I’m here to save you!”
Shade closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Inner peace, he chanted to himself. Inner peace. He’d need it.
When he opened them again, the villain was lying crumbled and defeated to the feet of a caped hero, who flashed Shade a photogenic smile, his unruly blond hair swaying dramatically in the wind.
Die, dudebro.
Shade sighed and somehow forced a professional smile to his lips as well. It wasn’t the Captain’s fault that he was a dudebro who should die. Nor was it his fault that Shade was in a terrible mood.
It had been five days since the Epic Clusterfuck of Sexual Confusion, as Shade had termed it, and he’d been living on the edge ever since. Every day he woke up nauseous at the thought that today he would become the laughingstock of the caped community, and every day that failed to happen. Heroes continued to treat him with professional courtesy and criminals greeted him with the appropriate level of frightened terror.
Which meant Dionaea was keeping his secret to herself. For now. Which begged the question…
Why?
Not helping matters was that he was going through withdrawal. Nobody had ever warned him about the dangers of underwear addiction, but apparently it was a slippery slope. There should have been PSAs. Just say no to panties, kids.
Captain Patriot bounded toward him like a puppy. A very, very dumb puppy.
“You okay, bro? That looked like a close call!”
“I had it covered,” Shade replied, an edge to his voice.
The Captain wilted a little at that rebuke, but immediately rebounded. “Yeah, you did! Really softened him up, or I couldn’t have delivered the finishing blow!” He held out his fist, looking at Shade expectantly.
The Captain was lying through his teeth, as they both knew. His superstrength was, like his father’s before him, unrivaled, making him one of the most powerful heroes in the city. And that pathetic attempt at a lie was the only reason Shade deigned to raise his hand in return. He bumped the Captain’s fist with all the enthusiasm of a dead possum. Usually, he tried not to encourage this ridiculous bromance the Captain sought to establish with him.
The handsome hero immediately brightened, flashing pearly white teeth.
Captain Patriot, the second of his name.
His father had been one of the very first Metas to manifest powers, and his iconic emergence as a self-styled “superhero” had inspired copycats everywhere. Even the popularity of capes as part of a fashionable hero uniform could be traced back to him.
Captain Patriot II had big shoes to fill, and, well, he tried. With all the dignity and ineptitude of the aforementioned puppy.
His father had also been known for his close association with the so-called Arrow, a non-powered vigilante whose crusade against crime left a lasting mark on the city’s slums. Together, they’d been an unstoppable crime-fighting duo.
It was pretty evident to Shade that the Captain 2.0 saw him as Arrow 2.0, which in his tiny little mind obviously designated them Best Friends Forever.
Shade did not agree.
Shade did not appreciate being used as a substitute.
Shade often thought about painful ways in which the Captain might perish, so he could have some peace and quiet.
“So, dude, we should celebrate our awesome victory! Hit the E!” The E, as the Escapist was popularly known, was a transdimensional dance club that catered exclusively to Capes.
“No.”
The Captain continued on, oblivious. “Maybe Amethyst Star will be there. That chick wants me.”
“No.”
“I’d like to have sex with her, if you know what I mean.”
“N— That isn’t even innuendo, that’s a single entendre.”
The Captain quirked an eyebrow as if to say: So?
Thankfully, Shade’s police scanner chose that moment to crackle with static before transmitting a tinny voice into his earpiece. His blood ran cold. Villain spotted downtown — requesting backup — identified as Class 4 threat “Dionaea.”
He dissolved into shadow, leaving Captain Patriot blinking in confusion and disappointment.
Comments
Dude!
The very idea of a surfer dude as Supes had me giggling. I swear I could hear the grinding of Shades teeth the whole time. You really got a great handle on your character's voices.
"The Epic FlusterCluck of Sexual Confusion?" Sorry I had to use my own favorite rearrangement of the term, but still priceless.
Hugs
Grover
Bro!
I am very fond of Surfer!Supes <3 Thank you for the compliment re: character voices, I work hard on that! =D
So it's Dionaea
I noted that Shade was calling her by her full name as he thought about the "Epic ClusterFark..." I thought that was significant until they referred to her that way over the radio too, unless that was just his thoughts in italics. Great job on him, lots of confusion over whether or not he wants to see her again. Really enjoying this series, it's lots of fun.
Titania
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Her name?
Everyone knows her villain name and how to pronounce it, since Diane will meticulousy and with great force correct them. They just don't know how to spell it :P But names will definitely become significant *grins*
Glad you're enjoying it!
Shade
Just isn't having a good day here, is he?
Maggie
Indeed
It's about to get worse... or better? *wink*
Captain Dudebro!!!
OMG
Captain Dudebro to the rescue!!!
And things keep getting complicated for Shade... :D
Maybe Shade will turn villain...
... just to get away from Captain Dudebro! I know, it goes against his back-story, but it's not a reach if he really is thinking about knocking him off already. :-)
Aw
You're calling him Captain Dudebro <3 It's what I call him in my head, too. Trufacts.
Salrissa, I like the way you think.
Captain Patriot
A very, very dumb puppy.
Very apt description. It's really amusing to be treated to Shade's internal dialogue concerning his 'friend', much along the lines of someone tolerating the presence of a hyperactive child.
-Tas