Some time back I was outed by one of my nephews, a particularly nasty and unthinking individual whose actions have unfortunately caused me multiple issues, not to mention the total polarization of my ex-wife's family. My ex-wife was the only person outside of my therapist and my friends here who actually new that I was transitioning - my plan being to address this with my sons in the spring of 2014. My three sons, who at the time my nephew decided to tell the world were aged 17, 22, and 25, unfortunately found out in a less than optimal fashion. My asshole of a nephew evidently found out from his mother, who found out in a method which I have discussed here before, and he then decided to let it be known in a local bar while my two oldest sons were there enjoying the evening with a large group of their friends.

Well, suffice it to say that the past year has been a learning experience for all four of us - the three of them and myself. My youngest, now 18 and a freshman in college, seems to simply be happy to spend time with me - something that I thoroughly enjoy sharing with him as he is such a wonderful young man. My middle son surprised me by becoming my knight in shining armor, defending me thoroughly and seeming to be full of acceptance. My oldest son, a teacher at the local high school seemed to have the hardest time dealing with the news.

Well, a few nights ago something happened that turned my world upside down. While sharing dinner at my house with all three boys, a pretty heated argument ensued between my two oldest sons. It started as a discussion about the local high school indoor track team, which my oldest son coaches, with my youngest son serving as the assistant coach. They both ran track at the same high school, and both served as the team captain for at least two years each, so the arrangement was pretty natural for the school's AD. Anyway, the argument began as a discussion between the two of them as they were discussing the members of the team and assigning them to events for their upcoming meet. During the course of the discussion, my middle son made a comment about one of the girls on the team, asking if she had admitted to being gay yet. The comment wasn't nasty - more matter of fact. The response from his brother was that no, it appeared that she was afraid to do so due to her parents.

Over the course of the next ten minutes or so, while I began cleaning up dishes, putting them in the dishwasher, and cleaning up the kitchen, the discussion evolved into a discussion of homosexuality and bisexuality. My middle son, Ian, made a comment that he knew quite a few people who chose to be gay or bi simply because it was trendy, especially girls. You know, the Katy Perry effect. My oldest son, Dallas, refuted this and told him that for many people sexual orientation wasn't a choice. That people were the way they were and couldn't do anything about it. I kept silent during the majority of this conversation trying not to let them see how upset I was becoming. Eventually, I turned around and yelled at the two of them to stop - they both became silent and looked at me. I then told them that from personal experience sometimes you had no choice in who or what you are, and that no one would willingly make a choice to be a pariah - to be a social outcast and be treated poorly by a large portion of the public.

I then turned and walked into the bathroom, closed the door behind me, and burst into tears. By the time I had calmed down, Ian had left - but Dallas was still there. He walked up to me, gave me a big hug, and told me that he loves me. He told me that he completely understands that for many people there isn't a choice.

I don't know how it happened, or even why, but somehow my two sons seem to have switched positions. Or actually, Dallas seems to have simply come to terms with who I am. I'm not sure what happened with Ian, and I haven't had the opportunity to speak with him since. I'm hoping that this is partly due to the fact that he quit smoking two days prior to the incident, hasn't been feeling well, and unfortunately there is a fair amount of competition between my two oldest all the time. I really hope that my knight in shining armor hasn't become tarnished.

Unfortunately, at this point in time, even though all three of them know about me - their knowledge is simply academic. None of them have seen me present as anything other than male - as their father. It is, and always was, my plan to go public with my transition next summer and begin presenting as female. I can't help but wonder how my sons will react when I get to that point. Knowing something intellectually, and seeing it physically are two completely different things. I can only hope that their reaction, as well as my remaining friends and co-workers reaction, will be positive - or at the least neutral.

Only time will tell.

Dallas