Blarg.

Blarg. Blarg. Blarg!!!

It's a word that I can fill with my rage, frustration, desperation, anger, sadness, and regret.

I've been unemployed for three weeks and two days now. I'm still waiting on Unemployment (which my employer is fighting), and government assistance. I've applied for 7 jobs and haven't gotten an interview. I'm 46 years old, and to quote Detective Sergeant Roger Murtaugh... "I'm too old for this shit!" I've had to cash out my 401k from my last employer instead of rolling over because I'm broke.

Changing gears before I cry.

A little about me. I only figured out that I was trans last year. Okay, that's a lie. I finally admitted to myself that I was trans last year. It's been a rough year since. No, I haven't transitioned. I'm too afraid (insert metric fuckton of fears here). So, a lot of the time, I'm miserable. The dysphoria gets really bad some days. Usually, when I can keep focused, or distracted, I can hold it at bay. It doesn't bother me as much. With so much free time... Well, I cry a lot.

Forgive me if I get a bit flippant here and there. If I don't, the weight of it all will pulverize me.

I read a lot of stories here, but there's a few I'd like to call out. I love Bike (Angharad, you flat out amaze me. You've made Cathy and family a part of my life, a day just doesn't seem right without Bike). Whisper (sorry Sleethr, but every time you post and it's not the beginning of Whisper Book Two, I cry a little inside. Your other stories are good too though!). Jem (My first Bailey story, definitely not my last, but the one that can always cheer me up. I don't have the words to express my gratitude for the hope you've given me when I've needed it.)

Okay, time to change gears again before I start crying again. I am such a silly bitch at times.

Food. The one good thing about having free time is I can cook a little more than I did working 70 hour weeks. But, cooking for one person sucks. It really does. So I usually cook things that I get multiple meals from. Here's a recipe I like to make when I'm feeling down. It's pure comfort food.

Erica Jane's Chicken & Noodles. The easy way.

Materials Needed: 2 packages of knorr/lipton chicken flavored noodles, 1 can of cream of chicken with herbs soup, 2 cans of chunk chicken, half a stick of butter. (Yes, I did say the easy way)

In an appropriate pan, put 3 cups of water, the can of soup and the butter and bring to a boil on high.
Once the cauldron has boiled and bubbled sufficiently, add the packages of noodles and crumble in the chunk chicken by hand.
Reduce the heat and let simmer until the noodles have reached the proper texture.
Remove from the heat and let sit for about 10 minutes and then serve.

They go really well with mashed potatoes, rice, on garlic bread, or as a side. They are rich and yummy. Good comfort food. Also, less than a half hour to make and one pan to clean up.

Changing gears once more... I think there's a pattern going on here.

I'm in Indiana, in the USA. If there's a bright center to American culture, Indiana is the place it's furthest from.

Hugs to all of you who read this far.

TL;DR Hi. :)