Starting College my way. A story of fiction by Symphony Simms.

Starting College my way. Chapter 17.

September 13th. Saturday Night Music Evening, including the bit where I dump on Barbara.
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King of Prussia Mall was fun with my Dad. He got to watch me try on dresses and shoes and he paid for everything. I got 3 dresses, 3 skirts, 4 tops and two pairs of jeans together with some miscellaneous underwear. I also bought a classy looking short evening dress for tonight. We also popped into my favorite DSW for 2 pairs of shoes and a pair of winter boots.

Dad was totally understanding that I needed more stuff and I think I caught him enjoying himself, even though he got to use the ‘not another dress store’ comment a couple of times.

I of course flirted with every boy I came into contact with, plus a couple of the pretty women. No one seemed to mind. As soon as I smiled at them the just smiled back and sometimes shared complements.

I really enjoy this way of shopping by interacting with people rather than the boys way of doing things. i.e. head down charge into the store, pick one, pay and leave. Mind you I don’t think I was ever like that when I went shopping for girl’s clothes. I used to try to interact with sales assistants if I could. Many times they would look funny at me but other times they would enjoy a brief conversation. Some sales women enjoyed talking about women’s intimate clothing with someone who seemed interested, but that may have been because they were not sure if I was a boy or a girl.

After the shopping my Dad politely made it clear that we had run out time and had to get back.

When we arrived home Mom was beginning to get a little frantic because my Dad is usually a big help in the kitchen getting things ready and I had taken him away for longer than planned, but soon after we came back Barbara arrived and we all pitched in to get thing prepared.

After things settled down and Mom was more satisfied that everything would be perfect, I took my things up to my room and Barbara followed me.

“So how was your ride home with Andy? Anything happen?” she said bouncing herself down on the bed.

“It did actually,” I said showing her that I was rather pleased with myself. “We spent a pleasant hour together getting to know each other before he brought me home. I think I might see him again.”

“You are amazing. You have only been a girl for a few days and you are stealing your sisters’ boyfriends already. What do you think Fiona will say?”

“I don’t think Fiona will say anything Barbara. Andy said that he took her out twice on what he thought were dates and she never even kissed him. Anyway Fiona has gone to the beach this weekend and she was taking a shine to one of my admirers. She was picking him up and taking him to some friends’ beach house.”

“How many people at your college know about you being a boy Leslie?”

“I don’t consider myself a boy any more Barbara. I used to be a boy but I am a girl now.”

“But it can’t be that simple Leslie. There are some people that know that you were a boy because the girl’s you stay with know and you also said that you have told people that you are intimate with. You can’t expect to just fly under the radar and get away with it. I think you are a disaster waiting to happen.”

“I understand that I have to slow down and let the dust settle on the things that I have done. The gender specialist that Dad took me to this afternoon said I was a whirlwind leaving a trail of destruction behind me and I need to more carefully to think about all the things I am doing, but I can’t go back Barbara. I have too much to lose.”

“What have you got to lose Leslie? If you stopped this now I am sure you could get a late entry into another college and with your grades I bet you would still pass with A’s.”

“Barbara, are you suggesting I give this up and become a boy again. It’s not going to happen.”

“But you are a boy Leslie. I get the feeling that Mom and Dad are just humoring you till you discover you have made a huge mistake and you want to put everything back the way it was before.”

“I can’t go back on this Barbara. I feel like a girl inside. I didn’t know what this feeling was until recently but now I know I will always feel like a girl and that’s what I am going to be. How come you are coming out with this now?”

“I love you Leslie honestly I do but I fear for you. I fear for what people will say and do to you. I could even understand if you said that you were gay, but to say you are a girl and change overnight is huge. I have never heard of anyone doing anything like that before.”

“And how many transgendered people do you know Barbara.”

“I don’t know any Leslie but I know how many bigots, rednecks and homophobic people are out there. They are everywhere. I bet there will be a couple of them here tonight.”

“Well they better not say anything because my Dad will stop them.”

“But even if they don’t say anything tonight, they could start talking to other people tomorrow. If my Mom and Dad get to hear about anyone calling you a dress wearing sissy boy they will be very upset and so will I.”

“Is that what you think I am Barbara a dress wearing sissy boy? I thought you had more respect for you than that.”

“That’s not what I think Leslie. I love you and want you to be happy and successful. I am worried that other people will say that and Mom and Dad and other people will hear it. I am afraid of how much pain it will cause.”

“Do you want me to become a girl Barbara?”

“I was happy with you as a boy Leslie. Dresses and all. But if you want to become a girl then I will support you any way I can.”

“Then stop being so negative. I know this has actually been easy for me so far but I know it will get harder. When it gets harder then I will need your help to get me through. But I don’t have a choice Barbara. This is who I am. I can’t go back to thinking that I am a boy because it just doesn’t work that way.”

“So your brain is really telling you that you are a girl?’

“Yes Barbara. Every inch of me screams girl, apart from the annoying bit between my legs. If I were to turn back and become a boy again I would have to lie to myself and pretend to be something that I am not for the rest of my life.”

“This, Barbara.” I stood up in front of her and showed her. “My skirt, my shoes, my earrings, my boobs,” and I grabbed them to show her. “This is what I am and its girl. What I used to be was just camouflage to get me through another day and pass the time till I could put on a dress again. I didn’t enjoy being a boy. I used to enjoy some of the things I did while I was a boy but being a boy was crap. How can you expect me to go back to that?”

Barbara was crying now because I was shouting at her but I couldn’t stop.

“Being a girl is everything beautiful and happy and fulfilling. You can’t imagine how jealous I was of you and my sisters for all those years. You are beautiful and you get to wear pretty clothes and be feminine. I couldn’t do any of those things. I had to hang out with boys and do stupid boys stuff. It was the pitts.”

“I can’t imagine spending another day as a boy. That part of me is gone, washed down the tubes and never coming back.”

An arm came around me from behind. It was my Mom and she was crying too. In the doorway behind her were my Dad and Dawn. They all hugged me as I burst into tears myself and buried my head in my mom’s chest.

“We didn’t know you felt like that Leslie,” said my Dad. “We had no idea what was going on in your head. We will get you through this honest we will. You are a beautiful girl now and we want you to stay that way.”

“Let it out Leslie just let it all out,” said my Mom. “I am going to love you, my youngest daughter and all of your sisters for ever and ever and make everything better, you just watch me.”

As I recovered from my tantrum, I realized that I had been shouting at Barbara. I pulled away from my Mom and Barbara was standing beside me holding my arm.

“I am really sorry Barbara,” I said. “I guess I just needed to dump on someone and you just happened to turn the switch.”

“That’s OK Leslie. I understand you a lot more after that. I guess we all do.”

“No more camouflage?” said Dawn.

“No more camouflage,” I said.

“OK you have had enough time to recover, we have stuff to do and people coming,” said Dawn. “But first show me what’s in those bags.”

I had to give Dawn a big hug too as she was being helpful to me. I really do love my sisters, but then Dawn started crying.

“I still can’t believe I did all those stupid things to you to try to prove you were not gay.”

“You didn’t know Dawn. I suppose it made sense to you at the time, and I can tell you that my few boy parts got really excited when you did. You are a very beautiful woman Dawn and please don’t ever change.”

I kissed her then realized that I needed to do something to get us all out of this malaise. I started unwrapping my purchases and hanging them on hangers on the front of my closets so my sisters could see them. They complemented my choice and both commented that they were glad to see that I favored dresses and skirts over jeans.

I then showed them the dress I had bought for this evening. I was a dark blue sleeveless lace dress with a full nylon/silky liner of the same color. It had wide straps and a medium low neckline that although gave me some room to display some jewelry, did not reveal any cleavage. The back was low but not enough to stop me from wearing a normal bra. The waistline was fitted, the skirt was narrow with a split at the back and the hem was mid knee. I would wear it with dark blue 4” open toe pumps.

They were both impressed and wanted to help me accessorize, but I told them I could not wear anything loose that might scratch my guitar or get in the way of my playing. They understood of course.

I also asked them for a little time on my own because I had another busy day and wanted to rest and reflect for a little while. After more hugs they left and I closed the door behind them and curled up on my bed for a moment to collect my thoughts.

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What seemed like only moments later Dawn was knocking at my door asking why I was not coming down to welcome the guests. I explained that I had fallen asleep and was not even showered. She asked if she could help and I asked her to come back after I got a quick shower.

I showered and dressed in my new panties, bra with breast forms and corset, and put on a silk dressing down and went into my room where Dawn and Barbara joined me. I sat at my dresser with my bag of cosmetics.

Dawn remarked. “This will never do. This is still a boy’s room and will have to change. Let’s go into my room where I have everything we need to make you the prettiest you can ever be.”

So we moved into Dawn’s room and I sat down in front of her dressing table where the difference was obvious. Everything a girl needed was still here and accessibly arranged for use, even though she didn’t actually live here anymore.

They both worked on me and they persuaded me to just sit back do as I was told. They did everything for me. Dawn even gave me false eyelashes with a little sparkle in them. They fixed up my hair and added appropriate jewelry and in just a few minutes I was transformed into the beautiful young woman that I felt like on the inside. I felt like a million dollars. I was very happy and thanked them.

While I was still in the chair, Dawn gave me a piece of paper.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Read it,” said Dawn.

It was an email so I read it to myself.

8:47 am. September 13th.
Charlie and Morag Haigt
Winters Rest Park
Reading PA

To all my dear friends who we are hoping will be able to come to our music evening this evening.

While you received an invitation to one of our regular music evenings, this will be a special evening because we wish to introduce our daughter Leslie to you.

Until recently we were all under the impression that Leslie was a boy, but we were wrong. We have recently discovered that Leslie is actually a very beautiful girl and she has always been a girl. The details of this we cannot discuss with you but we hope that you will treat out daughter Leslie with the same love and respect you have always treated all of our family.

Apart from this introduction, this evening will be a regular music evening that we hope you will all contribute to and enjoy, and if we are lucky our beautiful daughter Leslie will sing for us.

Best wishes.

Charlie and Morag.

I was shocked. He sent this even before we had spoken today. He had already accepted me. I was so happy I had to hug Dawn and Barbara right there. I was apprehensive to walk down those steps into all my Mom and Dad’s friends before, but this made me feel a lot more confident.

“OK I am ready,” I said. “Let me put my dress on and go play some music.”

We went into my room to put my dress on. I know I am talking about me and I might be a bit bias, but I know I look good. I looked somewhat like Fiona and Barbara. A little different to Dawn but you could tell I was one of the Haigt sisters.

After checking the mirror one more time I hugged my sisters again and walked out of my room towards the stairs. My sisters followed me but a few feet behind and let me descend the stairs on my own.

There must have been close to thirty people standing in the great room as I started to descend the steps slightly sideways being mindful of my high heel and holding on to the banister rail. Many or most of them were eating appetizers or drinking wine and beer.

As I descended further more and more people started to look up at me and slowly the room got quieter. I could see me Mom and Dad standing with Eliot and another couple I didn’t know. I could see Dr. London with a very beautiful lady that I assumed was his wife talking to more people I didn’t know. Ralph from the Fox Hollow and Roger Teller the keyboard player were there plus many other familiar and unfamiliar faces.

As I got closer to the bottom of the stairs the room went quiet and someone started clapping. In moments the whole room was applauding me. It felt kind of strange being applauded because I hadn’t done anything yet, but it did seem welcoming.

I stood on the second step for a few moments and looked around and tried to smile at everyone and acknowledge everyone I knew but I gave up on that and decided to step across the room give my Dad a huge great big hug. Mom, Dawn, Barbara and Mark all joined in, then when that was over I gave Eliot a little hug so he didn’t feel left out.

My Dad then shouted to anyone that was listening. “OK. Anyone want to play some music?”

A few people replied yes and the assembled group started drifting towards the music room.

I grabbed my Mom’s arm to tell her. “I haven’t eaten since lunch and I am famished Mom.”

She understood so we drifted into the dining room to get some food. Eliot followed us. As we reached the table where the food was laid out he put his hand one mine and I turned to him.

“You look very beautiful tonight Leslie,” he said. “My dad told me to tell you that early and often to make sure you know that I think you are very beautiful so maybe you might kiss me again.”

“I can see that you Dad is a very smart guy Eliot, but I am hoping we could just be friends.”

“That’s OK Leslie. I want to be your friend but I am still going to tell you how beautiful you are.”

So I turned to him placing my hands on either side of his face and kissed him square on the mouth.

“OK Eliot,” I said. “I might kiss you once in a while but we are still going to be just friends.”

My Mom saw us and she blushed a little and smiled.

“Wow. My Dad’s advice worked better than I thought,” said Eliot with a large beaming smile across his face.

“As I said Eliot your Dad must be a very smart man. Did you bring a guitar?”

“I did.”

“What did you being?”

“I brought my SG.”

“Brilliant,” I said. “Can you play ‘If it makes you happy’ by Sheryl Crow?”

“You bet I can. I have been practicing real hard.”

“Great we are going to play it later. Can you the intro to ‘Leaving Las Vegas?”

“Sure I can. Are you gonna be playing chords?”

“Of course. That makes two we can do. When you do ‘If it makes you happy,’ do you use open G tuning?”

“Of course.”

“Then we can do Rolling Stones stuff. Then do you want to do ‘Brown Sugar? Massive. That’s 3 song we can do on our own and I am sure we will be able to join in with everyone else. But right now I need to eat. Can you give me a couple of minutes because I haven’t eaten since lunch and its after 8 already.”

The Music had started and someone was playing some bluegrass and the fiddler was smokin’.

“That’s OK,” said Eliot. “I can go and mingle if you want.”

“You don’t have to leave, just let me eat. Tell me what’s been happening with you and our other friends. First tell me what you are doing.”

“I thought you knew. I am doing the personal support worker program at Alvernia University here in the city. I didn’t get accepted at any of the universities I could afford. I didn’t have the grades that you did. Anyway after I have done this for a couple of years I can switch to a nursing degree if I keep my grades up.”

I was listening but eating at the same time.

“Matt and Duke have left town. Matt joined the Air Force and Duke went to work at his uncles’ lumber mill in Oregon. I don’t expect to see them much till maybe Christmas. I have been hanging around to Walter the bass player. He got himself a job at the Guitar Center in town. It doesn’t pay much, but he is happy there being involved with music all day.

“Do you guys still play together?” I asked between mouthfuls.

“At least twice a week. Next time you are home you should come and jam with us. We sometimes get to use the practice room at the guitar center and all kinds of musicians drop in.”

I stuffed myself with some food then grabbed a glass of wine while nobody was looking. Eliot stuck to his Coke because he was driving. We wandered into music room and some people were singing Wagon wheel. My Dad was on bass but I didn’t know the other people. Ralph from the Fox Hollow came up to speak to me.

“So I wasn’t singing with Fiona after all? You had me fooled. You look just like her.”

“No I am afraid that was me, but I consider it a complement for you to think I look like my sister Fiona. If we do the same song again tonight I swear I will do it better,” I replied.

“Sure. I thought you did it pretty good last time. I will add us to the list.”

“We have a list tonight?” I asked.

“There is already a full page of people who want to play, but your Dad has already blocked out a chunk in the middle for you. Go see.”

The page was mostly full apart from a block in the middle where my Dad had written ‘Leslie gets to play any time she wants’ and put his name after it. Most embarrassing.

I asked Elliot where his guitar was and he pointed to the side of the stage where it was already plugged in and on a stand so we headed for the stage.

The last song ended and the singer and guitar player got down out of our way. I got up on the stage and asked the drummer and my Dad if they could do ‘If it makes you happy’ and they both said yes so I got Elliot to play the into and we were running.

Eliot sounded really cool on the intro that kind of goes through the whole song. I didn’t want to sing over him because he sounded so cool, but that was the song.

‘We belong far away from here’
‘Put on a prom show and play for mosquitoes and anywhere in between’
‘We’ve been around the thrift store jungles’
‘Found Geronimo’s rifle and Marilyn’s shampoo and Benny Goodman’s corset and pen’
‘It’s OK I made this up’
‘I promised you I’d never give up’

‘If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad’
‘If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad’

That song is always a little hard to sing as I have to almost shout at the top of my voice to get the chorus out. This time I nearly choked on it. I had to jump off the stage and find myself a glass of red wine after the first chorus. Purely for medicinal purposes of course. I believe anyone who sings will understand.

I got back up on the stage and we completed the song. Eliot did the guitar solo at the end and finished with the intro all over again. I was amazed how cool he sounded. He has certainly been practicing. We got great applause and whistles from the assembled crowd.

I wanted to do ‘Leaving Las Vegas’ next so I grabbed my guitar which someone had kindly set up for me and I asked the guy who had been playing before us if Eliot could use his guitar and he of course said yes so we did that song and then went back to electric for ‘Brown Sugar’. Eliot was amazing on the guitar again.

We got off the stage to a big round of applause and whistles again.

As I was stepping off the stage, Dr. London was there held me down and offered his hand.

“I wouldn’t have believed it unless I was it for myself,” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“You look like you have been doing this for years. You are the prettiest young woman in the room, together with your sisters that is, and this is the prettiest slightly older woman in the room, my lovely wife Sarah-Anne.”

And she was lovely too. “Very pleased to meet you Sarah-Anne,” I said.

“And you too Leslie. You sing beautifully. Are you going to sing again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I will.”

At that moment Ralph was standing on the stage and he announced that he wanted to sing ‘Picture’ with me and Roger Teller come up and play for us together with my Dad on bass and the drummer who’s name I did not know.

This getting up and singing almost every other song continued for the next couple of hours and I got quite tired. The one or two glasses of wine added. The last song I did was ‘I wish I could shimmy like my sister Kate’ with Dawn doing her usual shimmying and Barbara and I singing backup to her. It was another riot.

After that I spoke to a couple of people around the room and soon decided that I had stolen one more glass of wine than I should have and I asked my Dad to escort me up to bed, but before I could do that, Eliot came and asked me to walk him to his car because he was leaving.

I know he had been around for the last hour or so but I hadn’t paid him much attention, so I agreed.

As soon as we got outside the front door he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to him giving me the most delicious deep kiss resulting in me going even weaker at the knees than I already was. After a wonderful minute or so I realized what I was doing and franticly pushed him away.

“No Eliot I can’t do this with you.”

“What’s wrong Leslie? Why not?”

“Not at the moment Eliot. I need real friends not boyfriends or lovers. You don’t seem to realize that I am messed up. I did it again.”

“Did what again Leslie. I don’t understand.”

“It’s not your fault but every boy I meet wants to kiss me and I can’t stop myself. This being a girl thing is not easy.”

“But we have stopped Leslie. We only kissed.”

“But it’s never just a kiss. I am learning that kisses mean so much more than you think. But I kissed someone else last night Eliot.”

“But it was me you kissed last night.”

“No Eliot I was kissing someone else after you.”

He went quiet and a look of shock came over him. I didn’t know what to say to him. He looked so disappointed.

“I’m sorry Eliot. I will call you next time I am home.” I just left him there and I went inside to find my way up the stairs to bed.

When I got to my room I threw all of my clothes in a ball at the foot of the bed, put a nighty on and got in bed to cry myself to sleep thinking I have just upset another friend and really nice person.

I woke in the middle of the night needing the bathroom and nearly scaring myself half to death with the view in the bathroom mirror. My make-up had run sideways across my face with the tears I had shed and the rubbing of my eyes. I had also demolished Dawn’s false eyelashes which were half hanging off.

I had to do the makeup remover and moisturizer thing in the middle of the night. It didn’t stop me from going straight off to sleep again when I returned to bed.