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OBLIVION'S CURTAIN: PLAN B
by Nicki Benson |
1300 hits (at the time of posting) and only 3 comments. A kudos to hits ratio that's 10% down on the other opening chapters I've put on this site. And after the coolest picture of neurons firing you're ever likely to see.
There's no getting away from it. Chapter 1 of 'Oblivion's Curtain' as it stands just isn't very good. I think the main problem was the whole dual narrative idea. Cathy Dunning is too far past her transition for being female to be an issue to her any more, whereas Keith is still years away from it. I've admitted before that I can only empathise with my characters if I write sequentially, and this has proved my point.
I therefore plan to submit an entirely new chapter - the prologue will remain - following Keith's experiences at the hands of his abductors. Much of it's already written, I just need to cobble it together from the impenetrable jungle I always find when I open 'My Documents'. I'll blog again when it's ready.
You know what I blame? Something has painted one or two of the clouds blue, and there's a strange light trying to peep through them. I've seen this weird phenomenon before, but it's been so long I've forgotten what it's called. And with the temperature soaring to a sweltering 19 degrees - on England's north-east coast the adjective is fully justified, believe me - I must be suffering from heatstroke.
Apologies for the sub-standard material
Nicki
Comments
Wait, what?
I read that, thought it good and kudosed it (Can kudos be a verb? Even in England?).
However, I thought I was reading about one person who was having flashbacks. You're saying it isn't?
Ah... It's probably all these mornings waking up at stupid o'clock that's doing it. Need... more... sleep...
Penny
There I go, expressing myself
There I go, expressing myself as clearly as ever. You got it right, Penny. They are the same person.
I'm glad you thought it was okay. I may post the new version under a different heading - 'chapter 1 alternative version' or something along those lines - and see how people respond.
I gave it
A Kudo, as well, though due to other things, hadn't yet commented on the first chapter. I thought it was a good beginning with the promise of being a very interesting story.
Maggie
Stood Up
I don't want to give anyone the impression that I blame them for not posting comments. It just confirmed my suspicions, that the story wasn't good enough.
Too inflated an ego, that's my problem.
http://youtu.be/5pMhk8-lSNM
It's easy to be smart, but it's a struggle to be wise