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by Erin Halfelven
"I'll have the salmon."
"Too much mercury."
"That's tuna, salmon is okay."
"You sure?"
"No."
"I'll have the caesar."
"Fruit plate."
"Darla, what are you having?"
"Veal. Just kidding. You should've seen your face."
"Not funny. I'll have -- baked chicken breast."
"Why are we here?"
"To eat lunch, Kell."
"No, I mean, Susan asked us to come."
"What's it all about, Susie?"
"I'm getting married."
"Really!"
"That's fantastic."
"Good job, Susie."
"Who's off the market now?"
"You don't know him, Andi. I don't think any of you know him."
"Andi knows everybody."
"Biblically, no doubt."
"Oh, meow!"
"No, no, seriously. I met him in Washington, and none of you know him, he's British."
"Oh, I say!"
"Does he have a stiff -- upper lip?"
"Well, congratulations anyway. I mean...."
"I know what you mean, Kell. And thanks. But I asked you here -- because, well, you're my best friends -- and I need a favor."
"I won't wear orange for anyone."
"Huh?"
"She means bridesmaids' dresses. We'd be happy to, Susie."
"But no orange."
"Well, thanks. And I was going to ask that, too. But first, I -- well, I need some advice."
"Tab A into slot B; that's you, Susie."
"Oh, look she blushes! Darla, you're terrible."
"I don't get it?"
"Never mind, Kell. No, look, there's something about me that I've never told him -- and I never told you guys either."
"You were a fourteen-year-old hooker in New Orleans?"
"Shut up, Darla. So -- you want to tell us then have us tell you how to tell him?"
"Thank you, Andi, yes, that's exactly right. And then, if you still want to, I'd like you all to be my bridesmaids."
"Why wouldn't we?"
"Okay, tell us."
"Are we allowed to tell anyone else?"
"It doesn't matter here any more, so I won't make you promise not to tell. But I do need help on how to tell him."
"So tell us, already."
"Well, I.... My name wasn't always Susan. When I was born, my parents named me Robert."
"You were a boy?"
"I couldn't tell."
"Fooled me here, too. You're so cute, Susan. Oh, my name used to be Thomas."
"Henry. I hated being Henry."
"I've always been Kelly. But I used to be able to pee standing up. Oh! Tab A, slot B, now I get it!"
"You guys are kidding, right?"
"Nope, we all used to be guys, for real, Susan. So what? You worried about telling what's-his-face? Just tell him."
"Like you told us. Either he's okay with it or he's not."
"Here comes the waiter. Wow. He's cute."
"Down, Kell."
"I've got a sudden yen for meat."
"Susie, you crying?"
"You guys are the greatest."
"But no orange."
"Ladies, what will you be having today?"
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Comments
SRS must be more common over there
Don't think that could happen on this side of the pond. Go with the advice though, no orange!
Angharad
Angharad
no orange
Sage advice. Wasn't that in a story somewhere just re... C Chase. Sorry sidetrack.
Erin that was quite mad. Fun, nice with kernels of truth, but mad. Sort of reminds me of a scene in a restaurant some Steve Martin thing, I think, with everybody ordering from the menu but changing almost every ingredient. How does that fit? Hell, I don't know... see mad.
Kristina
LA Story, I think it was
The ad below the story, oh, crap! LOL! It's an ad for ebay with an orange bridesmaid dress for sale! Google's context matcher is scary sometimes. :)
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Which Reminded Me of
Jack ordering chicken salad.
Bobby(Jack): I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
Waitress: A number two, chicken salad sandwich, hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?
Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
5 Easy Pieces
Right?
Mr. Ram
God, Nicholson looks young!
Yeah, 5 EASY PEICES, and it reminded me to rent it (the online mailer services should have it), see if it's as great as I remember. It's been years....
Superb job of keeping the characters straight using just dialogue, and---opinion---I think the displaying of the ring should be tacked on in later versions (it's just a few more sentances...),
the line: "OOOOOOOOOOHH!" implicitly uttered by more than one character simultaneously. Hilarious and sweet, all the moreso for being statistically unlikely. You guys are the greatest ......... That says it all.
Nice that our hostess here is also one of our best authors.
~~~hugs, LAIKA
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.
Too Funny!
I was just thinking the same thing about Bill Murray in Groundhog Day yesterday. Yes, I watched part of it on its own special day, doesn't everybody? Great under-rated movie.
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Very Cute Erin. You Had Me Laughing
I could see these ladies sitting at the table in a local cafe discussing this most interesting topic. Me, i hope that you can continue this in another story, but sometimes the second helping is not as good as the first.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Sweet
Well someone did mention Steve Martin and this did make me think of a kinder gentler Saturday Night Live short. Sweet and funny all at once, the best kind! Yes, please no orange!
Why did my mind suddenly flash on a Hugh Grant like comedy where he finds out not only his 'bride to be', use to have 'something extra' but all of the bridesmaids as well. Then of there his best man ...
Hugs!
grover
More Cowbells
Hmmm. I was surprised at the comments. The way I read this, none of the other girls were TS. They were simply dismissing Susan's fears as inconsequential -- much in the same way they selected their fare.
Good writers allow the reader to write a large part of the story. Good writers don't have to use many attributions as their dialogue varies enough in style to identify who is speaking. Good writers can set the scene without burdening the reader with an information dump at the start of a story. Good writers have something to say and do so within context. Good writers don't need 150,000 words and chapter after chapter of less than moving narrative to make their point.
Some "good" writers occasionally do a "great" job.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Ave, Caesar, morituri te salutamus!
Really...the title for this story evoked the above quotation in my little mind immediately. And I wondered just how it might apply to TG fiction. And after reading (AND RE-READING AT LEAST TWICE) it does seem somehow twistedly appropriate. Thanks Erin for a neat tale.
PS: For you non-latin types the phrase translates as "Hail Caesar! We who are about to die salute you", and was supposedly said by the gladiators prior to their contests.
Erin, your muse is twisted ... I like it
I noticed the title's twist on the supposed Ceasar quote too.
You seem to have a real knack for economy of words. So much said with so little.
Now if only you could finish those unfinished series of yours. The curse of a prolific muse I guess?
So good to see you creative again after the loss of you mom. Strangely that is what got me back in to dabling with writing -- if what I do qualifies even remotely -- the impending death of my mother back in 2005.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Where's the rock?
I like how even without attributions, there was enought there to follow the conversation and not be confused.
But I do have one complaint. There's a rule that when you take your girlfriends out for lunch to tell them you're getting married, you have to show off your left hand for them to make a fuss over, and it didn't seem like that happened, so at least one of them needed to ask.
The Ring
I did forget to mention the ring but I do try to keep these under 500 words, it's a lot to ask readers to follow a conversation between five people (counting the waiter) for much longer than that. :) I'm glad I succeeded in not being confusing, but remember I wrote this at 230 in the morning. LOL.
HUgs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Fun little story
Hey Erin!
This was a fun little story. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I'm glad to see you writing again too!
Take care
Kyosuke - "The wind may blow in many directions, but a dog has feelings too."
Kyosuke - "The wind may blow in many directions, but a dog has feelings too."
Good one!
Thanks!
Mr. Ram
Ave Imperator....
...edere te salutant! Love this! Thank you.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Love, Andrea Lena
Andy
If that's the British Andy I'm thinking of darling, forget it, rumour has it (and it's a pretty strong rumour,)he's gay.
Just think on chicken.
Have a nice wedding and good luck with the blue, red, yellow, green, pink, turqouise any colour but orange!
Love and hugs,
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
"You guys are the greatest."
not sure how I missed this one, but its fantastic.
Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels
Gifted
A great movie director, great screen writer, great play writer, great author can do more with simple scenes, and fewer words than most can after months of trying to explain the movie or script.
This puppy was one of those. The whole story book set up, laid out, completed in less than a page.
always
Barb
By the time we figure out life, it's over. Totally not fair.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl