The demons came last night. Its been awhile since I've had a really bad nightmare. I don't get much sleep and wake up three to four times a night. I am a light sleeper and it usually takes me about 30 minutes to get back to sleep. And maybe its my paranoia or a defense against the nightmares I don't know.

Something happened yesterday that might have precluded this series of bad dreams. I have finally found a gender therapist in my city that is accepting clients and takes my insurance. It has not been easy finding one and many of my friends have been telling me I needed to see someone to talk. I agree I do but finding one that met the criteria above has been challenging to say the least. So paperwork has been emailed to me and appointment set for the 20th. Let's see what happens.

This is the thing that might have set off my nightmares, I don't know. I slept for more than four hours without waking up I know because I looked at the clock. I was in a golf clubhouse with lots of men from my life (family and friends) and we were having drinks. A man I didn't know came up to me and whispered in my ear "you don't belong here do you" it was more of a statement than a question. I told him I did and he leered at me with fangs in his mouth. He told everyone that I belonged on the woman's side and not here with them. A door opened to the woman's side and they all screamed that I don't belong there either. I was pushed towards the doorway and chained into the frame between both rooms. All of the occupants on both sides grew long curved claws and took turns clawing at me and tearing me apart while laughing at me. Screaming fake, fraud, and liar and other words. That's when I woke up with a start and fell out of bed. I didn't scream like last time so no one else woke up except the dog.

I hope seeing this therapist is the right thing to do, and helps me. I can't take anymore dreaming like that. I've had them before and I'd rather not sleep.