This isn't addressed to anyone in particular, but I do have several people in mind.

We are all at different points in our journey. Some seem light years away and others look as if they haven't even gotten out of the starting blocks. But no matter where you are in accordance to where you wish to be, I want you to know that it is okay. There is no need to rush, there is no need to slow down for others to keep pace, there is no need to fret or to worry that the world is not as you wish it would be.

In my time here, I have fostered some close friendships and have made some enemies (they know who they are and I really wish they would accept my apology and give me another chance). I often read stories on here through the eyes of a psychologist and can tell where a person is at and sometimes that gets me worried. I follow most blogs, but don't often reply because others have already said what I wished to. But, all in all, I do care about my family here at Big Closet.

I want to give people some hope, even if they feel that they need to be reincarnated before they get a chance at the life they want. I was in the same boat.

A year ago, if you would have told me that I would have come out to anyone I would have said you were crazy. That wasn't on my radar. I was content writing stories and living in online fantasy worlds as my female persona. I didn't think I could afford gender counseling and didn't even look into it beyond the cursory glance at a few websites. If you would have told me that in the year I would come out to everyone I know, I would have told you that would make for a good story but had nothing to do with reality.

Both things happened. But until they did, I never thought they would. Life is funny like that, I think. We say nothing is going to happen and then we go ahead and put a man on the moon just because it's there. If you are in the closet to everyone accept on this site (thus the name Big Closet, Erin told me so, so it must be true) that's okay. It's a start and some people don't even get that far.

If you would have told me I would start transitioning in this lifetime, I wouldn't believe you. Even up to the point when I took the plunge I told my counselor that I was content taking the hormones and knowing that at least my brain chemistry would be where I wanted it. I owned a dress for a year, tried it on once and then stored it in the closet. But I did take the step into dressing and styling my hair and doing the secondary things that make me feel like the woman I am. But if you don't, who cares. You are exactly where you need to be and when it is time to take a step you will worry and you will fret and you will cry, but somewhere within you, you will find the courage and do what you think is impossible.

That's the funny thing about this journey. It is a journey of realizing that what we oft think is impossible winds up being obtainable after all. It just takes time and courage and when you are ready, and I mean really ready, you will take that step and you will not only have my support, but the support of many others who have taken that step before you.

So please don't be sad that you woke up and found a few inches of flesh didn't fall off in the middle of the night and don't try to return the vanishing cream to the store claiming it don't work either because they look at you funny. You are where you need to be. When you need to be somewhere else, you will find a way because that is who you are.

It has taken me my lifetime to understand that all the crap and all the pain and all the abuse and all the tears have led me to this point in my journey and now that I am in this place, I look back at all the bad roads I traveled and I smile. Take it from me, and I'm sure countless others will agree, when you get to the place where we have (and you will make it) you will smile too.

I leave you with one last message and I hope it puts a smile on your face. When you think no one cares about you and you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because you hate who you are, know that I love you and I hope that is enough for you to make it through another day.

Be blessed my sisters (and all you crazy gents that finds us sexy)