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You can blame Angharad's bike tonight for this. Cathy was spending some time feeling great appreciation for her children.
Knowing full well I will not see any of mine again, I was given a treat the other day when I was left alone for a few minutes with a 4 year old girl while her sitter changed clothes. The child gathered up some of her dollies and came to explain to me what their names were and what sort of animal they were. She was quite lovely and innocent. I felt blessed in enjoying a pleasure that I have not had since I was thrown out. It ignited a longing in my heart, so I gave a sigh; the longing would be unfulfilled, and we left to go shopping.
So, Sunday when I walked into the church building, one of the Brothers asked me if I would fill in for a sick sister in the sunday school. My first thought was to ask him if he realized how repulsive I was, but instead, I said yes. It was a thrill for me to see 15 little children from 3 to 9 years old singing songs and listening to stories. One of the little tikes started crying and he was picked up and comforted in the most gentle way I can imagine.
Later, I had 4 8-9 year old girls in my class and we went through a story. They know that I am not trained, so they sort of led me through a lesson and talked about it. They were a lively lot and at time danced around the room acting out the lesson.
As the class ended, I realized that I might wait a long time to again feel so blessed. After the abuse we have to put up with at the hands of family and society, this was a genuine shock. I never expected it because I was firmly convinced that deep down the church members think I am a pervert and dangerous to their children. It was an extremely pleasant experience to find that idea disproved, and I thank God for it.
Gwendolyn
Comments
I'd love to take care of little kids
not likely to happen, though.
How Could they Not Accept You???
I'm grateful you have opened your heart, and your lap widee. Hearts open to teach the stories, and lap so just one more can sit with you.
Blessings to you, and I'll confess it's what keeps me going back for more, the gentle unjudgemental love of children.
Blessings, Love, and Hugs
Bethy
I just resigned from a youth group
before I become too obvious. It hurt, but I support the group (if not the bigotry of the parents). Most of them would be OK with me I suspect, but then there are the leaders of the organization. Oh well.
I'm very jealous...
...the little girls got to experience your sweet kindness first hand. No fair!
Love, Andrea Lena
Gwendolyn, you are a most
gracious and blessed woman. The Church is very lucky to have you as a member.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Working with children.
I live stealth these days... but there have been exceptions to that, in the past. Years ago I was enrolled for a time in the real life inspiration for the special school for abused women that featured in a story I posted here... and just as my character did in that story, I really needed to talk about *all* the things that were troubling me -- including the "trans" angle. Which meant that in order to talk about those things, share them with the group... they need to know.
Shrug. It was an interesting experience, the months I spent at that school. Many of the other women there in my group had not only been abused, but had children. Children they felt *intensely* protective of. And yet... as they came to know me... they learned to trust me.
Smile. Some of my fondest memories of that time were a couple "sleepovers" that were organized, among the younger women. Being invited, despite their knowing my past. Even better, in some ways, though, were the times when I was asked to care for my friends' children. Sometimes just for a few hours during the day... a couple memorable times sleeping over, and watching the children overnight.
Even today, while living "stealth"... there are a few exceptions to that. My husband knows, for example... and my oldest step-daughter -- who is now a parent herself, with a daughter of her own. A grandchild that likes to play in the bathtub... so I have bathed with her frequently. Slept with her in my bed, snug in my arms, on nights when her mother was not available for whatever reason. I am just another grandmother to that child... we have never really talked about it, but I think her mother feels her daughter is way too young to be told, so I am careful to never so much as hint at my having had an unusual "girlhood", when I am with her... and her mother is happy with that.
Again, my point is... I am and was trusted with these children by people who *know* about my past.
I prefer to live stealth, where I do not have to worry about earning such trust the hard way... people just automatically give it to me. But for those who can not walk that path, or prefer not to for whatever reason... do not assume that being "openly trans" means children can not be a part of your life. They can be. You simply have to be the sort of person that *deserves* people's trust... and be willing to give folks a little extra time to get to know you. Their instincts will be to keep their children "safe" from any "unknown" danger... so don't be an "unknown". Get to know them. Talk about yourself. Earn their respect. Their trust.
Once you do that... you can walk whatever path you want. And if you want that path to include children... so be it. It *can* happen.
I work with kids every day, although I suppose that does not count since I live stealth (my employer does not know, despite the annual background checks and security clearances... which needlessly to say, take some doing on my part). But I have also known trans school teachers, medical professionals, et cetera. Sometimes their employers prefer not to "mention" their employees past (stealth with the clients, although the employer knows about it). Sometimes the whole thing is completely open.
I grew up in an earlier era, when stealth was pretty much a necessity... and even today, it is something I prefer. But while slowly, the times *are* changing. Don't just assume that being openly trans means you must turn your back on working with children. It does not have to be that way, these days... and any society without children in it is a sterile one, without a future. Needlessly cutting yourself off from kids is a tragedy... as it cuts you off from that community future, and isolates you from life...
Shrug. Just my two cents worth. Possibly wrong, since I have always had the advantage of physical "passability", which might be influencing how willing folks are to see me as a woman even when they "know". I have never really walked in some of your shoes... and can not truly know what exactly you face in your daily lives...