Well it IS baseball season, and Earnest Lawrence Thayer probably does need a good turning over in his grave :-) Take me out to the (no) ball(s) game!

Caitlin at the Bat
by Jezzi Belle Stewart
 ©2002 Turn Right Productions
  
(apologies to Earnest Lawrence Thayer)
  
It looked extremely rocky at the Mudville home that day
The score stood Casey zero; 'twas mom and sister's turn to play.
For sister was fed up it seems with Casey's teasing game
And mom was mad because it seems he treated her the same.

Casey tried to plead his case in deep despair. At best
He clung to the hope that springs eternal in each human breast;
He thought perhaps he'd only get a whack or two, but that
was wishful thinking now 'twas clear the ladies were at the bat.

For Mom was holding lipstick, while sister offered him a bra.
And mom with phony cheerfulness said, "Welcome to the spa!"
So upon poor stricken Casey melancholy came and sat,
For there seemed but little chance of "him" surviving much of that.

Then mom explained the deal: "What happens is your call.
It won't do you a bit of good to prevaricate and stall.
When this day is over and you think what has occurred,
You'll have learned a useful lesson or feel humiliated and absurd."

"Now insults from your macho throat can rise with scream and yell;
You can fight us but we'll rally and your day will be like hell.
We'll make you wear drab boyish clothes, your chest will be quite flat
Though hair and makeup 'twill leave no doubt 'tis sissy at the bat!"

There was fear in casey's manner: No escaping from this place.
Defeat marked casey's bearing; there were tears on Casey's face.
And then responding to his mom from where he despondent sat
He said, "I'm sorry Mom and sis; I really don't want that!"

The ladies' eyes were on him as he there in terror sat
Oft' nimble tongues stayed silent as they let him think on "that".
Then sister faced him, gloating now, her hands upon her hips:
"Sissy's way too good for him!" A sneer curled sister's lip.
  
She knew her diabolical plan would give him quite a scare
And Casey's looks quite proved her right as he sat huddled there.
"Frilly panties and a diaper and a baby dress!" she said,
*This ain't a dream,* thought Casey. *and I'm not home in bed.*

From the sidelines mom stood smiling at what sister had in store
For the ego of her prideful son, the misogynistic boar!
"No, please! No, Please!" he pleaded there; Mom slowly raised her hand
"We're doing this for your own good, I hope you understand."

Then a smile of Christian charity upon her lovely visage shown
As she unveiled the real plan he'd grab now the seeds were sown.
She signaled to her daughter, and they moved side by side
"There is another way;" they said, "one I think you can abide."

"But..." said the stern unyielding mom, and sister echoed "But..."
"...You must do exactly what we say or there's a diaper for your butt!"
"I'd like," said mom "just for today two daughters 'stead of one.
To shop and lunch and giggle. - You know it could be fun!"

A thoughtful look graced Casey's face; Mom thought *At last I've won!*
"Don't worry dear." Mom gently said. "No one will see a son."
When sis and I are through with you, you'll be quite the lovely lass!
So just relax and let us work; we guarantee you'll pass."

Oh somewhere in this land of ours, still genders quarrel and fight
Sisters bait their brothers somewhere; somewhere brothers are uptight,
And somewhere mom's are yelling, and somewhere sons still shout
But there's joy in the house of Mudville - lovely CAITLIN has stepped out!