I looked in the mirror at 29 years old: I saw her a little older but still very beautiful. She wanted to find love. But I told her no, I was afraid of what people will say.
I looked in the mirror at 39 years old: I saw her still gorgeous a few lines but still a radiant smile. She wanted a family, I said no we would have to tell the people we meet about both of us and they would reject us.
I looked in the mirror at 49 years old: I saw her hair was gray she looked a little tired, but still carried that smile for me. She wanted to travel go beyond this little world we had made. I said no we don’t have the time.
I looked in the mirror at 59 years old: I saw her much older she no longer smiled for me. She wanted to have company someone to talk too. I said no we are too ill.
I looked in the mirror at 69 years old: I couldn’t see her; I looked hard trying to find her and realized she had left me. I discovered I missed her company. I felt alone so very alone and I fell asleep for the last time.
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Comments
OH! How sad!
This is a sad story, Jenn. Scary, even. A cautionary tale.
Good Job! I loved it! **Sigh**
Sighs are the natural language of the heart.
-Thomas Shadwell
an easy trap to fall into
heed the warning and set her free.
I wonder which side of the mirror I am on, looking at the other. I know that she is my true self. Now, sometimes I look into the mirror and see the tired, unhappy man I lived most of my life as. It breaks my heart. So I am learning to let him go to live in peace. A reward for a job well done.
/Cassie Ellen
My eyes filled with tears
This sums up how so many of us feel. Instead of being true to ourselves we bury our real self for fear of what others would think, or because it would cause them distress. Sometimes we feel we have no choice but to live a double life.
It says you are a new author Jenn, but I suspect that only means new to this site. Congratulations on your first posting here. I hope to read more of your work.
Jenn C your Why she left
made me cry over the loss.
May Your Light Forever Shine
You should have put Tissue alert
I was so close to crying, then the darn radio played I'll be home for Christmas and I was gone.
Wonderful story, I enjoyed it very much, despite how sad it is.
So many reasons...
...and so much heartache over leaving...My biggest fear entering therapy a few years ago was in discovering who Andrea really was that she might just 'go away.' You touched me so much with this. Thank you!
Love, Andrea Lena
no danger of that, sis
Andrea is here to stay!
This was a sad story, but a well told one.
This story needs to be published in a woman's magazine, so
that others like us know the full truth about consciously rejecting our true selves. I have been lucky most of my life, because I never shunned my true self, and showed who I am to the world. Mommy dearest didn't like the little girl who lived in this gross body, so she sent me away at 12½ years old to live in darkness for 5½ years. When I was 18 years old, she took me back in to HER house, and she never let me forget that. But those 5½ years made me strong in my mind. I never let people run over me, and learned basic feminine self defense.
This story is sad, has fear of what people would think, and tragic that the narrator rejected living as her true self. Eventually that true self left, leaving a sad, lonely and miserable man to die alone without having lived.
The transgender community needs to read and heed these warnings, for their own self preservation. Thank you for Sharing and WELCOME TO BC/TS.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Explanation
I did tick the good story box, but this was a very sad tale, My tick was because you did it so well. It was almost a poem with its repeated phrases and structure.
I just wonder, how many of us behave like this - afraid to let the girl inside come out and live too, or if thinking of themself as female, letting the boy loose as well ?
Several times people have written in stories here on BCTS that someone has to be brave to transition. I am a devout coward. At least I have always regarded myself as one. Yet somehow I found myself going to Northern Ireland in the middle of the Troubles, staying, as the only guest apart from one American, in a hotel in the middle of Belfast that had been blown up so many times they had a permanent iron net all round it and a 24/7 army unit guarding it. I travelled to No Go areas and demonstrated a new wound treatment to both sides. In a top range hired car from Avis, because my Company would not risk one of their cars, I was escorted from hospital to hospital and saw wounds like one just did not see in English hospitals. Both sides protected me and were glad for the help. Later I cut loose and volunteered to work in East Europe, living behind the "Iron Curtain" and finding that they were just the same as us!
I decided I wanted to use these opportunities to jump a few rungs in the upward climb to top management and huge salaries.
My Daddy, a career soldier invalided out at end of WW2, advised me to avoid being conscripted as he felt my feminine bodyshape and wee titties would cause me so much trouble among the lads.
Some of us have gender confusion thrust upon them, others can choose.
Chimerism is a rare but recorded phenomenon, my sort happens when twins are conceived but instead of separating they form one foetus with XX and XY cells more or less evenly distributed throughout the one body. There are thought to be about 500 of us, most live in China.
Most chimeras die early. I am a lucky exception. Life Assurance is unavailable to me, but so what? When my time comes I will walk into the sea, so no funeral needed, no body left to bury, at ridiculous cost - recycling perfected. I will NOT put up with being put in a "home" or hospital to die. I have done my duty to humanity and I owe them nothing, and I am not brave enough to die slowly, rotting as bit by bit turns off.
The hardest thing is to decide what one wants. Getting it, is easy after that!
Briar
Wow Jenn!
Just wow, as I read through tear stained eyes. Big Hugs, Taarpa
Keep it up!
Almost described me, but I found the courage to do something about it.
A good first release.
Wow Jen, just wow...:)
This was short, and very, very real. I think that you touched a lot of people with this first foray into your writing. This says to me that you're going to do really well at this.
Very Proud of you:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
So haunting and
So haunting and beautiful.
Thank you.
WOW!!!!
WOW It makes for a real Eye opener & makes one think.I like it Big Sis thanx for writing it.****Giggling****
Signed Kagome Ur Little Sister LOL
A path to many have walked.
A path to many have walked.
And too many still walk.
*cries*
I kind of hope she was still in there in the end somehow,
even if too shy to really peek out, she was still looked for,
so I suspect so.
No longer able to wear a prom dress
The poem holds wisdom, about where I cannot go back too.
I do not regret the life I live,
But do wish had I dared to live as Jessie as well more visibly than I have.
from Jessie C to Jenn C a big thanks and hugs.
Jessie
Jessica E. Connors
Jessica Connors
Isn't it just
so easy, and true. And so often.
This story struck a chord
The two of us have also lived our lives for the benefit of others. No doubt other original (post WW2) baby-boomers were forced into the same position. There was no way out when I discovered the other person inside.
This poem/history probably applies to more of us than you can imagine. Thank you for giving us space to read between the lines, and the time to think.
Kind regards
Kate
Kate
I'm impressed
You've said in a few short words what it would take me reams of paper to convey.
This is a very bittersweet, sad little poem that serves to remind me how fleeting time came be. It is extremely powerful and well done.
I guess it's my turn to cry.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
fleeting
All too fleeting it seems. :(
We chatted earlier today, so
We chatted earlier today, so I have started to look back at your work...
All I can say on this one is WOW, I'm sorry I missed it the first time. Very powerful, I had to share it with my wife. And while, we all know you are talking about your fem self, this could easily be about anyones dreams and fears of rejection.
Well done,
Hugs,
Kristy
Wow, Jenn, You speak for so many of us...
You get so much feeling into so few words.
It's amazing!
Thank you, my friend,
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!
Oh, the poor girl
trapped until she faded away…
Very affecting Jenn
Rhona McCloud
I'm 59
In two weeks, I will officially be 60. She doesn't smile much for me any more, either. She starves for company, but no one can see past the hairy, ugly exterior, nor past the pain and the frustration. I can't even keep a pet. My worst fear now is that I will have to wait another ten years before I finally get to sleep. It's a life sentence, the supermax "X" at Pelican Bay calls to me.
I keep revisting this one.
*returns to read this story again*
*returns to my own mirror again*
I can't really see her any more either,
but I do still feel her in my heart, or is that soul.
*returns to look again*
She's sort of curled up and crying in there tho.