The Robbery

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The Robbery
By: T.Girl_Sarah
 
 
          Matt was sweating behind the ski mask as he walked into the Dunkin Donuts. He pulled out his gun and shot one bullet into the ceiling. People screamed and took cover, some running for the door. Matt ignored them, striding towards the cash register, pointing the gun at the terrified Indian woman behind the counter menacingly.

          "Give me the money, old woman..." He made his voice sound gravelly, deliberately making the change. She glared at him as she opened the till. He grabbed a bag from behind the counter, a paper bag, and handed it to her, all the while keeping the gun on her.

          The woman was taking forever! He pushed her aside, and loaded the bag with the cash register's contents. The woman uttered a strange sounding word, and as Matt heard it, a strange tingling feeling went through his body. He shook it off, having gotten what he had come for. He ran out of the door, tearing the mask off as he jumped into his car.

          He drove away, slowly so as not to attract attention to himself. He drove home to his small decrepit house, and parked behind the house. He then took the bag, and walked into his house after opening the door with his key. He emptied the contents of the bag on his stained coffee table, counting the money with a grim expression. He fell asleep shortly later, the adrenaline having worn off.
 

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Comments

It may be a chapter

and didn't mark it as such? Most new authors are scared when posting at first. So let's give T.Girl_Sarah the benefit of the doubt and see how she develops as a writer :)

I know its incomplete and and short and its rough... but its a beginning ^^

Sephrena

[Note: I formatted and corrected some of the errors in this piece shortly after it posted. I kept it in the same submitted form the author had tried to post it as.]

The Robbery

A Good start with a Alfred Hitchcock ending just needs a second chapter to continue with the answers or more hints as to what is happening. Looking for more!

Richard

There will be a second

There will be a second chapter everyone! I just wanted to post a teaser first.

Great start. I hope the

Great start. I hope the villain gets what he deserves I mean really the heinous crime of robbery of a Dunkin Donuts death would be to good for him. Hopefully no cream filled were injured in the robbery, and the coffee is still hot.


I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Well,

If he is getting justice, and does turn into a woman, s(he) should be really afraid of just what type of donut did the old woman curse her(him) with? If it was jelly filled or cream filled - one of those is going to be a need for her(him) to get a pregnancy test.

Least it wasn't the Snickers bar from Costume Required by Sleethr

Just cream filling this time! :D (but the KY flavored jelly donuts... let's just not go there....)

Sephrena

Good so far.

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

Good so far.

This a good start, tho a bit short even for a single chapter, keep going.
Short bits frequently might be good however rather then large bits far a part, which is fairly common here. But the muse strikes when the muse strikes and people do have Real Lives.

I do like it so far.
Yes, Continue!

-

too the other commenters
I assume she just needs to figure out how to properly tag the story and organize the posts into a series. I don't really know how my self since I only have one drabble/poem up so far. Is there an explanation on how to set such things up somewhere on the site?

Don't mess with the Holey woman!

A robber should know better than to rob such a spiritual place.

'Cause donuts are holey.:)

Words may be false and full of art;
Sighs are the natural language of the heart.
-Thomas Shadwell

Ummm :P

My only question thus far is how in the world did he manage to pick the only Doughnut shop with no police on site? :P

ps sorry couldn't resist the cliche there and no offence ment to the brave souls that do serve and protect.:)

Love the story

Looking forward to part two
Love and Hugs Hanna

Love And Hugs Hanna
((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))
Blessed Be
2889.jpg

Phew!

Thank goodness there will be a follow-up.

You've whetted my appetite; now let's find out (a) what she said, and (b) what the retribution will be.

S.