Janet L. Stickney
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Is it a Costume

I never felt more alive, the softness of the clothing making me swoon in delight; I had never experienced anything like that before, so you could safely say that I was both confused and excited at the same time. I had never dressed up as a girl before, so I was unfamiliar with the inherent thrill it caused. As I looked in the mirror I saw my mother behind me, and she was smiling!

"I just knew that you would look absolutely darling as a girl! Don't you think I was right?"

"Yeah, I guess" I said, not wanting to let on that I liked it, a lot, well, maybe more than I should have anyway.

"I'll bet that nobody will know you! They'll think your just a girl without a costume!"

"No way mom! Everybody will know as soon as I open my mouth!"

"Just talk a bit softer, and don't forget to use your hands and arms a lot; oh, and don't kiss any boys!"

"As if" I said with a grin.

The costume party was being held at a local hall rented to that purpose by a local ladies club to which my mother was a member; that's why I was invited to attend. It was mom's idea for me to go as a girl, since cowboys and spacemen were, in her words, "getting trite and over done". I did not oppose her suggestion, but I should mention that it was the very first time I had dressed up as a girl, and in all of my 18 years, it had never even occurred to me to try it.

At first it seemed tedious, all that hair removal, shaving, and lotions, but my skin did come out of that ordeal feeling very soft, and a lot smoother than I anticipated or imagined. Then came the clothes. Mom had most likely bought them, but the panties were snug, and after rearranging my parts, I had a reasonably smooth front. The padded pantybrief added curves where I had none, like my hips and butt, and the padded bra with the gel inserts, gave me just enough boobs that my shape was that of a young girl. Maybe a smallish B cup mom told me. Pantyhose, a slip, then the dress, which was a pullover sheath style in a bright red. The shoes were also red, about three inches high, with a strap that went around my ankle.

Using an apron, mom covered the dress, then talked me through the makeup. Light foundation, some powder, eyeshadow and eyeliner, then mascara, blusher and finally, the lipstick. The wig was shoulder length, sort of a very light brown that was almost blond. Earrings, a necklace, and a bracelet completed my getting dressed up, except for the perfume which mom insisted that I wear. When I was ready, she went into her room and began to get changed, leaving me time to check myself out in the mirror.

Having seen the entire transformation, I was still stunned by how feminine I looked! I did not look anything like the old me in any way! I had great legs, a more than convincing shape, and a pretty face! If I saw a girl that looked like that I would have hit on her! I smiled at my reflection, which opened my face and if anything, made me look even better. I put my wallet, a brush, my lipstick and car keys in my purse, and walked out to wait for mom to appear. She was going as Wonder Woman. She had the figure for it, and I knew that she would look great, but when she walked out, she looked spectacular!

"Damn mom! You look really good!"

"So do you honey!" She stepped a bit closer, then… "You'll need a girls name, have you one you like?"

"Um… I hadn't thought about it, but how about something simple? Like… ahhhh…. Grace?"

"Okay, Grace it is; just remember to answer to that name, because that's what I'll call you, okay?"

"Sure mom."

As we walked into the hall I just know that every head turned, mom looked so good that I was sure that she was a winner even before they cast the votes, and by the look on the guys faces, I thought I was right. I had no idea that they might be looking at me. We found our assigned table and sat down, soon to be joined by several others. One kid was dressed as a cowboy, another was a construction worker. The guy dressed like a construction worker sat next to me.

"Hi" he said, "I'm John."

"Grace" I said using a softer tone in my voice like mom told me.

"No costume?" He asked

Surprised that he did not realize that I was a boy, I forgot completely how I looked… "I'm ah… a secretary" I said.

"A very pretty one too!"

"Thank you!"

We met all the others, then we all stood up when our table was called for the buffet dinner. John was behind me as I walked across the hard floor, my heels sounding very loud as they clicked when I stepped down, but I remained calm as we filtered through the line. During dinner jokes were told, comments about the costumes we could see were made, and then, right after dinner, the band started playing. I gathered up my plates to put them in the trash, taking Johns as well. On the way back he met me about halfway, slipped his arm around my waist, and asked me to dance!

"Oh, I'm a terrible dancer! I'll step all over your feet!"

"I'm wearing steel toed boots Grace, you can't hurt me, so lets give it a whirl."

With that, he took my hand and I found myself dancing with him! Never having danced with a guy before, I was very concerned that I would do something wrong, but, I managed to follow him reasonably well, and he said nothing about my ineptness. After the dance, and just as we were about to sit down,…..

"Honey" mom said, "lets go fix our lipstick." I followed her into the ladies room, only slightly concerned. "John has taken a liking to you Grace, so be careful. I know that he's handsome and very hunky, but…."

"Mother! I'm not…. He can't think that I'm a…. besides…."

"I know that you're not looking for a boyfriend honey, but he's obviously looking for a girlfriend, and you are a very lovely girl, so, in his mind, why not?! All I'm saying is be careful!"

"You can count on that!"

After we repaired our lips, we went back to the table, only John once again wanted to dance, and once again I found myself out on the dance floor. Just about the only good things were that he had not figured out that I was a guy like him, and he was taller than me, even in heels. If nothing else, I was normal height for a girl when I was next to him. As we went around the dance floor I realized that in order to win, I would have to unmask myself, and after dancing with John, I did not want to risk being pummeled into the floor. He was taller, wider, and stronger, all the attributes girls wanted in a guy, while I was, sadly, able to look like a girl with what I thought was a minimum of effort. With an internal sigh, I resigned myself to enjoying the party without competing.

Mom came in second to a belly dancer, but won $100 anyway. As we were leaving….

"Janet! I'm surprised that you didn't win! You look fantastic in that outfit!"

"Thanks Doreen. This is Grace, my… ah… daughter."

"With genes like your mothers you shouldn't have any trouble finding the right guy Grace, you're a very pretty girl!"

I was about to answer when John walked up. "Hi Aunt Doreen! Have you met Grace?"

"Just now as a matter of fact! I saw you two dancing out there, and you two looked like you're made for each other!" She paused, then said… "I'm having a get together Saturday, two weeks from now at the cabin. Maybe you and Grace would like to come?"

Mom was about to answer when John looked at me, and… "Please say you'll come Grace! I'll take you out on the lake in the boat… it's really nice at the lake, and I, uh, would like you to come."

I looked at mom, pleading for her to say no, but…. "I'll have to check the calendar Doreen. I'll have to call and let you know, is that okay?"

"Of course!"

John squeezed my hand just before we left for home. On the way I told mom that I couldn't go to the lake.

"I'd have to wear shorts, and maybe a swimsuit, and I don't think that I should even try!"

"I don't believe that! All you need is a pair of girls shorts and a nice top; I'm not saying that you should go, I wouldn't do that to you, but it does sound like a fun afternoon, and it's not like you'll be running off with John to get married!"

"So… you're saying that I should try it?!"

"No dear. What I'm saying, if you remember, you were introduced to Doreen as my daughter! I said that because I knew that you didn't want John to find out that he had been dancing with another boy all evening, and it was my way of trying to protect you! It was all I could think of! I did not realize that it might cause you a problem, but now everyone thinks you're my daughter, and they certainly know where we live! That's why I'm saying that maybe a day at the lake wouldn't be so difficult for you, if you take the time to do it right, like you did today."

"But if I go, then John will be convinced that I'm a girl!"

"That's a good point, but unless you simply say that you can't go, which is also an option, then you'll just have to do what all girls do! Just let him down gently! If you decide to go, don't let him get under your skin, just have a nice time, but make it very clear that you're not interested! Most guys get the message, and quit calling, or in this case, asking you out!"

"Maybe, but ah…. my boobs are just so much fluff, and I couldn't wear anything that might be ah… show my lack of um… boobs, like a swimsuit!"

"I get it Grace. You need better boobs, and I agree, especially if you need to wear a swimsuit! If you want to do this, you need to tell me!"

"I'm betting that I don't have a choice mom. If I say no, he'll just call me until I see him again and I'll be in the same fix I'm in now, unless I want to tell him the truth, which I can't do, not now, not after you told them I was your daughter! I know you meant well, but what now? And if I do go to the lake, that will only confirm that I really am a girl! Mom, this is not good! For either of us! If your friends find out what that I'm not a girl, after you told them I am, you'll be on the outs, and if I say anything, I'll probably get killed!"

"I agree, it's a problem, which I admit I created, because I didn't think ahead, but I think you're right; it does sound to me like you have decided to try it, right?"

"I guess" I said, slowly, unsure of what I was getting myself into, "I don't think I have a choice!"

"Then the only thing to do is go out tomorrow and see what we can find in the way of something that's affordable and acceptable, if you want to do this I mean, and we'll see about getting you some better boobs and maybe some better padding, some shorts and a swimsuit. But you have to realize that you're the only one that can let him down. I can't do that for you, it has to be you. Is that what you're thinking too?"

"I don't have a choice do I?"

With that statement, I opened the door to the unknown. I wasn't actually against dressing up as a girl, I knew that I looked okay, it was all that other stuff that was getting in the way. Like guys; John in particular. If I were a girl I would have eagerly accepted his offer, but as a guy dressed like a girl, I had to be very careful, unless I wanted to let everyone know the truth. As an attorney, mom relied on her contacts and her word, so people trusted that what she said was true. If it came out that she lied about me, even if there was a good reason for it, there might be some kind of disrepute attached to her name; that led me to only one conclusion. I was, like it or not, about to become a girl once again.

After I cleaned up, mom casually mentioned that maybe it would be a good idea if I simply dressed like a girl every day, from then until the party at the lake. Her reasoning was simple. At the costume party it didn't really matter, because it was a costume. But by accepting an offer to go to the lake, I had tacitly confirmed that I was a female, and had to walk, talk, and act like one if I had any hope of pulling it off, and the best way was to practice. I knew she was right, but dressing as a girl every day?

"I know what you think; that if you don't do this that people won't trust me again, but I can explain this all away, so don't worry about me! Worry about how you're going to let John down, if you can that is."

"What does that mean, if I can?"

"He is very attractive, and no matter what, Doreen was right. You do make a lovely couple!"

"I'm not a girl!"

"Yes, but you really don't want to say that, do you? Maybe you like the way you look? Is that it? Did you find out that you like the way you look as a girl? Is that it?" When I said nothing… "So!" she suddenly said, "that's it! You're just putting up a front! You like dressing as a girl, and you simply don't want to say so!"

"No…mom! It's not like that! It's just that I never… what I mean is, you know how your clothes feel, soft and… and sexy, and you know how I look both ways, so…. what I mean is, as a girl, I look… good? You even said so yourself! And you certainly know that was the first time I ever dressed up like a girl!"

"Lets not worry about the why" she said, "lets just make sure that you can pass a close inspection, okay?"

With that, my fate was sealed, only I had no clue about what could happen, not at the time. I knew that I wasn't Gay, and I certainly wasn't eager to try anything like that, but mom was right. If I had to dress as a girl, then the best way to stay out of trouble was to look the best I could. Mom had not exactly led me by the nose to that point, all she did was lay out the possibilities and leave it to me. When she discovered that I didn't really mind dressing up, and I finally agreed to become a girl, full time for at least a while, it all began. It would start the next day, and last for at least two weeks. As I sat there I realized that I could end the charade at any time by simply telling her; so, the only question for me was, did I want to try it. Any fool can put on a dress, but he would probably look stupid or clownish; if I did it, I knew that there wasn't any way that I was going to allow myself to look stupid. I cannot say that I didn't like the way I looked as a girl, in fact it was just the opposite. I did like it. But I was also convinced that my best protection would only come if I looked perfect. To this day I do not know why I felt that way, but somewhere in my mental gyrations, I must have talked myself into it, because I went online to see what was available to make a guy look like a gal.

I was overwhelmed by the number of places that carried stuff to do just that, but I quickly pared the list down to a few, then began to carefully check out what they offered. Complete with pictures, one site offered a full range of products, including a panty that they swore made a guy look and feel like a girl! When I saw those pictures, I reached the crossroads of my dilemma. If I were determined enough to look good and feel safe at he same time, and their products were as good as they said they were, then it would eliminate any questions I had about being able to pull it off. I was going to do it because I was either very curious, or I liked being a girl more than I previously thought. I called. That's when they told me that they had a store not far away from the house! I made an appointment, for Monday morning. Unless I cancelled, I was about to become Grace, full time for a full two weeks. I wondered if I was crazy.

A bit later that night I told mom that we could go shopping, but I would rather wait until after Monday. I did not tell her why, except to say that I found a place that sold really good breast forms and was going to check them out. She gave me her credit card.

"Are you really sure about this? I mean, you can play dress up at home all you like! You don't have to prove anything to me, and certainly not anyone else!"

"I'm not trying to prove anything mom! I have to know if what I felt earlier, when I got dressed up for the party is going to be the same every day! I never felt like that before, and maybe you're right. Maybe I do like it more than I think, and maybe I don't, but either way, I have to know, right?"

"I'm not sure what you mean honey, but if you feel that strongly about it, my only advice is that you do your very best. Being a woman isn't easy, it's a mans world out there, and you won't be able to do many of the things you take for granted now, so, even though we're only talking about two weeks, be prepared for some very serious culture shock."

On Sunday night I once again went over my body carefully, removing the few hairs that had popped out, then used the skin lotion again. As I lay in the tub, I knew that mom wasn't the least bit worried about her reputation, she was worried about me doing something really stupid, but if the people at the store were right, by the time I left the shop I would not look like a boy. I knew it was crazy, silly even, to think that a boy could fool so many people for so long, but after experiencing all those sensations when I was dressed up, I had to know if it was a one time thing, or if I liked being a girl more than I first realized.

The next day I went, as myself, to the local mart and bought a package of panties, some pantyhose, a pair of flats, and a pair of cargo shorts. They're shorts, but shorter than normal without being hot pants. Then I went home to do some more research. By the time I was done, I knew more about what was happening than I thought possible! Like the fact that many of my "sisters" lived and worked as women, even though they were still male! I wondered in an off hand sort of way if I could do that. Probably not.

On Monday morning I began to get ready, with no help from my mother. I had to learn how to do it myself anyway, so why not start? I carefully did my makeup the way I did it on the day of the party, slipped on the new shorts and a top, then stepped into my new flats and grabbed my purse. Mom was gone by then, so she did not see me as I sauntered out to the car, then drove away. The shop wasn't very big, which concerned me, but I went in anyway, and told the lady that I had an appointment, and was taken into the back.

"I can see that you're nervous dear, sit down and tell me all about it."

Her calm, grandmotherly voice allowed me to relax a bit, and out it came, from the moment I first shaved the hair off, to dancing with John, right up to my being there. I didn't skip a thing, and she never interrupted. When I was done she took my hand and smiled.

"It sounds like you're confused, but want to experience what it's like to be a girl, full time, at least for a while, right? I can help you do that, I'm very good at it, but if you're going to be wearing swimsuits and maybe even sexy lingerie, then you'll want the best, only it's expensive, and once you have it on, when I'm done with you I mean, you'll be committed for at least six months. Are you prepared to do this for that long a time?"

"Six months!?"

"At the very least, but if you're seeking the truth, trying to find out what is best for you, then the only way to find out, to make positively sure, is to live the life for at least that long! And if that's the case, the way to go is the best, and I, my dear, have the very best! Think of it this way. If, at the end of say…. three months, you decide that it's not for you, come in and I can remove the breast forms. I can't remove the panty that soon, but without breasts, you'll look the way you did before you walked in here. You'll just have to sit down to eliminate."

Six months was a very long time, but since I could always go back to being myself, at least look like it anyway, I decided that I was going to try it, and told her that. Once I did, she was all business. I had to get naked, but once she had the molds, it only took a few hours for her to create a pair of breasts forms that looked very real, and once attached, it looked like I grew them! The panty was very special, and it took both of us to get me into it without hurting me, but wow! I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like a naked 18 year old girl, right down to the exclamation point in my groin! I gently felt everything, and knew that there was no way that anyone could say that I was a boy. I got dressed, sans the padded pantybrief because I no longer needed it.

My bra held the breasts tightly yet let them bounce a bit, and I suddenly had cleavage! I paid the bill and left the shop, the sensation of bouncing boobs, and the weight on my chest tugging at me with every step was an unexpected thrill that I wasn't prepared for, and yet, I cannot describe why I felt that way. With nothing between my legs, I found it much easier to put my knees together, and the tapering, from my waist to my groin, created the telltale Y of a female. I went home and once again undressed so I could stare at my new body. Rounder hips, fuller bottom, B cup breasts that looked pert with just a bit of sag, "just like normal" the lady had told me. I ran my finger down the crease in my groin, letting it slip in a bit, just to assure myself that she was telling me the truth.

I pulled on the panties, left the bra on the bed, and put the shorts back on. Then I slipped a tee over my head. Without a bra, you could see my nipples poking out! Not that big, yet they were there, and that was all I wanted mom to see. I tugged the shorts even higher, making the center seam fall into my new crease, but did not keep that look. It made me feel sleazy. I brushed out the wig, redid my lipstick, and waited for mom to get home. I was just sitting there when she walked in, and when I stood up….

"Grace! Look at you! You look fabulous!"

"Yeah, that lady did a great job. They're molded from my own chest, and fit me perfectly! They even look real! Want to see?" Without waiting for and answer, I pulled up my tee. "See? They look real don't they?"

"I wouldn't have known unless you told me! I wasn't even aware they made anything like that!"

"I um…. bought something else too. Come in my room and I'll show you!"

As soon as we were in my room I slipped the shorts and panties down, then stood there so mom could take a good look. I heard her suck in her breath, but she didn't say anything as I got dressed again, but with a bra.

"I know it's a bit extreme" I said, "but this is for my own safety, and I really don't think I could have done it unless I looked real. I would have been too afraid."

"Just how long does that glue last? You never said."

"Six months, but she told me the breast forms could come off easier, but might leave a rash if she took them off to early, so other than having to sit to use the toilet, I'll look the same if I have to."

"That's okay I guess, but what haven't you told me? I mean, you look so… real? I find it very hard to believe they made a panty like that just for show, does it…. can you…."

With a sigh…. "Yeah, I can do it if I want to, but that won't happen so I'm not worried about that! I just wanted something that looked realistic, and she said that this was the very best!"

"So…. if you can have sex, what else is there? I mean, it sounds like this company is striving for total realism!"

"Well… she told me that she could make it, if I wanted to, so that in about a month I could start having periods; she said that if I wanted to experience what it's really like to be a girl, then I really needed to suffer through that too. I know it sounds crazy, but it didn't sound so bad to me, and she sounded very sincere about that, so, I said yes. I mean, it's only a few days a month, right?"

"So" mom said in an exasperated tone, let me get this straight. While there isn't any doubt that you look like a girl, you can not only have sex with some guy, you'll also experience periods!? Isn't that just a bit over the top? I mean, if all you wanted to do was get by long enough to go to the lake…."

"But mom! If we go to the lake, then we both know that he'll call me, and probably ask me out, and we both know I did not do this on a whim mom! I did some research on the net, and found out that guys that do this, dress as girls for a while I mean, once they find out how it makes them feel, and they start doing it, with any regularity that is, they can't get enough of it! That's why I did this! What if I'm like that too? That and John of course; it'll protect me from any doubt, make it seem that you told the truth, and we'll both be safe from any questions!"

Mom clearly did not like the fact that I looked so much like a girl, but did finally admit that looking like the real deal was probably safer, telling me that I was probably right in my assessment of the situation, and then she let it drop. She did however, insist that I start acting like a girl all the time, even in the tone of my voice. Then, at her insistence, she and I left for the mall. I needed to have some skirts and dresses, bras and panties, more shoes, some jewelry, and a swimsuit. By the time we got home it was late, and we both crashed. The next day I spent some time putting things away, then started to clean the house. I worked my butt off, but by the time mom got home the house was spotless from top to bottom. Laundry, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, making the beds, it was all done.

Mom noticed, and was even a bit surprised I think. But it was the very least I could do. As we sat down to eat dinner, she dropped a bomb on me.

"Remember when I told you it's a man's world out there? Well, you're about to find out, because a colleague of mine is looking for someone to work in his office, and when I mentioned that you weren't doing anything, he asked me to have you stop by in the morning. You said that you'll be this way for six months? Well, you'll need a lot of things, and since the word "mom" does not stand for "made of money", it's about time you started working, and being in an office is a good place to start! In the morning I'll loan you a suit if you like, but he wants you there at nine."

There were no questions there. It was an order, but she was right. I did need a lot of stuff, and I didn't want to be stuck at home; and with a job, I could buy things that I might need, and a job working for a friend of hers would be perfect! I grinned, and asked if I could borrow her beige suit. That night I took it out of her closet and began to set out my entire outfit. My brand new tan shoes, the beige suit with a white camisole under it, pantyhose, and a white handbag. You could easily say that I was very excited…. and a bit scared.

Not only would it be a true test of how I looked and acted, it would be my very first job, and I would be working as a girl! I spent some time in the tub before bed so that I was ready in the morning.

I pulled the skirt up a bit higher, making it at least two inches above my knees, tucked in the camisole and stepped into my heels. I checked the mirror; I was ready to go. Mom and I left at the same time. Her office was across town, while my appointment was just across from the courthouse. I found a place to park, then made my way to his office. His name was Mike Sawyer; he was about 50, tall, with graying hair and blue eyes.

"So! You're Grace! Janet tells me that it's time that you went to work, and as it happens, I need someone to answer the phone, keep my appointment book in order, and do some filing. Can you do that?"

"Yes sir. I've never done it, but it doesn't sound that hard, and I learn things quickly."

"Good. You're hired. Now lets get you settled in."

Mike was a criminal attorney, which meant that he had some very strange folks come into the office. Most were calm, but a few were downright rude and demanding. It did not take me long to figure out how to handle them. I merely suggested that if they did not behave themselves, I would simply reschedule their appointment! That usually worked. The work itself was easy, and he and I quickly fell into a routine. Along about the end of my first week working there I decided that I had enough of that wig, and made my first appointment at a salon, for Saturday morning. I was tired of that wig, and my hair had grown out a bit, so while I might have a short hairstyle, it would be a lot cooler than that wig.

I also had my ears pierced, simply because it was more comfortable, and I did not want to lose one at the lake the next day. My hair was tinted with an auburn hue that gave my face a bit more color, with bangs and a wave that framed each ear. Like I said, not long, but totally acceptable. I tossed the wig in a bag and went home. Mom seemed to like the cut and color, and the earrings.

Mike liked the change, as well. My work was getting easier as I figured things out and streamlined my work, and I got used to doing makeup and hair every day. I also started to wear slacks once in a while. On Friday..

"What did you plan on wearing tomorrow?"

"The cargo shorts and a top, why?"

"Take a skirt that goes with your top, and some nice shoes, just in case. Doreen has a nasty habit of throwing parties that tend to get fancy, and I want you to be prepared, that's all." Then, after a pause… "Are you taking the swimsuit I bought for you, or that bikini I saw on the dresser?"

"I thought that, well, I have them, why not flaunt them!"

"Just be careful around John honey, you don't have any experiences handling men, and you might send the wrong signal at the wrong time, so just be extra careful! I know that you're anxious to try out your new stuff on him, but he does not know that, remember?"

"I will mom! I can handle him, really!"

"Just remember, even though you're a boy, with that panty you have on, you can get raped, and we don't want that! You have to think like a girl now, not a boy in a dress!"

"Okay! Okay! I get it mom! I'll be extra careful!"

We left at ten the next morning for the drive to the lake. Mom and I both wore shorts and plain tops, each of us had a bag with us. Doreen greeted us as we walked up to the house, motioning towards a bedroom we could change in. John was there, and his face lit up when he saw me, which, I'll admit, made me feel good about myself. He and I walked out to the huge group of people that were milling around. There looked to be at least three other girls about my age there, but they seemed to stay together. I did meet a bunch of John's relatives, and to a person, every one of the ladies gave me the eye, as if they personally had to approve of John's "date". That was unnerving to say the least.

We ate a burger, sitting with his mom and dad. His dad was all smiles and eyes if you know what I mean, but his mom was very nice.

"Janet tells me that you work for a lawyer?"

"Mike Sawyer. I've been there two weeks now."

"Law is a good career Grace, maybe you should check into it."

"Not yet, but maybe. I need so many new things that I need to work for a while."

"I'm going to take Grace out on the boat, so we'll get ready, okay?"

"That's fine" his dad said, "just check the fuel before you go."

John stood up and shinnied out of his shorts, revealing his swim trunks.

"I think I'll go in the house and change".

I had brought both suits, the one mom bought and the bikini I had picked up. I was torn between the two because none of the other girls had a bikini on, but, vanity won out and I tossed the one piece back in the bag. I took another look in the mirror. Becoming a girl full time was beginning to be fun, but what I was about to do would be almost unthinkable without those breast forms and that panty, and I was glad that I had them. I grabbed a towel, took a deep breath, and walked out of the room not stopping until I reached the table where John and his parents were waiting.

"Wow" You look great Grace!"

"That's a very nice outfit" his mom said with a bit of jealousy in her voice.

"No speeding John, and I mean it!" His dad sounded very stern. "If I see a big wake you'll be grounded from the boat for the summer. Are we clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Okay then. You kids have a good time."

I did my best to walk with a sway, keep my arms against my body and my hands loose as we passed through the crowd. Those three girls stared at me like I was a leper, but I ignored them and continued to the dock. John helped me into the boat, and with a few deft moves, he started the engine, and we were off. The lake was huge, almost 10,000 acres, with homes dotted along the vast shoreline. John took me to the South, cruising around the point, then across the lake on a diagonal. I simply sat there looking around. I had never been on a boat before, and certainly, I had never appeared in a bikini! I had so many things to worry about that it was almost impossible to stay focused on the ride. He slowed, and let the boat drift to shore, nowhere near his house.

"This is a Federally protected park. Something to do with the birds. Come on. There's a path. We can sit up there and watch." He took my hand, and I followed him to what he called the perch, and sat on the grass. "I like it up here. It's quiet." As he said that, his arm went around my waist. "Grace, I want you to know that from the first moment I saw you I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you were the one."

"One what?" I asked, as dense as ever.

"The girl I was going to marry."

"Marry! We just met! I'm only 18, almost 19, and I'm not ready to get married!"

"Me neither. I'm just saying that you're the girl for me, that's all…. It's like…fate I guess."

"Fate?"

"Meeting you. That was fate."

What could I say to that!? He was convinced that we were meant for each other! I slumped against the ground trying to figure him out. Maybe it was a ploy he used on all of his girls, or maybe worse, he was for real! Then he leaned over and kissed me, right on the mouth! I was so stunned that I jerked away. He leaned away, smiling that stupid grin he has.

"Don't do that again" I said, "without warning me" I added.

"Okay, I can do that! I'm going to kiss you again."

Well, he leaned over, took my face in his hands, and kissed me again, but longer, and harder. I did not try to pull away, but I did not kiss him back. I thought that I would feel dirty somehow, kissing another guy I mean, but it wasn't so bad, and I quit trying to work out the details, but enough was enough!

"I think it's time we went back John, we've been gone along time, and people might think …."

"Think what? That we had a good time? The hell with them! Let them worry a bit!"

"It's time to go John."

He didn't like it, but he took us back across the lake and to the cabin. He had other plans on his mind, like getting me naked and doing his thing, but I wasn't going to do it, so he was left with no choice. I saw mom, and walked up to her.

"How was the ride honey?"

"It was very nice mother."

"Did John behave himself?"

"He tried, but he's a guy, so he can't help himself."

"Yeah, guys are like that. Why don't you go put some clothes on? I'll be right here."

I changed into my shorts, but left the bra top on and rejoined my mom. I grabbed a burger and sat next to mom, Doreen across, and the three girls at the end of the table. They were still chatting among themselves, so I ignored them.

"Did John say anything about the ball?"

Doreen was talking to me. "Uh… no…. what ball?"

"I swear" she said disgustedly, "that boy can't remember a thing! Well, anyway, there is a debutant ball every year, and he was supposed to ask if you would like to participate. It's a very big deal; we have lots of dignitaries every year, a full orchestra, and food galore."

"A debutante? Me? But I'm a…. a… nobody!"

"No you're not!" my mother said forcefully, "you are Grace Elizabeth Stickney, you have a job, you're pretty, and you're single! That makes you eligible, and I don't want to hear any more talk about being a nobody!"

"I'll think about it" I said softly, "but no promises."

On the way home I sat next to mom, silent as I relived the entire day. One thought, and foremost on my mind was that I was NOT a girl, and there wasn't any way that I could become one, not a real one anyway. Two, when John kissed me I was not really revolted like I thought I would be. Shocked maybe, but not revolted. Three, no matter what I looked like, and regardless of the job, the special appliances, my mothers tacit approval and everyone's acceptance, I still retained that small part of me that asked me if I were crazy, stupid, perverted, or what! I had been dressing as a girl for all of two weeks, hardly long enough for me to be totally used to the idea that guys might be attracted to me, and certainly not long enough for me to accept the fact that at least one of them was! I sat there staring out the window, not saying anything. I wanted to try being a girl because it felt so good. I did not think that it would be permanent, nor did I think that anyone would want to kiss me! Lost in my thoughts….

"Grace! Wake up!"

"Oh! Sorry, what?"

"You must have had something happen today that's making you so quiet. What is it? Did John hurt you?"

"He kissed me."

"That doesn't sound so bad!"

"But I'm a boy!"

"You don't look like one to me, or anyone else for that matter! What's the real problem Grace."

"I liked it" I suddenly said, and instantly ashamed of saying it.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, it's what boys and girls do!" When I frowned… "Oh! I get it! You think that you should feel bad, maybe dirty? Because John kissed you? Did you touch him… badly?"

"No, of course not!"

"Well… did you lead him on then?"

"No!"

"So… he simply thought that you were a pretty girl, sitting in a park with him, and he kissed you; maybe more than once? Is that about right?"

"Yeah."

"The minute we get home I call the prude police and report him then!"

"Mother!"

"This is how I see this, from my point of view. One, you're my son, and I love you dearly, you know that, but I agreed to let you try this dressing up thing so you could get it out of your system, but that failed when you went out and had those things attached! That alone told me that you liked dressing up more than you said, which is why I sort of forced you to take that job. I guess I was hoping that you would quit, but you haven't, and in fact, if anything, you're doing quite well! You even had your hair done for goodness sake! Now you're having doubts? All because someone finds you attractive?"

"Yeah… but…."

"No honey. No buts. You yourself told me that you have six months at the very least before those things can come off, right? Well, I'm telling you that you are going to do the whole six months… maybe more if that's what it takes, and, you're going to quit this whining! Take a long look in the mirror and tell yourself that you look anything like a boy, then try to convince yourself of it! You can't, and you know it!" Mom paused, smiled, then… Grace, you are a wonderful person in every way, and there is no shame in being a woman, or even wanting to be one, if that's what this is, but what you have to do is accept the fact that you're a very pretty girl, and regardless of what you think, guys can be helpful, and fun, if you give them a chance! I'm not saying that you have to jump in the sack with one, but you can quit moping about it when I guy shows interest!"

"So… you're saying that it's okay if John asked me out, and I went?"

"Grace, You're 18 now, and can make up your own mind about that! All I'm saying is that if you're going to be a girl for that length of time, and six months is a long time, then it would be silly to stay at home all the time, so if a boy, say John, asked you out, and you wanted to go, I think it would help you get over those jitters you have! But, you also have to accept that boys will want to kiss you, and possibly more, but that's up to you."

Mom did not settle my nerves, yet she did let in some light. Obviously my reaction to what had happened was due to my thinking like a boy, and not like a girl. And, she was right about staying home, affection and my being stuck in what was, not what is. It was going to be a big hurdle for me to leap, from male to female, but I was already well over the ninety percent mark. It was that last ten percent, the part that would let me be on a date, laugh and hug, kiss and smile, all as a girl. That was the problem. When we got home I went in my room and lay on the bed, wondering if I could do it.

As I lay there and I had that discussion with myself, I began to realize just how dumb it all sounded. I had bought those appliances so I could really live the life of a young girl, have a job, maybe a boyfriend and a family that still cared about me, then I choked at the first sign of attention. I stood up and undressed, looked in the mirror, and slowly ran my finger down the slit in my groin, letting it slip in as far as it would go. Only girls can do that. Then it hit me. Unless I really let it happen naturally, then the next six months would be nothing but a painful experiment gone wrong. I slipped on my shorts sans panties, a top without a bra, and went to find mom.

"Mom? You do know that I can have sex… with a guy don't you?"

"Yes, why?"

"Because you were right. From now on, I'm just going to go with it, and wherever it leads, I'll learn something."

"You're to young for sex Grace."

"I didn't say that I would do it, I'm only saying that I can, and somehow, after thinking about what you said, that alone makes me a girl, so why not enjoy it?"

"NO sex, okay?"

"Okay…okay! I'm just saying!"

"There are lots of ways to make a guy happy with taking your clothes off Grace, so I'll repeat. NO sex!"

Twenty minutes later it happened. I felt myself getting wet, and quickly checked. There was a red spot forming on my vagina! I called for help, since I didn't have a clue what to do. Mom quickly gave me the run down, and I soon had a tampon inside of the panty, and believe me when I say that doing that simple thing felt really strange! I could actually feel that tampon against my skin through the thin inner lining of the panty! I put some clothes on and we just lounged that night, but mom just smirked when I wanted to know more about having a period.

A boy that looked like a girl, having a simulated yet very real period, was so outrageous that it was inconceivable, yet that was exactly what was happening to me! In my heart, I did not want to get everything stripped off. I wanted to experience the whole six months as a female. My confusion was not about how I looked, but how I related with myself and others. All of those little things that are so different between the sexes. I made a resolution to do my best, and simply accept what is rather than pine for what was. The next morning I got ready for church, wearing a nice dress, low heels, and modest makeup. Mom and I left in her car. After the service we were met outside by a couple that were new to the church.

"HI! I'm Marlene, this is Donald, and this is our son Justin."

"Janet and Grace Stickney" Mom said.

"Nice to meet you" she said brightly; "we're new here and are just introducing ourselves around."

We chatted a bit, then left for a weekly breakfast at a local restaurant. When we got home I changed into a skirt and blouse, telling mom that I had thought about what she told me, and informed her that I was going to the mall, to one of those nail places and get my nails done.

"I'll go with you! We can have a fun day just shopping!"

Mom and I meandered through the various shops, with no preset idea of what we were looking for, just shopping I guess. I did buy two more bras, one a soft cup, the other and underwire, and a lightweight waist nipper. We both had our nails done, then looked around some more. With almost 300 stores, we had a lot to choose from, but I was drawn to the jewelry, and since I needed to add to my meager collection, I bought some inexpensive earrings. I also bought some very nice dress slacks, and two more skirts with a few tops. With every movement, I was aware of how different my nails looked, a bit longer, a soft red color that flashed every time I used my hands.

For the first time, mom and I seemed to bond in a way that only mothers and daughters do; there wasn't any tension between us, possibly because I had come to be myself rather than struggle with my change. It wasn't as if anyone forced me into it, that was my choice. Only I never did understand just how different men and women really are. Mom was, in her own way, very supportive although I'm sure that this is not what she envisioned for me. On the other hand, she was very demanding, telling me that it had to be a total immersion into being a girl, or I would learn nothing, and probably fail miserably. She was also taking me into linen stores, decorating shops, and the like in an effort to help me understand what most girls my age already knew. How to decorate and manage a house. It was fun in a way, and quickly learned all about sheets, the various quality levels based on thread counts. I had no idea!

On Monday morning I wore one of my new skirts, the red and white pleated one, with a white top and red jewelry. Mike said that I looked smashing.

"I have accepted a new client Grace; they'll be here at ten, so lets set up the conference room for…eight?"

"What's he accused of?"

"This is a corporate matter. I'm representing them in trying to rezone some property."

I was ready, and promptly at ten they walked into the offices. Imagine my surprise when I saw Justin standing there!

"Hi!"

"Hi Grace! Nice to see you again!"

"Are you one of the engineers?"

"No, I'm an intern; sort of a glorified gofer."

Just then Mike asked me to show them into the conference room. Three hours later, as we were leaving, Justin asked if he could take me to lunch, and I said yes. Justin was almost exactly my age, tall, kind of thin, but very polite, and obviously, smart as hell. He told me he was going to be an Engineer when he graduated.

"I just started with Mike, but I like the work, and he's very nice."

"Would you like to go get a pizza, tonight?"

"That would be nice, I'd like that" I said with a grin.

Justin had something about him that made me feel very comfortable, and we had a great time when we went out that night. I saw him again on Friday night, which is when he kissed me for the first time. Unlike with John, I felt calm, yet very excited inside. As the days became weeks, which quickly became five months, I had become so much of a girl that I could hardly remember what it was like to be a guy, and truthfully, I wasn't so sure that I could simply give up being Grace. In fact, I knew that I couldn't. Justin and I dated a lot, and I soon found that he was very determined to be the best in his chosen field. He was also determined when it came to me. Over time, that first kiss led to a make out session, and while I knew that he wanted more, I always stopped short, unable to bring myself to "help" him find relief.

John had called several times, but I finally had to tell him that I had someone else. He seemed to take it well enough, and I giggled when I recalled telling him that. I had a boyfriend, that was the message he got! Then I got my invitation to the debutante ball in the mail. After five months as a girl, there wasn't anything I was afraid of; I had crossed that great divide between men and women, and being a deb would be the icing on the cake so to speak. Mom and I set about finding a dress, shoes and so on, while I asked Justin to be my escort. Since the girls are always given, or presented, by their fathers and I didn't have one, I asked Mike if he would do the honors.

"It would be my great pleasure Grace! I'm honored that you asked!"

On the day of the event, mom and I both went to the salon, and I had my first experience with body waxing. Now, that was thrilling, hearing the rip of hair as it disappeared from my body! Then it was a full massage, hair, nails and makeup before we left so I could get ready. I was overwhelmed by how smooth my skin felt, and with the hair and makeup, I never looked that good, or felt that feminine. I had been immersed in so much femininity in such a short time! What they did for me at the salon made me feel even more like a woman, and I was reveling in it. I could not get dressed by myself, I needed mom to lace me into the corset, which she did, making my waist a svelte 23 inches, while forcing my bust up and out at the same time. Looking in the mirror, my rack really stood out! I managed to fasten the hose to the garters, then mom helped me get the dress over my head.

Like a wedding dress, it was all white, with small pearls embroidered on the lace trim. It was strapless, fitted at the waist and flaring to the floor in a wide sweep of satin and lace. Once it was zipped up I stepped into the white satin covered heels and added the pearl earrings, the matching pearl choker, and lipstick. Lastly, I daubed on some perfume. Mom said it, and I felt it. I looked radiant. Leaving me, she went to get ready, leaving me to look in the mirror. I had the sense that was how a bride felt just before she walked down the aisle.

Both Mike and Justin showed up in the same limo, escorting mom and I to the car, then into the huge hall. As I walked in, taking Justin's arm, I could see that all of the girls looked just as nice, and realized that we all shared the same experience. The salon, the pampering, the way we felt. I saw John, he was with one of the girls from that picnic at the lake. She looked like a hooker in a nice dress to me, but maybe I'm just being catty.

After about and hour, we, the debutantes, were "presented" to society, and the dance started. Justin was very light on his feet, a really good dancer, but I saw mom and Mike dancing, and they were only looking at each other, and in my eyes, they had that "look"! As the event tapered to the end, I had mom join me in the changing room so I could get out of that dress and corset. I changed into a very nice dress, a sheath that I liked and went well with my jewelry and shoes. Then Justin and I left in his car, which he had parked there when Mike picked him up.

"Grace" he said softly, "I think it's time that we made a decision about us. I have come to adore you, and want to be with you as often as I can." He put his hand on my face. "Grace, I want you. Now. Tonight. I have a room…"

So, there it was. I had thought about what it would be like to… do it, and wanted to be with him as well, only that small remnant of the old me remained, nagging at me. But, I think I had always known this day was coming, and if it was going to be anyone, Justin was it.

"You look so beautiful tonight, it's like I got a preview of what you'll look like as a bride!"

"And you think, that like a bride, we should go to your room?" I was teasing of course.

"I do" he said, "and I want to be the one to undress you, very slowly so we can both enjoy it."

After just a moments thought, I squeezed his hand, and he drove towards the room. No matter what I went through to get to that point, this would be the biggest test of my femininity. Could I actually do those things that girls do for their guys. Every single nerve in my body was tingling as he opened the door and ushered me inside. It was the penthouse, with a view of the entire city, and it must have cost him a fortune. He took my arm, swept me into his arms, then I felt the zipper coming down on my dress. As it hit the floor at my feet, I stood there in my bikini panties and bra, the garter belt still holding up my hose.

I watched him closely as he removed his jacket and shirt, then shoes and socks. As he reached for the belt, I stopped him, and loosened it myself, watching as they too hit the floor. After that it was a flurry of clothing hitting the floor until at last, we both stood there naked. He was at full attention, eager and ready to impale me with it, and all I could do was smile. Then he touched me, and I found my hand around him, gently pulling on it, which made him moan a bit; but, he led me to the bed, and as I lay there, I had no more qualms about what was going to happen. I had made my decision; I was going to let him take me.

He was both gentle and firm at the same time, and I performed an act on him that men like a whole lot. As my breasts swayed back and forth with my movements, I felt his hand on my butt, then on my head, urging me to do more, but I was full and resisted, until I lay on the bed. He rolled over on me, and finally, he entered me. A bit at a time, he coaxed it all the way in, and began to thrust. With each push I held on tight, feeling his manhood through the panty as it was almost directly against my skin. I could sense him reaching his peak, then that final push as he exploded, his grunts of pleasure making me groan with delight.

When he rolled off I lay next to him, satisfied that I was able to make him happy, elated that I felt no remorse, and my discovery that making love to a man was not only fun, but I liked it. I liked the fact that I was able to turn him on and use him, just as he used me. We lay there for a while, and as I touched him again, I felt some new life being restored, all it needed was a little help, so I pushed him flat on the bed and tried to restart him. Once again his hand went to my head, but I was successful, and he quickly unloaded. As I kissed it and made him clean, I gave no thought that what I was doing might be wrong, only that I was happy.

The next morning, after we once again explored our options, we took showers, went out for brunch, and he took me home. I was sure that mom would be angry, but when I walked in, Mike was sitting at the kitchen table, and he was in his underwear!

"Morning honey" mom said casually, "How was your evening?"

"It was wonderful mother! And very ahhh… illuminating!" I looked Mike who was smiling… "It looks like you had a good time too!"

"Yes honey" mom said smiling, "we did. Want something to eat?"

"No, we already ate. I'll just go change."

Mike stayed for a while, then, after he left, mom and I talked. I told her that Justin had made me feel like a woman, right to my core, and I knew that I could not go back to being a guy, especially after what I had done for him, and liked doing it!

"Well, I think you should know that Mike and I have been seeing each other for a while; his wife died in that accident, and since we hit it off… and last night, well, like you just said, it was time."

"So… you're not mad that I…."

"Grace, honey, you're a big girl now. I'm not mad, in fact I sort of glad in a way. Now maybe you'll quit wondering if you made the right decision. It was the right decision and we both know it, so lets not dwell on that. Lets just start by finding you a doctor that can make it come true. That way, when you do get married, you can be the wife he wants you to be, and you'll enjoy it more."

"Is Mike going to be my dad?"

"Maybe, but not yet."

"You'll have to tell him about me won't you?"

"He already knows honey, I told him before he hired you. He said that didn't matter to him, as long as you got the job done, and I'll tell you, he is very impressed with your work."

Now, that was a shock, the fact that Mike knew all about me, but he had never given me any sign of it, so I let it drop, and went online to find a doctor. I found one nearby and began the program, and continued to date Justin. Mike and mom started seeing more of each other, no longer afraid to let me know, they were less concerned and more open about it. Mike suggested it, and I let him start the paperwork to change my name and documents, and within about six weeks I was legally Grace Elizabeth Stickney, female, age 19. That fall I started college, a pre law curriculum. My body started to change and the panty began to get tight, so I went back to see that lady, who fitted me with one slightly bigger, and would stretch a bit. She also removed the breast forms because I had almost enough on my own.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I waited for my body to develop, but after about a year, I was ready. Justin had gone back to school, and except for occasional visits, was unaware that I was undergoing a change. He and never did spend another night in a hotel; I told him that I wanted to wait. The relationship between mother and Mike became more intense, and I either found him at he kitchen table or mom was gone regularly.

"Why don't you two just get married and quit all this sneaking around! It's not like I don't know or anything!"

"We've already set the date Grace. It'll be next March."

"After my surgery."

"Yes' she said, "after your surgery, and long enough for you to heal up."

Mike did become my father, I had the surgery, and while Justin and I remained friends, we did not get married, or even date much after the wedding. I was 23, fresh out of school and still with Mike when I met another young attorney; he and I hit it off quite well, and we got married a year later. I guess the journey that started with a costume party, was all I needed, and the first time I put on a dress, I guess it was preordained. I don't even think about it any more because I have everything a person wants. A sense of self that is strong, someone to love me, a great job, and a family that supports me. There is nothing more important than that.